CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CAMERON. I tried in vain to slow down. I moved over her, tasting every inch of her. Her hands fisted and released anxiously by her sides. Her body shifted eagerly below me, a reflection of the longing that coursed through me too. I battled with it, wanting to take my time and love her slowly.
“Maya,” I murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear to gain better access to the sensitive skin below it and unfettered access to her neck. I reveled in the smallest reactions of her body. The way goose bumps raced across her skin when I was there, sucking and licking, breathing her name over and over, like a mantra, like an echo in a dream. She shivered. I pulled her closer, wanting to give her all the warmth and comfort she desired.
Seeing her so upset had overwhelmed me. I wanted to banish the memories and the circumstances beyond her control that gave her an ounce of unhappiness. I wanted to flood her darkness with light, with love. I rolled the word around in my head, analyzing what it meant in the context of having the only woman I’d ever loved in my bed again, in my arms, opening her heart and body to me.
Her shaking hands skimmed over my shoulders and down my chest. I caught them and kissed her fingertips. Then I bent to her, grasping her breast before sucking the tip into my mouth. Pulling them into long taut points, I teased each peak with my tongue and my teeth until she cried out and her thighs tightened fiercely around my hips.
I moved to kiss her shoulders, all the way up her neck to her ear, enticing more tiny shivers from her. She gripped my waist, urging me closer. I wanted to bury myself in her. My patience was waning.
“Are you on the pill?”
She blinked rapidly, as if she needed to regain her focus to answer the question. “Yeah.”
I grazed her throat with my hand, pausing a second over the steady pulse at her neck. I moved south until my fingers crept to the top of her thighs, teasing down over the soft cotton of her panties where she was soaked through for me. With a little pressure she reacted, bucking into my hand. I slid the fabric to the side and slipped my fingers through her moist folds. She gripped my arm and gasped when I pushed inside her. My cock ached to be there, ravaging her. I’d be there soon.
“I want to be here, Maya, coming inside you...”
“I’ve always been safe, Cam. You’re the only one.”
I kissed her hard, swallowing her promise. She moaned, arching into my chest. I trusted her, and she trusted me to bring her through this.
Trust, the benevolent warrior fighting the misgivings that had plagued us, pulsed between us now. Trust and this love that even she could no longer deny perhaps was the bridge that would take us from who we were to who we’d become. Maybe it could be enough to undo all the hurt we’d caused one another.
“I want to make love to you, but you need to tell me if it’s too much right now.”
“I need too much.” She ran her fingers up my chest, shifted her body against me, charging my already full erection further. “I need this. Make me forget everything. All I want is this moment between us. Make it last as long as we can.”
I caught her mouth, kissing her tenderly. A small moan hummed through her tiny frame as I licked her tongue, sucking softly, and then deeper, exploring her mouth. When she opened her eyes, her half-lidded gaze met my own. My heart twisted painfully.
“I could kiss you like this forever. You’re so sweet and soft.” I brushed my knuckles over the blush of her cheek that grew darker with the words.
“I’m going to need something stronger than a kiss.”
I laughed quietly. I tugged off her panties, lowered, and wasted no time pressing into her. Anxious, I wanted to sheath her in one fierce thrust. But I wanted to experience every second of this decadent moment, draw it out as she pulled me deeper.
And she felt amazing, warm and snug around me, the only place I’d ever wanted to be.
I’d wanted this from the beginning, but we’d had too many hurdles between us to broach the subject of our sexual histories before. It was almost worth avoiding altogether, except for the exquisite rush of our bodies being joined now with nothing to separate us.
The mere thought of her being with other men filled me with a fiery jealousy. In a rash need to claim her for myself, I rooted deeply, as deep as I’d ever been. She gasped. Every muscle tensed, locking me to her. When my eyes went to her, her mouth had fallen open, harsh breath heaving her chest. Her lip quivered. She pulsed around my cock as I held myself deep within her.
“You okay?”
“God yes.”
“Did I hurt you?”
“It’s impossible for you to hurt me. You know my body too well. You always have.”
I released some tension, though I was still coiled tight, ready to spring into loving her passionately.
“This is what I want, Maya. Nothing between us.”
“This is what I want too. I want you, us. Please don’t stop.”
She dug her nails into my ass and I jerked against her, spurring the first of a series of thrusts that had her unraveling quickly in my arms. The rush of pleasure took hold quickly.
