“He fell asleep on the weight of a woman and woke up tied to the sky.”
Hayley Stumbo~
There was something to be said about the side effects of sex and how once you’ve laid yourself out there for someone, there’s no turning back. Not that I wanted to, but I found it hard to concentrate on a minute-to-minute basis when Melissa wasn’t around and wishing that she was. I’d find myself lost in thoughts, pen to paper, and three pages later I’d wake up from my daydreams and read what I’d written. It was an out-of-body experience every time. Who wrote those words? She had me writing with a vivid, elicit, raw hand. I’d reread the passages over and over again and wonder how I’d never once been able to write like that before her. It was only after the nights she stayed over that the words leaked from the pencil as if the faucet inside my brain had no off switch.
And I loved it, loved…
Liam’s raucous laughter saved me from myself, saved me from thinking foolishly again, and brought my surroundings back into focus. The table I’d been sitting at for the past fifteen minutes was filled with food and family. Liam’s apartment smelled like cinnamon, sage, apples, and warmth. Paige and Kelly had spent all morning cooking while my brothers and I were forced to sit on the couch and watch football. Forced. I think I was the only one Kelly had to yell at to “get the hell out” of her kitchen.
“See what I mean, he’s like a teenaged girl over there.” Liam’s smart mouth lifted my eyes from my plate.
My brother’s lack of filter, those stern appraising eyes, he had a way of stripping a man to his core, and I could feel the flush in my cheeks as everyone stared at me. But, I recovered quickly, like I always did, and stuffed away my boyish embarrassment.
“What stupid shit are you talking now?” I asked with a sly smirk and it made Kelly laugh and it pissed Liam off.
Win number one.
“I think…” Kelly sipped from her glass of white wine. “What Liam was trying to say, is that you’re a little head over heels for Mel.”
“Maybe,” I admitted with a nonchalant shrug, but I was feeling anything but. Melissa had changed me… turned me inside out.
We’d practically spent every night together since I’d stayed over at her place almost two weeks ago. Things between us had been moving fast, but I loved it. Loved waking up with her in my arms. Loved smelling her on my skin, my sheets. Loved how her toothbrush had found its way into my bathroom. We always seemed to blame the icy roads, or the late hour. “Might as well stay,” I’d say. Or “I don’t want you driving in this shit.” Both being true, but I loved just being with her, too. The feelings I had for her were becoming something bigger, more infinite, and maybe it should’ve worried me, but I welcomed it, welcomed her inside my heart and my head.
“She’s at his place every damn night.” Liam lowered his eyes with a smirk before shoveling a mouthful of mashed potatoes into his mouth.
When I’d bucked up and told Liam about being with Melissa, he’d given me advice instead of giving me shit. He’d told me, over our usual morning coffee, to be careful, that love was half hope and half fear. Hope that the feeling inside your heart would never fade, and fear that the feeling might not have been real in the first place.
“Don’t mix that shit up, little brother. Sex is sex. Love is an entirely different beast. Have fun, be safe, and know when to walk away if that feeling in your heart fades… don’t fucking stay because you think you should, or because you think you owe shit to anyone. Take care of you…”
Those words of wisdom came with a hard punch to the shoulder and a box of condoms that he’d stashed in his workstation ages ago. He hadn’t asked for any details, and he spared me the awkward jokes at my expense. Maybe I’d been feeling nostalgic that morning, the first morning after getting laid could do that to a guy, but he’d treated me like I was his son instead of his brother, and instead of annoying me, it had felt pretty damn good.
“I’m excited to meet her,” Paige said with a genuine smile in her voice, and I turned my gaze. “I’m starting the mural at Irene’s on Monday. It’s her first day, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah, she’s nervous as hell, but don’t tell her I said anything.”
Paige laughed and the sound of it made Declan smile. Ever since Kelly had asked Paige to paint a mural on the back wall of the main room of the shelter, Paige’s baby blues had seemed to slowly disappear. Declan had told me just the other day Paige was going on about having a purpose, getting out more, and he’d said she was starting to get better day by day. The smile on her face, and the way it turned her alabaster cheeks pink was proof enough she was on the mend.
“I won’t say a word,” Paige promised and shifted Royal from her left side to her right and settled him on her lap.
Declan kissed the top of Indie’s head. She was sitting in his lap blowing spit bubbles and when I chuckled, he gave me his full attention. “Is Melissa with her family today?” he asked.
“Yeah, but she works tonight, so they had dinner earlier.”
“She has to work on Thanksgiving?” Paige asked with a furrow in her brow.
“It’s her last night.” I said with more enthusiasm than I should’ve, and I immediately felt guilty.
It was her last night at The Western, and I couldn’t help that I was somewhat relieved. I cared about Melissa, and some primitive part of my soul hated that she had to cater to men as if she gave two shits about them. Melissa wasn’t property, I knew she wasn’t mine, but she was a part of me now, she was special to me and deserved so much more than a dirty little spot behind the bar.
“She’s off early though, right?” Kelly asked, and I nodded.
