Chapter 24

Juliana

 

 

A pit roughly the size of Oklahoma had settled in my stomach over the course of the past 24 hours, pretty much since Pacey had all but run out of my bedroom. I wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t texted. I saw the way he’d looked at me when he told me he was leaving; he didn’t really have plans. He was just trying to escape as fast as humanly possible.

I could practically smell the fear that was rolling off him before he left. My only regret was that I’d succumbed to his charms in the first place. There was good reason behind that ‘fool me twice’ saying, so I was the one to blame for my troubles in this situation.

I was such an idiot for having thought he was serious about me, when in reality, he was exactly the player that I’d thought him to be. Huffing out a sigh, I spun my phone on my desk at work, staring out the windows to the nearly empty parking lot outside. For once, I wished that work would get busy. That way I wouldn’t have time to think about players who— My phone started vibrating mid-spin, and my heart jumped to my throat when I saw who was calling.

Players who were calling me, apparently. I considered letting the call go to voice, but I was too curious. I honestly hadn’t been expecting him to call.

“Hello?” I said, my voice thankfully sounding a hell of a lot calmer than I was feeling at the moment.

“Hey, Juliana,” Pacey said. “You doing okay?”

“I’m fine,” I answered hesitantly. “How was watching the game?”

“We never got around to watching, actually. We ended up drinking beer in the pool most of the day.” I nearly believed him, but I still remembered his eyes before he left. It was possible that I’d misread the look in them, but not probable. The only thing was that he sounded so honest. He was a complete mind fuck, this one.

“So listen,” he said before I could reply. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out later, we can go for a ride or something?”

“I don’t know, Pacey. I just—” I wasn’t sure that I should jump down the rabbit hole again, but was there really a reason to turn him down here, though? He’d said he would text, but he called. It didn’t sound like he was lying about spending time with friends after he left me, and the orgasms, oh boy. “Yeah, okay. We can do that.”

“Yeah?” He coughed in surprise. “Great. Pick you up at your place at 6?”

“See you then.” I hung up before I could change my mind or think too much about the possible reasons behind his obvious surprise.

The rest of the day passed agonizingly slowly. The only upside was that it gave me plenty of time to plan what I wanted to wear for our date. If it was a date. I had to be ready for the possibility that he was taking me out to let me down gently.

Wanting to be ready either way, I listened to my girl power mix while I got ready later that day. I took a long bath when I got home, shaving carefully. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail in case he arrived on his bike, donned a sexy, soft pink pair of undies and a matching bra. Opting to keep my makeup light and natural, I only swept on a coat of mascara, and once I was done with my preparation, danced around my room while singing “Holding Out for a Hero” into my hairbrush.

It was a touch childish, and I felt a bit silly while doing it, but it made me feel ready for whatever was awaiting me that night, and that made it worth it. Fifteen minutes before Pacey was due to arrive, I finally got dressed. I chose a soft, fitted pair of jeans that I knew my ass looked great in, a white button-up shirt, and a casual, brown leather jacket.

Finishing off the outfit with ankle boots that matched the jacket, I was ready to go. At exactly 6 p.m. there was a knock on my door, and I rushed to get it, but composed myself before I opened it by taking a few deep breaths.

“Hey,” I said, trying to control my racing heart. He looked damn fine, also wearing jeans and a white shirt, but his was a tee and the jacket resting on the bike behind him was the same black one from the first ride I’d taken with him.

“Hi,” he said, reaching out to pull me in for a quick hug. “You look beautiful.”

I looped my arms around his shoulders and rested my head in the crook of his neck, trying to breathe him in without making it too obvious. “You look terrible.”

His laughter rolled from his chest into mine, and his shoulders shook slightly. “Thanks, that’s what I was going for. You ready to go?”

To my greatest disappointment, he released me from the hug and stepped back. The sting of being released was soothed over immediately when he held out a hand to me. I took it without hesitation, and we walked the short distance to his bike in a comfortable silence.

It was still light out, though the sun was starting to dip and the sky was becoming bathed in warmer colors rather than the bright blue of the day. The temperature was mild, but I was going to be glad to have my jacket for the back of the bike.

Pacey had both helmets waiting on the seat and lifted one over my head, gently mashing it down. “May I?”

“Please.” As they had the last time, his fingers brushed my face as he fastened the straps and I leaned into the soft touches.

There was something intense about Pacey today, something different, though I couldn’t put my finger on it. Unlike last time, he tugged on each strap to double-check it, and I tilted my head, not understanding why needed to check straps he’d just fastened.

