CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Everything was perfect, and Serena felt like nothing bad could ever happen to her again. Not when she was feeling like this, all softly melting and brilliantly sparkling at the same time.
And still...there was more. More she wanted. More she needed to finally experience.
She’d been naked plenty of times in her life as she changed backstage at fashion shows, and while designers had pinned and draped fabric over her. Her mother had always been there to watch the proceedings like a hawk, so there had never been the slightest bit of sexuality to her nakedness while she worked. On the contrary, she’d always felt as if she was no different than a plastic mannequin standing cold and lifeless while waiting for someone to dress her in the latest fashions for a display window.
Being naked with Sean was a revelation. He looked at her with so much heat, and with seemingly unquenchable, never-ending need. He couldn’t keep his hands off her as he stroked and caressed, so sweetly gentle and then perfectly rough just when she needed him to be. And when his tongue had slicked across her nipple and he’d drawn her in between his lips?
Delicious shivers wracked her body as arousal set up high and heavy in her bloodstream just from remembering how good it felt. Her eyes were still closed but she could feel his fingertips lightly dancing over her eyelids, then down the bridge of her nose and over her lips and neck, until he laid his large palm flat between her breasts, right where her heart was still beating so fast for him.
“Serena?”
She knew he was probably concerned about having pushed her too far. But didn’t he know that he shouldn’t have one single thing to worry about right now on her behalf? Not when she felt better than she ever had in her entire life.
“That was—” She was about to say amazing, but the word didn’t sound right in her head. What they’d just shared, what Sean had just shown her, was so far beyond amazing that all the seven-letter word did was make it sound trite, rather than the most beautiful, wonderful, incredible thing that had ever happened to her.
So instead of trying to find the right words, she opened her eyes, smiled, and kissed him.
She kissed him to show him how much she loved him, even though she was scared to say it so soon.
She kissed him to tell him just how good he’d made her feel.
She kissed him as an open invitation to taking all of her, body and soul, with nothing held back anymore.
“Make love to me, Sean.”
She whispered the words between kisses. And when he groaned and kissed her back, she didn’t let herself overthink things, just reached for the button of his jeans to strip away the denim barrier between them. But just as he had when she’d been about to take off her own clothes, he put his hand over hers to still it.
“I want you, Serena. You can’t possibly imagine how much I want you right now. To take you and make you mine. But—”
“I already told you,” she interjected, “you don’t have to wait. We don’t have to wait.”
She was begging, but she didn’t care. Not when he’d just given her a taste of something more beautiful than she could ever have imagined and she now knew that a taste could never again be enough. She had to have all of it—all of him, and herself, too.
“Earlier, when I woke up and you were looking at the pictures—”
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I won’t pry again. Not until you’re ready.”
Still holding her close, so close that her breasts were pressed against his cotton-covered chest, he said, “I don’t want you to apologize anymore. I’m not angry with you, Serena, I swear I’m not. I meant it when I said if there was anyone I talk about my mom with, it would be you.” He inhaled a hard, slightly shaky breath. “Soon.” She knew it was a promise. One that he meant. “But not today. Not yet.” He paused another beat, before adding, “And if I can’t give you everything, then you shouldn’t give me this.”
If she could have argued against what he’d just said for the sake of pleasure and pleasure alone, she would have done just that. Especially when she knew that he’d had plenty of sex before, with girls he hadn’t let into his heart anywhere as deeply as she was already. But it was more than just the fact that he wasn’t yet able to trust her with his grief over losing his mother that held her back. Wasn’t it true that she hadn’t told him everything about her mother, either?
Soon. Just like he’d said, she would tell him soon.
“Okay,” she finally said, “but even though I’m agreeing that we should wait a little longer to sleep together, that doesn’t mean I want to wait until next Friday to see you again.”
“There’s no freaking way I’m waiting a week, either.” He kissed her, but when the soft press of their lips quickly shifted back to full-on passion, each of them made themselves pull back. “We may have to meet in public spaces from now on, though.”
She knew he was simply joking about the fact that they were bound to jump each other if they were alone again, but she needed him to know something. “I’m sick of hiding, Sean. I don’t care if every magazine in the world prints pictures of us.” She’d been so worried about her mother disowning her for dating someone. But she’d just have to find a way to make Genevieve understand that this wasn’t a fling and Sean wasn’t using her. It was, at least on her side, love. “I want to be your girlfriend. For real. Out in the open so that everyone knows I’m yours.”
“Mine.” He didn’t hold back with the kiss that followed his verbal possession of her, and she loved feeling that possession in the way he ran his hands over her curves, from breasts to hips and then between her legs, too. “One more, Serena. Give me one more before I take you home.”
Her lungs all out of breath, her brain all out of words, she told him yes simply by wrapping her arms and legs around him and kissing him back with all the passion she possessed.
* * *
A little while later, Serena somehow managed to firm up her melted bones and fried brain cells enough to put her clothes and shoes back on, even as she was terribly distracted by how aroused Sean still must be. She’d done absolutely nothing to take the edge off his desire, but that was only because he’d stuck firmly to his guns and hadn’t let her.
