Chapter Fourteen
Rachel
I was having a really great dream. Maybe a little too good. It was about James kissing me like I thought he might have done the day before. But when he hadn’t, I knew that I shouldn’t expect anything else. He was my boss after all. But the dream felt so real, so intense, and just as I was getting to the best part of it, feeling his lips on mine, there was a knock at my door, and I woke up. I shot up out of bed, not knowing what the sound was at first, and then realizing what it was when it continued. I got out of bed and walked down the hallway to the peephole. It was Sadie. I didn’t know why she was there so early, though. We hadn’t talked about her coming over.
Opening the door, I said, “Good morning, Sadie.” I wasn’t really a morning person, and I didn’t like that she came here unannounced. Especially waking me up, and of all people, she should have known better. She was lucky that I had been in a pretty decent mood lately, otherwise I might have torn her head off.
“Good morning. You know that the parade is coming, right?” Sadie asked.
I had no idea what she was talking about. “Parade?”
“Yes, silly.” She spoke like I was supposed to know what she was talking about, but I still had no idea. So I just played along, too tired to play games.
“Alright, alright. I’ll get ready, and I’ll go with you to the parade,” I said, setting aside my grumpiness. I still felt like I owed her so much because she was the only person that stuck with me after everything that happened. Besides, I really needed a friend right now. I really needed someone to talk to about last night and how it ended with James. He hadn’t kissed me. Honestly, I didn’t know why it was bothering me so much.
I went to my bedroom, picked up the jeans that I wore the night before, sniffed them, and decided that that wasn’t a good idea. I went into my closet to find something else to wear. Since my depression had gotten bad, I’d really only worn a few things. But once I got the job, I realized that I actually had to change my clothes every now and then. But I was starting to realize how much better I felt about myself when I did clean up. Today, I chose a pair of skinny Capri pants with holes in them, which I had bought that way, and a cute t-shirt.
Next, I ducked into my bathroom and quickly fixed my hair and put on some makeup. I wanted to make Sadie happy and wanted to make sure she was proud of me. I didn’t want her to be pestering me on how to present myself to the world. I didn’t need it. Not so early in the morning.
“Alright, I’m ready to go,” I said to Sadie when I finally came out of my back bedroom.
“Took you long enough,” Sadie said, with a laugh.
I just shook my head at her. I was used to her jokes. In fact, I used to joke back with her all the time. I felt like I was just now starting to get back to that place though, and that made me excited. I was ready to feel like my normal self and get on with my life. I didn’t want to keep living my life the same dreary way I had been. That hadn’t gotten me anywhere, and I wasn’t doing anything with my life.
Sadie and I walked outside and down the stairs. When we got to the street, the parade hadn’t started yet. So, we just stood there and talked as more people lined up around us.
“So, how was your date?” Sadie asked me.
I knew what she was getting at. “It wasn’t a date, as you know very well. But, it was good; it just ended kind of weird.”
“What do you mean?” Sadie asked me.
“Well, it ended kind of awkwardly. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t do it,” I said with a shrug. I made it seem like it didn’t bother me, but it actually did—quite a bit.
“Maybe he just didn’t want to because you work together.” Sadie had a point. But it had felt like he wanted to, he just didn’t do it. I didn’t think she was understanding that.
Sadie and I moved a little bit so a family of four could walk past us. A mom, dad, and two little boys. I tried not to think about it.
“I know it bothered you,” Sadie said. There it was: she was always so good at reading me. I’d been waiting to see if she would say something like that, actually.
“I’m trying not to let it bother me.” I wanted to seem cool, like it was no big deal. I didn’t want Sadie to think that I was letting another man control my feelings again. But that’s kind of what was happening. I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t felt this way about anyone in so long.
“You know what? You should go get a new dress. So, next time you guys do hang out, you’ll blow him away, and he’ll definitely kiss you,” she said, matter-of-factly.
I laughed. “Are you sure about that?” It was a rhetorical question because I knew that Sadie really did know about those kinds of things. She was always the person that I went to when I’d been dating before. She was the one that always gave me the best advice.
“Of course. It’s me.” This was also something Sadie would say, and it made me laugh.
“Okay, let’s go look for a new dress. Do you want to do after the parade? Or now?” I asked her.
“Ooh, I think now is better,” Sadie said, looping her arm through mine and pulling me off in the direction of the shops.
We passed by the gallery, and I thought instantly about Nell and James. I wondered what they were doing, and if they’d be out at the parade. It was supposed to pass through a big chunk of downtown and more than likely they could’ve been there. Then again, Nell might not even be home yet. I didn’t know when he was planning to pick her up. It wasn’t really my job to know, and I hadn’t asked him.
