I add up the numbers again, coming up with yet another new sum. Huffing, I drop back in my chair.

“I give up. Can you do this?”

Kaila looks up the paperwork she’s flipping through.

“Are you using the calculator?”

“Yes.” My face burns in shame.

“Oh.”

She blinks in confusion but comes over to my desk and does the math anyway. I sit silently, waiting for her to finish the simple job an eight-year-old could do. For some reason, my brain just won’t work today.

“Did you pay the electric bill yet?” she asks. “Wasn’t it due today?”

“Crap!” Grabbing my laptop, I do some quick clicking. “I completely forgot.”

With the bill paid, I sit back once more, feeling even more tired and worn out than I did a minute ago.

“You okay?” Kaila asks.

“Just tired. Maybe I’m pregnant.”

I wryly smile, but Kaila’s lips don’t so much as twitch.

“Have you talked to…” She clears her throat. “Sean…at all?”

I can feel every one of my muscles tense up.

“No. It’s only been a day. Why would I?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know.”

My fingers fiddle with one of the strings hanging from my top.

“It was a one-time thing,” I state.

“I know.”

“He’s not expecting a call from me.”

“Mm-hmm.” She eagerly nods.

“And I don’t need him to call me, either. There’s nothing we need to talk about. We’re not…friends…anymore.”

I pull up my email, busying myself with chucking promotional fliers and targeted ads in the trash.

Kaila is still standing next to my desk. I can feel her eyes on me, but I keep my own set squarely on the computer screen. Sean and I are done. There’s nothing to be said about him.

Or his cute roommate.

I clear my throat, hoping doing so will also take care of the heat between my legs. It doesn’t, of course.

“What if you didn’t get…”

I know what she’s saying. Leaving my email alone, I turn to Kaila.

“I don’t know.”

“Are you going to wait until you can go to California?”

“No,” I immediately answer. “I don’t know when I would be able to make it to that clinic. Whatever options I have, they’re all on this island.”

Rather, the one option is on this island. I could look for another donor here, I suppose, but without a clinic that can inseminate me sometime in the next few months, that leaves just actually having sex with someone.

Doing it with Sean is one thing, but with a stranger?

The thought makes a shudder run through me.

“So how was…it?” She winces over the last word.

My cheeks puff from an exhale. “The best I’ve had in years…maybe ever.”

“Oh.” Kaila’s cheeks turn pink. “Then it wouldn’t be awful if you had to do it a second time.”

“I don’t know.” My hands twist in my lap, the gallery’s morning number-crunching forgotten. “It was so good that I don’t think doing it a second time would be a good idea.”

“You mean you might fall for him?”

I have to think about that. Fall for Sean?

Years ago, I was probably in love with him. After he left, I compared every man I met to him—with the womanizing part being the exception.

After the way he rocked my world in his bedroom, I was a breath away from falling head over heels for him again. But I couldn’t.

Because I remembered what he’s like. That bro-pad. The salacious gaze of his roommate—whether I liked the attention or not being beside the point.

Those guys probably have girls coming in and out of there all the time.

“If I fell for him, it would end in disaster.” I give Kaila a serious look. “There’s just no way around that.”

She frowns. “That’s so sad, Violet.”

“Stop. Please don’t.”

The last thing I need is someone else suggesting I’m doing things all wrong. I already have my mother to perform that task, thank you very much.

“What next?” Kaila asks.

“This.” I gesture at the mess of papers on my desk. “I go on. Work. And hope that one time took.”

Kaila bites her bottom lip in excitement. “It probably did.”

She’s just being sweet, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

“Thanks, Kaila. What’s new with you?”

“Um…” Her eyes drift to the side. “I got Mr. Mochi a new toy. It’s the rubber kind, so that it doesn’t fall apart when he chews on it.”

Mr. Mochi is Kaila’s terrier. He sleeps curled up next to her and has a whole wardrobe of sweaters and hats. I can’t make fun of the situation, because you know what? Kaila and Mr. Mochi have each other—someone to spend each and every evening with. That’s more than I have. Sad, but true.

I’m actually jealous of a scruffy little dog.

“Just think,” I say. “Soon, we might have a baby joining the three of us at the dog park.”

Kaila squeals in excitement.

“I’m going to start knitting a newborn sweater tonight.”

A knock from the front of the gallery interrupts our conversation.

“Who is that?” I frown.

“I don’t know.” Kaila slowly goes to the door. “I’ll go see.”

