It had been a few weeks since I told Ysabelle that I loved her. I wanted to say it since the first day I saw her beautiful face with her flowing curly hair walk to me in complete and utter shock that I was standing before her. As I walked Chance, I thought about that day.
There was my girl, dressed in a black bikini, with her curly exotic hair blowing in the wind, sitting on a hammock, reading her e-reader in front of her bar. She did it. Ysa does everything and anything she puts her mind to, it’s who she is. I stopped dead in my tracks just to take her in. She was a vision. There was no beauty in this world like Ysa. I found myself catching my breath and bracing myself for the possibility of her turning me away. There was a chance that she would completely shut me out and tell me to go fuck myself from all the havoc and damage I had caused, and I wouldn’t blame her for one second. She had every right to.
I wouldn’t stop fighting for her. I would prove to her that she’s the one. I would get on my hands and knees and beg for forgiveness if that’s what it took for her to just talk to me.
I expected nothing but hoped for everything.
She’s it for me.
Chance heard shuffling in the sand as I started to walk toward her, he barked and ran over to me, immediately recognizing who I was.
At least someone was thrilled to see me, let’s hope your mom feels the same way.
He had grown four times in size since the last time I’d seen him; he was no longer a puppy. It warmed my heart a little that she kept him; he was part of me, a part of us. It calmed my apprehension, which I was terribly trying to control.
She quickly got up and chased after him, blocking the sun from her eyes to see whom he was greeting. I caught her stare from my peripheral vision; she stopped dead in her tracks, just like I had done mere minutes before. She was undeniably caught off guard to see me and even blinked a few times in bewilderment. I smiled at her and petted Chance one last time before brushing the sand off my lap and slowly making my way toward her.
I had to overcome every instinct and impulse to not run to her and scoop her up in my arms, to hold her as tight as I possibly could, never wanting to let her go again. But I couldn’t scare her. I had to do this on her terms. It wasn’t about me anymore.
“What are you doing here?” she blurted out.
Ouch…not exactly the welcoming I was eager for. I chuckled and smiled from nervousness, hopefully breaking some of the tension, and she smiled and laughed back.
Much better…fuck. I missed that smile and laugh. They light up an entire room.
“You look more beautiful than I ever remember. I thought we could start over.” I grinned.
Honesty was the only thing I had going for me.
No more lies.
She cocked her head to the side and simultaneously moved her eyes to my ring finger, it had been bare for a little under a year and a half and that realization seemed to please her.
I took the opportunity and extended my right hand. “My name’s Sebastian Vanwell.” I nodded, smiling.
She grinned. “Ysabelle Telle,” she replied, shaking my hand. “My friends call me Ysa,” she added.
We stood there for a while; taking each other in, remembering the bond and connection we had since day one. All of the chemistry and passion was very much alive, breathing and pulsating around us and especially between us. I felt it in my bones, and most of all, my heart.
And that’s when I knew I still had a chance.
It wasn’t the end for us.
It was just the beginning.
I wasn’t expecting her to say I love you when I said it. She wasn’t ready. But that didn’t stop the selfish desire to want to hear it. There had never been any promises between us during our yearlong affair. I never told her I was going to leave my wife and she never told me she was going to leave VIP. That didn’t stop me from paying Madam for all of her time, though. I think back on it now and it’s sickening how much of a mess I created. Everything I put her through…
Her eyes have always been the windows to her soul. They had always spoken for her. Sometimes, when I looked at them, I saw my girl there. I saw Ysa. Most of the time, I didn’t, and I had to take a step back and remember that it was my fault. I had no one else to blame but myself. A daily reminder that I had to be patient, but I’m a man. We aren’t a patient gender. I didn’t want to start over, but I knew we had to. We had built a life together; at least it was to me. I had two lives that I kept separate and deceived everyone involved, most of all, myself. I was a fool to think that it wouldn’t blow up in my face. I lived day to day; I didn’t think about the future or the consequences. Not once.
I didn’t think about her.
I had broken Ysa in so many ways, and I hated myself for that because I prided myself on being the only person to be able to get through those tough-as-shit barriers. She handed me her heart and I greedily took it. Except, I’d slit minor cuts in it every day; the lies, the betrayal, taking my wedding ring off and putting it back on, all the times I took a shower before I left her condo. Making love to her. Leaving her…she knew every fucking time that when I left, I was going home to my family and I just expected her to welcome me with open arms the next time I saw her.
She did.
I’m a fucking bastard.
When I was thoroughly done stabbing her, I made sure to throw her heart right back in her face. Except that time, it wasn’t whole like it originally was…there were open wounds everywhere. And now I felt like I added salt to them.
Could she ever really forgive me?
Would she ever trust me again?
Only time will tell…
I won’t give up.