I thought about last night again. It had been so amazing, and I just wished he would have kissed me. And I was surprised at that thought. There was something deep inside me pulling at me. Something that I just could not ignore.
“Sadie, why do you want me to find a man so bad?” I asked her. Because I felt like maybe I needed more time on my own. But then again, every time I thought about James, I felt a strange desire bubbling over inside me, just at the thought of kissing him.
“Because Dillon was a total douchebag, and I feel like you wasted so much time with him. You deserve to finally be happy. You deserve to find a man that’s going to love you for you, and treat you like the damn princess you are.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I loved it when Sadie got fired up like that. Especially when it came to my ex-husband. Because Dillon really was a total douchebag. She was right about that.
“Do you remember after your first date with Dillon? How you called me up crying because of the way he made you feel at the restaurant?” Sadie asked me. We’d stopped walking, and we were intensely staring at each other, as if this was the most important conversation on the planet.
“Yeah, I remember that,” as I nodded my head slowly. Remembering our very first date. He had been a total jerk then. That’s when I should have gone the other way. I shouldn’t have stayed with him. I shouldn’t have continued our relationship. It was the first date, and we weren’t even technically together, but I stayed with him. Now, more than ever, I wished I hadn’t, because I just ended up wasting all my time, and ended up with a broken heart.
“We need to find you a man that’s going treat you like a princess. I really feel like that man could be James,” she said to me.
“Yeah, but his wife died not that long ago. I don’t want to be the rebound relationship,” I said. It was true. I didn’t want to be his rebound. He hadn’t dated since his wife had passed away, and I was a lot to take on.
“What makes you think you would be the rebound?” Sadie asked me.
“Well, for starters, he hasn’t dated anybody since his wife died, and that was two years ago. There hasn’t been another woman in his life.” That was all I could think of, and there really was nothing else.
“Yeah, but you don’t know that. You don’t know if it would end quickly because he’s not over his wife. What if it turns out to be the most amazing thing in your entire life? What if the whole reason Jan met Dillon was so that you could move on eventually and find your own Mr. Right?” Sadie seemed so excited about what she was saying, and the conclusions that she had come to.
I laughed.
“What?” she asked.
“You’re just funny, Sadie. Thank you, for being such a good friend. And thank you for not ditching me like everybody else did.” I gave her a hug, which obviously surprised her because she let out a small gasp when I did. And that was a little sad because that showed me how often I’d really hugged her and she was my best friend. I should have done it more, but instead I’d been so hell-bent on not letting anybody in.
“No problem, Rachel,” Sadie said.
The moment passed, and we then walked on down towards some shop that she wanted me to check out. We walked inside, and I looked over all the different clothes they had. It wasn’t really my style and seemed a little more preppy than I usually went for, but I wanted to humor Sadie. So, I tried on the several dresses she handed me.
I’m sure I tried on at least fifteen dresses, and by the last one, I was exhausted.
“So, what did you decide on?” asked the over-eager saleslady. She’d been down my neck pretty much since the minute we stepped into the store. I found it kind of annoying, as I just wanted to try on my dresses in peace, and I already had Sadie on my case.
I turned to Sadie, “Which one did you like best?”
“I liked the black-and-white one,” Sadie said as if she had decided a long time ago. If that was true, I wish she would’ve told me so I wouldn’t have had to try on all the other dresses. But, I did agree with her, and I liked that dress very much. It hugged my hips and all the right places. Honestly, I felt really sexy in it.
“I agree. The black-and-white one.” The saleslady went inside the dressing room, and handed me the black-and-white one, and proceeded to gather up all the others.
“I’ll be with you in just a moment to ring you up,” she said, as she walked around the store, putting the dresses back.
Sadie and I waited at the counter for the lady to come back. It took her nearly ten minutes. When she got there, Sadie whipped out her card.
“No, you’re not paying for that,” I said to Sadie.
“Yes, I am,” Sadie handed the lady her card, before I could stop her.
“Thank you,” I said to Sadie. You didn’t need to do that. There was nothing else I could really say to her. Besides that, it was already done. We walked outside and realized we had missed the parade. I wasn’t too upset because I had a sexy new dress to wear, guaranteed to make James want me more.
A woman passed by, holding a baby close to her chest cuddling and talking quietly to it. I couldn’t help but feel a little sad at the sight. Because I could have been holding my own child by now.