“Cam, oh God.”
The way she was clenched down around me, slick and yet possessive, I couldn’t stop. Instead I sped up, driving deep, the delicious friction between us taking us both out of our minds. We came together, an explosion of heat and riotous emotion. I jetted inside her. I cursed, marking her as I held her hips firmly in place.
I wanted to fill her, to possess her fully this way always. In my mindless state I dared to imagine that time hadn’t come between us. What could this feel like, to come inside her with the hope that we could make a life between us, with this love? A love that was growing stronger by the day, rooting itself in our lives despite all the doubts.
I exhaled heavily and rested over her. Crazy thoughts. Falling in love with her this time around was taking hold of me in different ways. The thought was intoxicating, if severely premature.
She sagged beneath me, catching her breath. I thrust again gently and she contracted, her delicious grip rippling over me. I was wrecked and still hard, but I hadn’t meant to come so soon. I had plans to do a lot more.
I pulled out and lay on my side next to her, our bodies touching. Her head fell to the side to gaze at me. All noticeable signs of worry and her earlier stress had vanished.
“That was incredible.”
My lips curved into a wry smile. “I’m just getting started.”
I ran a flat palm over her breasts and her belly, and then lower. She quivered when I touched her. I tucked my knee under her thighs as they fell apart. I nudged them farther until she was spread for me.
Sifting through her soft curls, I traced the seam of her pussy. She was wet, dripping with my release. I bit my lip. My cocked surged to life quickly, the ache in my balls returning with the need to do it all over again. I resisted, holding her in a heated stare while my fingers found their mark. I stroked through the lips of her sex, teasing the soft inner flesh until I was inside her again. Curving carefully into her wet heat, I found her G-spot and gave it gentle rub. She jerked at the slightest touch.
“What are you doing to me?”
I withdrew, putting my thumb to work over and around her clit. Then slid inside again, teasing her inside and out. “I’m going to make you lose count of the ways I make you come tonight.”
Her whimpers and the erotic sound of the rapid penetration into her wetness were the only noises around us. Her skin, slick with sweat, heated against me. She shifted and squirmed, like she might wriggle free in her increasing restlessness. I lifted to my elbow and lowered over her, pressing her back down with a hard kiss. I pumped harder, more vigorously and with less restraint, until she came apart. Our lips broke contact and her loud throaty cry filled the room as she seized around me.
When I withdrew she was shaking, her limbs draped boneless across the bed. I might have taken mercy on her then, but I was hard and ready for her again. I was going to fuck her until she begged me to stop.
“One more, baby. Can you get up on your knees?”
Her eyebrows rose slightly. “No fucking way. I can’t move. Who are you, Hercules?”
I laughed and turned her to the side, spooning her from behind.
“I’m not letting you off that easy.”
I kissed over the dark designs down her back, her shoulders, the long line of her neck. Then I drove into her again. As limp as she’d felt a second ago, she was tight around me now.
I withdrew slowly, mesmerized by the vision of feeding my cock into her again. Her skin flushed all the way up her back. Tiny circles reddened her hips where I’d marked her. I became impossibly harder at the sight of them. I thrust deep, relentlessly taking our bodies where we desperately wanted to go, again and again.
“Love the way you feel. I’ll never get tired of this, being this close to you, Maya,” I rasped into her ear. I breathed her in, savoring every part of this moment together.
“You’re so deep.” She covered my arm as I wrapped it around her, drawing her against me. Her pussy was still tight from her orgasms, still responding when I drove in her.
Inspired, I slammed harder. Her breath caught in a strangled moan. She shifted her hips and leaned away so I was able to go deeper, until I was certain I was hitting the very heart of her.
I rooted, again and again, driving steadily, chasing my own desire. I was lost in her, never wanting this closeness between us to end. I was so ramped up I could almost taste it. She’d be sore tomorrow, but I didn’t care.
I was taking her past her boundaries tonight and losing my own damn mind in the process. I grabbed the meat of her ass in my hand, assessing the ample flesh there. From this vantage—and all others for that matter—it was fucking perfect.
I gave it a hard smack, watching at the print of my hand surfaced in a pink outline. She cried out pressed back against me, her pussy crushing down around me. I smacked her again, driving deep as I did. She cried out, a thready wavering sound. Her outstretched hands grabbed fistfuls of the sheet.
“Come, Maya. Give me everything.”
