Chapter Twenty-Four
Abby
I attended every single luau that the resort held during the peak season. I had to for work, of course, but I still would have even if I didn't have to work.
I was still waiting for the events to get old and staid from the number I had been to, but they still hadn't. The performances were the most important part of the night, but the party atmosphere and the energy were always electric. Being around people who were having a good time was a good time to me.
Besides doing the lei greeting, I got to hang out and socialize with the guests, which was always a great time. Some of them would recognize me from the front desk and strike up conversation. That was the thing about talking to people: they didn't want to be treated like someone you couldn't talk to; they wanted to be treated like human beings.
This was good for me. I felt secure with all the people around me because that meant he would be harder to see, and it would be harder for him to see me. I never wanted to feel that way about anybody, but I wasn't foolish enough to hang onto something that he had said to my face was not something he could give me. It was good to be hopeful, but some things weren't worth risking your heart over.
I smiled seeing Hank and Rayleigh walking into the luau, their first since they'd checked in. I waved, and Rayleigh waved back, seeing me first. I liked them. There was the fact that they were from Texas, which was something I felt connected us a little. Also, they were on their honeymoon — the time in your life that is literally dedicated to nothing but happiness and fun.
"How are you guys tonight?" I asked them as they came closer.
"Great. This is amazing," Rayleigh gushed.
“You guys are early; you can pick some good seats,” Makani told them from next to me.
“Abby warned us how packed these get; she’s been such a great host since we got here,” Rayleigh said, looking over to smile at me. I smiled back.
“Dinner starts in about fifteen minutes; have a great time, guys,” I said. I put a lei over Abby’s head as Makani gave one to Hank. The stream of people coming in had thinned to a trickle, and none of them had been Nate. Good, I thought. I could breathe tonight.
We moved closer to the stage when the performances began, watching from the sidelines. I stood by Makani listening to the host introduce the first act. There were enough seats at the tables, but some people preferred to stand, especially when they weren’t having anything to eat. A small group of guests was standing with us, watching the show. Somebody brushing against my shoulder caught my attention. I looked over. It was a guy, smiling down at me.
“Hey,” he said. “I’m Trent.”
“Abby,” I said, introducing myself. He was tall and blond, with long wavy hair. He was in a t-shirt and board shorts, not that much older than I was if I had to estimate.
“What are you drinking tonight, Abby? It’s on me,” he said.
“Nothing tonight. I’m working.” I smiled politely.
“You gotta clock out at some point,” he said flirtatiously. He was right. I was going to clock out and go home tonight. I could have taken that opportunity to invite him over so I didn’t have to spend the night alone, but I was good. What the hell had happened the last time I had gotten too close to a guest?
“I’m going to have to pass,” I said apologetically. I could see he was disappointed, but he was nice about it and moved on.
I thought vaguely about when I would be ready to get out there again and see people. It wasn’t like it was urgent. I knew I’d feel a huge weight off my shoulders once Nate left, but still, I wasn’t in a hurry. I’d just pick better next time. This experience with him would have been for nothing if I didn’t end up learning something from it.
The crowd erupted into applause. I had missed the entire first performance zoning out and talking to that guy. I had to stay present. Nate isn’t in his suite doing this, I told myself. It was over now, and since it was, I had to be over it, too. I joined the clapping, hearing the host announce that there was an extra performer that night.
“Did you know this was happening?” Makani asked me.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. Luau performers were always booked well in advance because ours weren’t the only ones they performed at. I watched the stage, hearing the audience clap again as Nate walked on with a stool in one hand and a guitar in the other. I felt my heart drop. Oh my God.
“Do you need to leave? I can cover for you,” Makani said to me.
Yes. I wanted to get out of there. He was the performer? I couldn’t watch this. I didn’t want to stand there and listen to this. I was trying to get over him; his music took me right back to feeling sad and abandoned by him when I heard it. I hadn’t listened to his band since we stopped talking.
The part of me that was like those stupid girls in the movies who didn’t know when to let go wanted to stay. He was such a talented musician. If I didn’t get him to myself, couldn’t I have him like this?
“Hi, I’m Nate,” he said. “I came here after my band broke up back in Los Angeles. I didn’t think I’d make music again, but I met someone really special here on Lanai who changed my mind. This song is for her,” he said.
Stop it, I thought. He isn’t talking about you.
“Abby?” Makani said.