“Yup, and I’m supposed to save her some pie, so keep the pumpkin pie away from Liam’s fat ass.”
Liam gave me the middle finger, and I laughed as he growled, “Fuck off.”
“Guys!” Kelly almost squeaked. “There are children at the table.”
“Don’t bother, Kelly. At this rate, their first words will be R-rated if Liam has anything to do with it.” Declan’s smile reached his eyes and Paige just shook her head with a soft giggle.
“I’ll take them to church with me, Declan, it will all even out,” I joked and the table erupted with laughter again.
It wasn’t long before everyone broke off into their own side conversations, and I was left to my own thoughts again. The snow was falling outside, and the city lights reflected colorful prisms through the frozen flakes as I looked out the open, floor-to-ceiling windows that framed the back wall of Liam’s place. The city seemed motionless and cool, but this room, this apartment, it was heated with words and love and family, and even though this was the first Thanksgiving without my mother, our mother, it wasn’t a somber event. She was present in Declan’s eyes, and in Liam’s smile, in my heart. Each one of us boys had our beliefs, but sitting here, watching the happiness hover over the table like an ethereal fog, I had no doubt she was here with us.
It wasn’t until an hour later while Declan and I pulled cleaning duty in the kitchen, that one of us would finally mention her.
“I wish Mom could’ve been here,” Declan said in a low whisper as he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.
“I know. Me, too.”
“We should’ve said grace.” His watery blue eyes found mine.
“It’s Liam’s place, and it’s not his thing.” I clapped Declan on the shoulder and gave him a quiet smile. “I said it in my head though.”
Declan’s chuckle made my pulse jump. “Me, too.”
“See, we covered our bases.”
“We stopped by the cemetery on our way over today. Paige put two pumpkins on her gravestone.”
“Pumpkins?”
He laughed and took a deep breath as he pushed off the counter. “Yeah, one said happy and the other said Thanksgiving.”
“Paige is good people.”
He nodded and lifted his chin. “Melissa… is she good people?”
Something inside my chest squeezed so tightly it stole my breath. My stomach felt light as I answered, “I think so.” My lips spread involuntarily into a slow grin.
Declan’s eyes smiled. “Liam told me about… that you…”
“Fucking, Liam. He’s like a high school chick. I bet the whole shop knows.”
Declan shook his head as he laughed. “Nah, if they know it’s only because they watch her leave every morning.”
I huffed out an exhale. “It’s not a big deal.”
He raised a brow. “It’s not? You went twenty-seven years without, and now…”
“I like her.”
More than I should. Liam’s whole “love is half hope and half fear” bullshit started to make sense.
“I think you’ve stepped beyond the word like.” He playfully shoved my shoulder as he moved toward the sink. “But I fell in love with Paige the day she gifted me her gaze, so what the fuck do I know.”
He knew more than any of us. Declan was honesty. He was truth without fear. He was human without any type of artifice. And he had me pegged. I had been fighting over words in my head for the past few days. Lust and love. Their meanings stirred inside my stomach as we finished cleaning. I wanted to be full-speed ahead in Melissa’s life, and maybe thinking over definitions and labels was a waste of time. I was in her life. She’d been in my bed nightly, for crying out loud. Maybe I had fallen for Mel the day she’d gifted me her gaze in that stuffy old cathedral after all.
“I want what you and Paige have,” I said, and he turned to look at me.
The soft lines around Declan’s eyes crinkled as he smiled bigger than I ever thought possible. “Then never, ever, let her go.”
My eyes closed briefly and the picture flashed behind my lids. It was her smile, her hair, and how it always billowed across the sheets of my bed, her dimples, just for me, and those dark eyes, and how they always seemed to hold me in place, level, and relieved.
My eyes opened and met Declan’s. When I said the words, everything inside my heart clicked, and a new rhythm snapped into place. “I won’t.”
Melissa moaned and all the blood in my body drained to my groin.
“You’re even sexy when you’re shoveling your face with pie,” I said with a grin, and Melissa glared at me from across the breakfast bar.
“I do not shovel.” She smiled around another large forkful of pumpkin pie. “This is just so damn good.”
An easy laugh split my lips and my chest filled with heat. “You’re lucky I was able to save you a few slices. Liam is a bastard when it comes to dessert.”
“Isn’t he always a bastard?”
“You speak the truth.”
Her eyes darkened and she lowered them to her plate. I wasn’t sure what I’d said, but I wasn’t going to let it ruin the mood. I moved around the counter and stood next to where she sat on the stool. I lifted her chin and smiled at the stray bit of whipped cream she had on the corner of her lips. I leaned down and licked the seam of her mouth, tasting her along with the nutmeg and cream.
I kissed her until she was breathless, until the shadows evaporated from her coffee-colored eyes. “How does it feel to be free?” I asked after I’d broken from her lips.
“It was weird and sort of sad almost. I’m glad to be done, I’ve worked there for so long, and it holds… it’s like a time capsule of all that was shitty about my life, but I’ll miss it.”
