CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Sean
Paisley’s summer had officially begun and still, I had no idea what to do. I wanted her to enjoy herself, and I wanted to show her that life with me could be fun. Tara’s suggestion of going to a waterpark seemed like a good idea, but I wanted to go somewhere we could talk. I couldn’t imagine having a conversation in the middle of a kid-filled, water covered theme park.
All night Friday and all morning Saturday, I tried to think of a plan. I came up with different ideas that I immediately dismissed. Nothing seemed good enough for either Paisley or Tara. So much was riding on that one day: my relationship with my daughter and, maybe, the beginnings of a romantic relationship with Tara.
I refused to get my hopes about Tara, but I couldn’t help but think about her. I could feel a connection between us and thought she felt it, too. There was no way I could be sure, but the way she looked at me sometimes. It was like she was thinking the exact same things I was thinking, like we were on the same wavelength. She’d been occupying my thoughts for days.
This was my chance to impress them both. After weeks of having Paisley fulltime, I still felt so far away from her. She was my daughter, but she was also a stranger. I knew I was partially to blame for that. I didn’t fight hard enough for her all those years ago. I let Claire make all the decisions. I backed down too soon. If I could go back and change it, I would in a heartbeat.
Instead, I vowed to do everything I could to build a relationship with her. That morning, I decided to put Tara out of my mind and focus solely on what would make Paisley happy.
“So,” I said over breakfast. “What do you want to do today?”
“I don’t know,” Paisley shrugged. “Whatever.”
“Well,” I said slowly. “Do you remember my friend, Tara? She came over the other day when you were sick.”
“Yeah,” Paisley said. Her face brightened slightly.
“She’s going to come hang out with us today,” I said. “And I think it would be cool if we took her somewhere really fun. What do you think?”
“Sure.” Paisley shrugged.
“Where do you think we should go?” I asked. “We can go anywhere you want.”
“Um,” Paisley began. Her expression was thoughtful. “I don’t know. My mom never really took me anywhere.”
I watched Paisley’s face closely. She looked sad, but there was more behind her eyes. She almost looked disappointed. It occurred to me that Paisley and I may have had more in common than I thought. The way she mentioned her mother reminded me of the way I always talked about my dad. She seemed disappointed with Claire, almost angry at her.
I wanted to ask her about it, but I knew it wasn’t the time. Paisley would have to open up to me in her own time. Still, I felt an odd sense of comfort wash over me. Claire wasn’t the perfect mother, that much I’d always known, but I spent a lot of time convincing myself Claire was better for Paisley than I would ever be. For the first time, I didn’t know if that was true.
A soft knock on the door pulled me away from my thoughts. I started to stand, but Paisley was faster. She jumped up from the kitchen table and ran to the front door. I grinned at the sight. I knew she really like Tara, but it was still amazing to see her get excited.
“Good morning,” Tara said as she stepped inside. She smiled at Paisley and then at me. I waved her over.
“We’re just finishing up breakfast,” I said. “You hungry?”
“No,” she shook her head. “I ate.”
“Coffee?” I offered.
“Sure,” Tara smiled. “Thanks.”
I moved to the counter and poured her a cup. I’d seen her drink coffee at the office so I knew she took it black. When I handed it to her, I gestured for her to sit down. She sat down with a grateful smile.
“So,” I said. “Paisley and I were just discussing what to do today.”
“Yeah,” Paisley said. “But we have no ideas.”
“Actually,” I said. “I think I do.”
Paisley looked at me with surprise. I grinned at her and turned my attention to Tara.
“Arizona Museum of Natural Science,” I said with a flourish. “What do you think?”
“Sounds fun,” Tara nodded. “Paisley?”
“Sure,” Paisley said. She didn’t muster up a smile, but I could tell she was excited.
I smiled and told Paisley to finish her breakfast so we could leave. She gulped down her food faster than I’d ever seen her. Before Tara was able to finish her coffee, Paisley was up. She walked over and stood by the door. She didn’t say anything, but she watched Tara and I expectantly.
“I think she’s ready to go.” Tara laughed.
“What gave you that idea?” I said. I took Tara’s coffee mug and rinsed it out in the sink. After a quick clean up, I ushered the girls out of the house and locked the door behind us.
***
By the time we made it to the museum, Paisley vibrated with energy. We went inside, and she looked around with wide eyes. She took in the exhibits around her with more interest than I’d ever seen her show. When we reached the butterfly exhibit, she smiled. In all the weeks that we’d spent together, I had never seen her smile. Not once. Not until that moment. I was so happy I almost cried.
“She loves it,” Tara whispered to me softly. We stood together and watched Paisley dance around the exhibit. Butterflies landed on her arms and her head. She giggled and tried to catch them, but they fluttered away.
“I could watch her all day,” I said with a small laugh. “She looks so happy.”
