23
Steve
They may have just been at James’s home, but this felt like a date. Candlelight, fresh pasta, spicy savory sauce, and Steve sat across from the most handsome man he’d seen in his life. If this wasn’t a date, then Steve didn’t know if he’d ever need to go on one. This was perfect enough as it was.
Steve twirled the pasta with his fork and looked into the gorgeous man’s brown eyes. He smiled, wiped his mouth with his cloth napkin, and rested his chin on his hands. He couldn’t take his eyes off him. And as the man smiled back, Steve blushed. This man made him shy, and no one had ever looked at him like that.
“What?” Steve asked, trying not to blush any more than he was.
Sliding his plate aside, he held Steve’s gaze. “Stay with me tonight,” James said. The words shocked Steve. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to hear them. He did, more than anything. It was just that the whole idea of making a commitment like that made him nervous. It made what this was real. It took it beyond fling to relationship, and although his heart of hearts told him that he wanted it, there was still a part of him that wasn’t sure.
He grabbed his drink and drank it quickly. “Oh, I…my little brother…”
Disappointment flashed over James’s face, but then he replaced it with an encouraging smile. “Yeah, sure…I understand. How’s that going?”
He wasn’t used to telling people about his problems, only Dennis. But he trusted this man. Everything in his body told him he should, and it was time to open up. Besides, if he did, then maybe James would open up to him too? “I…not so good, to be honest.”
“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?” asked James, with sincerity in his eyes.
Steve conjured up a smile. “I wish.”
Honestly, he was overwhelmed. This situation had only gone from bad to worse, and years of hiding it from people had taken its toll.
James pulled out his money clip and flipped through his dollar bills. “If you need some extra cash…”
As generous as that offer was, it was more than just the money. It was his brother, always having to be looked after. If was his father, always beating on him. It was…well, it was everything. Yes, some money would help, but it wouldn’t solve everything.
Holding up his hand in protest, Steve said, “No, I…I want to earn it.” He wasn’t used to accepting handouts. Everything he had, as little as it was, he’d earned himself.
A devilish smirk appeared on the older man’s face. “Oh, I’ll make you earn it all right…”
Steve blushed again. “No, I’m serious.” He didn’t want the man to think he was there to get what he could out of him.
Steve had always been independent. He’d scraped by on his own. He had gotten into that state college on his own, and he wasn’t about to accept anyone’s help. That was why he looked after his brother with such tenacity. That was just the way he was.
James rested his hand on top of Steve’s and said, “I know you are. I’m just trying to loosen you up, that’s all.” There was an air of humor in his comment, but also a genuine concern that Steve appreciated. More than that, he needed it.
Steve smiled back. “I appreciate it.” He’d never met anyone that cared as much for him as James did.
His best friend was like a brother to him, but this thing with James was different. When he got into a fight with his friend, he thought that was normal and moved on. When he did with James, his heart broke as he spent the next few hours thinking of ways to fix it. His heart glowed that he’d finally met someone like this, someone who meant so much to him.
James squeezed his hand and said, “I told you. You can talk to me about things. It’s not just about sex with you and me. I want something deeper, more meaningful with you.”
Steve squeezed his hand back. “I want that too.” He just didn’t want to overwhelm James with his problems. He was very aware of their age gap sometimes, and was worried that he would just come across as some whiny kid. If he did, then James would surely get over him.
James lowered his tone and locked eyes again with Steve. “So tell me what’s going on at home that you don’t want to be there.”
His heart raced. He’d kept this secret for so long. “I never said—”
James leaned back in his chair, but kept his eyes on Steve’s. “Listen, I’ve been alive longer than you, remember?”
Steve sighed and stared into his half-eaten plate of spaghetti, abandoned minutes ago. It wasn’t that it wasn’t tasty, it was that he’d lost his appetite thinking about this. “It’s my dad. He’s…we don’t get along.”
James shook his head and crossed his arms. “Oh, baby. Is that where all those bruises came from the other day?”
Steve nodded, trying to hold back the tears. He was so ashamed that he’d let it go on this long, that he hadn’t reported it. It made him feel like a kid whenever it happened, and he didn’t want James to see him like that. So, he’d panicked.
And on top of that, what if James reported it and they took his little brother away? He knew he wouldn’t do anything to break up his family on purpose, but accidents did happen.
“You won’t say anything, will you?” asked Steve, swallowing hard.
James’s jaw clenched. He looked angrier than Steve had ever seen him. “I’ll beat his ass.” Steve smiled to himself. He appreciated the sentiment and the fact that it was so genuine, but he couldn’t imagine the fallout that would happen if he did. Even though his brother was constantly as scared as he was, he was sure the act would only upset him.
Steve leaned forward and said, “No, it’ll only make it worse. Besides, it’s not all the time. Only when he drinks, and…he’s not home most of the time anyway.”
It was a lame excuse. He knew it as soon as the words came out of his mouth, but as horrible as his father had been, he wished people could see what he had been like before his mom had passed away. That was, truly, the only thing that he could hang on to.
James leaned forward too. “Listen to me, that doesn’t give him permission to do that.”
Steve sighed. If his best friend had said that, he would have told him the same thing. “I know, but that would fuck things up with me and my brother. He’s already had enough changes in his life as it is. I don’t want him to go through more.”
He sighed. “Fine. But I told you, you need a safe place to stay, you and your brother. You’re welcome here.”
The worry was still etched on the man’s face, and it was clear he didn’t like Steve’s decision not to do something about it.
Yet, the kindness in his eyes and the genuine concern touched Steve’s heart. This man truly cared for him, and he hated saying no to his help. But it wasn’t that simple. He hoped that the older man would let it go for now.
Steve worked up a smile and said, “I appreciate it, but we’re cool for now. We’ll figure something out. Besides, you wouldn’t have room with all those boxes.”
James winked at him. “We can make room.”
Steve’s mind went back to the strange papers he’d seen in the boxes. It didn’t add up, and now was as good of a time as any to ask. “Hey, when I was looking for books, I saw this stuff and—”
“You want dessert?” James asked, getting up and grabbing the plates.
Steve was startled by the sudden move and lost his train of thought. “Uh, sure…”
“Good, we better get to eating before it goes cold.”
He wasn’t sure if James had even heard him; but if he had, then James clearly was nervous about the topic. He was about to press the issue and then realized something amazing: he didn’t care. It didn’t bother him nearly as much as it ought to have.
He finally had someone he could count on, someone who would be there with him through thick and thin. So what if he had a secret or two? It didn’t seem to affect his love for him in any way, and wasn’t that the most important thing? Right now, in this humble but warm and cozy home, there was no other place Steve wanted to be.