Chapter 23

Mayhem

 

My knuckles bleed. My jaw screams in pain. My left eye is partially swollen yet I won’t give up until I take this motherfucker down. It’s all I have left in me. I want the fight. I want the pain. It’s all that is real for me right now.

“Can’t we just shoot the motherfucker?” Tic chuckles behind me. I square off ready to throw another punch.

“No. Let Mayhem work this shit out of his system.” I hear my dad say. It gives me a little push to hear him talk. The push I needed to finish this shit. I throw a left jab to this asshole’s jaw before I slam my right fist into his face. The motherfucker goes down hard.

“Fuck yeah!” Declan roars as he leans down and checks the guy’s pulse. “He ain’t dead.”

I walk forward, lean down, and grab his head in my hands. One quick jerk and it snaps.

“He is now,” I say with no feeling at all.

“You feel better?” my dad asks when I turn to face him. I just shrug. I don’t know if I feel better. I don’t really feel anything.

“It’s not like he wasn’t gonna die anyway,” I say as I walk past the guys and toward the door. It’s true. He was a thief. He stole from one of our suppliers, which in turn meant he stole from us.

I light up a cigarette and lean against the hard metal of the warehouse. I take in the night sky and the stars. I wonder what Tay’s doing. Probably working at that fucking strip club.

“How long’s this shit gonna last, Mayhem?”

I look up and see my dad standing there with a distraught look on his face. I hate that I’m affecting him, too. I hate that I’m affecting everyone around me, but what the fuck do they want from me?

“What shit are we talkin’ about?” I inhale the nicotine into my lungs before blowing out a ring of smoke.

“Why don’t you take a break? Get your head together? We need someone to check out the Southern Chapter anyway. Might as well be you.”

I huff. Is he sending me away? Isn’t that real fucking fatherly. “You just tossin’ my ass aside now, Pop?” I ask.

Standing up straighter, I look him in the eyes. I want him to say it. I want him to say that he’s sending me away for my own fucking good when I know I’m just screwing the club up.

“You know I ain’t tossin’ you aside! You’re my fuckin’ son! I want my son back, Mayhem. I want the man that I raised! I get it, Son. I get that you’re hurtin’ still. I think you need some time to think it all over and work it out.”

He may be right. I may need to work shit out, but that doesn’t mean I want to leave my club to do that. This is my home. This is who I am, who I’ve been since I was born.

“You think I can’t get my shit straight here?” I ask him, my tone calming slightly.

“Honestly? No. I think this place holds too many reminders of her. I think you need to get away and let shit settle in that head of yours. Since she died, you’ve been goin’ nonstop, and I let you. It’s partially my fault that you’re strugglin’ the way you are. I should have seen it. I should have been the father I needed to be and did something sooner.” I can see the defeat and regret all over his face. He thinks this is his fault.

“That shit didn’t have anything to do with you. I fucked up, Pop. That was all me. I know I need to work shit out. I just don’t want to let you or this club down,” I admit.

“Fuck that, Mayhem. You aren’t lettin’ this club down! You are this club! We made this shit. As for me, I’m your dad. I’m always here. I’m always on your side. This club means shit to me without you boys in it. You have to know that.”

I nod my head slowly. Never realizing I needed to hear those words leave his lips. The way he says it, I know he means it. I wouldn’t want to be a part of this club without him in it either.

“Take her with you. See where it goes. Tell her it’s no strings attached and don’t fuckin’ attach them, Mayhem.”

I shake my head no. I don’t want her there. “I need to do this on my own, Pop. I get what you’re sayin’, but I can’t see her. Not yet. I need to figure some of this shit out on my own.”

He nods his head. He seems to understand what I’m saying. “Let’s get you home. Get that face cleaned up. You won’t be gettin’ any pussy lookin’ like that.” He nods toward my face laughing.

“Oh, come on, Pop. You know the ladies love that rugged, bad boy look.” I tease as we walk toward the bikes.

“Rugged is one thing. Raggedy is another.” We both laugh at that. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed being able to laugh and smile with my family.

“I’m gonna make it back to this club, Pop.” I flick my cigarette through the air, watching it fall to the ground.

“I know, Mayhem. I have no doubt about that. You’ve always been stronger than the rest of us. It’s ok to lose your way as long as you know the road back home, brother.” He slaps a hand on my shoulder, and I’ve never felt such a sense of pride surge through me. He’s right. I do need this.