“Tell them we’re not open till one. I’m not in the mood to deal with people right now.”

A few seconds later, she’s back. “It’s your mother.”

“Ugh. Again: tell her to come back at one.”

Kaila giggles. “She has another woman with her.”

Knowing there’s no way out of this, I haul myself from my chair and out of the office. Mom’s still outside, chatting with none other than Abigail Fletcher—Sean’s mother.

There goes getting him out of my head.

Both of the women wave excitedly once they see me. Self-consciously smiling, I cross the gallery and unlock the front door.

“Hi.”

“Violet,” Abigail coos, touching my hair. “You look so good, honey. What have you been doing new?”

Getting the best screw of my life, courtesy of your son.

I smile bigger. “I’ve been drinking fresh juice in the mornings. Maybe that’s it.”

Over Abigail’s shoulder, Mom gives me a dark look. Maybe because my comment reminds her that a healthy diet is something a woman who is trying to get pregnant would prescribe to. Heck if I know. I quit trying to figure that woman out a long time ago.

“We just had lunch down the street, and I asked Caroline if we could stop by,” Abigail said. “I hope this is a good time.”

“Um… Yeah. It is.”

As awkward as it is seeing Abigail, I love the lady. She’s always been so good to me, whether Sean was in my life or not. Plus, I have a feeling she balances my mom out some—tamps her wild personality down a bit.

“I love the new works.”

Abigail slowly walks over to the paintings on the far wall. Kaila is nowhere to be seen. Perhaps she’s saved herself from my mother and hidden away in the locked office.

Good for her.

Mom cocks her head. “How are you doing?”

“Fine.” I swallow too loud.

“You haven’t called me.”

“Sorry, I’ve been pretty busy.”

“Hm.”

She nods, lips slightly pursed. It almost seems like she wants to apologize for the other night, but she can’t find the words.

I know how that feels. My mother might drive me crazy, but she is the woman who raised me, after all. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Has she told Sean’s mom about my plans for artificial insemination?

I peer at Abigail, who has moved on to the wire sculptures. I don’t get the sense she knows anything about my plans.

And she’s not going to. The relationship with the clinic in California may have crumbled, but I’m keeping that all to myself.

“Have you see Sean yet?” Abigail asks, returning to us. “You know he’s back in town. He said he was coming to your opening the other night.”

I tuck some hair behind my ear, my palms feeling hot.

“Yeah. I did see him. He looks good. Seems…happy.”

“You two were always so cute together,” Mom muses.

“It was never like that,” I quickly say.

Far as I know, my mother has no clue about Sean’s bed-hopping. I assume his own mom is equally in the dark.

“Everything here is so nice, Violet,” Abigail says. “I’m just so proud of you, you know.”

“Thanks, Abigail.”

The office door opens behind me, and Kaila emerges. “Hello,” she timidly says.

Mom’s face lights up.

“Kaila, how is that aloe plant? Does it need a bigger pot yet?”

“I’m not sure…”

“Let me take a look at it.”

Mom goes right into my office, Kaila trailing after her.

“She gave us some plants,” I explain to Abigail, not that the situation really needs explaining. “They’re…nice.”

Abigail smiles in an almost sad way. “How are you really doing?” she whispers.

A lump appears in my throat. “Good.”

Now, I can see it in her face. She knows—I’m not sure how much, but she definitely knows something.

“I’m dying for a cup of coffee. How is that place across the street?”

She gives me another purposeful look.

“Um, it’s nice.”

She leans around me to shout across the gallery.

“Caroline, we’re going to get coffee!”

Before I can worry any more about what’s going to happen, Abigail has me by the arm and is leading me across the street, to the hip coffee shop that Kaila and I spend way too much money at already.

“I’ll get this,” Abigail says after we order, pulling out her wallet and paying for the four coffees.

“Thanks.” I glance longingly back across the street. “We should get back.”

“Let’s talk for a moment. The coffee’s hot.”

Taking the carrier loaded with cups, she sits down at a window table.

“Your mom told me that you’re looking at clinics.”

“I figured,” I sigh.

Abigail reaches across the table and touches my hand.

“Don’t be mad at her. She’s just dumping her worries on me. Every woman needs a place to do that. And I won’t tell anyone about your personal business, Violet. You have my word on that.”

“Thank you.”

How did bad-boy Sean come out of such a kindhearted, generous woman?

I prop my chin on my hand and look out the window at the passing traffic.

