Chapter Seven
James
I woke up at five, and though I didn’t have to be awake until six-thirty, I got out of bed anyway. Today was a big day, a big day for my baby girl, and I felt a piece of my heart break. She was starting kindergarten, and her mom was not around to be here for it. To share the occasion with Nell, and with me. I didn’t think Nell would be bothered by it much, but it was bothering me enough for both of us.
We jumped into the car and made the trip to her school. There were tons of cars, and kids and parents streaming everywhere. It seemed chaotic, and I wasn’t ready for it. For her to start school already at all, much less to navigate this scene on her own. Before I knew it, she would be graduating high school, and then what would I do with myself?
We walked through the parking lot and made our way to the field where parents and children were standing around.
“Are you excited?” I asked Nell as we walked.
She was wearing a little red and black plaid skirt with white tights and a red shirt with a black cat on the front. It was her ‘first day of school outfit’ that she had picked out a month before and never worn until today.
She patted the sides of her skirt and checked her Hello Kitty backpack, adjusting the straps on her shoulders.
“Yes, Daddy. I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life,” she said.
I laughed because it had really only been a year since she found out school even existed.
“I’m glad,” I said, and I was. This day was difficult enough without her being terrified.
We walked over to where kids were starting to line up. We found her teacher’s name and I introduced us both. Her teacher, Mrs. Meyers, seemed to be very pleasant.
“Remember, Rachel will be watching you this afternoon,” I said to Nell.
She nodded her head, “I know, I’m so excited.”
I loved that she liked Rachel so much, even though they had barely even had a chance to talk. It warmed my heart to see that she liked her so much. It was going to make things easier for me.
There were kids all over the place, different ages and sizes, all running around. It was a little overwhelming to me, and I was surprised Nell didn’t feel the same. She wasn’t crying and still didn’t look nervous at all.
“You can go now, Daddy,” Nell said.
I wasn’t sure how to react to that. For the first time in her life, Nell didn’t need me. If I said it didn’t hurt my feelings, I would have been lying. Because it did. Part of me wanted her to be like the kid that was currently screaming and crying. But then again, I liked the way my Nell was. She was mature, smart and confident. I just hoped that she would hold onto that for the rest of her life.
I gave Nell a big hug and kiss, and told her to have a great day.
“You too, Daddy. Be nice to Rachel today,” she said.
I felt like she was more excited about Rachel than I was. Though to be fair, she had spent some time bonding with, Rachel which was what made me like her in the first place.
I gave Nell another hug and then I watched as the teacher led the students into her classroom through the back and then I walked back to my car, got in, and drove to the gallery. I was trying hard to keep it all together. I didn’t want to break down when I was about to see Rachel. I didn’t want to have to explain my story to her right now.
But it made me wonder what her smile was. She seemed a little lost the other day. A little broken too.
Ten minutes later, I pulled up to the gallery, and there she was, already standing outside waiting for me. I loved that she was so punctual even though it was her very first day.
“You’re here already; I like that,” I said and glanced at my watch. “Fifteen minutes early.”
“Actually thirty,” she admitted.
“Wow. That’s amazing, Rachel. My last assistant couldn’t be bothered to show up on time. I think the only time she was on time was because she had passed out on the sidewalk from drinking at the bar down the street.”
Rachel grimaced, and I laughed.
Unlocking the door to the gallery, I held it open for her. She came inside and politely thanked me.
“Have you ever had an assistant job before?” I asked her.
She nodded, her eyes wandering over the remaining pieces from the show over the weekend. “Sort of. I was a TA back in college,” she said. “But other than that, not really. But I’m a fast learner.”
I saw her looking around the gallery, and I was sure she was looking for the gold and black piece that she had loved so much.
“It sold. It was one of the first to go,” I told her.
“How did you know what I was looking for?” she asked.
“I saw the look in your eye when you saw the piece. It spoke to you, and when art speaks to you, it can be powerful. I knew you’d look for it,” I said.
She smiled at me, one of the most beautiful smiles I had ever seen. But it didn’t reach her eyes, which made me wonder just what she had been through. What she was hiding? Shaking my head, I reminded myself it wasn’t any of my business.
I smiled at her. “Alright, let’s sit down, and I’ll give you a rundown of everything you’ll be doing for me.”
She nodded, and we sat down on the couch that was near the front desk.
