Exaltation with Just a Pinch of Denial
Leila
It’s my last day at the office and nobody but Annabeth could give a crap.
Well, that’s not entirely true. Kidman did offer to go down on me as a going away present. The mental picture makes me vomit a little in my mouth, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?
Right now, I’m a little over halfway done with Atkinson’s final laundry list of menial tasks. I just finished walking his lucky ferret—yeah, the man has a ferret which he not only considers lucky, but actually brings into the office whenever there’s an important meeting—and am now on my way to see if I can, “figure out what the hell is wrong with that fax machine.”
I have absolutely no skills with anything technical like this, but my feeble attempts should buy me a good half hour before he finally tells me to just call maintenance.
I tried calling maintenance first once when his monitor started flickering.
That was the day I found out that Atkinson, though otherwise intimidating, screams like a girl when you get him really, really mad.
Tonight is going to be Dane and my second attempt at an actual date.
After he told me what happened with Wrigley outside his new executive chef’s building earlier today, though, it’s apparent that we’re going to have to get a little creative.
That is, if this interminable day ever comes to an end.
After 15 minutes spent literally poking and prodding Atkinson’s fax machine, I decide to give up a little early and let maintenance deal with it.
My next stop is to collect the third page of Atkinson’s last memo from everyone on this floor and replace it with a new copy.
I’m not doing this because there was some sort of new policy or significant change. I’m doing this because in line 36—that is, fourth paragraph from the top, second sentence—he inserted a hyphen where it didn’t belong.
The offending pair was “boiling-over.”
Never to fear, though, soon everyone will have the copy which rightfully has the phrase as “boiling over,” and I am perfectly confident that no one would ever have noticed. Even if they did, I am certain nobody would have cared.
As I look at the clock, though, my mood lightens.
Only a few more hours and I will forever be free of this cluster fuck.
(I think Dane is starting to rub off on me.)
I hand out the third page of the memo to everyone in the office, making sure to collect the old versions. Atkinson will check my work when I’m done.
This is not speculation.
Kidman’s is the last one, and I motion to Annabeth that it’s time for the fireworks.
She creeps to the side of Mr. Kidman’s doorway. I knock and let myself in.
“Mr. Kidman,” I start, “Mr. Atkinson has asked me to replace page three of today’s memo. Do you happen to have it handy?”
“I’m sure I can find it here somewhere,” he says. “You know, I think I must have tucked it down the front of my pants. Why don’t you be a dear and help me pull it out?”
“You know,” I tell him, “I saved your page for last. Would you like to know why?”
He straightens his tie and says, “Because you’re finally ready to get that raise?” he asks. To ensure there’s no miscommunication, he grabs his crotch.
“No,” I tell him. “I saved yours for last because I finally did something that I really, really should have done a long time ago.”
“What’s that?” he asks.
“I learned the finer points of your particular severance plan and contract with the company.”
“Oh?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I tell him. “Apparently, it’s a pretty standard document. I talked to one of the lawyers here, just to make sure—”
“Wait,” he says, “how did you get access to that?”
“I’m an intern,” I tell him. “I work with important papers all the time. Anyway,” I continue, “it turns out that you only get severance if you’re not fired for cause. While it is true that whoever drew this up gave you a lot of latitude regarding what constitutes cause, in section 18c of the agreement, it clearly states that sexual harassment, as it is against both state and federal civil law, is cause for immediate termination, forfeiture on your part of severance rights, profit-sharing, and about 10 other things I didn’t really take the time to look over.”
“That’s not right,” he says. “I don’t remember anything about any section 18c.”
“Oh, Miss Lozano!” I call out.
A moment later, my gorgeous friend comes into the room, carrying a folder. “Why, yes, Miss Tyler?”
“Did you happen to grab Mr. Kidman’s employment contract with this company?”
“Why, yes I did, Miss Tyler,” she says.
She hands me the folder.
“Thank you, Miss Lozano,” I tell her, and she leaves the room.
I open the file and toss it onto the letch’s desk.
“Don’t worry, we’ve taken the liberty of highlighting the appropriate paragraphs,” I tell him.
“Wha—Why would you do this?”
“I think a better question is why would you do this to us?” I ask.
“This is all he said, she said,” he scoffs. “Nobody’s going to believe you or your friend. I’ve been with this company for—Mrs. Beck,” he says, interrupting himself.
I turn to follow Kidman’s gaze.
There, standing in the doorway, is a tall brunette, dressed in a black pantsuit.
This is my going away present from Annabeth. And to think, I didn’t get her anything.
“I understand that’s no longer a problem?” Mrs. Beck asks, looking at me.
I take the pen out of my pocket and hand it to her. She presses the little button, and the recording isn’t playing for 10 seconds before his career is over.
“It seems you’ve been caught on tape,” Mrs. Beck says. “How you’ve gotten away with this shameful behavior for so long is nothing short of astounding.”
