Chapter Eighteen
Gentry
Despite what happened only six days ago, I was surprisingly not happy with idea about Krys leaving. It had been a long week, tip – toeing around her. Trying not to be in the way or be an asshole.
And trying to decide whether I am still in love with her. It wasn’t a hard decision. I already knew the answer. Brandon and I had to go into town to get parts for the water de-icers as it was that time of the year again. I walked past Fi’s. I glanced in the window and couldn’t help but grab her a going away gift.
Something simple, a good memory to hold on to or something she would toss on the road side the second she was headed for the airport.
That’s how I ended up sitting on the porch waiting on her. It was five o’eight when I saw her emerge from the horse barn.
She saw me and was hesitant for a step before proceeding.
“Quieting time already? It’s only five.”
“Five o’eight on pay day Friday. The boys laid tracks out of here on the hour.”
“And you’re so casually relaxing out here because?”
“I got you a present. I know you’re not leaving for a couple days but the ranch is empty – thought now is a good a time as ever.”
I slid her the box, Fiona had gift wrapped it all nice and neat. Shiny blue paper with a silver ribbon and bow.
“Can I open it?”
“If you want.”
She sat down next to me on the swing. “Bet you’re ready to be rid of me.”
“Well, it’s been a rough week.”
“No shit.”
“Ed’s right, you don’t have to go. You are welcome here. Always,” the words we’re hard to say but they were true.
Krys picked at the bow. “You don’t have to say that.”
“I need you to know it.”
“My divorce wasn’t that messy.”
I laughed dryly. “The guys Googled it. That’s not true.”
That made her honest, musical laugh ring out. “Messy yes, but not emotionally so. Just with, memories. Regrets.”
“So, Ed’s in town. Carla’s bar. Helping her out like he does most Fridays. We’re supposed to be meet them there by seven-thirty. Carla’s bar has a grill with it. Dinner rush will be fading by eight or so.”
“Sounds good. I’m starved.”
I stared at her long dark brown hair falling out of her pony tail. Her green eyes gleaming. She gave me a half smile and I noticed a stray piece of hay sticking out of her hair. I reached over and picked it out and I could swear she looked ready to blush. Or swing at me. I didn’t know which.
“I’m sorry,” I said almost feeling sick.
“You don’t have to say anything. It was always my fault,” she winced and I gently touched her arm. She was remembering what we had done. What I had done.
“It doesn’t matter what you did – how I treated you. What I said. You never deserved any of that.”
“You said what you felt.”
“I said…” God I wanted to touch her again. Burry myself in her. She was a little dirty. Ranch wear and all but she was beautiful. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and forget ten years worth of missing her.
“I said what I wanted to feel,” I blurted it out.
“But you don’t… hate me?” she looked pained and confused.
“I did – I guess part of me still, maybe. But that doesn’t change other feelings that surpassed… that.” It was the worst way to feel out an ‘I love you.’
It still felt sickening and exhausting thinking that, knowing that, I love her.
I picked up the box and placed it on her lap. “Come on now, you love presents.”
***
“Come on, your birthday is tomorrow. I put my hand over her eyes and walked her towards the back of my folks’ property.
“Tell me what it is!” she squealed.
“You are horrible! You try to ruin all presents.”
“Come here and stand still. Keep your eyes closed.”
I opened the back door to my parents’ garden shed. There was a five foot – by – three foot box wrapped and several smaller boxes placed inside like those Russian dolls, until the last one inside was a small jewelry box. There was no rhyme or reason to the production. But I loved watching the excitement.
She opened the box to the locket. A gold heart with a vine design – simple and beautiful ‘K’. She looked up at me with the biggest smile.
“Open it,” I whispered in her ear. Inside was my name “Gentry” engraved on one side. “’Till I can give you my last name, here’s my first.”
She wiped a happy tear from her cheek and stood up shutting the door and pushing me back into the old dusty couch.
“That’s not why I got you this,” I told her as she pulled her shirt overhead.
“I know. But I want to, I love you.”
And we laid down, melted together and made love for the first time.
***
Krys untied the silver ribbon and ripped into the paper lifting the lid from the box.
“It’s beautiful,” she gently picked up the perfect black shaped felt. She flipped it over to the turquoise and silver band.
“Try it on. Every cowgirl needs a hat. And it’s the only thing you didn’t buy the other day.”
“Thanks,” she chuckled. “That isn’t the right word.”
“It works. Something to remember me, and Mirror Lake by, when you leave.”
She nodded and swallowed hard. There were no tears in her eyes this time. Just a faraway pain. I pulled up her chin, forcing her to look at me and before I could think twice we were kissing. Our lips moved together in the perfect tango. Her tongue tangled with mine and then we both pulled away at the same moment.
“We shouldn’t,” she stared.
“We can’t,” I added.
“Every time we get civilized we get way to civilized.”
I held her hand in mine and put her cowgirl hat on with the other. “Perfect.”
“It fits right.”
“I’m a good guesser.”
I rubbed my thumb over hers. I looked down at our hands and back up into her eyes. “It shouldn’t be this hard.” I didn’t know if I was talking about our situation or my dick.
“Nothing with us has ever been easy.”
“It just hits me at the worst of times. When we get this close I …. Remember. How it felt.”
She stood up and I waited for her to walk away. She put her hand out and I took it. “What are you doing?” I asked.