She fell apart with a broken cry, her body rigid in a state of perpetual climax, taking me down with her. I burst inside her. An almost painful release matched the tight fist of hers. I held us there, joined, wasted, until we slipped into sleep.
When I woke, the room was dark save for the moonlight pouring into the window. We’d fallen asleep this way, our bodies tangled. I think. I couldn’t remember falling asleep. I rubbed my eyes, reminding myself that I hadn’t been drunk but the night was hazy. Flashes of everything we’d done flooded my mind. I don’t think I’d ever fucked a woman quite as thoroughly as I’d fucked Maya tonight. If she hadn’t been completely out of her mind with desire, I sure as hell was. We’d damn near blacked out afterwards. If that didn’t rival a night of heavy drinking, I didn’t know what could.
My eyes adjusted to the darkness. Maya was curled beside me. Her body seemed small and peaceful in the quiet of the night. I turned down the covers and carefully positioned her closer to me, covering her up as I did. She hummed and reached for me, nuzzling into my chest, her skin cool on my own. I wrapped my arms around her, cocooning her until her own body heat emanated against me.
I brushed her hair back, staring in wonder. Despite everything that had gone on between us these past weeks, I was still amazed that she’d come back into my life at all. Like a wish that I hadn’t realized I’d been making for so long had finally been granted. I’d never been so deeply grateful for it until tonight.
Tonight, something had changed. Somewhere between fucking her and loving her and not giving her anyplace else to run, I’d found the soul of the girl I knew. Underneath the crutches and the don’t-give-a-shit attitude, she was there—my Maya.
Any concerns I’d had about the emotional risks of falling for Maya again were quickly brushed aside by the fear of what might become of her if she kept on this way. Deep down she needed me as fiercely as I needed her. Knowing that she did bound me to her in a way that I’d never felt before. I was going to put her back together. I’d unbreak everything I’d broken and bring her back to me if it was the last thing I did.
MAYA. We pulled up to my apartment. The car idled, but I couldn’t bring myself to get out. Too much had happened between us on our brief trip. He’d peeled back a layer of my life that I’d always kept hidden. In the small room of that house, in a nowhere town so far outside the buzz of city, my universe had tilted. I stared out the window at the snow-covered rails leading up to my brownstone apartment, and somehow, none of it seemed real.
“Stay with me.”
I turned to face Cameron, questioning him with a look.
“Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t want to be away from you right now. I feel like you’re going to disappear on me or something. The very thought of it is driving me a little crazy. Give me some peace of mind and come stay with me for a while.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promised.
“Prove it.”
“But your parents are visiting. I’ll be intruding.”
“They left. Darren texted me that the coast was clear. There’s Olivia, but she’s usually pretty good about keeping to herself. And she’s going to have to get used to the idea of you being around anyway, so we might as well break her in now.”
“I don’t want to cause problems, Cam.”
He laughed, his eyes glittering. “Well, you do. You’re a royal pain in the ass.”
I scoffed, slapping his shoulder. “You’re no picnic either.”
He caught my hand, giving it a meaningful squeeze. “I know that. I was only half joking. Come stay with me, though. I miss you already. It’s kind of pathetic.”
His lips quirked up into a smile and my heart melted. I sighed. I didn’t want to say goodbye any more than he did.
“I don’t have to be at work for a couple days anyway. Let me pack a bag and I’ll be back down in a few minutes.”
I turned to leave when he pulled me back, tugging me closer until I was nearly on his side of the car. He pressed a kiss to my lips, his hold both warm and possessive.
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” I breathed. My head buzzed, my limbs tingled with delicious warmth, as if I’d been given a dose of something strong. The usual attraction between us was now amplified with the full out admission that we were falling hopelessly in love with each other again. My body and brain’s reactions were almost more than I could handle.
When he finally released me, I rushed upstairs to pack, a stupid smile on my face. I gave Eli the briefest of updates, which ended in a kind of hopeless shrug that he seemed to understand.
We drove back to Cameron’s place. With no sign of Olivia, we settled in. He made us a late lunch and showed me around the building, pointing out all the improvements he and Olivia had made over the past few weeks. It really had come along since the last time I’d been there, and as much as I begrudged Olivia for personal reasons, she’d been a positive force in his world since arriving. In the spirit of moving forward with Cameron with an open heart and a lot more hope than I’d given us before, I harbored a little optimism that Olivia and I could find a way around our differences.
