CHAPTER TWO
Sean Morrison refilled his red plastic cup from one of the kegs in the corner and downed half of it in one long swallow, even though beer wasn’t doing it for him tonight. He’d been drinking steadily for the past couple of hours and barely felt buzzed.
The frat kept the good stuff in a locked cabinet in the back of the dining room. Heading through the crowd, he found Kurt and Zane, two of his frat brothers and baseball teammates, making their way through a bottle of tequila. Kurt held out a full shot glass by way of greeting Sean.
“We were wondering when we were going to see your sorry ass in here.” Both guys were already drunk enough to be sprawled on two beat-up leather couches.
“If I knew you were waiting on me for a tea party,” Sean said as he took the glass from Kurt, “I would have at least worn a tie.”
Used to be, a couple of shots of tequila would make his throat burn and his eyes water. But lately, he’d been drinking so much that downing it in one gulp was no sweat. He didn’t bother to wait for the buzz to hit him before he refilled the glass, and a couple more shots in, he finally got to where he was trying to go.
Numb.
Totally numb.
For the past three months, everything inside his chest had felt raw. Splintered. Broken. Hell, he thought as he reached for the bottle and splashed more booze into the glass, it had been longer than that.
One year ago, his family had gotten the news that his mother, Lisa, had cancer. She’d been supposed to beat it, only forty-seven and in great shape. She’d always eaten right and worked out, and taught her kids to do the same.
But none of that had mattered. Not how healthy she was supposed to be. Not how hard she fought with medicine and meditation and positive thoughts. Not even the fact that she had six kids and a husband who all needed her to live.
Sean had missed his finals last year, had been at her bedside along with the rest of his family when she’d finally slipped completely away. They’d known for a few weeks that it was coming, as she drifted in and out of consciousness depending on how much pain she was in and how high they’d cranked up the medicine. But knowing it was coming hadn’t meant Sean had been able to prepare for it at all.
Every moment he wasn’t with her, he’d been taking the pictures he knew she loved so much , and that had been her connection to the world outside her fifteen-by-fifteen-foot hospital room. Pictures of his brothers and sisters and dad. Pictures of the bayside path by their house where she’d always walked their dog. Pictures of the magnolia tree in their yard as its large pink flowers bloomed. Whenever she woke up, he’d made sure there were at least a couple of new pictures hanging from the lines he’d rigged up on the ceiling.
Each of his brothers and sisters had helped with something. His oldest brother, Grant, who’d founded one of the most successful social networking businesses in Silicon Valley, had taken over the day-to-day of running the household finances and managing their parents’ portfolio. Drew, his second oldest brother who had become a pretty big rock star in the past year, had wanted to cancel his European tour to sit in her hospital room with her, but his mother had made him promise not to do that, a promise he had made himself keep until those last few weeks. Olivia, his middle sister, who was a year ahead of him at Stanford, had appointed herself the one in charge of making sure their littlest sister, Madison, stayed on track for her senior year at high school and got all of her college applications in. Justin, Sean’s twin brother, who was also a junior at Stanford, had put his science brain to work on researching the best possible doctors and treatment plans. Maddie, who loved to cook, must have made her mother every single recipe in every single diet book that promised to cure cancer with nutrition. And all of them had taken care of their father, Michael, who had barely left his wife’s side.
Since her passing, Sean hadn’t taken a picture. And three months later, even with buckets of beer and tequila pumping through his veins, he could still hear his father and Maddie sobbing, Grant and Drew cursing, and the scary silence from Olivia in his mother’s hospital room.
Sean had had to get out, get away from it all. When he’d finally gotten outside into the sunshine, before he even realized what he was doing, he’d lifted the classic 35mm Canon film camera his mother had given him for his thirteenth birthday over his head and smashed it down onto the concrete. He was strong enough from years of playing baseball and weight lifting that it had shattered immediately.
He couldn’t imagine wanting to take pictures again. Not when they hadn’t helped one damned thing.
