I could’ve slapped Sean there and then. “Are…are…are…are you sure it’s actually a baby? It might just be too many antelopes?”

“Sean, my body shape hasn’t changed for the past five years. The older I get the more I cut back, for the sake of my health. So, no, pull the other one.”

“Yeah…but…it’s only been a month!”

“And I haven’t been with anybody else since! I’m not that sort of Omega—”

“Could’ve fooled me!”

I wanted to both laugh and cry at Sean who ran his fingers through that sandy hair which had grown in length since the last time we saw each other. I never noticed how stubbed his forehead was, and I could spot the lines of duress as he kept his hands on the top of his skull.

“I’m not saying you’re loose in the lower decking, but…that night you sure came across like…” He slapped the front of his thigh and then walked off – but then turned around – only to walk off again – and then he said, “Are you sure it’s mine?”

I prolonged the, “Yes,” that ended with a huff like I’d taken offence to that. I came closer to Sean and he kept backing away each time I did. “I honestly haven’t been with anybody since you. I had no reason to be with anybody at all.”

Sean kept peering at my stomach like it contained a flesh-eating virus. “But how would I know that’s the truth?”

“I think you know my character more than you let on. Even if you chose to ignore what’s plainly noticeable!”

“Oh yeah!” Sean still acted like I was a contagious bug. “All I know about you is you married singledom and wore a chastity belt.”

I still tried not to laugh. “Times have moved on since the use of those—”

“I see that they should be used again!”

Sean’s zig-zagging of responsibility was apparent.

“Chasity belt or not, I’m pregnant!”

“Yeah. And a month’s a long time to keep that from the un-doting father-to-be. I was around…you could’ve…I dunno…hailed me down in a bar and told me after I was wasted. I’d be a better receiver at the end of your line.”

“I don’t like to chase. I’m too old for that, Sean.”

Sean did this twisting motion with his forearm rapidly — and there was some shaking until he got it under control. “How…how long have you known…you were pregnant?”

“Sean—”

“How—”

“You didn’t let me finish!”

“Well you need to be finish faster!” –

“Can we just…can we just calm down? I won’t hold back from you with this. I knew after the four-day period we spent together that something wasn’t right. It was only on the final day that I decided to check it out and do a test. My symptoms of pregnancy weren’t that strong though. Only light headaches and gaseousness when I shouldn’t have any of that.

“But the test confirmed I was. And then it all began: cravings, cramps, mood swings, and tiredness from moving here and there. The next challenge for me was dealing with how to tell you.”

“And have I disappointed?”

“No. I expected you to be even worse. But you’ve managed to not hop on that bike and drive off.”

“I mean…how can I? What sort of a person does that?”

“You’d be surprised, Sean.”

I could see he was settling down. But I had to keep my distance from him. I just had to hope he wouldn’t reach that cruiser of his — because Sean had an unpredictability that was attractive and annoying at the same time.

“I have to apologize for the way I’m springing away from you…but…if you…if you had told me sooner…a respectfulness comes into that.”

“You’d respectfully find it easier to leave.”

“That’s not what I’m—”

“So, what do we—”

“Are you sure it’s mi—”

“Yes!” I screamed this at Sean and the birds didn’t appreciate it. He was nearer to his cruiser and that piled on the pressure. I knew what he was up to. “I need your help here, Sean! We have to decide what’s the best course of action to take!”

Sean had his hand on the handlebar ready to get on the dual seat. But his leg made it half-way and he just hovered over it: not sure whether to sit down or hop off and land on both feet. “My suggestion is just how I deal with everything.”

“And what’s that?” Sean had me close to biting the protein off my fingernails.

“Abort!” He got upon his bike. “The best thing to do would be abort.” And without looking at me Sean said, “I’ll cover the costs. And you’ll not have to worry about a penny. I’ll take care of it all, Robbie.”

If Sean was serious…no…he was serious. And that infuriated me. So I left him to start up his cruiser and headed in the opposite direction not contemplating the suggestion he had offered. It was a typical answer from a boy who wanted no responsibility. And I didn’t think I would hear Sean switch off the engine and then come after me with a light-paced jog until he overtook me.

“I take that as a no then?”

“Is everything a joke to you?”

“This revelation isn’t a punch-and-Judy.”

“You’re too much! I don’t even know what that means.”

“I’m not finding any of this funny—”

“Good! Because it takes two to make a baby—”

“You don’t say, Robbie.”

