Chapter Twenty
Shelby
I opened the picnic basket, taking out the dishes full of food. I had made the chicken wraps, lemonade, and cookies that morning at home while Jason had watched Damien. It was Sunday and he had been to the house yesterday too. I had wondered whether I would have gotten sick of him yet, but nope. I loved being a mom but taking care of an infant was a full-time job. It had been nice to have a little help, especially since Jason had been so eager to learn, warming up to the responsibilities of taking care of a baby. He hadn't been bad company himself either. As much as I valued quality time with Damien, it was nice to be with another adult who could talk back when I talked to him.
I looked over to the playground where he was pushing Damien on a swing. I couldn't help smiling. It was picture perfect: a dad and his son bonding, having fun in the park on a Sunday afternoon. Damien loved the swings. I hadn't had to tell Jason not to push him too high or too fast; he had picked up on that himself. He was a big, built, tall man; it was interesting and kind of cute seeing him be so gentle with Damien. I set up the table and walked over to the swings to get them. Damien had had his bottle just before we had left the house, but he would likely get hungry soon. Jason picked him carefully out of the swing, and we sat at the picnic table, placing Damien's carrier seat on it so we could both watch him as we ate.
"You're getting really good with him," I said to Jason, filling a cup full of lemonade for him. If it had been just Damien and me, I wouldn't have bothered packing a picnic, just waiting instead to get back home to have some food. I had gotten used to doing everything alone when I didn't have Paula and Damien wasn't in daycare. Having Jason around split the workload, but had made me realize how much I didn't give a shit when I was alone. There had been more than a few days that I had skipped meals because I was doing something for Damien and it wasn't lost on me how little I hung out with friends and colleagues now. Having Jason around had forced me to slow down, in a way. In a good way.
"I'm trying," he said, with a shy shrug.
"It's a learning curve, but you're picking it up fast."
"I have, what, three months to catch up on? I want to make up for that."
"I was wrong about you," I admitted, taking a bite of my lunch.
"How?" he asked.
"I really didn't think you even wanted anything to do with being a parent. I feel really bad about making that judgment without letting you prove me right or wrong."
"You had your reasons," he said, with another shrug. "You’re Damien's mother and I respect that. Any parent would want to keep their kid away from a negative influence. This is delicious, by the way," he said, about the food. It had been a while since I had cooked for anyone but myself so I appreciated the compliment. I also appreciated whatever had happened in Jason's life recently to make him a person I could sit with my son and have a picnic with. It was like night and day. He was calm, attentive, even kind. I was still at a loss with how he could have switched so fast, but I liked it.
We finished eating and after a little longer in the playground, made our way back to my car. Before we left, Jason changed Damien's diaper in the back seat without my help. I hadn't been kidding when I had said that he was picking up fast. All the uncertainty that he had had around Damien the first day that they had met was almost completely gone. He, well, he looked like a dad.
It was still early, and I didn't want to jump to conclusions. The smartest thing would have been to take this day by day, but I couldn't help it when my mind wandered to how steadfast I had been about excluding Jason from Damien's life. It wasn't this person I had been cautious of; it had been the man I had worked for in New York: rude, narcissistic, and rough. If he had been this person from the start, he would have found out about my pregnancy when I had.
"Are you busy the rest of the day?" I asked him, unlocking my door.
"Nope. Did you guys have something to do?" he asked, walking in after me with Damien.
"No, that's not it. I just wondered whether you would want to spend the afternoon with us. Maybe stay for dinner?" I asked.
"Can I?" he asked.
"I'd like that," I said, smiling at him. He took Damien to the living room while I emptied the picnic basket in the kitchen. I opened the fridge, looking for a bottle, but I was out. Since Jason had been around, I had been pumping and bottle-feeding Damien more, so Jason could learn how to feed his son. The milk I had expressed the night before was already up.
"Hey, Jason," I said, walking back out to the living room. He was on the floor with Damien. Damien was sitting up all on his own, unsupported grabbing at a ring of colorful plastic keys Jason held up in front of him
"What's up?"
"I hate to interrupt your game but someone needs to have a nap soon," I said, going over and sitting with them. "But first, he needs to eat."
"Do you want me to do it?"
"I'm out of bottles. I could wait to pump, but he gets cranky if he becomes too tired." I picked Damien up, placing him in my lap as I pulled my top down and pulled back the cup of my nursing bra so he could latch on.
"Does that hurt?" Jason asked, watching me.
"No. There's some pressure, but it doesn't hurt."
"How often do you have to do that?"
"As often as he needs me to."
"Does it..." He trailed off.
"Does it what?"
"Does it feel good? I mean, do you like it?"
"If I don't get the milk out, they hurt like hell, so I like it in that way, I guess."