“Everything okay with you?”

He lifted his eyes to mine, the golden flecks radiant against the brown and nodded, but his jaw was tight as he grunted. “Should’ve brought the truck, that’s all.”

I patted the seat of the bike and smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it. The death machine and I are old friends.” 

Pacey’s eyes fell shut for a fraction of a second, and I could’ve sworn that he went a little pale under his tan. “Definitely should’ve brought the truck.”

“Why? Look,” I pointed to my boots and jeans. “I even made sure I was dressed better for the bike this time.”

And look he did, though I felt suddenly naked under his scrutiny. His lips kicked up into a private smile and he wrapped his arms around me, brushing my lips with a soft kiss. “Yeah, you did. Hop on up there, sassy girl.”

“I wasn’t being sassy,” I objected laughingly, accepting Pacey’s help to get up on the bike. When I was seated, he flung his leg over the seat and pulled me flush against his back by my thighs.

What’s going on with him? Something definitely was different here, but I wasn’t going to question it. I liked it too much.

“Hang on tight, sweetheart.”

My ears perked up; since when did he call me sweetheart? I followed his advice though, threading my arms around his trim waist and cuddling up against his back. We roared away from my house, but I noticed that he was driving slower than he had been the first time I’d ridden with him.

But whatever, it gave me more time to be plastered as close to him as I could be, hanging on to him for dear life as we ghosted past rural roads and back into the countryside again. The lush green fields rolled by and I relaxed into him, feeling completely safe and content on the back of his bike. I rested my head at the base of his spine and took in the scenery, feeling the uncertainty of the last two days melt away the longer I was with him.

He turned onto a short gravel road that led to a secluded field between tall trees with a narrow stream running over smooth stones. I hadn’t realized that we’d be climbing, but we were actually quite high up on the side of a hill, the view of the setting sun spectacular from our vantage point. He kicked out the stand of the bike and helped me off.

Once I was safely on the ground and my helmet was back on the seat of the bike, he reached into the storage compartment and pulled out a blanket and a small container of some kind.

“A picnic?” I asked, surprised.

Pacey nodded as we walked through the trees, finding a spot with an unobstructed view of the sunset. He was being so very quiet that I didn’t quite know what to make of it. He spread the blanket, set the container down, and folded his big body into a cross-legged sitting position on the blanket. “You want to sit?”

“Sure,” I said, joining him on the blanket with no small amount of nerves racing through my body. I chewed on my bottom lip as he stared out at the setting sun. “What’s wrong, Pacey?”

His eyes snapped immediately to mine, looking alarmed. “Wrong?”

“Yeah, you’re being kind of… different,” I told him, mentally crossing fingers and toes that it wasn’t because he was trying to figure out how to end whatever it was that was only starting between us. Surely, he wouldn’t have brought me all the way out here for a romantic picnic at sunset if that was the case.

“I, I uh, need to tell you something.” Well, if that didn’t send my heart thundering. He busied himself with the container, opening it to reveal some crackers, cheese, a handful of strawberries, a few chocolate truffles, and a small bottle of sparkling cider.

As the sky filled with streaks of color amid the setting sun, he scooted closer to me, his expression solemn as he reached for both of my hands.

Crap. This couldn’t be good. I tried to keep my voice even, but it was still slightly shaky. “Okay, what is it?”

He looked as uncomfortable as I’d ever seen him, finally beginning with a measured tone. “I didn’t call you last week because I had a girlfriend.”

My stomach dropped right along with my jaw. “What?”

Taking one look at my horrified expression, he started shaking his head fast and laughed humorlessly. “No, no, no. I didn’t mean I had a girlfriend last week. I had a girlfriend who died five years ago. Fuck, I’m horrible at this.”

A lot of things were starting to make sense in the back of my mind, but I squeezed his hand encouragingly. “No, you’re not. Keep going; I’m listening.”

“Her name was May. She was a SEAL, too. We were on a mission together when she took a bullet—” he dropped off, staring contemplatively out at the sunset before continuing. “I was devastated when I lost her. I was right there, but I couldn’t save her. She was gone faster than I could blink, let alone do something to help her.”

Sympathy was building in me at a terrifying rate. The pain in his voice was raw and honest, making even my heart ache from the crushing weight of it. So this was what he was carrying around, why he looked like Atlas carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders sometimes.

I wanted to help him in any way that I could, and carry just a bit of the weight with him. Lifting his hands to my lips, I kissed the backs softly and twined our fingers together, before setting our hands back into my lap. “Do you want to talk about it?”