“I have a contract!” he shouts, rising from his desk. “You can fire me, but I get—”
“You do have a contract,” she interrupts. “It is a contract which you have violated in such an egregious way to do substantial harm to this company and its employees. As soon as these women are done with you, rest assured we’ll be coming for whatever’s left. That is, if they haven’t taken everything.”
“What women?” he asks.
Right on cue, Annabeth calls, “Ladies!” from the other side of the doorway and over the next couple of minutes, every woman, assistant level or lower, every woman on this floor comes in, hands a pen to Mrs. Beck, and walks back out again.
I’ve never enjoyed watching a grown man cry so thoroughly.
I’m about to head out the door, but realize that I’ve forgotten something.
“Sorry,” I say to Mrs. Beck as I make my way back into the room.
I walk to Kidman’s desk and remove page three from Atkinson’s memo. While it’s clear enough that Kidman’s not going to need any part of it, Atkinson was adamant that I retrieve every copy with the extraneous hyphen.
The things we choose to care about.
I walk back out of the room, expecting—not applause or anything—but some kind of acknowledgment that we’ve finally brought the bastard down. True to form, though, everyone’s back to work and no one but Annabeth even notices my presence.
* * *
The rest of my work day is spent finishing up favors for Atkinson. For as much commotion as there was in Kidman’s office only a few hours ago, I leave the building without speaking to anyone.
When I get home, the apartment is empty.
Dane should be home by now, but that’s all right. Now I’ll have a chance to take a quick shower and change out of my work clothes before he gets back.
Once the water’s pouring over me, I’m finding it difficult to imagine getting out voluntarily. I clean myself, rinse myself, and then just enjoy the water.
I start to fantasize about Dane coming home, finding me in the shower. We have dinner reservations at l’Iris, pretty much the only place either of us believes we might have a chance avoiding a run-in with Wrigley, but I wouldn’t mind pretending that the shower is a waterfall and that the dim light over the sink is a sunrise.
Maybe it’s not my exact fantasy, but it is close enough for now.
I stay in the shower until the water starts to turn cold.
Maybe he came in and I just didn’t hear him.
I wrap one towel around my midsection, another around my hair, and wipe my feet on the rug before leaving the bathroom. It may not be an imagined waterfall at sunrise, but he can still unwrap me before we go to dinner.
I could live with that.
When he doesn’t come home before my exposed skin has air-dried, I start to get a little nervous.
He didn’t mention any plans today, and he assured me that he’d gotten out of work.
I walk back into the bathroom and finish drying myself before checking my phone.
I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m sure there’s a perfectly innocent and reasonable explanation, but he’s not answering his phone.
When the call goes to voicemail, I hang up and try it again, walking around the apartment as it rings, thinking maybe he simply forgot it. If it’s here, the ringer’s turned off.
Now I’m really starting to get worried.
Wrigley told me to keep my head down, that she didn’t want me to get involved. I knew it was a threat, but could she really have done something to him?
I’m just being silly and I know it, but still, there’s that heavy pull telling me that something’s very wrong.
Running out of places to look, I find the number for l’Iris and call it.
“l’Iris, please hold.”
I sit on the couch, but immediately get back up again. I don’t really care how long they have me on hold; I can’t relax until I know that Dane is all right.
A minute or two passes before the line goes active again.
“I apologize for the wait, we don’t have any open reservations for tonight, but we might be able to squeeze you in sometime—”
“Is Dane there?” I ask. “This is his roommate, Leila. He hasn’t been home, and I’m starting to get a little worried about him.”
“Dane?” the man with the obviously fake accent asks.
“Dane,” I repeat. “Dane Paulson.”
“Ah, monsieur Paulson,” the man says. “I will check. Please hold.”
I’ve really got to tell Dane to do something about fake accent man. It’s really annoying.
“Yes, it seems that Mr. Paulson has the night off tonight,” the man says. “I can leave a message here for him if you would like.”
“That won’t be necessary,” I tell him, and hang up.
Because there is absolutely nowhere else I know to look, I try calling his phone again, but this time it just goes straight to voicemail.
“Dane, it’s Leila. You’re still not home, and I’ve been trying to call you. Just give me a call back and let me know that you’re all right, will you?”
I hang up, feeling completely helpless.
For as much as I care for him, there’s still so much that I don’t know about Dane. If he has friends outside of work, he’s never mentioned them.
Come to think of it, he’s never actually referred to any of his coworkers as friends. When he refers to them at all, and it’s a rare occasion that he does, he never has a single nice thing to say about any of them.
Maybe he and I are just too different to go on pretending that this is going to work.
Maybe he really should be with that lunatic.
I push those thoughts aside, though, as I really don’t know where he is or what’s happening.
Realizing that there’s no remaining scenario I can think of that would lead to a pleasant lovemaking session, I finally put my clothes on. Once they’re on, I realize I can’t just sit here.
I write a note and set it on the table.
It reads simply: “Dane, if you see this note before you see me, call. You’ve got me pretty freaked out here, and I’m out looking for you. Leila”
I gather my keys then double and triple check that I have my phone with me. With that, I make my way to the door, but that’s when I hear it.
