CHAPTER THREE
CAMERON. Olivia was right. Maya was different. I recognized her, but after a few minutes, I knew that she’d changed more than her hair and the way she dressed.
We sat in a little bistro a few blocks away from where she worked. Everyone in the place was wearing a suit. She didn’t seem to care that I wasn’t, which was reassuring because I didn’t care either. I’d watched my father put on a suit every day, and that had been enough for me. Of course Maya was probably more concerned with me showing up out of nowhere than with the dress code for lower Manhattan bistros. She hadn’t interrogated me yet on why I’d sought her out.
After Olivia told me about their run in, I’d stayed up half the night, trying with little success to push her from my thoughts. By morning I realized I couldn’t wait weeks, years, or maybe forever to run into her by chance. Something about knowing we were in the same city at the same time felt karmic. I needed to act on it—open the door, walk through it, and see what was on the other side, even if it was only friendship, or nothing at all.
“So what did you want to talk about?” She tucked her pale blond hair behind her ear. She wore it long like she used to, but the soft waves that once framed her face were sleek and straight now.
“I don’t know.” I hadn’t thought this through too well. I should have known what I wanted to achieve before ambushing her. I had no idea what to expect from her after all this time though, so I’d have to make it up as I went.
The server brought our meals, and I distracted myself with mine, grateful for an excuse to regroup. We had to have some common ground still, but as the seconds passed, the gulf between us created by years of not speaking grew wider.
We hadn’t stayed in touch. Some breakups have no place to go afterwards. I’d had no interest in watching her life take a turn away from mine, with other people who weren’t me. We cut ties, and I’d let her memory fade as much as it would. I had no idea what her life was like now.
“How long have you been in New York?” Her smile was tight and polite.
“About a year. I started a gym in Brooklyn.”
She lifted her eyebrows. “That’s great. What’s it called?”
“Bridge Fitness.”
She nearly choked. “Wow.”
“What?”
“That’s a few blocks away from my apartment. I can’t believe we never ran into each other before.”
“You work out there?”
She laughed. “No.”
“Why is that funny?”
She shrugged and looked out the window. “It’s not. I don’t really have time for stuff like that.”
“That’s what everyone says. It’s the most popular cop out.”
“Right.”
“What about you? You like your work?”
Her gaze lingered on the busy street outside for a moment before focusing on her food. “It’s okay. Pays well.”
I could sense the gulf getting bigger. Lecturing her about working out probably wasn’t the way to go. I was totally fucking this up. We hadn’t exactly parted on good terms, and here we were, trying to talk like none of that had happened. Like we were old friends reunited. We were anything but.
“Listen, I’m sorry for just showing up out of nowhere.”
“It’s okay. I mean, it’s nice to see you.”
“I know we never really stayed in touch. I just wanted to see you. It’s been so long.”
“It has.” She closed her eyes and took a breath, as if her thoughts might be taking her someplace else for a second. “Seems like we’ve both moved on, and you’re doing well, so that’s great.”
I tensed at the words. “You’re seeing someone?”
Her eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“You said we’ve both moved on. I assume that means you’re with someone.”
“No, not really.”
She studied her food again. I released a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. Why the hell couldn’t she look me in the eye?
Her hand trembled slightly as she reached for her glass of water. A faint blush colored her cheeks, her chest rising softly under the soft fabric of her button down that hugged her breasts. I wasn’t blind to the effect I had on women. Since Maya, there’d been others, but somehow I couldn’t remember noticing how their bodies reacted in all the subtle ways that Maya’s was right now. She mesmerized me.
I tore myself away from studying her and straightened in my seat. “I guess I don’t know where to start here.”
She was silent for a moment, tracing tiny circles into the tablecloth. “If this is about closure, I get it. Things obviously didn’t end well between us. If you want to talk about it, I understand.”
Closure? The way she said the word felt like a punch in the gut.
I laughed quietly. “Closure, huh?”
She leaned back in her chair, tossing her napkin over her picked-over salad. For all the attention she’d given it, she’d barely eaten. “I don’t know. I could live without rehashing everything.” Her tone was matter-of-fact, cold, as if talking about what happened between us really was the last thing she wanted to do. Ancient history.
“You don’t ever think about us?”
She took a deep breath. “Sure. Sometimes.”
“And it doesn’t bother you, the way things ended?”
“Does it matter? It ended. That’s what happened. That’s what we decided, one way or the other.” She cleared her throat. “What you decided, anyway.”
I bristled at the last words. Of course she blamed me for being the one to leave. In the heat of the moment, walking away had seemed like the best thing—the only thing—I could do.
“I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. The feeling wasn’t mutual. What did you expect?”
She finally looked up, a painful grimace taking over her beautiful mouth. “People don’t get married in college, Cam.”
“We talked about marriage. All the time. Don’t pretend like we didn’t.” I kept my voice low, not wanting to show her how much her rejection still hurt. Fuck, I’d spent years trying to get her out of my system, and here we were. Our last night together could have been yesterday for how in control I felt.
“Can you seriously imagine us married right now, Cam? I mean look at us.”
My lips tightened into a thin line, as I tried to make sense of the woman sitting across from me. How much of the person I’d loved might possibly still be there?
“No. I can’t imagine it at all actually,” I finally said. At the moment I couldn’t.
A flash of pain passed behind her eyes, and I immediately regretted it. Maybe the Maya I loved was hiding somewhere under this new life and look after all. She blinked, her brown eyes glistening before she glanced down at her watch. Big and covered in sparkling crystals, it engulfed her tiny wrist.
“I’d better go. I only get an hour and I left late,” she mumbled, reaching for her purse.