For tonight, at least, he’d managed to get to the point where nothing could touch him. Where he could pretend to be the carefree jock that everyone thought he was. Stanford had begged his brother Justin to come here based on his grades and science trophies. Sean’s grades weren’t quite as good, but when combined with his baseball skills, they were enough for a scholarship. Everyone looked at the Morrison twins and saw one as the brain, the other as the jock. Only when they were at home did those labels fall away, and they were just brothers.
For a moment, Sean wished Justin had come to the party tonight. The two of them could have hung out and turned their minds to mush playing video games upstairs. But Justin had never been into frat parties, especially not when he could be hanging out in some science lab with one of his fellow brains. Especially Taylor, the girl he was too much of a wuss to make a move on. Just think what egg-headed kids those two would have if they ever managed to get it on.
Zane finally pushed himself up off the couch and wobbled for a second before saying, “Time to go see what gifts the freshman class is offering up tonight. Give me a ten-minute head start, Morrison,” his friend said, “so that I don’t have to get second-best.”
“Third best,” Kurt said to Zane as he got up in just as wobbly a manner. “You’re going to have to get in line behind me.”
School had been back in session for two weeks, and every night so far there had been a party during rush. The main room was already overheated as everyone danced and drank. The loud music, the laughter, the sour smell of beer that never left the frat house no matter how hard the cleaning crew worked to eradicate it—all of it felt like a vise tightening around Sean’s chest. Just as he’d needed to get out of his mother’s hospital room, he needed to get out of here, too.
Sean was pushing through the crowd, hell-bent on reaching the door, when he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.
Because he was looking at the most beautiful girl in the world.
* * *
See, Serena told herself as she kept moving to the music, this isn’t so hard. In fact, she was having a really good time dancing with Abi. Serena hadn’t gotten to know her roommate too well yet, as they both always seemed to be running in different directions, but it was definitely awesome of Abi to stick with her like this. Especially considering Serena wasn’t exactly sure what she would have done if some guy had come up to her instead and wanted to dance with—
Just then, a large, warm hand curled around Serena’s waist. Her breath whooshed out in surprise as she was spun around, but when she looked up at the guy who was holding on to her, she momentarily forgot about the need to breathe at all.
Because he had the most striking green eyes she’d ever seen.
She knew she probably should have told the stranger to take his hands off her. And she should already have been pushing out of his arms, too. But when he smiled down at her and said, “Hi,” she was so drawn by his incredible magnetism that she simply echoed him.
“Hi.”
“Damn,” he said in a low voice that rippled up her spine, then down to her toes, “you’re beautiful.”
For all the times that Serena had been told she was beautiful during the course of her modeling career, it had never meant as much to her as it did right then, from the lips of a gorgeous stranger holding her in his arms.
Maybe that was why her reply made its way past her brain to her lips. “So are you.”
Again, his smile flashed, but a moment later it was gone. That was when she belatedly realized that neither smile had reached his eyes. And when she looked more closely into the green depths, the twisted-up torment she saw in them had her instinctively raising her hand to his cheek.
“Whatever happened,” she said softly, so close to his lips that she could almost taste them, “I’m sorry.”
Pain flashed through his eyes before a brutal sound tore from his throat, pain so intense that she swore she could feel it herself. The next thing she knew, his mouth was on hers, claiming her lips in a way no one ever had as he pulled her closer against him.
Time and again, she’d read books about passion so deep that the characters would throw away everything in their lives for it. Only, no matter how skilled the author, she’d never really understood it. So even though her mother had warned her over and over, all the way back to when she was a very little girl, that she should never, ever let herself be seduced and enthralled by a man’s pretty words or caresses, Serena hadn’t worried about it. Not when it had always felt like any passion, any heat, she gave off for the cameras was all for show. Inside, she’d worried that she’d always feel frozen.
But this—the thrill bumps rising across the surface of her skin, the way her tongue instinctively licked out to stroke his, the perfect fit of her curves and softness against his muscles and strength—this was the kind of passion people threw away perfectly good lives for. And it was no wonder, when just kissing him could make her feel this way.
Like she was thawing from the inside out.
