Katherine
I watch the water creep up onto the sand before it gets sucked back into the swell of the waves. I hear the water splash against the rocks nearby soothing my soul. I look up at the blue sky dotted with white fluffy clouds, and breathe in the fresh ocean air. Looking back down at my diary I reread my current entry while I wiggle my toes in the sand.
Dear Diary,
It’s been two weeks since I was taken, and Antonio was shot. My world tilted on its axis when I heard why Ashley hated me as much as she did. It literally blew my mind to learn our dad, the one who was supposed to protect us, started it all. It took me a while, and hours of talking with Brooklyn, to realize it wasn’t my fault. It scared the shit out of me to confess to Brooklyn, to explain everything that had happened to her was because of me. A lot of tears were involved. I was so worried she would hate me, not that I would have blamed her. After all, Ashley was my sister so, I kind of feel, none of it would have happened if it wasn’t for me. Brooklyn insisted, everyone makes their own choices in life, Ashley was sick, and needed help, it wasn't my fault.
Antonio and Dominic had been looking high and low for my sister until about a week ago. That was when we got the news, Ashley had been found dead of a drug overdose. I was sad, because she was my sister. I cried when I recalled the good memories we once shared. When we were little, it seemed we lived a perfect life with dreams of fairy tales, and kissing a frog, to find our Prince Charming. But, I was also relieved, because she couldn’t hurt anybody anymore. It was like the shadow I felt lurking for such a long time, was finally gone. I could move forward and live again.
I close my diary, place it on the sand beside me, lean back on my elbows and take in the sight of the setting sun in the distance. I smile when I sense him sit down beside me and draw me into his side.
“Kitten, what’s going on in that head of yours? " He places a soft kiss to my temple.
“How did you find me, Stud?"
“Kitten, there is no place you can be, without me finding you. Haven’t I proved that enough during our time together?" He chuckles and draws me closer into his side.
“Thank you," I whisper
“For what?"
“For never giving up on me. For not trying to fix me. For letting me do it myself.”
“Kitten, you don’t need to be fixed. You're perfect the way you are.”
“Flaws and all, you mean?”
“Katherine," he breathes out, and I look at him. He never uses my full name, unless he's serious. “Your flaws are what make you who you are, who I love. I would take you over anything else in this life. The fire living inside you is what got my attention to begin with, but it was your heart and strength, which kept me coming back for more.”
I sniff back the tears and watch my toes wiggling in the sand. Antonio places his fingers under my chin, draws my face to his, and leans forward to plant a soft kiss on my lips.
“You are mio luce del sole, Kitten. After my momma died, I lived in a constant state of darkness, until you walked into my life.”
I remember him mentioning a while ago that his parents had died, but he never told me what happened. All I know is, he was adopted by Dominic’s uncle, Santino, when his parents passed away.
“Tell me what happened to her?"
He stares out at the water, and watches the waves as the sun finally sets. A blanket of black surrounds us.
“When I was eleven years old, my papa died of a heart attack. It devastated momma, I used to hear her crying at night, and I knew her heart shattered that day. My father was her soul mate. Momma did the best she could, got a part time job at the local deli and we were getting by. We were slowly putting our life back together." He blows out a deep breath before continuing. “I came home from school one day, and when I walked in, a man was standing over my momma. She was lying on the floor crying, naked, and bloody. He was doing up his pants. I froze, I didn’t know what to do. Then, he looked over and saw me. He laughed, and said if I didn’t keep my mouth shut, he would kill her next time while I watched. I ran to my momma's side, and tried to cover her body with mine. He laughed at me, and told me, eventually I would learn to be a man and he would teach me - men don’t cry. I didn’t know what to do. I looked into my momma’s brown eyes, so much like mine, and they were pleading with me not to argue. I looked back up at the man, he wasn’t a big man, but bigger than me. A menacing scar, running down the side of his face caught my eye. He was scary to a boy my age, and I nodded my agreement. I will never forget the sick, twisted smirk which pulled at his lips.”
Fuck. I wrap my arms around his waist, and peer through my lashes at him. I notice how glassy his eyes are, it hurts to see him hurting this way.
“I’m so sorry. I know it's painful, you don’t have to continue.”
“Si, I do." He draws me into his lap.
“Your arm," I protest.
“It’s fine, and I need to hold you when I tell you the rest."