“I’m fine,” I said tersely. I hadn’t meant to snap, but I needed to hear this. He began playing, and I held my breath, realizing it was the first time I was hearing him live. He started singing, and my jaw dropped open. He didn’t really sing in Remus; he did a lot of the backing vocals, but mostly played and wrote.
I knew what he sounded like, but I’d never experienced his music like this. I’d never imagined this being the experience of hearing him play his music live.
His presence on stage had everyone there completely enraptured; I knew it wasn’t just me, but I felt in my gut that he was telling me something.
I knew that the two of us had connected during his time here. I knew I wasn’t making that up. What had happened had happened, and it still meant something, even if we had stopped talking. I tried to lock my eyes with his; he was scanning the audience as he played. Maybe he couldn’t see us very well. The stage was lit, but the rest of the luau was probably dark from where he was.
But then he saw me. As our eyes locked, I felt like nothing had happened. He hadn’t said horrible things to me, and I hadn’t asked him to leave me alone.
He looked away as he strummed the final chords of his song, looking up again as the audience broke into applause. I lost sight of him because of the number of people that were on their feet giving him a standing ovation. I clapped furiously. That was so good. I felt Makani touch my arm.
“You know that was for you, right?” she asked. I shrugged, but I was screaming inside. I wanted to see him. I wanted to tell him how well he had done and that I was sorry.
“Where did he go?” I asked her.
She pointed over to the side of the stage where Nate was talking to Keno. I saw them look over a couple times before they started heading towards us. Oh my God, he was coming over. What the hell did I tell him? All my initial bravery fizzled away. I didn’t want to run, though. I couldn’t do that again. I grabbed Makani's hand, so she didn't even think about bailing and leaving me there.
"Abby," she complained.
"I'm not doing this alone," I said through gritted teeth.
"I can't talk to him," she said.
"Then don't. You don't have to say anything. Just stay right there," I whispered. I watched the men walking over to us. My heart started pounding. Think, Abby, think, I thought. What was I going to say? He is coming over to me, so he has to speak first. The last conversation we'd had had been so awful.
I had been upset, and seeing him again, I had felt insecure and exposed. I had just wanted him to leave because that push and pull was too much for me. Did he or didn't he want me; which was it?
I didn't want to hear him say he didn't need me anymore again if that was what he decided after I'd been around long enough to bore him once again. I felt deeply for him, but I was scared, too. Right then, fear had won. I didn't know what would win this time when he spoke to me.
"Hey," he said to both of us. Keno greeted us, too. The tension between the four of us was thick and heavy.
"Hi," I said shortly. I heard Makani clear her throat at my side.
"Nate, that performance was amazing. I had no idea you were so talented," she said.
"Thanks," he said, with a small smile. "I haven't played like that in a long time. I was hoping you'd be here to watch," he said, looking at me.
"You did really well," I said honestly.
"I was also hoping you'd be here so we could talk. I'm so sorry, Abby. I was an asshole. I hate myself for saying what I said to you, and I want to make it up to you," he said.
"Nate, I think-"
"She'd love to," Makani said, interjecting.
Nate looked from her to me, waiting for me to either say I was going or I wasn't. I sighed and nodded. How many more times was he going to reach out to me again? I was upset, but that didn't mean I had to punish him by turning him down even though I felt the same way he did.
"You would?" he said hopefully.
"I would, but we can't just pick up again like nothing happened," I said.
"I know. I agree. I feel like I ruined our last date. I want to take you out," he told me.
I bit my lip, remembering the night that everything fell apart. He had told me to get out of his life, and I had. What had been his trigger that night? I still didn't know. Something I did know was I wasn't making the same mistake twice. My guard was up nice and high. It wasn't going down unless I was sure it was safe.
"I will go with you, on condition that Makani and Keno can come, too."
"What?" she said, "I can't come on a date with you."
"Fine. Keno will be there, too," Nate said quickly.
"Whoa. I didn't agree to this," he said, looking at Nate.
"I can’t come if it’s just the two of us,” I said.
“Makani,” Nate said plaintively, looking at her. “I wouldn’t ask you to do anything for me unless it was extremely important.” She sighed looking at him, then at me.
“I’m doing this for Abby, not for you,” she said firmly. “I’ll come if Keno does,” she said. Yes, I thought. This was good. They could finally talk, as well. The three of us looked at Keno expectantly.
“You owe me, big time,” he said to Nate. Nate clapped him on the back, relieved.
“Thanks, man. Tomorrow night?” he asked me. I nodded. We had a date.