Chapter Fourteen
Shelby
"What would we be doing right now if we were still in New York?" I thought out loud. Damien laughed and kicked his legs as I pushed him gently on a swing. "Not this," I said, smiling. Not in December, at least. I would have probably had him bundled up at home for the next three or four months while the temperature got disrespectfully cold.
I appreciated that the sun was an all year thing here. No wonder my mom and stepdad had moved here after years of living in North Carolina. No wonder so many people who moved here from other places never wanted to go back. I was new at this motherhood thing and growing up with all four seasons hadn't killed me or the millions of other people who had done it but still. Taking my son out to the park would have been impossible if we had still been in New York.
My neighborhood was right near Griffith Park. There were green spaces everywhere in L.A., but the playground here had a swing set that was safe for babies a year old and younger. Damien already held his head up pretty well and could sit up supported. He kicked his little legs and giggled as I pushed the swing. I smiled, listening to him. I would have figured it out and made it work no matter where we would have found ourselves, but again, I was glad it was here.
It was late afternoon, and there were several other people at the playground with their children. I wanted us to get home before it was dark. I scanned the area. A man walking towards us caught my eye. It was a second before I realized who it was.
For the love of God. It just had to be him. How did I just know that he wasn't here to try to follow a story? He didn't live in L.A. so he would have had to work to find out where this park was and that I would be here. Second, he was a lone man without a child; coming to a children's playground would look suspicious, and that was putting it lightly. Didn't he have anything better to do on a Sunday afternoon? I don't know, like maybe catching a plane back to New York?
"Look who it is, Damien," I said softly to him. "World's number one dad." He was walking towards us. I tried not to pay attention. I went around the swing and squatted down so I faced Damien as I pushed him. He squealed laughing as the swing came towards me and I pretended to be scared of it.
"Shelby," I heard behind me. I rolled my eyes and rose slowly.
"Honestly, I had thought that moving across the country had been enough."
"What?"
"I'm running out of places to be safe from you, Jason," I said sharply. "How did you know where to find me? Are you stalking me?"
"Relax, Shel. If you're mad, then make yourself a little harder to find."
"God, you're impossible. Why the hell are you still in L.A.?"
"You know what? I kind of like it here. It's hot; there are palm trees everywhere... you live here. I think I might take my time," he said. I reached into the swing and pulled Damien up, holding him against my hip.
"Awesome. You have fun with that. L.A.'s a big city. How about you leave me alone while you're at it?"
"You're the only person I know here, Shel," he said, taking a step forward. I responded by taking one back. First of all, lie. This was a new city for him, sure, but I wasn't buying that for a second. Loneliness was not on Jason Bowman's list of problems.
"Unfortunately. How about using all the free time you apparently have to make new friends?" He took another step towards me, and I took another back, shielding Damien as a reflex. He noticed my movement, and I thought for a terrible second that he would try to make a grab for him.
"Can you tell me what the fuck it was I did to you to make you hate me so much?" he spat.
"Should we start with today or with the year we worked together?" I challenged. "People already love to be around you and fall at your feet. It shouldn't matter that I'm not one of them."
"I don't care about other people."
"Try to extend me the same courtesy. You have no right, not a single one, to still be bothering me, Jason." He shook his head.
"What happened between us—"
"What happened between us was in the past and clearly a mistake if you haven't been able to let go of it till now." His eyes narrowed.
"Whatever you need to tell yourself to help you sleep at night," he said bitterly. "I think the real question is what you have to hide after all this time."
"Oh, god. Shut up," I snapped, turning and depositing Damien in his stroller. I hadn't planned on leaving the park yet, but the only way we'd be able to get away from Jason was by getting out of there: the thing I had tried to do a year ago by leaving New York. It hadn't worked out that time, but it was worth a try now.
"I'm going to ask until you tell me."
"Is that what you're going to do? Is that the strategy you're using? Let me know how that works out for you." I made sure Damien was secure before I pushed the stroller and started walking away. I cast looks over my shoulder all the way to the car to make sure he wasn't coming after us. Was he above that, I wondered. There seemed to be little he wouldn't do so I was going to say no. Expect the worst when it came to Jason Bowman so he had a chance to impress.
What kind of psycho came after a woman and her kid in a public park? Who the hell had told him where to find me? He knew now, so it didn't matter how he had found out. That information would only be useful to him as long as he was still in L.A. and I kept using the park. I toyed with the thought as I started the car. Would I really let him run me out of this park because he wouldn't leave me alone? I had thought that he would leave me alone when I was no longer in New York and look where that had gotten us.
We got home. Damien was already dozing in his car seat, so I put him down for a nap when we got inside. I did the dishes and got my stuff ready for work the next day while he slept. Jason's sudden appearance at the park had thrown me off. What was next? Here? I wouldn't put it past him. I wouldn't put anything past him. The list of reasons why I didn't want him to know about Damien was growing. What the hell kind of example would he set? I didn't want Damien growing up thinking that being like Jason Bowman was okay. At the same time, how long could I hold out with the information?