Serena couldn’t believe how good it felt to be in his arms and how quickly his kiss was heating up her body. And as he showed her the passion, the wild heat, and the wonder that she’d been seeking for so long, instead of stopping him or pushing him away, she moved even closer between his strong thighs and twined her fingers into his soft, dark hair to keep his mouth against hers.
On a groan, he captured her mouth more deeply. For a few perfect moments, they were equal partners in passion. He wasn’t leading and she wasn’t following. They were both simply taking and giving to each other exactly what they needed.
A break from the cold.
A reminder of what it was to feel alive, completely alive.
And a chance to forget what they each needed to forget.
For herself, all she wanted was to forget that her life had never been hers, not until she’d set foot on this campus. And for him? Well, it was obvious that whatever it was that he needed to forget had wounded him deeply. Very deeply.
“My room.”
The air brushing against her lips as he spoke startled her for a moment. Why, she wondered, had he stopped kissing her?
There was no forethought on her part as she pulled his mouth back down to hers. All she knew was that when he kissed her, everything felt right and she didn’t want the feeling to go away. Not when she’d finally found something—someone—to make her feel this good.
Thank God, he immediately lowered his mouth back to hers. This time she was the one running her tongue along his lower lip, then nipping it lightly with her front teeth. When he groaned against her lips, she had to do it again, loving that she was affecting him just as much as he was affecting her.
“My room,” he said again, only this time he punctuated each word with another sizzling-hot kiss.
With his kisses intertwining with his words, she could almost just let them wash over her like the music. But when he pulled away enough to take her hand and lead her through the crowd, without his mouth on hers to lull her, the cautious voice inside her head that she’d tried so hard to stuff away earlier that evening popped back up, front and center so that she couldn’t ignore it.
What are you doing? You don’t even know this guy! He’s planning to take you to his room...and you can’t be such a naïve, dense virgin that you don’t know why, can you?
The voice, the words, all sounded like her mother’s. But it was true, she realized as ice-cold reality suddenly splashed over her, that if anyone had taken a picture of them making out—or, God forbid, a video—it could already be up on Twitter or Facebook right now.
It was a horribly sobering thought to think about the way the gossip sites and magazines would eat this up...but it was far worse to think that her mother would see them. Especially after Genevieve had made it perfectly clear that she’d never forgive Serena if she tossed everything away for a boy.
What had she been thinking?
But that was just the problem. She hadn’t been thinking, hadn’t been able to form a coherent thought from the moment the stranger’s lips met hers.
Just then, he moved close again, close enough that her body betrayed her by leaning into his heat rather than away from it. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you,” he said in a low voice that rippled through all the parts of her that he’d just brought to life with his kisses.
And the truth was that she was nearly as lulled by his sensual words as she’d been by his kisses. But that was just the problem: When she was in his arms, she wanted so badly to never let go of the wonderful feelings he sent rushing through her, that she was afraid she’d do something stupid. Like giving up her virginity, two weeks into college, to a beautiful stranger at a frat party. All because she wanted to feel something real and big and true.
“I—” She faltered as he kissed her again because it really did feel so good, so perfect. She couldn’t believe how hard it was to make herself tug her hand from his and start to take a step back. “I should go now.”
But instead of moving away from her, instead of letting her go, he slid one hand around the nape of her neck. “Stay.” He stroked her skin as if to coax her to change her mind. “Come upstairs with me and I promise we won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”
He lowered his mouth as if he was going to kiss her again, but the more he tried to convince her to come upstairs to sleep with him, the colder every part of her grew.
Too late, she realized that she’d been so stupid and needy that she’d mistaken the heat of his drunken kisses for something more, for something bigger. For something she’d been waiting her whole life to feel.
Suddenly she could see that all he wanted was to take her up to his room to have sex with her, even though he couldn’t possibly know anything at all about her apart from the fact that she was famous…and that she obviously loved kissing him.
Angry with him—but also with herself for being stupid enough to think it could ever have been a good idea to go to a frat party—she put both of her hands on his chest and shoved him away. So hard that, for the first time since he’d spun her into his arms out on the dance floor, he didn’t try to kiss her again.
“What’s wrong?”