“Everything looks great. This is so much space for the two of you though, isn’t it? Won’t she get her own place eventually?”
“I’m sure she will. I guess I was thinking about the future. I haven’t written off the idea of sharing my home with someone yet.”
My cheeks heated a little. “It’s a lot even for two people. For New York, this is an enormous living space.”
He nodded and bit his lip. “Families can get big, you know.”
My breath caught. Oh, fuck. He was talking about us. Maybe his little talk with Ruthie hadn’t been senile banter. I shifted my weight nervously from side to side.
“Thinking a little far ahead, aren’t we?”
He shrugged, and a little smile turned up his lips. We didn’t say anything more about it as we finished the tour and returned to the safe haven of the upstairs apartment.
“So I have to head into the gym tonight, make sure Darren hasn’t burned the place down or something.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “He’s a fire fighter.”
“It’s a known fact that all fire fighters are pyromaniacs. He can’t be trusted. Anyway, come with me.”
“You don’t want me moping around there. I’ll be bad for business.”
He laughed. “Nonsense. I won’t know what to do with myself if you aren’t there bitching about the routine I’m giving you.”
“You’re going to make me workout?”
He flashed a mischievous grin. “Yup. Get dressed.”
I rolled my eyes and groaned. “Fine.”
He swatted my ass as I turned.
I shot him a weak glare. “What was that for?”
“I recently realized how much I like spanking your ass, and when you say snarky shit, it kind of gives me the perfect excuse to.”
I pursed my lips. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”
“Oh, I do.” He wrapped an arm around my waist, spinning me so we were chest-to-chest. His mouth was close, his soft breath dancing on my lips. All kinds of dark meaning shadowed his eyes. “I like the sound of my palm slapping your ass. And I like the sounds you make when I do it too.”
I sucked in a sharp breath, heat rising to my cheeks. “All right, you’ve effectively coerced me into wanting to go to the gym.” I disengaged from his hold and gave him a much-needed push before my sex brain took over and let him start acting on these deviant threats.
CAMERON. The gym was fairly quiet. Raina was gone too, with yoga classes being off the schedule until the new year. I was glad for that. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Raina much about Maya, but I would if it meant quelling her concerns about what kind of relationship we had. The line I’d drawn with Raina to keep things professional would have to be redrawn. I’d let her flirt before, figuring it was harmless. That wouldn’t fly anymore.
I was doing crunches on the mat while Maya killed some time on the treadmill. Darren came into view as I rose.
“Hey,” I said, sitting up.
“Way to bail on us for Christmas, man. That one will go down in the history books, for sure.”
I cringed, regret hitting me in a way it hadn’t when Olivia was spewing her threats over the phone at me.
“Things with Maya got, I don’t know, intense, I guess. I didn’t want to leave her alone and I figured you and Liv could hold things down with Mom and Dad. How bad was it?”
Darren blew out a breath. “Uh, pretty unbearable. More than usual, I suppose, because they were freaking out about you not being there. It basically amplified all the usual awkward shit. So yeah.”
I had to see them at some point. I’d been able to avoid them for nearly a year. I’d had a lot on my plate, but beyond that, no time ever felt right. Our time felt awkward and forced, and even without seeing them, I knew it’d be the same. I’d spent three years watching life and death play out in the desert, letting days of my life slip by. I couldn’t justify wasting another day pretending to be the son they wanted me to be or apologizing that I wasn’t. But for Darren and Olivia’s sake, I’d have to step up next time.
“Sorry. I owe you one.”
“Awesome, because they’re coming back for New Year’s. You’re taking that shift. I’ve got a date.”
“With who?”
“Not sure, but I’ll have one, trust me. And don’t fucking give me that look. You owe me one, like you said.”
I sighed inwardly, hating that I had to deliver on my promise so soon. “Fine.”
“Anyway, what’s up with Maya? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s good now. Really good.”
“Cool. I’m glad to hear it.”
“All right, I’m heading out for a while. I’ll catch you tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.”
He walked off and I finished up, eager to find Maya.
We took a long walk, which ended at a bakery near the park. I’d promised her chocolate if she finished an extra set of crunches. She reluctantly agreed and I’d made a mental note to bribe her with chocolate in the future.
We stepped into the tiny bakery, the smells of fresh dough and chocolate wafting over us.
“God, these all look amazing. What are you getting?” Maya’s eyes were wide as she assessed the pastries through the display window.
