33
Coach James
What a bizarre message Steve had left for James. He’d listened to it several times and still couldn’t make heads or tails of the thing.
He glanced at his phone one more time as he stepped inside his home. He saw Steve straight away, pacing back and forth. He was clearly upset about something.
And yet despite himself, he smiled. It was always good to see Steve, even though they’d just seen each other at practice. And even though he was obviously upset about something.
“Hey, I got your text. You didn’t have to pick up Kenny. I told you I—” James said, but the moment Steve locked eyes with him, he knew something was wrong and that he was to blame.
Wham!
Steve socked James right in the jaw. The pain was excruciating and shocking, and he stumbled back, blinking the pain away. This wasn’t his first time in the rodeo, and he knew how to take a punch. But it wasn’t about that. He’d never expected to be hit by someone who he cared for that much. That was what really sent him stumbling.
James spat out the blood from his mouth and glared at Steve. This was unacceptable behavior, and it took every ounce of his self-control to not punch Steve back. But he knew he couldn’t. He cared for him too much, and if he did he would never forgive himself.
“What the—”
“How could you?” Steve cut in, nostrils flaring.
Whatever it was that had made Steve so upset, it had him clenching his fist again, ready for another swing.
James was completely confused. What the hell did he do wrong? He thought that things had been going really well with the two of them. Especially considering all the challenges that had been thrown their way.
“How could I what?” asked James, rubbing his sore jaw. He was so confused that he just wanted answers.
Steve bounced back and forth, raising his fists, ready for another round. He could tell that it was taking a lot of willpower for Steve to not take another swing. “You and my best friend, and you didn’t tell me?” he asked.
James swallowed hard, and he instantly wished that he hadn’t asked. He hadn’t expected to have this conversation yet. That bastard Dennis had fucked everything up. Yes, he’d been planning to tell him, but when he was ready. When he had Steve in the right place and was able to control his reaction. When he knew that their bond was strong enough to work through it. Not now.
He sighed and said, “That happened way before I even knew you…”
Steve cut him off. “But you didn’t tell me, James. You said that you wanted an honest relationship, and this is how you do that? By hiding shit from me?”
It was a lame excuse he’d made. Steve was right, of course. He should have told him a long time ago, when they had first met. Maybe then they would have dealt with it in a more mature way. Sure, it would have been hard, but at least then they could have started out without any lies—only their love.
James had very few regrets in his life, but this was one of them.
And the worst part of it all wasn’t even that he had lied. It was the fact that his actions had hurt this beautiful man so much and so deeply. He would have killed to keep this man safe, so the fact that he was the one that had hurt him so destroyed the older man.
James approached him cautiously. He had to get him to calm down, to think rationally. “I didn’t hide it from you. I was just waiting for the right time.”
Steve shook his head, his fists clenching and unclenching. He didn’t believe James, that was obvious. And James could hardly hold it against him. The coach had just destroyed his trust. James had to earn it back now. But how?
“Waiting for the right time? Like when we’d moved in together? Fuck you,” said Steve, swinging another punch at him. James saw this one coming and dodged it, catching him in a headlock. He wouldn’t hurt the guy; this was just to stop him. And maybe he had deserved the punch that Steve had given him, too?
“What are you doing?” asked James, gritting his teeth.
The young man was strong, really strong, and it took a lot for James to keep him in place. A position which he couldn’t hold for long. Breaking away, Steve stormed down the hall toward the spare bedroom.
“I’m gathering our shit. Kenny’s climbing that tree out back, and when he’s done, we’re going to—”
James stormed after him. He couldn’t let Steve do this. He knew that he was angry, but he had hoped that they were stronger than that. Walking out of their relationship and what they were building wasn’t the way out of this situation. They could fix it—he could fix it.
“Where the hell are you going to go, Steve? Where?”
The young man wasn’t thinking clearly. James would kill himself if anything bad happened to them on the streets. James had lived there when he was younger and he knew the terrors that lurked beneath the filth. He had to convince him to stay.
Steve grabbed his duffle bag and stuffed Kenny’s clothes inside as James stepped inside the bedroom.
Mumbling to himself, Steve said, “I don’t know where we’re going. Anywhere but here…”
James grabbed him by the arm. He needed to knock some sense into the younger man. “No, I won’t have you struggling out there. If you don’t want to be with me, then…I’ll have to deal with it. But at least let me help you.”
He meant it, too. It was more important that they stay safe, and as much as it broke his heart to think so, if that meant they were breaking up, he’d do it. The man meant that much to him.
Steve’s lips quivered at the offer, and for a moment James thought that he had gotten through to him.
But then, pushing James away, he said, “I don’t want your help.”
From the look in his eyes, James could tell that Steve hadn’t meant what he said. He was only hurt and torn apart. At least James had that to hang on to. He knew that if he was patient and kept at it, then maybe he could win the kid back.
To know, after all that Steve had been through in his life, that he’d played a part in kicking him while he was down destroyed James even more. He had to make this right, and he had to do so now. That was the only way to get him back.
“Hey, look at me,” James said, speaking softly but firmly. “Now.”
Steve’s eyes met his. He stopped resisting. His lips shook. “I thought I could trust you. You were the one person in the world. My brother and I have been through some real shit. And now this?”
This shattered James’s heart more than anything. It was his fault, all of it. He took total responsibility and didn’t blame Steve for feeling this way.
“Listen to me. I fucked up, but it was to protect your heart. I swear. I really was going to tell you.”
“You hurt me,” Steve said, his jaw clenching and the tears flowing. He was so emotionally vulnerable, so weak and in need of someone to look after him right now. James wanted to be that person. He needed to be.
James pulled him into an embrace and wouldn’t let him go. “I know, baby, but please…give me a chance to earn your trust again. I swear. Please. Don’t go. I want to take care of you. I want to take care of your brother, too. I don’t have any family, not anymore. And I want to build a new one.”