Katherine
Dear Diary,
Today is the day I'm determined to get some answers, because I need to fight for what I want. I have been fighting my whole life to stop the hurt, to stop the demons, and now I need to fight a little harder. I won't lose him.
I tossed and turned all night wondering what the hell to do, trying to figure out what the hell I want. The answer? I want it all! I want to be so much in love, it hurts. I want the kind of love that makes my skin prickle when I think about him, when he's near. I want mind-blowing sex that has me begging for more. I want that special connection with my one true soul mate, the one you can’t live without. A person who is your one true safe place. A person who, no matter what happens, bad or good, they are there to hold you; to pull you close so the connection is so strong, no-one could ever break it. I want someone who makes me feel sexy, smart, silly, serious, sinful and satisfied. I want someone to make me laugh until my drink spurts from my nose. I want to finish someone’s sentence, but most of all, I want to believe in someone, in something, in a future I never knew I could ever have. That someone, that special person, my true soul mate, is Antonio and I will get him back.
So, yes, I’m going to take a risk today. I'll face down my demons, and get the man I want above all others, back home to me so we can finally have our happy ending. I’m tired of hiding behind a wall, a wall I thought was my protection but in fact, was my downfall.
I thought hard about it all last night and I think I have connected the dots. Dom’s conversation, and the fact Antonio doesn’t want me knowing anything until he is home, convinces me, they are talking about my bitch of a sister. She has something to do with my man being in jail. I think they may be worried about how I might react, or fear the black hole may swallow me whole.
But, I’m not feeling like crawling under the covers, and crying about some betrayal, no, just the opposite, I’m ready to kick her fucking ass.
Antonio is my soul mate, the man who has me feeling like I can breathe again. If my asshole sister thinks she can take him from me, if she thinks she can break me, she needs to fucking think again.
No! She hasn’t broken me, she has pushed me to get stronger. For the first time in my life, she can get fucked because, this time, I’m taking back what’s MINE!
Closing my diary, I place it on the nightstand and push up from the bed. The time on the small clock reads 4.30am. I grab my jumper from the end of the bed and creep to the door. I try not to make a sound so as not to wake everyone up. Easing the door slightly open, I peek out into the hall way. A single lamp casts a dim light, enough to see where you're going without running into things. It’s mainly left on for Evie in case she wakes during the night and is scared. I quickly scan the area, no-one is around and I don't hear a sound. I open the door, slip through, and quickly, and quietly, make my way toward the stairs.
The front door is locked, but the key is left in. After hurrying through, I close the door behind me and look around to make sure none of Dom’s men are around. It's still dark, but barely. I need to leave before the sun starts to rise and I'm seen. I can’t take my car so on foot it is. I slink between the bushes of the long driveway so as not to be seen. I know Sergio is on guard somewhere, and I can’t risk him seeing me. He would either follow me, or more likely take me back inside to Dom. I can't let that happen, I need to take care of this myself, and I can't allow anyone to stop me.
I’m not sure how I managed it without being seen, but I’m home. Fuck my feet are killing me from walking so far. I’m glad a taxi came by when I was halfway home, otherwise it would have taken me a hell of a lot longer than it did.
Running up the stairs, I head into my room and search my nightstand for the small handgun Antonio left there when he first heard about Darren. Finding it, I slip it into the back pocket of my jeans. I reach under the bed and grab my backpack before hurrying back downstairs. I throw a water bottle, phone, keys and wallet inside the backpack then head for the door. I'm ready to get this shit done, finished. I have a good idea where I’m heading. The last time Ashley got into trouble, and needed money, I had to go pay her drug dealer. I guess I'll start there, but first I need to make a quick stop.
Walking up the small path to the front door, I raise my hand to knock and take a deep breath. I hope I’m not dragging them out of bed, it's only 6.30 in the morning. I knock and wait, but don't hear anything on the other side of the door. I raise my arm to knock one last time, when the door opens, and Harry is standing there with a smile on his face.