“I’ll stick with coffee. Get whatever you want, though.”
She spun and looked at me like I had three heads, her brows knitted tightly together. “You work me to the brink of death, then lure me to a bakery offering mouth watering desserts and tell me you’re just getting coffee?”
“I have to watch my figure,” I joked. “Can’t have my clients giving me a hard time.”
“Whatever, you’re holding them accountable. Not the other way around.”
“Does that mean I should be holding you accountable too?”
“I’m not your client, but I’m humoring you. You can torture me with your workouts, but don’t get between me and my chocolate. It could get ugly.”
I laughed. “Warning noted.”
“In fact, to make this point, I’m going to get two.”
I nodded with raised eyebrows. “Ambitious.”
She smiled broadly, and I got a small thrill out of her obvious excitement. We took our desserts and drinks to a small round table in the corner of the bakery. She wasted no time tasting the first dessert. She moaned quietly.
“That good?” I teased.
“You’re really missing out.” She dangled a spoonful of chocolate mousse in front of me.
“Looks amazing, but I’m good. Stop taunting me.”
She airplaned the spoon into her mouth and moaned so loud, my mouth watered, but for all the wrong reasons. She opened an eye to catch my reaction. I was gawking, slack jawed.
“What?”
I slid my chair closer, taking the spoon from her. “Here, let me.” I scooped out another helping and held it to her lips.
Slowly she parted for me and took it in her mouth. She licked the spoon clean, her throat working on a swallow. I suppressed a moan of my own. I wanted to be that spoon. Christ, did I ever. I licked my lips and shoved a vision of her licking chocolate mousse off my cock out of my head. How did we get from dessert to dirty so fucking fast?
I lifted a fresh scoop to her lips. She took it and closed her eyes, a quieter moan punctuating the finish. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to drive me crazy on purpose. I was too fixated on feeding her dessert to care. We could do this all night, except I was already getting hard and we had a long walk home.
“It’s really good, Cam,” she said, breaking me from one of a dozen visions blooming from my now suddenly vivid imagination.
“That good?”
She nodded, slowly licking the frothy substance from her lips. “Delicious.”
Delicious. I let the word roll around in my mind, letting it dance over the fantasies that were playing out.
I leaned in slowly until our lips nearly touched. “I’ll need to try some of it then.”
She sucked in a breath but gave no resistance. I angled slightly and licked the sweet curve of her lower lip. Catching her face in my palm, I held her still and kissed her gently.
The clatter of a couple situating themselves nearby broke the moment. She pulled back quickly. I studied her reaction.
“Delicious.”
“See, don’t you wish you’d gotten it?” Her voice was breathy, our gazes fixed on one another.
“And miss sampling it off your lips? Not for the world.”
She paused and contemplated the as yet untouched tiramisu for a second.
“Give me that fork.” I took her fork and scooped off a corner of the dessert. I ate it, noting that it would taste far better when I was licking it off of Maya.
She grinned broadly. “I’m corrupting you.”
“That’s okay. I’ll make you pay for it tomorrow.”
She slapped me on the arm. “That’s not fair. You cheat and I pay?”
“My rules.”
“Why are they always your rules? Maybe next week should be my rules. No exercise and I’ll have you on a strict diet of chicken fingers and gummy bears.”
I grimaced at the thought. “That shit’s terrible for you, Maya.”
“I know, and I have the ass to show for it.”
I frowned, not liking her implication. “I love your ass,” I said with total seriousness.
Her eyes flashed to mine and then back to her dessert, which she was systematically mangling with her fork. “Quit,” she mumbled, tucking her hair behind her ear and revealing the sudden blush in her cheeks.
The color emboldened me. I leaned in closer, ensuring only she could hear me. “Don’t make me prove it right here.”
“Yeah right.”
I sat back and grinned. “You have an amazing body, though. You shouldn’t feel insecure at all.”
“I don’t believe you, but thank you.”
“Believe it, or you’ll force me to keep complimenting your ass. It could get really awkward. Like, a lot more awkward than this.” I gestured discreetly to the occupied table and the couple who may or may not have been overhearing our ass banter.
She laughed, and I joined her. I loved her laugh, a natural throaty sound that took me back to another time, when we laughed all the time. I resolved to get her to do this more, for her sake and mine.
Contentment flooded me, in a way I couldn’t remember happening since...well, since the last time we’d been together.