“I bet she’s still pretty pissed, huh?”

“She just doesn’t understand it, that’s all.”

I warily eye the woman across the table. Does she understand? Does anyone in my life?

“It doesn’t really matter to me if people get why I’m doing this,” I say.

“I know.” She nods. “It shouldn’t.”

“But it would be nice if she was…you know, supportive.”

I have to stop talking, because the suppressed emotions are bubbling their way to the surface. I’m already embarking on one of the scariest, most exciting things that’s ever going to happen to me without the help of a man. It would be nice to have my mother by my side.

Before I know it, the confession is spilling out.

“Sometimes, I feel like she’s living in an alternate reality. One where she…she thinks my dad might come back.”

Abigail’s shoulders tighten. “She knows that’s not happening.”

“Does she?” I press. “She never changed her name. And she talks like she’s an expert on relationships. But if that’s the case, how come she couldn’t keep her own marriage together? How come her husband left?”

I look down at the table, aware that I’m unfairly dumping on my mother. It’s not her fault that my father blew out of our lives like we were nothing more than a mistake he wanted to forget about. Divorce is one thing. Vanishing, never talking to your kid again…There aren’t even words for that.

“I’m sorry,” I sigh. “I’m not being nice right now, I know. It’s just, she’s been awful about this whole thing.”

Abigail takes the lid off her coffee and blows on the cup’s steaming surface. “Give her some time to adjust. She might feel differently in a few months.”

“That would be nice.” Huffing, I look up at the ceiling. “But here’s another thing. I don’t have time right now to think about other people. I’m going to have a baby, and soon…hopefully.”

“Have you had your first appointment yet?”

I bite down on the inside of my lip. God, I don’t want to lie to Abigail, but there is absolutely no way she can know the full truth.

“It’s not going to work out with the clinic in California, and there’s nowhere on the island that can fit me in soon, either. The mainland was kind of my only option.”

Abigail’s face falls, and I don’t think she’s pretending. There’s real emotion there.

“I’m sorry, Violet.”

“Thanks.”

“The good thing is, this will give you more time to prepare. Then, when a clinic can get you in—”

“I’m going to go another route,” I cut in.

It takes Abigail a few seconds to figure out what that means. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“How would that…work?”

Oh, God. Now the pressure is really rising. I can feel the heat in my face, and pray I’m not noticeably blushing.

“I’ve been talking to some people.”

Kind of true.

“The father would not be involved at all,” I go on. “And he’d be anonymous. Completely.”

Chisel that in stone. Write it in blood. Stamp it with an official seal. If Sean has ended up getting me pregnant, no one can know about it. Especially not his mother.

I can see the conflict on Abigail’s face. “That’s certainly…unconventional.”

“Not for this day and age,” I argue.

“I’m not saying it’s a bad idea,” she quickly says, brows raised. “You’ve thought it through, I imagine.”

“Yeah. A lot. This is what I want, Abigail.” I look her deep in the eyes, showing her I mean it.

“Okay, sweetie,” she softly says. “And, about your mom…”

“I’m giving it some space.”

“Don’t give it too much space. She was a single parent, too. You’re going to have a lot in common real soon.”

The statement has me pausing. Abigail is right, whether I like it or not.

My eyes drift out the window, and I see Kaila and my mom back in the front part of the gallery. The glint on the glass makes it hard to pick up any real body language, but I have a feeling Kaila is sending out a telepathic cry for help. No one, especially not my friends, is safe from my mother’s lectures.

“We should get back,” I say, standing up.

“Okay.” Abigail smiles.

I take a deep breath, looking for the right words.

“Thanks for talking with me. I know I’m maybe…ah, difficult sometimes.”

“You’re going through something big right now.”

“Yeah,” I agree.

Sean’s face flashes in front of me, but I push the thought of him away.

“Violet?”

“Mm-hmm?”

Her smile is genuine, her eyes earnest.

“I’m here to talk if you need to. At any time. All right?”

My eyes burn with unshed tears, though I don’t know exactly why. “Thanks.”

I know I can’t take her up on the offer. Which is maybe why I’m suddenly so emotional. Abigail is right. At a time like this, I need other people in my life.

It’s just that, for one reason or another, I feel like there are very few people I can let in. The only person I can completely unload with is Kaila. Other than that, I’m still on my own.

“Let’s get back,” I hurriedly say, grabbing the coffees.

Enough talking. Enough thinking. Mulling over my situation only makes me feel worse. It’s time to act.