“I know you’ve probably seen my pictures in magazines and think I’m easy—”
God, she couldn’t believe her voice was starting to break. She needed to get out of here before she made an even bigger fool of herself. But she couldn’t leave without letting him know that whatever he’d assumed about her just because she was famous was wrong. Completely wrong.
“I shouldn’t have come here tonight and I definitely shouldn’t have kissed you back,” she told him. “But I still can’t believe you would actually think that I’d want to sleep with you when I only just met you five minutes ago. I would never do that.” She made sure to look him straight in the eye. “Never.”
Then she reached deep for the poise she’d used on hundreds of runways, and walked away.
* * *
What the hell had just happened?
Sean stood frozen in the spot where the girl had shoved him away and then called him out for acting like a total jerk. One second he’d been buzzing from the alcohol, the next he’d been kissing the prettiest girl in the world. And then, just minutes later, everything had gone horribly wrong.
What the hell had he just done?
The girl was gone, but he could still see the expressions that had raced across her face right before she left. First, she’d been stunned. Then, she’d been angry. But by the end, she’d simply looked hurt. And so incredibly disappointed, as if she couldn’t believe he would treat her the way he had, like nothing more than a piece of meat.
What the hell was wrong with him lately?
Any buzz the alcohol had given him, any numbness he’d managed to attain, immediately disappeared in the wake of her disappointment in him. When she’d shoved him away, when she’d looked at him like he was scum and then laid out the really good reasons why he actually was scum, it had been like having a huge bucket of ice water dumped over him.
Sean felt like he was finally waking up from a long, bad dream.
Especially given what she’d said to him when they were on the dance floor: “Whatever happened, I’m sorry.” It was as though she’d seen straight through to his heart, everything he’d been trying to hold back, to hold inside, to ignore and forget. And when she’d reached up to touch his cheek, it had been the first time he’d felt alive, truly alive, in months.
When Sean was a little kid and got into his first fight on the playground at school, his mother and father had taught him how to apologize. Tonight, though, he didn’t need his mother’s voice in his head telling him the right thing to do. He knew it already. Because he’d been a dirtbag.
An epic dirtbag.
Sean pushed through the crowd and out the door in hopes that she’d still be outside talking to friends, telling them what a total ass he was. But she wasn’t out there and he hated the thought of her heading back to her dorm alone at night, even though the campus was usually safe.
Plus, since he didn’t even know her name, how was he going to let her know how sorry he was?
“Damn,” Kurt said, shaking his head as he walked up. “I never thought the day would come when you’d strike out. Big time, too. I guess that’s what happens when you try to put the moves on a supermodel; they’re not that easily impressed.”
“What did you just say? You know who she is?”
“Seriously?” Kurt looked at Sean over the rim of his beer cup. “You didn’t know you were putting the moves on one of the hottest supermodels in the world? Everyone has been talking about Serena Britten being a freshman this year. People have been trying to spot her, but she’s been pretty elusive until tonight. I couldn’t believe it when I saw that she was here dancing. Of course, that was right when you swooped in to make your move.”
When she’d been dancing with her eyes closed, her hands raised as she moved to the beat, her long hair falling in waves over her shoulders and her legs going on forever, she hadn’t looked as young as the other girls. Sean had wondered if she could be a sophomore or junior, and had thought there was something familiar about her. But he hadn’t been able to put his finger on it. Now, though, he could totally picture Serena’s face on the cover of the magazines his sister Maddie pored over.
Suddenly, what she’d said right after she’d shoved him away made perfect sense: “I know you’ve probably seen my pictures in magazines and think I’m easy.”
Damn it, no. He didn’t think that. He hadn’t even known she was famous. And if he wasn’t absolutely sure that showing up at her dorm room tonight to apologize would only freak her out more, Sean would already have been halfway across campus to tell her all this.
When he headed back inside, it wasn’t to party or to drink any more, but to change into his shorts and running shoes. Already he knew that the only chance he’d have of getting any sleep tonight would be through pure exhaustion.
Especially when the disappointment in Serena’s eyes wouldn’t stop haunting him.