Melinda
I kept hoping Antonio would call. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted him to, but every time my phone buzzed, his face jumped into my mind.
I still wasn’t sure what to think about what had happened between us the other night. When I’d finally crawled into bed, I could still taste his lips. In the morning, I dug through my bag and hastily covered my torn panties in a sanitary napkin wrapper before shoving them to the bottom of the bathroom trash can. This way, at least I knew Dad wouldn’t find them. That was the last thing I needed – Dad finding out. He’d be angry, and I knew he wouldn’t let Antonio guard me anymore.
But I still didn’t know how to feel about Antonio himself.
He was such an enigma. He went out of his way to be sarcastic, to brush me off, and yet some of his behavior was as fussy and practiced as an old man’s. The way he’d sit at Hurricanes, sipping his soda and keeping his eyes locked on my every move, had made me feel powerful at first, because I knew I was captivating to him.
But what if this whole thing was a joke? What if Antonio had been telling the truth? What if he really didn’t care at all, and he’d only wanted to fuck me?
I shivered and reached for a blanket, wrapping it around myself. When I picked up the phone, I wanted to call him. But part of me was afraid to hear what he’d have to say. I didn’t know if he’d treat me differently or the same, and, furthermore, I wasn’t even sure how I wanted him to treat me.
In the end, I called Cassandra and asked her to come over.
An hour later, we were sitting on my bed, wrapped up in blankets, browsing dresses on one of my favorite shopping sites.
“I haven’t talked to you in ages,” Cassandra said, clicking past a strapless black dress and enlarging a photo of a white gown. “Wow, this is pretty.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Kind of basic, don’t you think?”
Cassandra rolled her eyes. “Yes, heaven forbid that I, a white girl, do anything basic.”
I giggled. “I know it’s been a long time,” I said apologetically. “I’ve been kind of busy, that’s all.”
I still hadn’t told her about Antonio.
Cassandra raised her eyebrows. “No worries,” she said calmly. “We’re chill.”
“How’s Gloria?”
“You know, same old,” Cassandra said. “She’s just out doing her thing.”
“We should go out tonight,” I said impulsively. “Antonio can take us to Hurricanes. Hell, he’ll even buy us dinner on the way home.”
Cassandra laughed. “I could get used to that,” she said. Then she narrowed her eyes. “But wait, Melinda, I thought you were annoyed with him. Didn’t you say he was boring and weird the first time you made him take you to the club?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Um.” I bit my lip. “Yeah, I guess I did say that.”
Slowly, Cassandra’s features changed as she understood my reticence. “Girl,” she said in a quiet voice, her eyes wide. “You like him, don’t you?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I really don’t. I’m confused. I don’t know what to think.”
“Well, he is hot,” Cassandra said. “I mean, you could do way worse, girl.”
I sighed. “It’s not just that,” I said. “It’s…Oh, I don’t know! Things are just so complicated. He’s a total cipher. I never feel like I’m really seeing his true emotions.” Except for that night in the car, I thought, my cheeks growing hot. I’m pretty sure I saw the real Antonio then.
“You’re blushing,” Cassandra said suspiciously. “You sure you’ve never talked to him about things like this?”
I shook my head. “The only time we’ve talked about feelings, he’s gotten frustrated with me,” I said. “I mean, I get that he feels like he can’t badmouth my father. Dad’s the one paying him to look after me. But it’s really frustrating that he plays hot and cold.”
“He plays hot?” Cassandra cocked an eyebrow and smirked. “Like how?”
I licked my lips. “You can’t tell anyone,” I said sternly. “Not even Gloria. If my dad finds out about this, I’m so dead.”
Cassandra nodded. “I swear,” she said softly. “I promise, Melinda. I won’t tell anyone.”
“We had sex the other night,” I said quietly, leaning forward. My voice was barely above a whisper and I was still paranoid Dad would hear.
“Oh my god,” Cassandra said. “Holy shit, Melinda. I can’t believe you!”
“I know,” I moaned, burying my face in my hands. “If Dad finds out, I’m totally screwed.”
“Well, virginity is a social construct, anyway,” Cassandra said with a smirk. “It’s not like things like that matter anymore.”
