CHAPTER NINETEEN
MAYA. “Are you mad?”
“I’m not exactly thrilled with how the other night went down, if that’s what you’re asking. I thought you’d be more receptive.”
Jia dropped her napkin on the table, resting back into her seat casually. Even as I struggled to make sense of this situation she’d dropped me in, I couldn’t help but be captivated with her simple grace. How far had it taken her to this point, luring people in with that easy confidence, that air of power and control? I’d succumbed to it so easily.
“You blindsided me, Jia. How the hell was I supposed to know that he, and you, expected me to spend Christmas Eve fucking in his office?”
“You seemed pretty open-minded when we went out to the club. I figured after a drink, you’d loosen up and you’d be fine with it. Is it this thing with Cameron?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words. I didn’t want to admit how he’d utterly freaked out on me after our rendezvous. “He wasn’t impressed.”
She frowned. “You should be careful with him.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s obviously controlling.”
“He cares about me. I don’t think he’s controlling.” My tone was sharp, surprising even me with how quickly I defended him. I didn’t like the idea of someone thinking anyone controlled my life. I also didn’t like her attacking the man I loved.
She rolled her eyes. “Right. They wait until you’re hopelessly in love with them, and then they start telling you how to live your life. Trust me, I’ve been there.”
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t really argue with the picture she painted. Being with Cameron had changed my life, turned everything upside down. Not that I would have been on board with fucking my boss to get a promotion otherwise, but Cameron’s better judgment colored a lot of my decisions lately. Falling in love with him had played no small part in that transformation.
As if reading my mind, her eyes softened. “Maya, what happened? I thought you said you wanted to focus on your career. That you weren’t interested in a relationship?”
“I wasn’t, but…we were in love once. We fell back into it so easily.”
She sighed quietly. “Anyway, we have to figure a way out of this mess with Dermott.”
The pit in my stomach grew. My job was very likely on the line. Being jobless wasn’t how I wanted to ring in the new year. “How bad is it?”
“He’s freaking out that you’re going to file some sort of sexual harassment claim with the company and he’ll get heat. I promised him you wouldn’t, that you weren’t like that. I had to blow him just to get him to calm down.”
She gave me a look that said, Thanks for that.
I wanted to feel guilty that she’d been put in that position, but I fought a wave of nausea with the thought that it could have been me.
“How can you do that, Jia?” I asked, unable to hide my disgust. Dermott wasn’t totally repulsive, but his personality was. The idea of giving him access to any part of my body for sexual gratification seemed unthinkable, even more so than it had the other night.
She frowned as she studied my obvious reaction. “Don’t look down your nose at me, Maya. Start with that, and any semblance of friendship that we had is over. I told you I’d show you how to get ahead, and that’s what we needed to get ahead.”
“You fuck people to get ahead?” I threw my hands up, unable to accept her suggestion as remotely normal. “Doesn’t it bother you that people think that about you anyway? What kind of role model are we for other women in this company if that’s how we get ahead?”
She softened slightly. “Listen, I don’t habitually do that, but I saw an opportunity and I took it. But you couldn’t sacrifice a few hours of your life for a promotion that would have put you light years ahead of your colleagues.”
“I’d sooner fuck the mailroom guy than Dermott.”
She grimaced at the suggestion.
“I’m not spreading my legs to prove I can do my job, when I can do it well enough.”
She narrowed her eyes. “So that’s how it is.”
Defending myself and insulting her behavior were one in the same, and that fact wasn’t lost on her. I fought the wave of panic that crept over me. I had no idea how this would play out or what she expected me to do from here. I’d let her take the lead, but I couldn’t trust where that took me anymore.
I took a deep breath, trying to recover the tone of the conversation. “All I’m saying is you should have more respect for your body…for yourself, than to let someone like him demean you that way.”
She let out a sharp laugh. “Respect? Plenty of people respect me. Who respects you, Maya? You were nothing but a cubicle drone until I put the spotlight on you. You let people pass you over every day, take advantage of your talents and your mind so they can take all the credit. What’s that if not demeaning?”
I clenched my teeth, hating the absolute truth that spewed from her lips. “You’re right, Jia.” I held her in a hard stare, seeing her clearly for the first time. “And that’s exactly what you did. Or what you would have done, if I’d been stupid enough to let you.”
“What?”
“You spelled it all out for me, remember? You told me yourself that you weren’t here to make friends, that you were here to get ahead. That it was all about finding out what people wanted and capitalizing on those desires for your benefit.”
“This was for our benefit.”
“Did you really think I’d let you pimp me so you could get a promotion, Jia? This wasn’t about me. This was about you. But what shocks me is that someone as smart as you couldn’t come up with something more original than blowing our boss to get ahead.”
Her eyes grew dark, dangerously so. “You’re going to regret this.”
“Maybe I will. But I’m sure I won’t regret it as much as I would have regretted letting Dermott fuck me.”
I stood and grabbed my purse, throwing a fifty on the table. “This one’s on me.”
“That won’t help you keep your job.”
“I don’t need this job, so do what you want, Jia.”
I walked out, trying to keep my legs steady and fighting the tremble that coursed through me.
CAMERON. Darren called to me on my way in. He said something unintelligible to the pretty blonde he was training and followed me down the hall to the office. Shutting the door behind us, he stood silent while I shoved my things in my locker.
I circled the desk. He stood awkwardly in front of it. Something was up. He didn’t have a smart-ass grin on his face or anything sarcastic to say. In fact, I’m not sure I’d seen him this serious…ever.
“What’s up? Everything okay?”