I nod, he exhales and keeps going.
“For almost a year, I endured what think of as hell. I was beaten, tied to chairs, and placed in a wooden trunk for days on end with no food or water. When I argued back, or disagreed with the asshole, he'd threaten to take my momma away from me. After the first day, when I came home and found my momma laid out on the floor, nothing was ever the same. I learned to stop asking questions pretty quickly."
Antonio sighs deeply.
"After spending God only knows how long in that wooden trunk, I was hungry and light headed. I didn’t want to be forced in there again. So, I decided to give in, and let him believe I had submitted to him. My momma had become a shell of the person she once was. Not once did she speak out of turn, as he would put it. She was afraid of what would happen to her, I guess. Every time I fought him, I could see the struggle she had with herself, to stop what he would do to me. Maybe I should have hated her for what happened, but I didn’t. She had brought the wrong man home, become a victim like me, and I wanted to protect her.
I heard her cries and screams every night, he would tell her to shut up, and give him what he was owed. I didn’t know what that meant, and I didn’t care. I just knew I had to do something to stop him, but what was I supposed to do? I was twelve years old, what could I do? Then, one night, when I was hiding under my bed and hoping he wouldn’t come for me, I came up with a plan. I just had to figure out how to pull it off."
Another long sigh.
"On the way home from school the next day, I walked past the old Deli where my momma used to do odd jobs. She had mentioned, some powerful men met there to talk and drink coffee. I saw them at one of the tables and offered my services to them. At first, they laughed at me, and told me to go home and grow up. To come back when I was older. But, I was determined to free my momma so, every day for a month, I stopped by and offered myself to them. Finally, one day, they took me seriously and introduced me to a man named Santino. He took me aside, and asked why I was so determined to join them. He said this was not the path I needed to travel down, it wasn't the right life for me. I explained what had been happening for the past year, and watched a million emotions cross his face. By the time, I had finished explaining, he understood how desperate I was. It seemed my persistence paid off in my favour, he said the Big Boss would stop at the Deli the next day."
Antonio takes my face in his hand and kisses me gently.
"The next day, when the Big Boss showed up, he looked me up and down, shook his head and turned away. I had a feeling that was it, and my hopes of saving my momma, were lost. Then, Santino stepped up, and spoke in The Boss' ear as I watched. The Boss nodded, and I knew at that moment, I would do anything to save my momma, even if it meant being tied to the mob for the rest of my life."
He blows out a deep breath, and I feel it wash over me.
“The Boss ordered Santino and a few other guys to take me home, he instructed them to fix the situation. You need to understand, although the mob is known for their illegal dealings, they have a strict code of conduct they follow. One of those rules, is to never cause harm to women or children, so, to say they were pissed is an understatement. Apparently, the guy who had basically controlled our lives for over a year, was a man the mob had been after for a while. He was a loan shark from another family who had ripped them off. I later found out, my papa had a huge gambling debt when he died. Apparently, him being dead didn’t matter, it was now our responsibility to pay it off. Once everything was sorted, and the mob took care of the piece of shit, I did small jobs for Santino. He told me there was no debt owed to them, that my momma and I had already paid enough. But, for me, he gave us back our lives that day, and I was determined to repay them. So, I would wash their cars, hang their coats, basically anything I could. As I got older, I did other jobs for them. I can’t go into detail, but I’m pretty sure you get the picture. I thought my momma was getting better, she started to smile again. God she had a beautiful smile, and when she laughed, it was better than any music you could have heard. Usually when I came home from the deli, she'd be in the kitchen making dinner, but this day I couldn't find her. I went upstairs to her bedroom thinking she might be sick. Her bedroom door was closed, and when I knocked, there was no answer. I was worried about her, so I opened the door to go in. My worst nightmare was in front of me, my momma had cut her wrists and bled to death. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, I thought my momma was healing and getting better. I realized when I was older, she had built a wall around herself, and was an expert at showing the world, she was fine. Inside, she was drowning in her demons. Santino took me in and gave me the Grasso name.”
I feel his tears hit my forehead, his breathing quickens and I’m lost for words. My big, strong man has deep hurt I may never be able to heal, but I can be here for him, just like he is here for me.
“Antonio, I love you.”
He presses a kiss to my forehead, and we sit in silence in own little bubble while waves crash against the rocks, and the moon shines across the water.