The sound of my phone ringing pierces my skull. Groaning, I roll over and reach across the bedside table, but my fingers close around empty air.

“Christ.”

Sitting up, I rub my eyes and look around the simple room at my uncle’s little guesthouse. The morning sun streams in through the windows, casting a golden glow on the furniture. The phone rings on and on, crying for my attention.

Kicking off the sheets, I stumble off the futon and around the room. Finally, I locate the phone on top of my duffel bag.

At the name on the screen, my chest squeezes.

“Hello?” I quickly answer, afraid I’ve already missed Violet’s call.

“Sean?” Her voice sounds so small and far away. It doesn’t matter that we’re on the same island.

“Is everything okay?”

My throat closes up as a dozen possibilities run through my head.

I haven’t heard from Violet in a month. The only thing we have in common anymore is our moms are best friends. As far as the baby, well, I kind of settled into the belief that that might not be happening.

Phone pressed to my ear, I glance out the window, at the main house. There’s no sign of anything amiss. If something had happened to one of my parents, Uncle Jim would know by now.

Violet takes a long time answering. “Everything is fine, I think.”

“What do you mean you think?”

I don’t mean to bark at Violet, but she has me going crazy. Weeks without talking, and now she calls me up out of the blue. Having Frank leave suddenly was bad enough, and now I’ve had to deal with not seeing her anymore, either.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

The news steals my next breath. I stand frozen, not sure what to say.

“Yeah,” she says after another moment. “I know.”

That draws a slight chuckle from me. “Well, uh, congratulations.”

It sounds all wrong on my tongue. If she is pregnant and it is mine, then I shouldn’t be saying ‘congrats’ over the phone. I should be there with her.

Even if the baby’s not mine, I should be there with her.

These last few weeks of hanging out at my aunt and uncle’s beach house, riding, surfing, and shooting the shit with cousins have been nothing like they usually are. I just can’t enjoy myself anymore. Everything has changed. Something is missing.

Violet.

“I’m on my way,” I say.

“Wait…what? No, you don’t have to come here. Aren’t you—”

“Where are you?” I grab some pants and yank them on.

“I’m at the gallery, but—”

“Don’t go anywhere.”

I hang up before she can protest further and I can chicken out. My hands are shaking as I finish getting dressed and grab my things. I’ve been so dumb. The reason I never wanted to settle down was because I never found the right woman…because it turned out the perfect girl for me was under my nose all along.

I know it’s more than possible that Violet doesn’t feel the same way. I’m not a dumbass. She told me weeks ago that this was a no-strings-attached situation. But I have to take a chance and be honest about my deal. If I don’t, I’ll spend the rest of my life hating myself for not going for it when I could have.

A baby.

Images of a toddler running around, giggling with a squeaky voice fill my head as I race down the highway, keeping an eye out for cops as I push my bike over the speed limit. My parents would be so happy.

I would be so happy.

I swallow down the ball of tension in my throat. It’s all up to Violet. If she still doesn’t want me to be involved, there’s nothing I can do about it.

On the outskirts of Honolulu, I spot a drugstore and veer into its parking lot. Inside, I rush down the aisles. Finding the pregnancy tests, I scoop up as many as will fit in my arms. The older lady at the checkout counter raises an eyebrow.

“Are these all for one person?” she asks, scanning the rectangular boxes and dropping them in a plastic bag.

“Yes, ma’am.” I nod in affirmation.

With a bag full of tests in my hand, I hop back on the bike and tear out of the lot. The closer I get to the gallery, the more nervous I become. By the time I’m parked and walking through the door, I feel like I might throw up.

“Hello?” I call into the empty space.

The place is barren, with the door propped open and decorating supplies replacing the regular art.

I walk across the gallery. “Hello? Violet?”

Her office door flies open, and, suddenly, she’s only a couple feet away from me. For a long second, we just stare at each other. She’s paler than I remember, with slight bags under her eyes—but none of that takes away from her beauty.

Her long lashes slowly blink. I’m burning to reach for her, but I stay where I am, arms pressed against my sides so they don’t do something stupid.

“Hey,” I breathe.

“Hi.”

I clear my throat, and it echoes in the empty gallery. “You’re here alone?”

“The painters are on their lunch break, and Kaila is running an errand. They’ll all be back soon.”

“It’s been a while,” I say, then try not to make a face over the stupid comment.

Violet slowly nods. “Yeah. I’ve been…”

“Busy?”

Her eyes slide away from mine.

“I was going to say that, but it’s been more than that.”

Like you hate me and never want to see me again?

