CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Riley didn’t know whether to slap or kiss Sam when he walked in the door several hours later. She was angry with him. Really, really mad. She understood the need that drove him to leave but it didn’t stop her from being royally honked off. He could have called, sent a text, or even a smoke signal over the New York City skyline. She’d been worried as hell. The only thing that kept her from going off on him right then and there was the fact that he looked far worse than he had when he’d left last night.
He looked horrible, pasty with a growth of beard and his eyes red-rimmed, as if he’d been up for days instead of one night.
“You look awful,” Paula said bluntly, her arms crossed over her chest and her lips pursed. “I’d better go make some coffee. Have you eaten?”
“Not really but I’m not all that hungry, Mom.”
“You’ll eat because you need to and I won’t hear another word about it.”
Paula strode into the kitchen, leaving Riley alone with Sam. They simply stared at one another for a minute or two before he broke eye contact and looked away. His entire body language was unsure, his shoulders slumped in defeat. It was a far cry from the confident man that she was used to seeing. Her own stomach twisted in sympathy. Just because she was mad didn’t mean that she couldn’t feel badly for him. He’d had a rough night, but then again so had she, so she wasn’t ready to fall into his arms and forgive.
She’d thrown down the gauntlet last night and started this ball rolling, but he was the one that had chosen to walk out.
“I’m sorry.”
If Riley was a better person she might let him off the hook, but sadly she wasn’t. He’d made some bad decisions along the way and he needed to own up to those.
“For?”
“Leaving the way I did,” he replied, rubbing his stubbled chin. “You were probably worried too, which I certainly don’t deserve. I am really sorry, babe. I’m all fucked up and I need to fix a few things.”
Admitting it was a start.
“Thank you for the apology. I was worried.” She gave him her best mean look and he had the good sense to look ashamed, color suffusing his pale cheeks. “Are you working on a plan to fix those things?”
“I am,” he confirmed with a nod of his head. “I know what I need to do next, anyway.”
“All by yourself?”
His eyes widened in surprise, which made her want to smack him on the forehead. He didn’t understand. Still.
“You want to help me?”
Sighing, she tried to explain. “I want to support you, Sam. You talk about wanting us to be together, be a team, but the first time we came up against a huge hurdle you walked out. You didn’t give me a chance to be a partner, did you? I love you, despite the fact that you sometimes act like an idiot, and I hope you love me even when I do something incredibly stupid as well. I want to stand by your side and help you through the bad times, not just the good ones. I know some monsters you have to face on your own, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be there to cheer you on. I don’t want to just be there to walk the red carpets and pick up the awards. I want to be there for it all, no matter how ugly it might get.”
“This might get pretty bad.” Sam’s throat worked and he scraped his fingers through his already disheveled hair. “I need to see Trish and talk to her. She might not like that very much.”
While Riley had sympathy for the other woman she’d never met, she also felt strongly that Trish had thrown out some serious and cruel accusations. It wasn’t unfair for Sam to want to question the veracity of her claims. Even if what she said was true, and Trish still hated him, he had to find a way to forgive himself. He hadn’t hurt anyone on purpose and he’d lost a child, too. They’d both suffered, and neither one’s grief was more important than the other’s.
“I think you should. I can go with you if you like,” Riley offered, her chest tight with hope. Sam was ready to face the demons from his past. Finally. “Not to talk to her, but just to hold your hand before you do. Do you even know where she is?”
Fishing his phone out of his pocket, Sam held the screen up for her inspection. “My agent was able to track her down. She lives in Connecticut. I’ve been walking around pretty much all afternoon with her address in my pocket trying to get the courage to go see her. I promised her she’d never have to see me again.”
“You made that promise under duress.”
His smile was crooked and his chuckle humorless. “I’m not sure she’d see it that way. She seemed pretty adamant that day. But I have to do this. I know that I have to face this if I want a future with you and our baby. And I do want that. I love you more than you can possibly imagine.”
Her heart shattered into a million little pieces and then whirled around in her chest before fusing together again, this time stronger than before. This man…what was it about him that could make her feel this way? Weak and mighty at the same time. Angry and happy. But loved. So very loved.
“I sincerely hope this doesn’t become a habit.”
“Talking to my ex-wives? I only have one.”
She smiled, her first one of the day. It wouldn’t be her last, though. “I was talking about how you can get me to forgive you just by saying you love me. That’s going to be darn inconvenient for me if it keeps happening. I want to be mad but all I can think about is kissing you.”
Sam looked up at the ceiling, his eyes closed. “Please let that keep happening.”
Reaching for a handful of his cotton t-shirt, Riley pulled him closer. “Just kiss me.”
Their lips met and it felt like coming home after a long journey, despite the fact that it had only been less than twenty-four hours. There was promise in the kiss as well. A promise that they would try harder, work together, become that team that so far they’d only talked about. As usual, doing it was far more work.
They weren’t out of the woods yet, but Sam had taken the first tentative step. There was still much more to get through before she could call this a success. Next stop?
Trish.