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Protect Me - A Steamy Bodyguard Romance (You Can't Resist a Bad Boy Book 5) by Layla Valentine (47)

Chapter 5

Jensen

Having resigned myself to spending the day wallowing in misery, you could imagine my surprise at Ashley Calhoun inviting me to join her for dinner. It was nothing short of startling, though not altogether unwelcome. Ashley had been working as my secretary for three years, and I’d be willing to admit that she was the closest thing to a friend that I had.

My work as CEO left very little opportunity to pursue relationships outside of work, be they in the realm of friendship or otherwise. As much as I wished I could say I had a fulfilling life outside of those office doors, the few things that brought me a measure of happiness had dissipated before my very eyes. First, my father died, leaving me in charge of a multibillion-dollar company. That had been five years ago. To make matters worse, exactly six months ago, my little brother lost his battle with cancer.

My father was a good man, nothing short of a saint. However, he had certain expectations of my brother and me, expectations I’d always intended to live up to. My parents had been sure that of the two of us, my young and vivacious brother would have been the one to settle down and have a big family. While I’d been raised to someday take over my father’s business, Jeffrey had a bit more freedom with his life.

God knew I didn’t resent either of the men, that I loved them with my entire being. I thrived on that knowledge that someday I would sit at the helm of everything my father had created. I delighted in the fact that I could focus on the important things in life, like seeing the pride in my father’s eyes when he someday handed GlobaPharm down to me.

Some might have thought my brother had it easier. I never considered that thought, though I would admit that I didn’t spend an awful lot of time with my younger sibling. It was always one thing or another, especially when I was away on business trips with my father. After he died, I went on the trips alone.

I liked to think it never bred resentment between our small family, but I could never be sure. It became even less clear when I received the call that Jeffrey had fainted in the middle of the grocery store one afternoon. I was told he was rushed to the emergency room, but I was so sure it was nothing.

Even as his cancer progressed, I was certain he would recover. The thought that he could die was unfathomable, and I refused to even consider that I would one day have to say goodbye to my little brother. Ultimately, the last time I would see him was right before I departed on a trip to close a deal in Japan. Before I returned home, I received the call that his condition had suddenly deteriorated. By the time I boarded a plane to return home, he was already gone. It haunts me to this day that I never really got to say goodbye.

Ashley bore the brunt of my foul moods when she first began working for me. It was a wonder she managed to stick it out. It was even more surprising when slowly but surely, we became friends. She was the only one in the entire company that knew the depths of my guilt, the only one who knew my darkest secrets.

While she became my confidant, I became something of one for her as well. She lamented her horrible relationships, spoke of deceitful, manipulative men. She was a kind and generous soul, so when she mentioned that she was trying to find a sperm donor, my first reaction was to give her a raise. She’d laughed when I immediately suggested it in the midst of our conversation, but when she realized I was serious, she hugged me more tightly than I’ve ever been embraced before.

In a way, though she didn’t know, I could relate to her troublesome task. My father had made it very clear that my brother was expected to produce a child to carry on the family name, while I was to manage the business. Jeffrey was a free-spirited sort, up until the very end. At first, he’d refused to settle down because he didn’t want the ties. Then, as he got sicker, his reasoning changed. He didn’t want to leave a child alone and fatherless. He didn’t want to leave a woman mourning her lost love.

The rest of my family supposed that the idea of carrying on my father’s legacy had died with my brother. I’d made it very clear for the duration of my life that I had no interest in having children. The women I had romantic dalliances with were little more than sex-fueled flings. I was always careful; I never made love to a woman without a condom. I valued my safety and my future over a brief moment of pleasure.

Which left me brooding in my office that day, wondering why I had dug such a deep hole for myself. With Jeffrey gone, my father’s wishes had been forgotten by everyone except myself. I refused to let the family name die with me, though, hence why I had begun to look into surrogacy.

Money wasn’t an issue. It was simply a matter of finding the right woman—the woman who would be the perfect mixture of beauty, grace, and wits. Unfortunately, most of the surrogates I happened to find lacked in one department or another. The most beautiful woman with the most delicate of features could be as dumb as a rock, and while it was far from my place to judge someone based on intelligence, for the sake of my child, I had to think objectively.

My son or daughter would have to have the smarts to run GlobaPharm when the time came, but intelligence isn’t everything. In a better world, perhaps, where humanity wasn’t so shallow, I would settle with a mousy woman with a PhD, but that simply wasn’t to be.

The chances of finding the perfect woman seemed to be growing increasingly slim. It wasn’t just the death of my father and brother that I was mourning that day—it was the fact that I couldn’t honor their wishes. As business-minded as I may have been, I had a strong moral compass and a determination to see my family done right by the world.

Even Jeffrey had approached me regarding our father’s wishes, when I’d refused to acknowledge that he could, and most likely would, die. He had felt guilty about placing such a burden on my shoulders, but I had given it little thought at the time. I didn’t even consider it until he was gone.

That was why, when Ashley approached me and suggested dinner, I was happy to oblige. I had very few confidants, and while I certainly wanted to keep my search quiet, I felt as if I could divulge my intentions to her. Perhaps we were closer than I liked to admit, considering the amount of trust I put in the woman. It didn’t help that she was altogether charming, and undeniably smitten with me. I would be a fool not to notice the doe eyes she looked at me with when we were alone. The meaning in her gentle touches would be obvious to anyone.

My refusal to acknowledge that I might have had a crush on her may have been over the top. The thought was silly, however, especially considering the boundary that employees and employers were supposed to maintain. Even if I had an inkling of feelings for her, I refused to lead her down a path that would likely end in heartbreak. I cared more about her as a friend than a potential lover. She also made a hell of a secretary, doing the job better than anyone I’d hired in the past. I was reluctant to let her go, though I knew there would be the maternity leave to discuss eventually.

I was confident that she loved her job enough to come back. A part of me was convinced that she simultaneously loved the idea of me enough to stay, even if she were to settle down with someone. I had no intentions of leading her on, which was why it was a bit strange that I’d accepted her dinner offer without further question. I would have, in most cases, considered the offer with great trepidation. While I’d had my doubts, I was quicker to give in than I’d expected.

There was something about the fact that I had an employee who cared enough to check how I was feeling on this day that wounded me so deeply. Whether I had an infatuation with Ashley or not, even I couldn’t deny that it was nice to be cared about.

God knows I had done my share of worrying. Even then, with Ashley waiting outside my office, I continued to fret.

It was time to move forward.