“Let me get the check,” I said quickly.
“No, I’ll get it.”
“I insist.” When the server came, I gave her a smile that guaranteed the check came to me.
“Cameron. Please, you don’t have to buy me lunch.” She started digging almost frantically in her purse.
“I’ll let you pick it up next time.” I dropped some bills onto the table and stood, reaching for her hand.
She pretended not to see the gesture and slung her purse over her shoulder, leading the way to the exit.
We stepped out and she paused.
“You don’t have to walk me back.”
I frowned. “I don’t mind.”
She relented without a word and set a brisk pace back to the office. We wove past pedestrians, and with every step I hated the awkwardness between us more and more. Fuck. The way she’d looked at me moments ago—I knew that hurt look. I’d put it there the last time I’d seen her, and though she’d quickly masked it, she’d revealed it all the same.
A knot formed in my stomach as regret filled me. This wasn’t the reunion I’d hoped for, and it was going to be over all too soon. I couldn’t leave her like this again, believing that I’d hated her. Not knowing if she hated me too.
We were steps away from the revolving doors of the building entrance when she slowed and turned. Before she could say goodbye, I caught her arm and tugged her to the side, out of the way of the foot traffic.
“What are you doing?” A panicked look passed over her features.
I struggled for words. “Maya… I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“I wasn’t expecting things to go this way. Can’t say it’s the first time that’s happened with you though.”
“Sorry I’m not what you expected.” She tightened her jaw, and it was there again—that look that made me want to cringe and apologize and make everything right that had been wrong between us for so long.
She turned to walk away and I pulled her back, close to my chest. She sucked in a sharp breath before her body softened in my arms. I brushed her cheek, remembering her skin. Soft, warming under my touch. “I want to kiss you.”
“What?” Her eyes went wide, her body suddenly stiff in my arms.
“I can’t explain it. I need to know if I’ll feel anything, kissing you.” I traced the bow of her mouth, the tremble in her lip mimicking the pounding rhythm of my heart. “Call it closure,” I whispered, lowering my mouth to hers.
“Stop,” she said a second before our lips met.
I opened my eyes when she pushed me back. Doubt clouded her expression but the motion was firm. I let her step away, creating more distance between us, too much distance.
Her normally porcelain complexion colored, a flush working its way up her cheeks. Was she embarrassed? Pissed? I couldn’t really tell. All I knew was that I wanted her as badly as I ever did—possibly more. I wanted to remember more, her smell, her taste. Harnessing my need took more than a little restraint. I wanted to touch her the way I used to, but I didn’t have that right. Not yet.
MAYA. I waited impatiently for the elevator. I briefly considered the stairs if they might burn off the surge of desire and epic confusion rocketing through me right now.
Sometimes I’d wondered if, after all this time, there could still be magic between us. Now I had little doubt. I was on fire, and he hadn’t even kissed me. I couldn’t bring myself to let him. I’d wanted him to, of course, but sitting through lunch pretending like he was just a blip in my history was nerve-racking enough. I couldn’t go down that road with him, not knowing if I could realistically survive the emotional aftermath of a failed fling with an ex. I was already a frazzled fucking mess.
“Hey, girl.”
Vanessa wedged beside me. “I called you about lunch.”
“Oh, you did?” I padded my pockets for my phone. “Sorry. I probably shut it off at work and then I got sidetracked.”
“Whatever. What’s up?”
“Not much,” I lied. I’d fill her in later, once I’d figured out what the hell had just happened between Cameron and me. “How’s work?”
“Oh, you know.” She kept her voice quiet as we piled into the elevators with a dozen others. “Yesterday was hell. I swear he knows when I’m worn out and runs me harder just to watch me suffer. I honestly think he gets off on it.”
He was David Reilly, Vanessa’s boss. He was one of the big bosses, superior to Jia and any of the others on my floor. He took unique pleasure in making her life a living hell. She’d landed the job with little experience through a connection and refused to quit and have it reflect poorly on the person who’d gotten her the gig. If I didn’t care so much about keeping my own job, I would have given him a piece of my mind. But then who would I commiserate with?
“We still on for this weekend?” she asked.
“I’m pretty sure there’d have to be a zombie apocalypse to keep me from having drinks with you on a Saturday night. Consider it a running open invitation.”
She laughed and nudged me with her elbow. As we ascended, she caught a few errant tendrils of her auburn hair that had escaped from her clip and tucked them back away. The doors opened at my floor and I prepared to push through.
“Wish me luck,” she said.
“I would if I thought it’d do any good.”
“Touché.” She rolled her eyes.
I exited the elevator toward my own personal hell.
I made several unsuccessful attempts to focus on work, grateful that I’d had a productive morning. Thoughts of Cameron invaded every moment. I’d gotten off easy yesterday, having only his memory turning my world upside now. Now he was, in the flesh, which was far more disturbing. Whatever gorgeousness I’d remembered and imagined on lonely nights had been swiftly replaced by the vision of the man he’d become. I’d entertained half a dozen fantasies of rediscovering his body over lunch, and now my body was screaming for it.
Unfortunately nothing was simple about this craving. Cameron was more than a pretty face and what I imagined was an incredible body under his clothes. Cameron was a beacon of my past and so many emotions that I’d long buried. I wasn’t sure how I felt about revisiting all of that again.
Cameron… I swear, he looked at me like he still loved me, hypnotizing me with his cool blue eyes. And he touched me like he used to, tender, possessive.
No. That was impossible. He’d hurt me. He’d broken me in a way that no one ever had. I couldn’t reward him with a kiss, or a second chance.