I saw red the minute I noticed her in the house. For a fleeting second I thought how if it was my house I would have been able to ask her to leave.

He did it. He went and did the exact thing I’ve been begging him to do for years. The exact thing that I wanted, but prayed it never happened. He moved on.

It’s my daughters birthday. I have kept it together for all these years, today is not the day I break.

Floating around through the kids, I offer them food and drinks and watch them dance.

When I was sixteen, I had a baby. My friends were getting drunk at their own or someone else sixteenth, and there was even the few time appearances from the kids we called the stoners.

This is nothing like that, and I couldn’t be happier.

“Mum,” Dakota’s voice travels through the people and straight to my ears.

“Yes, baby girl.”

“Can you please take a photo of me with everyone, with my new camera.”

“Of course. Let me just free up my hands.” I head on inside with an empty tray of cheese and dips. Sliding it on the kitchen bench, I come face to face with Taylah.

Surprisingly, she doesn’t glance my way.

Hiding in the kitchen, she hasn’t said a single word to anyone. Including Hendrix.

Pleasantries are not even an option at this stage, the long and firm line drawn between us, cannot be erased. One woman on each side. One woman claiming her own part of him. One woman who’ll have him. One woman who won't.

Washing my hands, I make sure any excess food residue has one hundred percent been cleaned before I touch Dakota’s pride and joy. Not only is she meticulous about who touches it and how, when you’ve spent  as much as I have on camera paraphernalia you want to make sure their condition stays pristine for a very. Long. Time.

I make my way through the guests. Each photo I take Dakota’s smile gets bigger, and my heart wants to break out from my chest in pride.

She takes a photo with Emerson and Jagger, Jagger and Drix and then the two of them by themselves. When Dakota finally decides on a pose and orders me around with requests about the angle of natural lighting, I capture their sixteen years of unconditional love. From the beginning I wondered what their relationship would be like. Whether he would hold my mistakes against her, or if she would be the reason he gave me a second chance.

I see the way he looks at Dakota, and I excitedly anticipate the idea of having children of our own. We’re older now, but we’re not too old to start a whole new life together. Guilt and pain free.

I pretend that the photo isn’t coming out right and take a few more. My thoughts run into the future, thinking maybe this is when the stars finally align. I’m ready, and I know deep down inside he will forgive me one more time. For the last time.

Putting the camera down, Dakota bounces to her friends and he’s left alone, cornered by me, and with nowhere to go. Determined to get to our happy ever after, I make it my mission to wade through all the bullshit first.

“So, you and Taylah, huh?” I try to be unaffected by the acidic taste left in my mouth after saying their names together. “I'd like to say it was a surprise, but we both know I saw it coming.”

“What do you want, Sasha? Once and for all just spit it out.” Exasperated his words come out through clenched teeth. “Please.”

“Be with me.” More important than the other three words he's said to me a million times. These are the key to our future.

“I'm sorry, what did you just say? I could've sworn you said be with me, but that can't be right.” Laced with sarcasm and hurt, I feel the years of rejection take its toll on him. “Sasha, you need to stop playing games. This isn't fun anymore.”

“I'm not playing at anything,” I shout defensively. “Be with me.”

As the demand leaves my mouth, Taylah comes into view. Her jaw clenched, a fake smile plastered on her face, as she warns us we’re about two seconds from ruining Dakota’s birthday.

Drix storms off muttering to himself, and Taylah heads over to Dakota. Weighing up my options, I follow Drix. There’s no time like the present.

Slamming Dakota’s bedroom door, Drix and I stand in the middle of her room, waging war. “You did this the last time you saw me with Taylah. Stop. Doing. It.”

Ignoring his warning, I let it out. I tell him how I feel. “I'm ready, Drix.”

His eyes dart to mine, and I know the statement does exactly what it was meant to.

Said to me by a broken boy, with the promise he made me in his darkest hour. I repeat the one thing that will bring him home.

Sitting up in the treehouse, I wait for Drix to meet me. Not expecting him to show, I'm rewarded with three knocks on the makeshift wooden door.

Scoping out the space he looks for the furthest corner in the room, and makes his way to sit there. Knees up, shoulders hunched over, he's hurt and defeated.