“Do you want to talk to me about anything?” he asked calmly.
I frowned. “No?” I dropped down into my chair, pulling up the schedule on the computer.
“Not anything at all?”
My eyes went wide. I had no idea what the hell he was getting at. “Spit it out, Darren. I have an appointment in ten minutes.”
He walked up to the desk, put his hands on the edge, and leaned in close.
“A ring, Cam? You bought her a fucking ring?”
My eyes shot to the locker where I’d stashed my bags the other day. Nosy bastard.
“Stay out of my locker.”
“I knew something was up when you came in. You can’t hide that kind of stuff from me.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Really? I’m your brother and best friend. And you weren’t going to run that by me? When I was giving you shit about getting her into bed, I wasn’t suggesting you run off and marry her. Have you lost your goddamn mind?”
I reclined back in the chair, gaining some distance from Darren’s decidedly aggressive line of questioning.
“I don’t understand why you care so much. Relationships aren’t exactly your forte.”
“They’re not, but this is insane. Even I can see that.”
“You think calling someone back after you sleep with her is insane. No offense, but you’re out of your depth here.”
“You really think she’s going to marry you now after she’s already shot you down once?” His voice was strained and bordered on hysterical.
I suppressed a smile. He was genuinely concerned.
He’d voiced a valid point though. I’d asked myself the same question roughly every twenty minutes since I’d purchased the ring. I was nowhere close to presenting it to her, but it would only be a matter of time. I’d made up my mind.
“I have no idea when I’m going to ask her, but when I do, I’m not taking no for an answer.”
He let out a short laugh. “Sounds promising. Great plan.”
I blew out a breath. I wasn’t sure how to make Darren understand this situation, or if he even could. We didn’t have many heart to heart conversations about anything, let alone women, and he wasn’t the most intuitive person in that department.
“I know this is probably going to fly right by you and get filed under touchy feely chick shit, but I’m in love with her. I’ve been in love with her since the day I left her. Nothing’s changed, except now I love her more. What I did…it was a mistake. We both made mistakes, and we both have regrets. I’m not letting her go again.” My heart twisted with the declaration. The familiar pang of regret gripped me as I thought about how I’d let her go. Like an immature jerk, I’d never given her a chance to change her mind.
“You need to get your fucking head together, because last time things went downhill with her, you weren’t the only one who suffered.”
“Yeah, I get it. Liv never lets me fucking forget it.” I stood up, leaning in to meet his glare. “The way you two talk, you’d think you were the ones up all night listening to bomb blasts and watching your friends get sent home in boxes for three years. I’ve had it with the lectures, all right? It was my choice. No one forced my hand, and I’m on the other side of it. I’m sorry that you all went through what you did, but blaming Maya for it is ridiculous. She’s been through enough, in large part thanks to me. So that shit is going to stop right now.”
He straightened, crossed his arms over his chest, and stared back. The hint of acceptance in his features was the only thing stopping me from wrestling him to the ground to make my point.
“You’re serious about this.” The way he said it was less of a question and more of a resigned statement.
“You think I’d torture myself in a jewelry store for three hours if I wasn’t serious?”
“I can’t possibly imagine.” His lips curved into a sarcastic smile.
“No shit,” I grumbled.
He smirked. “How the hell did you become the romantic of the family?”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Maybe someone will make you understand what this is like someday.”
“I’m good. Watching from the sidelines while you get your heart thrown in the blender should fill that void just fine.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
He sighed, raking his hands through his hair. He dropped into the seat across from the desk and stared blankly away from me.
“I want you to be happy, Cam. I really do. And I hope Maya’s the one who will do that for you.”
“She already is.”
He nodded. “You have to admit that this is kind of sudden though. Don’t you think you’re going to give her whiplash?”
“I told you, I don’t have any plans to ask her right now. I know it’s too soon. I just… I decided, that’s all. We’re still figuring things out between us and getting to know each other again. She’s changed a lot, and frankly so have I. But something happened, and—”
“What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that something clicked for me. Maybe it was obvious, but all this time that has kept us apart has been hell for me.”
“It was obvious, but I thought you were finally over it. Now here we are again.”
“I’ve never been over her. Not a single day can I say I was safe from caring about her or regretting what happened between us. And as miserable as that’s been, I realized she went through it too.”
“She told you that?”
I hesitated, not wanting to even hint at the debacle with her mother or how I’d come across the poems. Everything she’d written came across as so raw and vulnerable, I couldn’t possibly unleash Darren’s novice opinions on them. The words were hers, and while I was guilty of trespassing on them, I was grateful that I had. I might have never known how she really felt otherwise, or it might have taken months or years to strip her down and get the truth out of her. I couldn’t wait that long. I wanted her now, to know who she was on the inside now. I wasn’t going to settle for anything less.
“In a way,” I finally said.
“Well for your sake, I hope you’re right, and that when you do ask her, she gives you the answer you deserve.”
“I don’t deserve her, but I really want to. I hope she gives me the chance to.”
He shook his head. “You’re such a pussy, man.”
I laughed. “Get to work before I fire you.”
“Hey, you can’t fire me until you start paying me.”
“I thought you got paid in dates?”
He shrugged and stood. “Yeah. You’re right. All right, but do me a favor.”
“What?”
“Can you not keep me in the dark completely on things like this? I want to be supportive, but I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me.”
I nodded. I hadn’t needed anyone’s blessing to ask her the first time, and I sure as hell didn’t need his approval the second time around.
“Support isn’t necessary, but I appreciate it. I’ll try not to blindside you with any big news though.”
“Fair enough.”