It’s Dane. He’s in the hallway.
He’s singing.
I throw the door open to find him standing there with a palm full of loose change, fingering his way through it.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Leila!” he exclaims. “I’ve missed you so fucking much. I was just looking for my keys.”
“Come inside,” I tell him.
He stumbles into the apartment, bumping his hand on the countertop as he enters, spilling all but a few coins from his hand.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m a little drunk.”
“No shit. Where the hell were you? I was about to go out looking for you.”
“You see,” he says, grinning and slurring his words, “this is why I love you so much. You care about people. You’re a good person, Leila.”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “You’re kind of an asshole. Where were you?”
“Now don’t be mad,” he slurs.
“I don’t see much chance of that,” I tell him.
“Good,” he says, completely misunderstanding what I just told him. “I was with Wriggle—Wriggsley—Wrig—”
“Wrigley?” I ask. “Why?”
“After the way she was following me today, I wanted to figure out a way to get her to leave me alone, ‘cause I don’t like her like that anymore.”
I really don’t see any version of this story making things better.
“So I called her up,” he says, “and I told her that I wanted to talk to her.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he answers. “We met up for drinks, and I told her that no matter what, she had to stay away, ‘cause I don’t like the way she’s been following me around. It’s not fucking cool.”
I’m getting pretty sick of Drunk Dane, but maybe he actually accomplished something on his way down the bottle.
“And?”
“And what?” he asks. “Oh! Right,” he continues. “I told her that I wanted her to leave us alone, but she said I was the one who called her. I guess that’s true, but she told me that she was planting seeds and I didn’t want them to grow.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I ask.
“I think I—” he hiccups, and I swear to all that is holy, if he pukes on the floor, I’m going to get really pissed.
“You think you what?” I ask.
He laughs. “That’s a funny sentence.”
“How much did you have to drink?” I ask him. “It doesn’t look like you two just got together for a casual drink or two.”
“I’m not sure,” he says, “but I think it was a lot.”
“I’d say that’s a strong possibility.”
“You’re mad!” he whispers. “I thought you said you weren’t going to get mad.”
“That’s not what I said, you jackass, now did you figure something out or not?”
“She told me that she wouldn’t follow me around anymore,” he says. “So that’s a good thing. She also told me to pass along an apology on her behalf. She said the two of you talked a while ago and she said she came across kind of pretty rude.”
“That’s it?” I ask. “It’s over? She’s out of the picture?”
“She wasn’t in my picture,” he says. “I love you, Leilal.”
It’s close enough to a kind moment that my urge to punch him in the nose slowly fades, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy.
“But that’s it?” I ask. “Did she say anything else?”
“Yeah,” he says. “She told me that it’s not nice to call someone up just to tell them to leave you alone.” He leans toward me, his hand to the side of his mouth as if there’s anyone in the apartment for him to keep ignorant of the sloshing sound of his words. “I didn’t care.”
Well, on the one hand, it sounds like we might finally be free to actually start our relationship without having to worry about his old one trying to creep back in. On the other hand, I don’t think I could possibly be less attracted to him than I am now.
Hopefully, that feeling passes pretty quickly. Otherwise, this has been a lot of effort for nothing.
“Do you still love me?” he asks. “I still love you.”
“Why wouldn’t you still love me?” I ask.
“I do still love you,” he says, and loses his balance.
He manages to catch himself before he falls all the way to the ground, but he knocks a stack of plates off the counter in the process.
“Okay,” I tell him. “You’re taking a shower and I’m going to bring you some coffee after I get all this cleaned up.”
“You’re so good to me,” he says. “You’re fucking amazing.”
“I must be,” I sigh as I put one of his arms around my shoulders and walk him to the bathroom.
All things considered, the only thing he really did wrong was got too drunk.
I’ve done that.
I don’t know why I’m so angry with him, but the feeling’s not going away.
We get into the bathroom and I stuff him in the shower and tell him to take off his clothes.
“All right,” he says, a grin working its way up his face. “Hey,” he whispers.
“What?” I ask, leaning toward him.
“If you jump in the shower with me, we can pretend it’s a waterfall.”
With that, I’m done talking to him.
I turn on the shower, hoping that the jolt of the cold water brings him back to a more tolerable version of himself, and I walk out of the room.
It’s a miracle that neither of us got cut on the shards of ceramic plate scattered all over the kitchen floor.
The dishes were nothing fancy, but that doesn’t make me any less angry. My only consolation is that it doesn’t take long to pick up the remnants.
I can hear Dane in the bathroom.
It’s unclear whether he’s singing or just talking really loud, but I could do without hearing that voice for a little while, so I walk over to the television, fully intending to crank the volume up and drown his voice out entirely.
That’s when I hear what he’s singing.
I step into the bathroom.
“…Leila, Leila, Leila, Leila…”
The guy’s a mess, but damn it, he’s my mess.
He’s drenched and I know how cold the water is, but he’s just sitting there on the shower floor, arms open wide, eyes closed, singing my name.
It’s pretty hard to stay mad at him.