1976
Grunt was right.
He pulled his car into the church parking lot and parked next to her car. It was the only other car there. She was really taking a big risk here, coming to her old church. Did she subconsciously want to be found? Did she want to run into that nun who’d been trying to get authorities to search for her?
Grunt quietly let himself in the unlocked doors. The church was massive and impressive. The smell of incense burned his nostrils. The lights were dim, but not so dim that he couldn’t make out a lone figure in the very front row. He could tell she was kneeling. Her head was raised. She was looking up. He looked up, too, and saw a massive cross over what he assumed was the altar. A man was nailed to the cross. This would be Kit’s Jesus. He called Him that because he wasn’t sure if he could be his Jesus, too. But He was definitely Kit’s.
Kit had tried to explain the basics of Christianity to Grunt. He loved to listen to her and was actually quite fascinated with some of the Bible stories she told. But he couldn’t fathom how it worked. And he definitely couldn’t fathom how it could work for him. No, he would listen to her stories, he would respect her beliefs, but he could not see how someone like him could be loved unconditionally by the man hanging on that cross.
Yet if he was going to be honest, he would have to admit that he admired, maybe even envied, her faith.
He barely noticed the beautiful stained glass windows that flanked each side of the church as he made his way quietly up the long aisle to where Kit was kneeling. He had reached her now and was getting ready to say something to her when, without turning around, she asked, “Will you sit here with me?”
He was shocked. How did she know he was even there? She turned then and looked at him, as she sat back on the bench. He slid in next to her.
“I saw two people murdered today,” she whispered. “I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do, Grunt. Please.”
“What is He telling you to do?” Grunt nodded at the cross.
“He’s not telling me anything. Or if He is telling me, I’m not hearing it. Or—” She paused, shook her head. “Maybe I don’t want to hear it. I’m so torn. Grizz is so good to me. Am I supposed to turn him in? Turn everybody in, possibly causing harm to Vince and Delia? Or should I stay and try to make a difference?”
Grunt thought about this carefully. She couldn’t go back home without calling the police. She’d been missing almost a year. People who knew her would be curious. If she said she’d run away, she’d be asked where she’d been all this time. Kit would never lie about it. At least not convincingly. So if she were to go home, she would have to report Grizz, and the gang to the police.
Grunt knew he was being selfish, but this would mess him up big time. Right now, Blue was paying for his college courses with money he earned from his gang activities. Money he earned from Grizz. If Grunt was ever going to make a life for himself and Kit in the future, he would need an education. That would be interrupted. And heck, he was only seventeen. He might even be put back in foster care, but most likely he’d go to a juvenile detention facility. No telling when he would be able to get back on track.
No. He would have to convince her to go back to Grizz.
His stomach dropped. As much as he hated the thought of her being with Grizz, he knew that his motivation was purely selfish at this moment.
“I don’t know if he can help who he is, Kit,” he told her softly. “I do know that you are the only good thing in his life. The only pure thing. He keeps you close because you’re the only light for him. Can you see that?”
Grunt was speaking from experience. Kit was his only light, too.
“But I cannot see what I see, Grunt. I cannot be true to myself, to my God, and live every day as if what he does is okay or acceptable.”
“Who says you have to think what he does is okay or acceptable? You don’t have to approve or condone his behavior. Maybe you can even get him to change his ways.”
Grunt practically choked on his last statement. The last thing he wanted to do was encourage Kit to get Grizz to change his ways. No, he was banking on the fact that Grizz wouldn’t change, that Kit would eventually turn her back on him. If he could just get his schooling finished, get a job, move out of the motel – be self-sufficient.
But he needed more time.
“Come back.” He whispered. “Come back, Kit. Maybe you can make a difference.”
“So you think I belong with Grizz?” She was looking at him now, her dark eyes unreadable.
This caught him off-guard. He didn’t want to tell her she belonged with Grizz. She belonged with him.
But he didn’t have to answer. She stood and held her hand out to him. He took her soft hand in his and stood with her.
As he walked her down the aisle and out of the church, he took a silent vow that one day, she would walk up this aisle, taking a vow of her own. As his wife. He would make that happen.
When they were in the lobby area, which Grunt would later learn was called a vestibule, she stopped and looked at him once more.
“He’s going to be mad thinking you had to bring me back. Do you think maybe I should just show up back at the motel on my own? Maybe tell him that I was just driving around to cool off?”
Grunt nodded. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan.” He smiled warmly at her, and she just stared at him with those big brown eyes. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but it would just confuse her. And besides, he was used to waiting.
“I’m going to drive around for a little while,” he told her. “You know, pretend I’m still out looking for you. I’ll call or page Grizz in an hour. I’ll check in. See if you’ve been found.”
He winked at her and she gave him a smile that melted his heart.
Grunt walked her to her car and watched her drive out of the parking lot. Then he walked back into the church and over to a small table set up against one of the walls in the vestibule. The table was filled with all kinds of pamphlets and books.
That wasn’t what drew him back, though. It was something he’d noticed when he was walking Kit out.
He reached up to the bulletin board that was hanging above the table. Her smiling face and big, brown eyes were staring right at him. He yanked the missing person poster off the bulletin board and, stuffing it in his pocket, left the church.
**********
Kit tried not to struggle with her emotions on her drive back to the motel. She wouldn’t allow herself to think she was going back to a man who did the things Grizz did.
One thing she did know. He would be mad.
Would he hurt her or punish her for leaving?
She raised her chin in a small act of self-defiance. If he lays a hand on me, I’ll know his true colors. I know I could never be with a man who abused me. One act of violence toward me, and I’ll leave.
And then, before she could even stop the thought: I hope he doesn’t get mad. I want to stay with him.
Twenty minutes later, Kit pulled into the motel. There were only four motorcycles out front. She knew three belonged to Grizz and one belonged to Grunt. Everyone else was gone.
Where is everybody? She parked her car, got out, and was slinging her purse over her shoulder when Grizz rounded the corner. He must have seen her pull in off the highway and head for her usual spot behind the office. He had to be watching from their window. He was now jogging toward her.
She resolutely started walking toward him. She opened her mouth to say something, “Grizz, I—” but was immediately caught up in a bear hug that almost crushed her.
His face pressed into the top of her head, he was inhaling her scent and talking fast. “Kit, you’re back. You’re home. Where did you go? Why did you leave me?”
Before she could answer, he stood back and placed both hands on her shoulders. He looked down at her upturned face. “I cannot believe you fucking left me. You know the rules. You aren’t supposed to drive anywhere alone. Anywhere!”
“Are you going to hit me? Punish me?” Her voice was calm, like it belonged to someone else.
“Kitten, I’m pissed that you left me, and I know I have done some awful things to people.” He paused. “I’ll probably keep doing awful things.”
She cringed.
“But,” he added, “I will never, ever, ever lay a hand on you.”
“I saw you hit Willow. Remember when you knocked out her tooth?”
Once again he pulled her to his chest and bent low to bury his face in her neck.
He whispered, “I was never in love with Willow.”