Watching her with a tense expression, I waited for Ashley to make her confession. I could only wonder what she could have possibly done to trouble her so deeply, but she seemed reluctant to speak. I kept my arms crossed defensively, wound up tight enough that I felt as if I would snap at any given moment.

“Ashley, come on. You obviously need to get something off your chest,” I said coolly, watching as she wrung her hands anxiously. I wanted nothing more than to get to the bottom of the issue, and from there, maybe we could figure out the next steps to take.

She continued to fidget for a moment, glancing at me from the corner of her eye.

“All right, but try to keep an open mind,” she started, her voice quaking with apprehension. I hesitated, trying to keep the balance of give and take. Exhaling slowly through my nose, I nodded obligingly.

“I’m listening,” I said in an attempt to be encouraging. I felt as if snake-like tendrils were constricting around my heart, unable to reason out the fear in her gaze.

“When we were having a hard time conceiving, I was really upset. I’m sure you remember the day I lashed out at you for coming into my office, and…and you sent me home for the day. The thing is, I didn’t go home immediately,” she said, and I felt as if my heart would pound out of my chest.

“Where… Where did you go?” I inquired somewhat hesitantly.

Ashley inhaled shakily, obviously steeling herself. It looked as if she would like nothing more than to leap out of my car and walk the remaining distance home. She looked incredibly weary, and in spite of myself, I reached to take her hand.

“Well, I was going to shut down my computer and go home like you suggested. I just felt so awful, like there was something wrong with me. I felt like I was running out of options, and then I received an email about a drug the company was putting through trials,” she continued, staring straight ahead. It was as if she were afraid to actually look at me.

Fear was beginning to creep up my spine as well. Surely, she couldn’t have done the very thing I’d done behind her back. The idea would have been comical if the gravity of the situation weren’t weighing so heavily upon us, parked on the side of the road.

“It was a fertility drug, wasn’t it? The little green capsules?” I prompted, and her eyes widened considerably as she turned to look at me.

“How did you…” she began, trailing off into a choked out laugh. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Jensen,” she said, seeming bewildered.

“I can’t believe this. How could you have been so foolish to try a drug without asking me first? Did you not stop to consider possible side effects?” I demanded, trying to keep my anger at bay. She flinched, her expression growing defensive.

“You took the very same drug! I’m not going to let you pile all of the blame on me, not when you made the same mistake!” Ashley hissed.

I rolled my eyes, releasing her hand and drawing away from her. Truth be told, I wasn’t that angry about her taking the pill, though it had been reckless.

More than anything, I was upset that she hadn’t come to me. The whole situation could have been avoided if we had just been honest with each other.

“I’m not trying to place all the blame on you, but I’m not going to let you shrug off your share, either! Because we couldn’t act like mature adults, we now have four lives in our hands. Not the one child we had negotiated, four children! God, Ashley! It’s not even just their health. What if something happens to you during childbirth?”

“Then you won’t have to deal with my stupid mistakes anymore, I suppose,” she said quietly. She shrank away, wrapping her arms protectively around herself.

In that moment, it took all of my willpower not to scream at her. I couldn’t begin to fathom how she could think I felt so little for her. It wasn’t like I was using her for some nefarious purpose! We had come to an agreement, and we’d just happened to fall in love along the way.

“If you think that’s how I would really feel, you’re more foolish than I ever could have guessed. I guess you just think so little of me, that I’m some monster who took advantage of your kindness. Do you think I’ve been untruthful about my feelings?” I said, trying to keep my voice level. I only partially succeeded.

“You’re acting like our agreement is null since things aren’t going exactly as planned. I didn’t anticipate having quadruplets, either. This isn’t just some business deal you can walk away from,” she cried out, her voice hitching.

“No, but at least I’m trying to come to a solution! How do you propose we deal with this whole thing? You didn’t seem prepared to give up your job, but you expect me to sacrifice everything I’ve worked so hard for?! That’s not fair, Ashley. You know how much GlobaPharm means to me, my father put his soul into that company,” I argued, receiving a bitter laugh in response.

“If you’d considered your own feelings instead of obligations laid out by your father, we probably wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with,” she said snidely.

My heart felt as if it had been ripped out, and all I could see was red for a moment. How dare she speak ill of the dead, of the man who had formed the person I was?

Shifting into gear, I pulled back onto the road with a sour expression. I went a bit faster than was strictly necessary, mostly to spite her.

Ashley seemed to regret what she’d said, staring at me with her lower lip tucked firmly between her teeth and her eyes glistening. It was of little consequence; no matter how much she regretted the words, she couldn’t take them back. She tried to stammer out a weak apology, but I held a hand up to silence her.

“So you regret all of this,” I said coolly, keeping my gaze fixed on the road. She blanched, reaching out to me as she fervently shook her head.

“No! No, Jensen, I don’t regret it. I don’t regret us. I just… I’m so lost. What are we supposed to do?” she implored tearfully.

I hesitated for a moment, my jaw tensing as we made our way toward her apartment complex. I honestly didn’t have an answer for her, and I was sure she knew it just as well as I did. I simply tightened my grip on the steering wheel, turning into the parking lot. I refused to even cut the engine, trying to remain firm even as she wept.

“Go inside and get some rest. We obviously can’t discuss this rationally right now, and I don’t want to say something I’ll regret,” I said, my voice strained.

She reached out to me, catching me roughly by the jaw and forcing me to look at her. I couldn’t find it in me to even muster a fake smile, staring dully at the woman who seemed intent upon tearing my heart to shreds.

“I love you, Jensen. I’ll never stop loving you. Please, we’ve both made mistakes, but you have to forgive me. If you don’t…I don’t know that I can go on,” she sobbed.

“I need time to think, Ashley. I just need time,” I muttered.

She nodded quietly, her breath hitching as she tried to swallow her sobs. She pushed the door open, clumsily getting out of my car. It looked as if she could scarcely support the extra weight as it stood, and I grimaced at the thought of her growing and growing until she came to full term.

Lingering beside my car, it looked as if she wanted to continue pleading for forgiveness. However, I offered her a wan smile and gestured to her building.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered.

“Go get some rest, Ashley. You’re going to need it,” I said tiredly.

She sniffled, but nodded and shuffled away from my car. In spite of my anger, I remained until she disappeared into the building.

Once she could no longer see me, I dropped my head and forced back tears.

I’d never felt so lost in my life.