Knowing about what happened with him and Jagger, I jump straight into the mess. There’s nothing left to sugar coat, and I don’t deserve it to be.

“I'm keeping the baby.” I inform him of my decision, even though he knows me well enough to expect that anything else wasn't an option. “It's Jagger’s”

The silence fills up the box-like space, like water rising. It pushes me under, making it harder to focus. Harder to breathe.

“Say something, Drix.”

Shaking his head, he stares out the window. “I've got so much to say, Sasha, but none of it changes anything.”

“Why aren't you mad?” I push. “You beat the shit out of Jagger, why aren't you screaming and shouting at me?”

“Like, I said. It doesn’t change anything.”

“Can, I sit next to you?” Placing my hands on the floor, I give myself a push, only to see his head shaking in my direction. The answer expected, but still painful.

“I’m sorry. I'm so so sorry.”

“I was furious about Jay. Fucking furious,” he spits out. “You were there when you told me, you got the full brunt of my reaction.”

I chose to tell Drix about Jay, because I knew he would be sharing his conquest with the world any minute. I could predict Drix finding out, and him losing his mind, just like he did with Jagger.

“But I’m still trying to work out how me being so mad pushed you into sleeping with Jagger?”

I wish I had an explanation. I wish I had a good enough reason to make all this worthwhile, but I don’t. I just have a long list of mistakes, because I was too immature and too insecure to let myself enjoy anything in life.

“It wasn’t intentional. I was so upset, and it just happened,” I try to explain. “I’m so, sorry.”

“Stop saying fucking sorry,” he screams. “Do you even mean it when you say it? Do you?” His fury is all it takes for slow tears to turn into an uncontrollable sob. He looks up at me for the first time, his eyes full of nothing but hate. “I feel like I don’t know you at all. You've done almost everything there is to push me away and break my heart.“

“I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment,” I bite back through tears, my defense mechanism trying to push through.

“It’s like you decided to sleep with everyone who wasn't me,” he says flippantly

“Are you calling me a slut?”

“Don’t twist my fucking words.” His lips curl up in disgust. “You broke up with me because you thought I wanted sex, and you weren’t ready. Yet here I am, the only virgin in the room.”

“Will you ever forgive me?”

“You’re having my brothers baby.”

“You’ll be an uncle.” I cringe as soon as the words make their escape “Shit, I—”

“What an awesome consolation prize,” he scoffs. Pushing on his knees he rises, and walks toward me. Kneeling in front of me, he grabs my hands. “It should’ve been mine, Sasha. Right now, or ten years from now we should’ve been having children together.”

“We still can,” I whisper.

“Maybe one day when the dust settles and the stars align you and I can have our life together.”

“Yes,” I cry. “We can Drix, I know we can.”

“But for now.” The slight bit of hope I heard in his voice only two seconds earlier disappears quick smart. “I don’t want to see your face, or hear your voice. I want it to be like you don’t even exist.”

The Birth of Dakota

Laying on my chest, I check her hands and feet, and make sure all her fingers and toes are there. Skin on skin, I’m exhausted, she’s content and every single thing in my life, before this moment, pales in comparison.

It’s been a day since I gave birth to her, and as each hour passes, I’m even happier than the one before. Jagger has slipped into his role with ease, the love and adoration he has for this delicate new life, mirroring mine.

The door opens and I expect to see Jagger or the nurse come in to check up on me, but it’s Drix.

Scraping a chair across the carpet, he sits beside me, his eyes all on her. “She’s beautiful,” he says in a hushed tone.

It’s been close to ten months and I’ve managed to stay out of his way, exactly like he asked. Shocked, I lay back and enjoy hearing his voice.

“I know you’re tired. So just listen, okay?” Nodding, I close my eyes, the onslaught of emotions from seeing him, mixed with my hormones, too much to bear. “This has been the hardest and most happiest moment of my whole life, but I want it.”

My heart slams against my chest.

“I want it with you, Sasha.” His finger wipes the one rogue tear I couldn’t hold in. “When the dust settles and the stars align, tell me you’re ready, and I’ll be waiting.”