“Sweetheart, what brings you here this early in the morning?" He leans over and wraps his arms around me in a warm hug. I melt a little in his arms, grateful he isn’t upset with me for calling so early.
“Morning Harry, I hope I didn’t wake you.”
“Not at all. Gwen was putting the kettle on, and I was coming to grab the newspaper, when I heard the knock on the door.”
“May I come in?"
“Of course, head into the kitchen, Gwen should be there.”
“Thanks, Harry." I nod, head down the small hall, and into the kitchen where I find Gwen making coffee.
Gwen smiles when she sees me. “Morning, sweetheart, take a seat and I'll makes us a cuppa then we can talk."
I sit at the bench. “How did you know I wanted to talk?”
Gwen picks up the kettle when it boils and pours hot water into three coffee cups. “Katherine, I have known you for a long time, and I know the last time you were here this early, was just before you brought Brooklyn and Evie home to us. I may be old, but I’m not silly." She chuckles and smiles at me.
“I’m sorry." I bow my head, feeling guilty.
“Now stop that, you have nothing to be sorry about. Tell me what's going on?" She places a coffee cup in front of me.
Wrapping my hands around the hot cup, I take a small sip before speaking. “Ashley had Antonio arrested. I’m not sure what the charges are, and I don’t care. He didn’t do anything to her." My words tumble out, and I hope she believes me. She stays quiet for a moment, and I’m worried she may believe he actually did something to her.
“Your sister was always trouble, Kat. Her causing trouble for Antonio is not news to us, and we know she plays head games with you. Now, before you get your back up, and ask why I didn’t tell you we have known all along, hear me out. You built a wall around yourself a long time ago, but back then, there was no way I could say something that may make you shrink inside yourself any further. I told her to stay away from you, that I knew about her drug issues, and if she caused any more trouble for you, I would go to the police. She seemed to take the hint, but your mum fell ill, then Nancy, your Grandmother. It was a lot for you to take on, and every day, Harry and I saw you withdraw a little more. When you brought the cafe with the money your grandmother left you, I loved being there every day with you, helping get it off the ground, and watching you smile for the first time in a long time. You were finally finding yourself again. When Brooklyn came back, I thought you helping her, may help you too."
She pauses and smiles before continuing. "Seeing you with Antonio, made us so happy, we knew he would be the one to help you mend. He didn’t take your shit, and you sure as hell didn’t take his." She laughs before speaking again. “I saw how he affected you, and how you struggled to let him. He brought out the fire we know lives within you and he handled the storm of emotions you try so hard to hide. It took you a while, and we know you struggled with wanting to let him in. But, Katherine, no-one could tell you what to do, you had to work it out for yourself, you had to make the decision on whether you wanted to let him in or walk away. I'm so pleased you fought for him. I know I've gone off track here, sorry about that, but I needed you to know; you think you hide your feelings from the world, but the people closest to you, who love you unconditionally, see your struggles without you having to say a word.”
Taking a sip of her coffee, she leans against the stove.
I sniff a little, and wipe the tears which have fallen.
“I love him, I won't let that bitch take him away from me. She has tried to destroy me too many times over the years. Every time she is finished with me, I struggle to pick up the pieces, but this time, I’m not going to let it happen. She is not winning this time. I need to fight her, Gwen, with everything I have. Without Antonio, I don’t think I could pull myself away from that dark hole I circle every day.”
Reaching over, she places her warm hand on mine, and I remember her arms being around me while I fell apart; when mom died, then grandma, and when I thought I had failed Brooklyn. Being here, and talking with Gwen, helps me to believe the things which happened in the past, weren't my fault.
“The decision you make next, will be the right one." Harry speaks from where he is leaning against the doorway.
I look over, and I see the acceptance in his eyes. When I turn back to Gwen, I notice she is nodding and smiling. I feel a little lighter knowing, no matter what I choose to do next, they are with me all the way. I’m not sure why I felt the need to come here, but I'm glad I did. What I have decided to do next, could end up in one of two ways. Me, living my happy ending with the man of my dreams. Or Me, not coming back at all and finally letting the darkness completely consume me.