“Violet, listen, about the last time we saw each other…”

She looks at me expectantly, but I end up shifting my weight around rather than saying anything. I don’t know what to say about that night with Frank. I’m fine with what happened. It was great, actually. I’m just not fine with spending weeks afterward not talking to the one woman who’s ever meant something to me.

“Do you regret it?” she asks.

“No,” I quickly say. “Not at all.”

“It might have been the night that got me pregnant.”

I gulp. With whose kid? Mine, or Frank’s?

Again, I’m surprised to realize it doesn’t matter. I want to be a part of this baby’s life, no matter who its biological dad is.

Violet smiles, but it’s tight and doesn’t last long.

“What do you have there?” She nods at the bag in my hand, ignoring my question.

“Pregnancy tests.” I open the plastic bag to show her, and she laughs.

“Sean! How many did you buy?”

I scratch my neck self-consciously. “Uh, I dunno…maybe ten. Fifteen?”

“Two would have been more than enough.”

She’s genuinely smiling now, though, so that makes dropping a hundred dollars on tests more than worth it.

“Thanks. Kaila was going to stop and get me one on her way back, but this is…nice.”

I offer her the bag, trying to ignore how stilted her speech is. Some weird stuff may have happened between us, but does that really change all the good times we’ve had? Aside from Frank, I’ve never been as close to anyone as I am to Violet. Doesn’t that alone count for more than all the bullshit?

Violet accepts the bag and looks into it once more.

“I guess I should take a couple of these.”

“Right. Yeah. Do that.”

I step out of the way so she can go into the bathroom across the hall. The second the door closes, I clutch my hair at the roots and start walking back and forth. What if she is pregnant? I’ll need to tell her what I want.

But what if she’s not? Will she want to try again with me? Move on and look for a donor somewhere else? There are too many questions, and I’m going fucking insane without any of them being answered.

“How’s it going in there?” I call out, halting pacing for a moment.

“Okay,” comes Violet’s muffled answer. A toilet flushes. “It’ll just be a few minutes.”

I go back to wearing a trail into the floorboards. This whole spilling my guts thing is new. Maybe I just need to take baby steps. Admit one thing today, and the next, tomorrow…if I can handle it.

Going to the door, I steel myself and let the words fly out.

“Violet, I’ve been thinking a lot about all of this. I know that it was supposed to be a no-strings-attached thing, and that back when all of this started, I wasn’t bothered about being a dad. But the truth is, I am now. And I don’t mean that in some casual way. I don’t want to be the kind of dad who visits once a month, or once a year. I want to be there, each and every day.”

My throat becomes tight as I think about Violet’s father walking out on her. Never in a million years will I hurt my kid that way.

“I want to raise the baby with you, and I want to be there when he or she is born. I get that you want to do this on your own, but please just think about it, all right? That’s…that’s all I’m asking.”

The most painful silence ever follows my speech. Never have I felt so damn exposed—and I haven’t even told Violet I’m in love with her. I close my eyes and will myself to not turn and run from the gallery with my tail behind my legs.

Just as I’m getting to the point where I can’t take the silence any longer, the bathroom door opens. Violet stands there, eyes soft and searching my face.

“Do you mean what you said?” she quietly asks.

“Yes,” I fiercely whisper, putting my heart and soul into that one word. “It’s been on my mind for weeks, Violet. And I know this isn’t right, but even when we first made the agreement, I think a part of me wanted this. I’m not a robot. I want people around me…and I think I would make an okay dad. I mean, shit, I’d try my hardest every day.” I sigh, running out of steam. “I don’t know what else to say. Please just think it over.”

She draws that perfect lower lip between her teeth.

“You never said anything about this before.”

“Because I knew it wasn’t what you wanted.”

Unexpectedly, her eyes fill with tears.

“God, Sean, I was just being strong because I have to. It’s not that I hate the idea of having my baby’s dad around…I just know I can’t depend on that.”

I quickly take her hand in mine. “You can with me. I promise.”

A single tear rolls down her cheek. “I believe you.”

Relief and joy explode in my chest—but with them, there’s also sadness. Violet only knows half of what’s been keeping me awake for weeks.

“So…if you are pregnant, does that mean you’ll let me help raise the baby?”

She nods. “Yes.”

Emotion clogs my throat. “When is the test ready?”

Violet reaches for the counter next to her, grabbing two handfuls of sticks. She extends them all, a smile on her face. Five plus signs make my vision swirl.

“That…that’s a yes, right?” I stammer.

Violet smiles. “Yes. I’m pregnant.”