Again and again, she kept reminding herself that he was right—they needed to take the final emotional step with each other before they took any of the next physical ones. The problem was, every time she thought about the way he’d touched her, kissed her, how high he’d sent her flying...it only got harder and harder to remember all the rational reasons to keep taking things slowly.
When they were both fully dressed, he slid his fingers through her hair to comb it back from her face. “Ready to do this?”
She smiled at him. “It’s my very first walk of shame. Just like all the other normal Stanford students have already done.”
When his face fell, she realized just how stupid her joke had been. “I’m just kidding. I’m not ashamed to be with you, or to leave your room with everyone knowing exactly what we’ve been doing.” She went up onto her tippy-toes to kiss him. “In fact, is it bad that a part of me wants all of them to know?”
Slowly, his lips curved up into a smile. “They’ll all think and say whatever they want. But the only one I give a shit about is you. Although, if someone says something to you that makes you uncomfortable, I want you to tell me right away.”
“If they do say something, I’m not going to worry about it.” She looked into his deep green yes. “Not anymore. Because the only one I give a shit about is you.”
She loved hearing him laugh at her surprising potty mouth and was glad that they’d managed to break through the tension. He put her bag over his shoulder, then held his door open for her. It figured that she’d barely put one foot over the threshold when she walked into one of his frat brothers.
The guy looked at her, then around her to see Sean standing in the doorway. “Dude.” He strung out the four-letter word into one long sound.
Sean put his arm around her waist. “Zane, this is my girlfriend, Serena.”
She loved the way he said it so easily. “Hi,” she said, smiling. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Sean’s friend seemed more than a little bit stunned. “Great to meet you, too.”
“Talk to you later,” Sean said before his friend could start a conversation. His hand remained on her lower back as he directed her toward the main stairs rather than the back ones they’d come up the night before.
“’Bye,” she called over her shoulder with another smile.
One by one they met more of his frat brothers and teammates downstairs, every one of them having a similar borderline-speechless reaction. Finally, when they made it outside to the sidewalk, she couldn’t hold back her laughter any longer.
“Wow, my head is spinning at how quickly you got us through there. What exactly did you think they were going to do if we hadn’t blasted through?”
“With those guys? Who the hell knows? Trust me, they’re all losing their minds over finally seeing you and me together.”
“I know I’m not always the most socially adept person on the planet,” she admitted, “but I think I could have held my own if you’d let us stay long enough to talk with any of them.”
“Of course you can hold your own.” It warmed her how he said it, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “That’s not why I got us out of there so fast.”
“Then why?”
“Because they can be a bunch of idiots. And if any of them had said anything even remotely inappropriate to you, I would have had to tear them apart with my bare hands. Right in front of you.”
She’d known he was protective, had heard it in his voice when he spoke about his sisters and the rest of his family. And she’d seen it for herself, as well, in how he’d gone out of his way to carefully plan their Friday nights so that she wouldn’t be recognized. But this morning, it was amazing to see his protectiveness in action. First, when he’d held them back from making love because he thought they needed to take the final emotional step before they had sex. And now, when he couldn’t so much as stand the thought of anyone disrespecting her.
“People are going to say things,” she reminded him. “But,” she added with a finger to his lips before he could jump in, “I’ve learned a lot in these past few weeks about not caring what anyone else thinks. And I don’t think it’s such a bad thing if I learn what I’m actually capable of dealing with and doing.”
“Anything, Serena. Everything is what you’re capable of.”
She knew she’d never smiled wider, or been so happy as they walked together across campus, hand in hand. And for the first time since she’d started at Stanford, she kept her head uncovered and wore only a T-shirt, rather than her big sweatshirt. Not only had she and Sean started to really solidify things between them, but her routine these past few weeks couldn’t have been more boring to any paparazzi that might still have been hanging around. Surely, people’s interest in her stepping away from modeling and going to college had finally dribbled away to nothing.
Maybe she didn’t need to hide anymore.
Maybe she could finally become the person she was meant to be.
Someone who loved books and learning.
Someone who loved new experiences and trying new things.
Someone who loved an amazing guy...and was loved right back.
* * *
“Thank God,” Abi said when they walked into Serena’s dorm room a short while later. “I was hoping that’s where you were last night.” She shot Sean a quick smile, but then frowned at Serena. “Seriously, next time you could at least text me back.”
Surprised to realize that her roommate had been worried about her, Serena said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think to check my phone.” And wasn’t it amazing that she finally had a real friend? Someone who actually worried about her. Someone who actually cared. Serena silently vowed to do better on her end. “I’ll let you know next time when I’m not coming back for the night. I promise.”
Thankfully, her roommate was extremely forgiving. On the other hand, she was also clearly extremely interested in whatever had transpired between the two of them. “You two look happy.” Serena could feel her cheeks flushing even before Abi asked Sean point blank, “Does your twin look just like you?”