"No, I mean... no, forget it."
"No, tell me," I urged. Pregnancy had to be one of the most common phenomena on earth, but it mystified even people who could get pregnant. People had all kinds of questions but weren't brave or brazen enough to ask a lot of the time. Sex during and after pregnancy had been... interesting.
"Do you know what it tastes like?" he asked.
"You wanna find out?" I asked. He frowned a little, looking like he didn't know what the right answer to that question was.
"How does one of those pump things work?" he asked instead, changing the subject. After feeding, I went and laid Damien in his crib, turning on the sound machine to soothe him to sleep. I closed the door carefully and went back to the living room. Jason had gotten off the floor and was sitting on one of the couches.
"Is he down?" he asked. I went up and sat next to him.
"Uh-huh, finally," I said, running my hand down his chest. I bit his ear, letting my hand travel down his body. This was the one area where I didn't have any questions about him. I loved his body; I loved when he was inside me. The past couple days we had been all about the baby. He had said he had wanted us to reconnect too, but he had respectfully been keeping his distance. Meanwhile, I had been going fucking crazy.
"Whoa, Shel, wait a second," he said. I backed up, looking at him.
"What?" I asked.
"Are you sure we should?" he asked. I looked at him. He had been doing this all weekend, making me wonder what had happened to the man he used to be, but now, if his face really did melt off and it turned out he was an android, it would have made more sense than this. I had had to push him off me enough times in the past. As much as I appreciated it, yes, I was sure. I wasn't horny all the time like when I had been pregnant, but I did miss being with him that way. We had been getting closer, and I wanted to be closer in this way too.
"What's the matter? Not up to it?" I asked, running my hand over his chest again.
"It's you I'm worried about, not me," he said. His pants were tenting at the crotch; he was more than up to it. I got up and held a hand out to him.
"Then come on," I said, flirtatiously. He got up and kissed me, hard. His hands tightened around my waist and pulled me close to him. That intensity he had been keeping tamped down took over. We were ripping at each other's clothes before we even got through the door to my bedroom. Jason lifted me onto the bed and tugged my jeans off, climbing between my legs. He kissed me while his hand traced circles over my clit, making me squirm and arch my back. He pulled my top off next, kissing a trail to my cleavage. My nursing bra latched in the front.
"Wait," I said, breathlessly, stopping him from unlatching my bra.
"What is it?"
"It can get a little messy," I warned him, as delicately as I could. I had no problem with him touching me there, but he had to be ready to get an eye or mouthful of milk if he did. He undid the latch, freeing my breasts. They were round and heavy, a cup bigger than they had been pre-pregnancy. He cupped one of them and rolled my nipple between his fingers. A trickle of milk flowed down my ribcage.
"Then put a towel down," he said bluntly, pulling my panties down my legs. His mouth on my clit, sucking and licking, shut me up before I could say anything back. I bit back a scream when he pushed two fingers into me, thrusting them in time with the rhythm of his tongue on my clit. I ran my hands through his silky golden hair as he worshipped me. My orgasm shot through me. His arm over my hips held me down as his hand and mouth pushed me over the edge.
I was limp, panting on the bed when he climbed back up my body. He kissed me, deep, letting me taste myself on his tongue. I tugged his t-shirt off impatiently. He undressed and rolled us over; he wanted me to ride him. Straddling his body, I moaned as his thick piece pushed into me. He sucked one of my nipples into his mouth as I fucked myself on his hard cock. His hands on my hips stopped me from going too fast. I was lost in the sensation of him, wishing for release but hoping at the same time that we could make the sensuous torture last. I rode him, slow and steady, drunk on what he did to me.
"I'm coming; where do you want it?" he choked out. I moved down his body and took over with my mouth, sucking the head of his cock while I jerked the root with my hand. He groaned, cursing as he came. I swallowed as he shot in my mouth, continuing to suck till he was done. He pulled me up to lie with him when we were both spent, kissing me lazily. Neither of us said anything; we didn't have to talk. Sex with him was incredible, and he already seemed to love Damien so much. I wanted us to move slowly, but at times like these, my mind wandered. I thought about maybe having a future with him, the day we got over this hump and could work together, all three of us.
I was dozing when the baby monitor sounded. Damien had woken up.
"He's up," I said, pushing myself up off the bed.
"Hm," Jason sighed, sitting up. I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor and pulled it on over my bra. I felt a little sticky but more satisfied than anything.
"Can you change him while I fix dinner?" I asked. He smiled and said he would. He got back into his clothes and walked out into the nursery. In the kitchen, I whipped up a simple carbonara and pumped while the food cooked. I filled two plates and took them to the living room where we ate on the floor with Damien instead of at the dining table while Damien had his bottle, together, like a family.