“You will?” I asked with a curious grin.
“I’ll miss Jaime, he was like a father to me for a while, and if it wasn’t for him I would be…” She shifted on her stool and poked at the crust on her plate. “He was there for me when Chance passed away, and in a way, I owe him my life.”
I cupped her cheeks and tipped her head back. “He isn’t going anywhere, you can still visit him.”
There was a silver line building along the lower lid of Melissa’s eyes as she cleared her throat to speak. “When I walked out of there it was forever. He knows it, too. That life… it never happened, and The Western, it no longer exists.”
But it did. It was a part of who she was, but instead of telling her how to feel, that was the Liam in my blood talking, I kissed her forehead. My thumbs moved in gentle strokes across her cheekbones as I pulled away.
“The Western… Hmm, never heard of it,” I said with a teasing smile and she rolled her eyes.
She took another bite, ignoring my immature smirk. “Paige is excited to meet you on Monday.”
“Ugh.” She turned to look at me and she had more cream on her lips. “Don’t remind me. I’m so fucking nervous.”
I chuckled. “Don’t be. You’re freaking amazing, Mel. I tell you this all the time.” And I wondered if she ever believed me when I did.
Her full lips parted with a sexy smile. “I like it when you call me Mel.”
“Yeah?”
She nodded and my eyes lowered to her cream-covered lips. The urge to taste her distracted me from more appropriate thoughts. I lifted my thumb to her lips and eased it across the curve, gathering the whipped cream along the pad. The moisture of her breath heated my skin as her lips separated, and when her tongue licked the tip of my thumb, I groaned. Her smiled turned mischievous.
“You think you’re cute?” I asked as I gripped her chin gently, forcing her eyes to stay on mine.
“No, but you do,” she said and watched me from under her lashes.
Melissa and I were still figuring out our buttons. But I think I almost had her totally mapped out. Like now, the way her chest was rising and falling, a little faster with each second I denied her, each breath more shallow than the last. The way her cheeks flamed with need and how without even recognizing she had done it, she’d spread her legs open a few more inches for me. Melissa always tried to keep herself in perfect, controlled boxes, but I was a fast learner, and I knew when she was losing the battle.
I stepped between her legs and took the fork from her hand letting it fall to the counter with a loud clang.
She didn’t even flinch.
“Is that a bad thing?”
Her dark eyes were clouded and hooded with lust as I leaned down, closing off that pulsing emptiness between us.
“No, I guess not,” she said as her eyes devoured my mouth.
My laugh was soft as I brushed my lips against hers once and then again. I let my fingers trail down her jaw and neck. Tangling them into the long black waves of her hair as I whispered into her ear, “I missed you today.”
She sighed and let her head fall back as I left kisses along her pulse line.
She’d showered when she got here and was wearing a thin tank top she’d left over one night and my old U of U boxers. The worn material of the tank did nothing to hide the way her nipples hardened as goose bumps puckered the rest of her skin. My mouth explored her collarbone and my hands fell to her waist. She smelled like fall and men’s soap and her usual jasmine. Her skin was soft under my lips, and when I brought my mouth to hers again, she wrapped her hands into my hair and pulled me even closer.
My fingers wandered down past her hips and settled onto her thighs. The kiss was a slow burn to hunger, and when she whimpered into my mouth, her hands fell to my buckle. We parted with a needy gasp as she made quick work of my pants. It was too fast the way her small hand slipped past the waistline of my briefs. She gripped my hard length and my jaw pulsed. Tension gathered in my stomach as she worked her fingers from tip to stem. My hold on her hip became brutal and my head rolled forward as I fought for control.
“Shit,” I growled past clenched teeth, my hand finding hers and subduing her pace.
Melissa made me crazy. She made it hard to think as she doused me in flames, pushed me toward the threshold, pushed me to a place where there was nothing but her skin and a violent lust. Her nails marked my neck as I lifted her from the stool in a fast and hasty movement. The heavy chair almost fell, but I ignored it, fixing my eyes on hers as I tugged down her boxers.
Melissa and I had learned the art of each other over these past two weeks. There were times when all I wanted to do was take my time. Taste the landscape of her body, breathe in her air, and hold her above me as she brought me to a peaceful oblivion. But then there were nights like this, where time was an enemy, and I couldn’t be inside her fast enough, hard enough…
Our mouths met and the explosion of her sweet flavor across my taste buds took my breath away. My fingers slipped between her thighs, the slick wetness of her body always made me groan with approval.
I made her crazy, too.
“Kieran,” she breathed and stepped away.
Her smile told me not to worry, it promised me everything I could ever want or need. We were both breathing in and out, struggling, wanting. We’d done this before, just two days ago, right here. Her hands had been braced on that very stool, her body bent and greedy as I’d taken her. But tonight, she had other plans it seemed.
Melissa’s face was shaded with the color of rose, her bottom lip tucked tight between her teeth, her eyes sparkling with adrenaline.
“I need you to take your time,” was all she said before she left a lingering kiss on my cheek and headed for the bedroom.