To his credit, he laughed. “Pretty much.”
Abi’s eyes lit up. “Do you know if he’s dating anyone?”
“I don’t, actually. But I could find out.”
“That would be awesome. And if he isn’t, maybe you could tell him all about your girlfriend’s great roommate.”
Sean grinned at her again. “Will do.”
With that, thankfully, Abi turned back to the book she was reading and stuck in her earbuds. Serena mouthed sorry to him. But he was still smiling.
“Speaking of my brother, how would you like to meet him?”
“Are you kidding? I’d love to.”
“Good. Because it’s my sister’s birthday tomorrow and we’re all getting together at the house in Los Altos.”
His brother had been easy, but the thought of meeting everyone immediately set her heart to racing. Fast. “Your whole family is going to be there?”
He was smiling down at her as he brushed a thumb over her lower lip. “Does the idea of meeting all of them make you nervous?”
She didn’t even need to think about it. “Yes.”
“Don’t be. They’re all going to love you.” His eyes darkened. “Drew might actually love you a little too much. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if he pulled out all the stops to convince you to dump my ass for him.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“I might have stolen a couple of girls from him back in high school,” Sean said in a slightly cocky way. “He’s still trying to get payback. But it will never happen.”
“No,” she agreed, “it won’t.” Because no matter how great the other Morrison brothers were, she couldn’t imagine wanting anyone but Sean.
“Olivia, my middle sister, might be a little slower to warm up than the others. But that won’t have anything to do with you. It’s just because she worries too much. And Maddie is probably going to want to trade outfits with you or beg to do your hair, or something. Justin, at least, will be cool. He’s really mellow.”
Even though her brain was reeling at the thought of meeting them all, she realized he’d left one sibling out of his list. “What about your oldest brother? Will he be there?”
“Sure. But Grant won’t try to mess with your head. Not when he takes his role as oldest so seriously. And I’d bet my tuition for the year that my father is going to pull me aside to tell me not to screw things up with you. Be prepared,” Sean warned. “He’s going to call you a keeper.”
Realizing, again, just how close—and fun—his family was, suddenly she didn’t feel quite as nervous anymore. Especially when him letting her in like this was one step closer to that final step they needed to take.
“Okay. Tomorrow I’ll go meet your family.”
He pulled her against him, and she loved the way they fit so perfectly together. Her head tucked right in beneath his chin, and she was tall enough to feel his heart beating against hers, so warm and real.
“I’d better go,” he finally said, “before I can’t stop myself from dragging you back to my place. Because you’ve probably got tons of studying to do, don’t you?”
“I do,” she made herself say. And it was true. She had a bit more preparation to do on her big midterm presentation about the Brontë sisters’ novels, and it wasn’t going to get done while she was making out with Sean. “You’ve got studying and baseball, don’t you?”
He nodded, and when she looked into his eyes, she knew that even one more little kiss would send both of them spiraling off again. “Thank you for an amazing night. And an even more amazing morning.”
“Tonight.” He didn’t say it as a question. “I want you with me tonight. Once you’re done studying, text me and I’ll come pick you up.”
She nodded, shivering slightly at what she knew would happen again tonight. Because even if he wouldn’t yet make love to her, he would touch her in other ways that made her burn in the best possible way.
“Tonight,” she echoed. A beat later, he was gone.
* * *
“You’re glowing.”
Serena slowly turned to face her roommate. She felt as if she were dreaming and one too-quick move would break the beautiful spell. “I feel like I actually am.”
“So much for taking it slow,” Abi said with a wide grin that showed how much she approved of seeing the two of them together.
“We didn’t—” Serena began, but there was so much that they had done, that the full truth came down to, “I’m still a virgin.”
“So technical,” Abi teased. “Well, whatever you did with him, you’re one lucky bitch!” She sighed. “All the guys I’ve hooked up with on campus so far have been major creeps. Total losers.”
“Sorry.” Her roommate was sweet and fun, and Serena wanted only good things for her. “I’m going to be meeting his family tomorrow, so I can check out his other brothers if you want.”
“Of course I want! Where are you meeting them?”
“His sister’s birthday party.”
Abi made an I knew it sound. “He is so in love with you.”
“He hasn’t said anything like that to me.”
“Are you kidding? He’s saying it to you every way a guy possibly could. Setting up all these clandestine Friday nights so that you aren’t bombarded with photographers. Not rushing you to do him. Taking you home to meet the fam. And I’m not even going to ask you if you’re in love with him, too. Nothing has ever been clearer than that.”
The thing was, Abi was right. Serena was in love with Sean. And even if he hadn’t yet said the words, he had shown her in so many different ways just how much he cared about her. So then why hadn’t she let him all the way in?
Tomorrow, she decided. Tomorrow, after she met his family, if she still felt good about everything, she’d finally open up completely to him about her mother and what her life had really been like before she came to Stanford.
And then maybe, just maybe, he’d finally feel comfortable opening up completely to her, too.