“Do you see what time it is?” I announced, holding my phone up to his face. He grinned a sexy smile that made me want to kiss and slap him at the same time.
He leaned in and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me toward him, my front to his front. My breathing hitched as his lips whispered into my ear. “I can’t help that my cock has an attachment to your sweet pussy.”
My eyes widened and I sucked in my bottom lip.
“You have no idea how amazing it feels to be inside you, Ysa. I just had you and I want you again.” He kissed the side of my neck before pulling away, leaving me half stumbling to catch my composure. “Plus, I’m making up for lost time,” he said with a wink and walked away.
Jesus…
He had found me two months ago and I felt like I was being introduced to a completely different side of him. Of course, I knew how demanding and controlling he was in bed. We weren’t allowed to do it in public before and it had been somewhat of a surprise to how vocal and affectionate he was. I loved it. Having him back in my life was extremely unexpected; we were away from each other for almost two years. I never anticipated that he would make his way back to me. I knew he loved me and I know he still does, it didn’t stop.
We hadn't said it to one another, and I wasn't going to be the one to say it first, even though I felt it in my being. He was the one…
Love is a battlefield.
There are two opponents on each side of the scale; one person moved forward, backward, side-to-side and the scale tips. In order to make it work, you have to work together. It takes two mutual parties becoming one. Communication is key. It’s the very foundation that will make or break your unity.
But guess what? Love causes war.
I was twenty-six years old and felt like I was fifty. I’ve experienced so much beyond my years that a normal person couldn’t possibly fathom. I had seen things that people have only dreamt about or read about in books. I’ve sold my soul to the devil and lived to talk about it. There wasn’t one place on my body that hadn’t been touched by a man or a woman, except my heart. That has only ever been touched and connected to one person.
Sebastian.
From the first time that I literally fell into his arms, it was home. There was this unspoken bond that I felt as soon as I looked into his eyes; they held more emotion and sincerity than I had ever had the privilege of witnessing before, and it was only for me. It was as if he looked through me as opposed to at me. Every time we locked eyes and got lost in the intensity of our stares, we were one. I had no idea if that was even possible or if it even made sense.
I didn’t know anything about love.
All I knew was that being without him was like not being able to breathe–you could survive on an oxygen tank that provided you with a comfortable life, but you already knew what it was like to breathe on your own–so you longed for the way it was before. It would be miserable. There was no going back. That being said…I knew how to look out for me. I knew how to survive because I had to. I controlled everything around me…I always had. I had no control around him and that scared the living shit out of me.
I had more money than I could spend in three, maybe four lifetimes.
I had experienced loss, contentment, survival, happiness, and even love.
I didn’t have any regrets in my life, and I didn’t know if that made me a good or bad person. After some of the things I had done, it could go either way.
To me…
I’ve lived.
I’ve survived.
I had come from nothing and became a VIP.
And a huge part of me will always be proud of that.
I know that sounds asinine, but you haven’t lived my life. I never felt any self-worth until I became a VIP. The Madam was a mother to me, just like she said she would be. She took me in and made something from nothing. She gave me tools to become one of the elite. For a girl like me, that was immense. You could criticize and judge me all you want; I’ve always been honest. That’s one trait you can’t take away from me. You wanted the rest of our story, and if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here reading it.
I am who I am, I always have been. An old dog can’t be taught new tricks, but they can adapt…and that’s what I was trying to do. I embraced whatever the fuck was handed to me.
It’s who I am.
I’ve always felt like I was Sebastian’s puppet, and he pulled the strings until I couldn’t take it anymore and cut myself loose. When we were asleep and his arms were around me, I felt safe…I felt home. My eyes would begin to shut and then my mind wandered from consciousness to unconsciousness, and it always returned to the same thing.
Was he with me because I look like Olivia?
Was he with me because Julia wanted the divorce?
Was he going to hurt me again?
Could I really trust him again?
I had let all my barriers and guards down with him once and it blew up in my face. Mocking me.
I’m trying…
But lie to me once, shame on you.
Lie to me twice…
Shame on me.