He knew something, even if he didn't realize what it was. We both knew what he was doing: wearing me down. It was the journalist in him; when he had a lead, he followed it. When he eventually found out what he wanted to know, I couldn't imagine what would happen. Would he go back to New York? Would he want anything to do with Damien or would he never acknowledge him again? And what about me? How long before what happened at his hotel happened again? If he stuck around, it wasn't a matter of if, but when.
My feelings for him had complicated since I had left New York. The son we had together bonded us and as much as I said I didn't want him... it had happened twice already, and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want it to happen again. There was something there when we were together, something neither of us could deny. It hadn't let either of us forget for the past year, and it had just gotten stronger since I had seen him again.
Rattled, I looked for my phone. I didn't know what Jason's next move was and it didn't matter anyway since mine was the only one I could control. I looked for Davis' number and called him. We weren't committed. He had never asked me for anything more than I had been willing to give and it had been a good, comfortable set up; until Jason had gotten back. He picked up on the third ring.
"Shel? Hey," he said.
"Hi, uh, is this a bad time?" I asked.
"Nope. What's up?" he asked. We had just seen each other yesterday. I had called Paula, my sitter, and we had gone out to dinner. He had asked me several times throughout the night whether I was okay. Even he could tell. I sighed, hoping this went well.
"I needed to talk to you," I said. He was quiet for a few seconds.
"I was hoping you wanted to meet up tonight. This isn't that kind of call, is it?"
"No... Davis," I sighed again. "You're one of the sweetest, most patient, understanding men I've ever met."
"If that's true, then what's the problem?"
"I don't feel comfortable continuing our relationship."
"I had a feeling something was up."
"You did?"
"I had been hoping that I was wrong but," he paused that time, "but I understand. Things have changed since Jason showed up." I closed my eyes, running a hand through my hair.
"Davis, I'm so sorry if I ever put you in a weird position."
"Don't apologize. I can tell there's something there. I understand if you want to explore it." Fuck, had I really been that obvious?
"Thanks, for understanding, I mean."
"Don't worry about it. Hey, can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"Is it him? Jason? Is he Damien's father?" he asked. I nodded like he was there to see me.
"He is."
"Is that why you never said anything?"
"It's complicated between us, but yeah, I guess. There was also the thing between you guys. I thought it might be weird if I talked about him when we were together."
"It's not that deep between him and me. I wish you had felt like you could have said something to me." Davis and I weren't together like that, I knew that, but why did it feel so awful breaking things off with him? It wasn't even a breakup; we would have had to actually be together to break up. What are you doing, Shelby? That's a good man you're kicking to the curb. Davis was the man who every parent hoped their daughter would bring home. Kind, handsome, patient, accomplished; and he could be all those things to someone else.
"Yeah. I should have said something. It wasn't you; it was just me and my... stuff."
"Good luck," he said affably. "I hope everything works out."
"Thanks. You too."
"See you tomorrow at work?" he said. I told him I'd see him and we hung up.
Damien would be up from his nap soon. After an hour or two with him, it would be bath time. I looked at the phone in my hand. If I hadn't done it now, it would have come later. Davis and I had been on and off anyway, but this time, I felt like we were going to stay off. He had been good about it, but we still had to work together. Had that been the right decision? I guess I'd find out.
"Is that everything?"
"Looks like it is. Unless you had something you wanted to change," I said. Davis stood.
"Nope. Looks good," he said, smiling at me. We left the meeting room, and he went to get ready for taping. I had been dreading seeing him at work today, but everything had been great. He hadn't brought up anything we had talked about yesterday: just been his usual professional self.
Even when we had been hooking up, we had had an understanding when it had come to work. He was great to work with, and I hadn't wanted things to be awkward between us. I should have given him more credit, of course; he was above all that. I stopped at my desk before going to the control room. The day went by smoothly after that, no awkwardness with Davis and no sign of Jason.
Heading down at the end of the day to get Damien, I felt better than I had in the days since Jason had shown up, more peaceful. I had liked Davis, but maybe I was better off on my own, concentrating on Damien. And myself too, I guess. Damien wouldn't always need all my attention. While he did, I was more than happy to give it to him. I melted whenever he smiled his little gummy smile at me. I cuddled him, taking him from Karla at the daycare.
"What do you want to do tonight, bub?" I asked him as I cut the engine off, parking when we got home. He was babbling to himself in the backseat. I got out and went around the car to get him. We had a routine. We'd play, and I'd read to him before bath time. Maybe it was just that the day in general had gone so well but I felt like Damien had been extra good today, not a grump like he could be sometimes.
I climbed the steps to the porch and noticed something on the ground. I held Damien steady and picked it off the ground. Flowers: a bouquet of red roses.
“Someone left us a package, bub; look at that,” I said, trying to search the flowers for a note or something. I put them down and unlocked the front door, deposited Damien inside then went back out to get them. There was a note; all it said was four words. For you, from Jason.