28
Steve
It was the most frightening time of his life. All the beatings he had had, all the times he hadn’t known where his next meal would come from, all of that and more didn’t compare to this at all. He wanted to believe what had happened was a nightmare, that he was about to wake up. But here he was, standing in front of his best friend’s house, racking his brain with how he’d explain the situation.
“Breathe, breathe,” Steve said to himself as he knocked on Dennis’s door. The humble home was well decorated and the landscape manicured, a stark contrast to the shitty trailer where Steve lived. Right now, it all seemed to be mocking him.
His best friend had never judged him for his upbringing, and for that, he’d be forever grateful. He hoped their friendship could last after this. It was strong…but was it that strong?
There was no answer at first, but Kenny’s little voice was loud and clear from inside. “I’ll get it!”
Steve put on a smile as his little brother opened the door and said, “Stevie! Pow!”
“Ow!” Steve said. His little brother had punched him in the balls. “Fuck. You got your things?” he asked, grimacing in pain.
“Yeah,” said Kenny, totally oblivious to what had happened. He did a karate stance, ready for another strike, but Steve gave him the look Kenny knew meant business.
“Good,” said Steve.
He hated having to uproot his brother again, but this was necessary. So long as they were together, that was what mattered.
A whoosh of wind sprayed wet autumn leaves in his face. He nodded in the direction of the truck. “You see that dude in the truck? He’s my coach at school. We’re going to be staying with him for a while.”
Kenny gave him a funny look. “We are?” he asked, his big smile revealing sets of missing teeth.
Steve nodded at James. “Yep. And he’s even got lots of sports stuff. Hop in his truck, will you?” It wasn’t a question, and Kenny had to obey.
“Okay!” Kenny jumped up and down like the whole thing was a game.
Steve watched him run off, totally envying his little brother at that moment. Life was so simple when you were that age. There were no consequences, no fear of the future. You felt invincible.
Dennis suddenly stepped up to the door. Their eyes met. “Hey,” said his best friend with an accusatory look.
There was a pause between the two. In that moment, Steve was sure that he knew. There was a tension between the two men that he had never felt before. Not after any fight or disagreement they had had. Never. This was thick and heavy, like a secret dangled between them that neither wanted to admit to.
“Hey,” Steve finally offered. He felt like the word barely managed to break through the wall that was between the two men.
They looked at each other and didn’t say a word. Steve shivered a little, not only because it was so nippy, but because the two of them had never had problems coming up with what to say next. This was a first.
It was game of chicken. The subject had to come up. But who was going to raise it?
“So…” Dennis said, leaning up against the doorframe. “What was that whole phone call thing?”
He stuffed his hands in his pockets, trying to act casual. “What phone call thing?” Steve asked. It was unconvincing and the silence returned. Heavier than before.
Dennis held his gaze. Steve looked around at the sunset sinking below the Oregon evergreen-covered hills; anything was better than dealing with this shit.
He sighed. His heart pounded like crazy. He really had no idea at all what he was going to say. He and James had talked about it, come up with ideas. But nothing concrete. There was no right answer, that was the problem. “I was…”
His best friend arched an eyebrow. “Yes…?”
Filling in the blanks with lies wasn’t an option. He’d have to come out with the truth eventually. He looked back at James in the truck, hoping he’d come rescue him out of this situation, but the man was laughing about something with Kenny in the front seat.
Nope. Steve was on his own on this one. This was something he would have to deal with.
“You know,” said Steve, shrugging. He was at a loss for words. How did someone tell their lifelong best friend a secret they’d hidden from them their whole lives? Especially when he wasn’t sure how the friend was going to react? He had made homophobic comments in the past. Steve hoped he hadn’t meant them.
Dennis offered an explanation, crossing his arms. “So, you and the coach are…?”
Steve’s jaw clenched. He didn’t know whether to stand up straight or lean against the door post. “It’s just…I didn’t want you to find out this way.”
By Dennis’s expression of disappointment, that explanation wasn’t good enough. “Well, I did.” Was he upset by the fact that he had been lied to, or that he was gay?
Honk! The sudden interruption startled them both and Steve looked back at James’s reassuring nod. The man must have had ESP. Saved by the bell. He couldn’t have handled this conversation any longer, needing an excuse to get away. This way he could give Dennis time to contemplate the news, maybe come to accept it.
“I’ve got to go,” said Steve, clearing his throat.
Dennis narrowed his eyes at him. “Yeah, you do that. Enjoy your lover.”
“It’s not funny,” said Steve sternly.
His best friend’s voice had an edge to it as he told Steve, “I wasn’t joking. I’m telling you, man, he’s taking advantage of you, just like he’s done to…”
“Done to who?” asked Steve, speaking over the roar of James’s engine.
Now it was Dennis’s time to stutter. “I told you, people talk.”
What the hell did that mean?
Honk!
His mind raced with thoughts of what Dennis had said. What did he mean when he said that ‘people talk’? There was no way that James was taking advantage of him. No way at all. What they had was…was…what was it? He’d have to find out later. He’d have to get the truth out of Coach James.