“She is,” Tara said. “You did a great job. This was an amazing idea.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” I said, turning to face her. “It wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t.”
Tara just smiled back. We continued watching Paisley until she got her fill and wanted to see more. After a few hours, we stopped for lunch. Paisley once again ate quickly before dragging us away.
“There’s more to see!” she said with excitement.
Paisley ran ahead, too impatient to wait for Tara and me. I shook my head and laughed as I watched her go.
“Don’t go too far!” I called after her. “Stay where I can see you!”
Paisley ignored me, but I knew she heard because she slowed her pace slightly. I could still see her as she looked at the different artifacts lining the walls.
“You’re a great dad,” Tara said suddenly.
“I don’t know about that,” I said dismissively. There were things Tara didn’t know about my past with Paisley, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell her.
“You are,” Tara insisted. “I know you don’t think you are, but you’re doing a really great job.”
“I’m trying.” I nodded. “It’s hard, though. It’s new for us.”
“What is?” Tara asked.
“This,” I said. “Us. Living together. Being around each other.”
“Oh,” Tara said. “I didn’t realize.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m not proud of it. Paisley only came to live with me a few weeks ago.”
“Why?” Tara asked.
I took a deep breath and thought about my answer. It wasn’t a secret, Claire’s accident, but it also wasn’t something I talked about with just anyone.
“Her mom,” I began slowly. “Her name was Claire. She died in a car accident a few weeks ago.”
“Oh my god,” Tara whispered. She glanced at me quickly before looking over at Paisley. “She’s so young.”
“Too young,” I said, shaking my head. “She doesn’t deserve this.”
“No one does,” Tara said softly. “She’s lucky to have you, though.”
“I wish that were true,” I said. “She doesn’t even know me and, really, I don’t know her. Until the night Claire died, I hadn’t seen her in years. She only recognized me because Claire showed her pictures.”
“Can I ask,” Tara began. “I know it’s not my business, but I just wonder…”
“Why I wasn’t in her life?” I finished for her.
“Yeah,” Tara nodded. “If it’s too personal, I understand.”
“Back then, I wasn’t the best guy in the world,” I admitted. “Claire wasn’t happy, and she cheated. Then, she left me. I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I thought that Paisley would be better off without me in her life. So, I let Claire have her. I didn’t even fight her on it.”
I finished talking and waited for Tara to speak, but she didn’t. She just reached over and grabbed my hand. She interlocked her fingers with mine and squeezed gently. I looked at our connected hands and my heart stopped beating. When my eyes found hers, I saw that she was staring at me with an intensity I’d never seen before.
“Tara!” Paisley yelled. Tara and I both jumped. I let go of her hand and cleared my throat.
“What is it?” Tara asked, smiling as Paisley ran toward us.
“Come on!” Paisley said. “You have to see this!”
***
“Sweet dreams,” I whispered as I closed Paisley’s door.
“That was fast,” Tara said when I reappeared in the living room.
“She was asleep within five minutes.” I laughed. “I think we wore her out today.”
Tara nodded. “She definitely enjoyed herself.”
“She really did, didn’t she?” I asked. Tara grinned, and I grinned back. It had been the perfect day.
“Well,” Tara said. “I should get going.”
I walked Tara out to the front porch. We stood there for a few seconds, neither of us knowing what to say. Something happened at the museum, something big. I knew what it meant to me, but I had no idea what Tara was thinking. I wanted to ask her. I wanted to find out how she felt, but I didn’t know where to start. What should I say? What questions would I even ask?
“Thank you for coming,” I said awkwardly. “I really appreciate it.”
“Of course,” Tara said, smiling. “I wouldn’t have missed it. I had fun.”
“Yeah,” I said. Tara looked up at me. Her green eyes stared deeply into mine, and my heart raced. My breathing became more and more ragged as we stood there looking at each other.
I took a step forward without realizing it. My body took over for me. Before I knew what was happening, I leaned down and pressed my lips lightly against Tara’s. She inhaled sharply but didn’t pull away. After a few seconds, I felt her body melt into mine. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me back.
When she pulled away, it was just for a second. She took a quick step backward and blinked. She looked down like she couldn’t believe what just happened. Then, she threw her arms back around me and kissed me again. My hands found her hips, and I pulled her against me. I deepened the kiss, letting my tongue slide inside her mouth. She moaned softly against my lips.
That sound was enough to drive me insane. I moved toward the front door, dragging her with me. I pushed open the door, and we hurried inside, still locked in an embrace. I closed the door softly, trying not to wake Paisley. Tara’s hands moved wildly over my body.
“Come on,” I breathed, pulling away from her slightly.
Tara nodded and took my hand. I led her through the living room and into the back hallway. We tiptoed past Paisley’s room and disappeared into mine.