My voice dropped a few notches. “I’m not aborting what’s growing in me.” And next, I could barely get it all out. “I…I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

“Do what?”

“Lose another child!”

That woke Sean up!

“I lost the first one, and I’ll be damned if it happens for the second time running. No. I will not do it…” I wasn’t spilling tears. But my heart was leaking, and I needed to turn from Sean so I could patch it all up again.

Sean laid his hand on my shoulder gently, but removed it when I gave him a glare that said not to touch me. “What do you mean by that, Robbie?” It was the calmest I had heard him sound.

Sean’s gentleness touched me, and that leaked heart had gone through enough stages of healing with the plasters that did their best to hold it all together. But maybe I needed to just let it all out. I was used to closing the door with the problem standing on the outside catching a cold.

But a new baby was on the way…the tears were coming. A new baby was growing inside me…the tears were waiting to depart. And the story of my last…my eyes slammed shut. Then my quivering lips gave way to the sounds of teardrops on my pillow. But there was no comfy pillow, only Sean’s shoulder to take refuge on.

I sobbed, as Sean led me to sit on his cruiser until I was able to tell him about my sunken ship that would never stay in the depths. He had gone inside the council building to fetch me some toilet paper. I refused the tissue. But Sean stuffed it inside my trouser pocket.

“Tell me what happened, Robbie?”

“Ok…” I found that tissue paper would actually come in handy. I blew my nose a few times and then scrunched it up in my palm. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth about why I’m still single with the social pariah status. I…uh…I blame my current pack for not doing more. I can’t blame them entirely for what happened. I always did blame then. But if it was any other Omega, they would react in the exact same manner that I did.” I was defiant on that point. “If any of them lost a child and their husband…” I inhaled painfully, “then they’d know to partly blame themselves for not being taken along with them.”

“You were married with a kid?”

I gave him a tiresome exhale and a slow coming, “Yes.”

Sean held out his arms and drew me in: patting my back and squeezing the back of my head.

“It was an attack.” I might as well have been crying out words. “They had no chance. My husband and kid…they had no chance whatsoever.”

Sean squeezed the neurons out of my system. “I’m really sorry, Robbie. That’s a tough thing to cope with. I can see why you stick to more safer weathers. I can’t imagine dealing with something that humongous!” Sean let me go and tried to find more tissue to give me.

“It’s ok, Sean, I can still use this one.”

“I am sorry.”

“You don’t need to be. And it’s not fair for me to bring this out on you now. I’m not doing it to get pity or empathy from you.”

“I know you aren’t.”

“But that’s the reason why I can’t get an abortion. It would be no different to losing another.”

I got off Sean’s cruiser and allowed him to sit. He needed to find a solution to my final decision. It wasn’t an ego bruiser to see an Alpha of Sean’s qualities so hassled by something that would grind him into salt. Every move he made screamed the lyrics to I-want-to- break-free! And a petty Omega would dance to Sean’s trauma.

That cruiser was his full-time lover. And the road was his continual intercourse. Sean was what I avoided at all cost in the past. My ex-husband had been the clingier sort and wanted me with him often: it was a nice thing to feel needed. Sean was irresponsible, and I knew that from the time he plonked himself next to me and flirted. He was so attractive though, in his own off beat casualness. It was a freedom that he earned even without the entitlement to it.

Sean said nothing to me and I didn’t want to pester him. “If I could go swimming in those thoughts I’d come out a piranha fish.”

“Do you think I’d allow you in that deep?”

“I don’t pose a threat to you — do I?”

I did. His way of life was sacred, and I stood in the way with a boulder. Knowing Sean’s way of visualizing things…that’s probably what a pregnant bump looked like to him. Mine wasn’t too big when I ran my hands up-and-down for the sake of indigestion, and not for the embryo inside.

“If you held a gun to my head and told me to love you, then I’d have to plead you were right.”

“You really do have a unique introspection on a pregnancy looming.”

“I’m just trying to see another picture that’s not always straightforward for me.”

But my mind was made up! And if Sean wanted to dilly-dally then he’d have to jump on his motorbike and head all the way to California. I just didn’t want Sean to leave! I liked him. More than I could say when he used his hands as a sweep back for his sandy hair and tugged-it-back into a position where he could place a hairband on.

“Should we go back to my place to discuss things further, Sean? I want to get out of the cold. I’m starting to feel goose-bumps on my skin. I understand if you want to—”

“No. I think you should hop on and I’ll take you back. We have plenty to debate about.”