“As my assistant, you’ll be answering the phone here. This is the line that all my artists will call when they have questions or need to book a showing or otherwise need to get in touch with me. So, you’ll answer the phone, take a message if I’m not available, and deliver the message to me right away. They cannot wait.” I wanted to tell her about Janice and how awful she was, but I didn’t want to bash on Janice the whole time. This was the start of something new, and I needed to treat it that way.
She nodded her head, letting me know she understood.
“You will also need to make phone calls sometimes, answer questions that have been asked on my website, and go through the comments and respond to them. You will schedule things and follow up with both clients and customers. You’ll basically be running things here in thegallery gallery for me. Is that okay?”
She smiled, “I think I can do all of that.”
I stared at her for a moment, not intentionally, but I just found it hard not to. She was so gorgeous, and I hadn’t looked at a woman like that in years. But here was Rachel right in front of me, like a present sent to me right when I needed it. Nell had gotten along with her great right away, and despite me almost snapping at her over a showing she wasn’t even there for, she still wanted to stick around. Something told me she needed this job as an escape from something, and perhaps not so much for the money.
“Also, I will need you to help me by watching Nell in the afternoons until my Nanny, Esther, gets back.” I hoped this wasn’t going to be a deal breaker, and I waited for her to tell me it was unprofessional or didn’t seem right to her.
“I can do that; she’s a real sweetheart,” she said. It was so nice to hear her say positive things about Nell. I was heartened by the fact that they had hit it off so well.
Dropping Nell off had been hard, and the fact that she hadn’t particularly needed me, coupled with Whitney not being here to share it, was all still weighing heavy on my heart. I wanted to be alone for a little while to collect my thoughts.
“I’ll leave you to settle in a bit, and I’ve got some work in my office to do. Let me know if you have any questions. We’ll get into more detail as the day goes on,” I told her.
She nodded, “Sounds good.”
I thanked her again before making my way up to my office, which seemed like a very long walk today. I just needed to have a few moments to myself before I broke down. I sure didn’t want Rachel to have to deal with that on her first day. She didn’t need to see her boss have a giant meltdown right before her eyes.
When I got to my office, I sat on the floor in front of my filing cabinet and opened the bottom drawer. It contained photos of the three of us before Whitney had passed away. I hid them there so I wouldn’t think about them as much, especially since they weren’t at home. But sometimes I just couldn’t help myself, and I needed to look through them.
As soon as I started looking through them and staring at Whitney’s beautiful face, the tears started. I couldn’t stop it and just kept it quiet. I missed her so much. No one would ever understand the loss I still felt. The fact that Nell didn’t need me today, and showed such poise, broke my heart that her mom wasn’t there to experience it with us. It was all too overwhelming, and it brought up so many emotions for me.
I remembered when Whitney was pregnant with Nell. She was glowing. I had never seen a more gorgeous pregnant woman before. I was head over heels in love with her, and I knew she felt the same way about me. The day we found out we were having a little girl was one of the best days of my life. We had both just been praying for a healthy baby, but we secretly each hoped for a little girl to start our family. Our wishes had been granted.
The ultrasound tech looked at Whitney and asked if she wanted to know.
She looked at me, and we both shrugged and looked at the tech. Whitney nodded her head slowly.
“It’s a girl,” the tech said, and pointed out how we could tell.
Whitney instantly started crying, and I remember the tears that sprang to my eyes. We were going to have a daughter.
“Do you have a name picked out?” asked the tech.
“Nell,” Whitney said, “after my grandma.”
The name had been picked out long before I had even met Whitney. Then, shortly before she got pregnant, her grandmother had passed. I never really had an opinion on the name before, and when she got pregnant, I knew we had to have a girl for Whitney’s sake, so she could name her Nell.
This giant hole in my heart was never going to be fixed. There was just no way. I missed Whitney more and more every day. I knew Nell’s first day of school was going to be hard on me, but it was hard not to feel this way. The reality was that I was never going to find someone even half as good as Whitney, which was the main reason I never wanted to even look at other women.
Until Rachel that is. My thoughts drifted to my brand-new assistant. She would probably think I was weird if she came in and saw me on the floor crying over pictures. And I didn’t want to explain it all to her, not today at least. Not when it was all so raw as it was today. I put the pictures away, closed and locked the cabinet, stood up and sat down in my chair. I didn’t know what to do really. I wasn’t that interested in doing any work. My mind wandered to Nell. Is she having a good day? Is she making friends? Is she sad? Are kids being nice? These questions were running through my mind, and I hoped more than anything that things were going okay for her.
The next few hours were going to be hard.