34
Steve
The phone rang, and Steve couldn’t ignore it a third time or Dennis would keep calling. He wanted to keep on cleaning the house rather than getting caught up in a conversation that he’d rather not have.
“What?” Steve asked.
His best friend was the last person he wanted to talk to right now. Not only because he was embarrassed about having decided to patch things up with James, but because he would be reminded of what had happened between Dennis and the older man. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but still he couldn’t help being mad.
Dennis cleared his throat before answering. “Hey, you okay?” His voice was strained and broken. It made Steve’s heart sink, but he had to stay angry.
He folded his arms and said, “Fine. Why?”
This was hard. He could count on one hand the times the two had been truly mad at each other, and truthfully, he couldn’t even remember what the last time was about. But this was different.
There was a pause before Dennis answered, “Just thought we could talk.” Part of Steve wanted to smile. His best friend couldn’t stand the thought of them being apart as much as Steve couldn’t.
“Talk about what?” asked Steve, trying to remain angry, but it was difficult. He hated being angry at him; it hurt.
It seemed that Dennis had a breaking point too, as he would not put up with the temper tantrums any longer. “You know ‘what about,’ and don’t be an asshole. You didn’t tell me you were into dudes either.”
Steve sighed. He should have known they couldn’t stay upset with each other forever. Besides, what had happened was long before he and James had met. He hadn’t planned on staying mad at his best friend forever. Just until he was comfortable with what had happened. But it seemed that Dennis had called his bluff.
“Okay,” Steve said, chuckling.
There was a smile in his voice as Dennis asked, “So, he around?” It was a weighted question. Steve wondered if there was something else he had to tell him.
“No, he went to run some errands,” said Steve. “He’s going to be going out of town for a few days.”
His boyfriend hadn’t been too specific about where he was going or exactly how long, and Steve tried to not let it bother him. He had seemed genuine when he’d said that he wanted to make it up to him, and Steve wanted to believe him.
Dennis’s tone lightened up. “Good, so…what’s up?” Good, it wasn’t anything serious. Only curiosity. Maybe he was also a little worried for him?
Steve rushed through what he had to say as if to get it all out before he was undoubtedly interrupted. “He’s going to clean up that extra room so Kenny can stay there and—”
His best friend cut him off like he’d known he would. “What? You’re going to stay with him?” he asked, the edge to his voice returning.
He was tired of this topic already. Besides, he resented having to justify the choices he made in his personal life. He was a grown man, dammit.
“He apologized,” said Steve, thinking that that should be enough to settle the matter.
Dennis groaned. Here it came, another judgmental comment. “And you’re fine with that?”
He wanted to throw something. How Dennis thought this was any of his business was beyond him. What happened between him and his man was only between the two of them. He appreciated Dennis’s concern. But his friend needed to know his place.
“What’s it to you?” Steve asked with grit.
Dennis sighed, each word heavier than the next. “I’m just looking out for you, Steve. Why don’t you get someone your own age?”
There he went. This was what it was all about. Dennis thought James was too old for him. But that had never been an issue for Steve. He loved that James was an older man. He loved that the man was stable and mature and experienced. He loved learning from him. He loved how he guided him from the jagged edges that made up life whenever possible.
Steve shook his head and said, “Someone my own age? Why does that matter? Me and him, it works, and he’s helping me a lot.” Though he didn’t think he needed to explain himself; his word should have been enough.
Dennis groaned again. “With what?”
That was it, Steve was about to lose his shit. He thought that his best friend had called to see if he was okay. But really, he had called to try and get involved. His best friend knew better than to push his buttons. No one would have described Steve as an even-tempered guy, exactly, but he’d never lost his top with his best friend. But right now, he was close.
“With a place to stay, for one. With a new school with—”
Dennis gasped, and Steve wished he hadn’t said that. He forgot that he hadn’t had a chance to tell him yet.
“You’re going to transfer? Were you going to tell me this? So, I won’t see you on campus anymore?”
His voice softened. They’d been in the same school since preschool. This was a shock for both of them when he thought about it. Usually Dennis would have been the first person he would have told, and now he was the last. “We’ll still see each other.”
He checked his phone. There was total silence, and Steve was about to see if they’d been disconnected when Dennis finally said something.
“You’ve changed.” The words hung in the air like wet trash hanging out to dry.
Everything he said at the moment only served to irritate him further. His best friend was the one who had changed. Dennis had changed all the plans they had for the future, wanting to focus on academics instead of sports, talking about going to graduate school overseas in the future. How dare he judge him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.
Dennis screamed at the top of his lungs, and Steve had to hold the phone back from his ear. “He’s going to pull you away from me and you’re just letting him do it!”
What did he have against James? Things between him and his best friend had nothing to do with Steve’s boyfriend.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” asked Steve, yelling back. He’d defend his man to the end if he had to, and he didn’t like having to choose between the two. His best friend should have known better than to put him in that position.
Dennis sighed. He didn’t respond right away. “Forget about it. Hope you two are happy together.” And this was followed by a long beep. He’d hung up.
Steve tried to pretend it didn’t bother him. If Dennis wanted to leave his life, then fine. Maybe it was time to just move on.
But deep inside, it hurt his gut and everything inside of him. He’d lost his best friend, maybe forever. He could feel it. He wanted to know why he couldn’t have both the love of his life and the best friend. Why was life so intent on kicking him down?