I licked my lips. “I guess not,” I said. It didn’t seem like enough of a response, but thinking about having sex with Antonio had stunned me once again. It was like as soon as his name popped into my mind, I could barely function. I was surprised that my body kept breathing, that my heart was still beating.
“You did use a condom, right?” Cassandra asked. “I mean, that’s kind of important. Popping your cherry isn’t a big deal, but babies kind of are.”
I shook my head. “Um, no,” I said. “But I’m sure it’s fine.”
“Damn, girl,” Cassandra said. She shook her head, fanning white-blonde hair out in the air behind her. “Well, whatever, your body, your choice.”
I nodded, still feeling nervous.
“So come on,” Cassandra said. She grinned wickedly. “Call your handsome prince and tell him these princesses need an escort to the most elegant of clubs.”
I rolled my eyes, unable to laugh at her joke. I was feeling so nervous that I couldn’t stand it.
“Fine.” She grabbed my phone. “I’ll call him,” she said, her eye twinkling with mischief. “Better?”
Miserably, I nodded.
# # #
An hour later, Cassandra and I were dancing to a sensual hip-hop beat at Hurricanes. It was more crowded than usual tonight – not having a job, I was always mixed up on days, and I’d been surprised to learn it was Friday.
“This place is crazy!” Cassandra yelled in my ear. “I’m going to get a drink. You want anything?”
Instinctively, my gaze flicked towards Antonio in the corner. At the sight of his dark eyes, my mouth began to water. I want him, I thought, licking my lips. But I can’t have him. “Yeah,” I called back after a minute. “A vodka-soda, please!”
Cassandra disappeared into the throng of bodies. The song changed to something slower, but I couldn’t close my eyes and lose myself in the music like always. Everything in me was pulling me towards Antonio. I couldn’t look at him without wanting to kiss him, and I couldn’t think about kissing him without wanting to tear my clothes off right then and there and hop on his lap. I didn’t even care that we were in a crowded club. Before, I’d been showing off because I wanted to frustrate him. But now, I was showing off because I was too much of a coward to tell him how I really felt.
Cassandra returned and handed me a drink. We started dancing together, pretending to flirt with each other as we crossed paths and bumped our hips on the dance floor. The song changed again – this time to a fast-paced rap song – and Cassandra cheered, jumping up and down with excitement. I took a big gulp of my drink then joined in, waving my arms through the air and tossing my mane of hair back and forth.
That’s when I felt a man’s hands on my waist. Antonio! I thought, glancing down. In horror, I realized the hands gripping me were much too pale to be Antonio’s.
Whirling around, I gasped when I saw it was Alexander.
He grinned at me. “Hey, bitch,” Alexander said, leaning in close and trying to kiss me. Crying out in disgust, I dodged his advance, but he grabbed me by the hips and pulled me close. Just as he was about to start grinding his filthy crotch against my butt, he fell to the ground.
I burst out laughing, thinking he’d fallen. But then I saw Antonio leering over Alexander’s prone frame. Alexander scrambled to his feet and threw a punch, but Antonio grabbed his wrist and socked him in the stomach with his free hand. Alexander cried out before crumpling to the floor, clutching his knees and writhing around like he was dying.
I couldn’t laugh. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t even breathe. Time had completely stopped, or so it felt. I was barely aware of Antonio grabbing my shoulder and Cassandra’s hand and hustling us both out of the club and into the dark air of the night.
Antonio’s car was silent on the way home. The only sound was the ambient noise of the tires passing over the pavement of the highway. I pressed my forehead against the cold glass of the window.
“You really shouldn’t have hit Alexander like that,” I said softly after Antonio had dropped Cassandra off.
Antonio didn’t reply. “I couldn’t just stand there,” Antonio said. “He was attacking you.”
I was about to reply that I could take care of myself, but the truth was that if it hadn’t been for Antonio, I’m not sure what Alexander would have been able to accomplish before someone else noticed I was in trouble.
“Still,” I said. “You really shouldn’t have done that, Antonio. Alexander wouldn’t hurt me because of my father, I know that. He just likes to fuck with me. Now, you’re really going to be in trouble.”
Antonio was silent for a long time before he finally replied. “I know.”