EFFA
I’m sitting in my giraffe onesie in the green room, playing with my cell. I love my onesie, it keeps me warm and gives me some sort of comfort—I guess it feels like home. I open my Facebook app and decide after talking with Kiera and Gran today that I’ll reach out and try to strike up a friendship with Kiera. So, I search for her Facebook page. After a short time, I find it and add her as a friend, and while I wait for her to accept my friendship, I go and check out her public profile.
There isn’t a lot, to be honest. There’s a lot of playlists and stuff. Looks like she’s really into music including us and that makes me smile, but there’s a lot of talk on her page about medical remedies and stuff that her friends have posted on her wall. There’s a whole pile of herbal talk, and it has me wondering if maybe his sister is into drugs, and that’s why Mercs is so against me smoking the occasional after show joint. Usually people who talk about herbal remedies and things, are pro whoopee weed.
Scrolling back up her newsfeed, I move to Kiera’s photos and take a long look through them. There isn’t many, and the ones that are there are mainly of the three of them—Kiera, Gran, and Mercs—and they all look happy together, but I let out a giggle at Kiera’s fascination with hats and beanies.
I peer at her beanie and smile, I guess it must be her thing. Suddenly, I look at the hairline of the beanie in this picture and then I quickly flick to the next one to see the same thing. Normally, you’d see some semblance of hair sticking out, some tendrils showing the length of the hair beneath the beanie, but all I can see is a bald scalp. My breath catches as my eyes widen, then my stomach drops through the floor like a weight being pulled through the mud. It hits me like a ton of bricks, and I have to do everything I can to stop myself from crumbling at the realization.
The beanies.
She’s skin and bones.
Her gaunt face…
Kiera has cancer.
Suddenly my stomach fills with butterflies, and not the happy dancing kind, but more the ferocious nervous, tear your stomach lining to shreds kind. The medical and herbal stuff on her page are remedies to help fight her illness. The beanies are to hide the lack of hair from her chemo. Kiera being skin and bones in the photos is because she’s so sick.
The reason she was out of breath when she ran to the phone.
The reason Mercs shut down when he was talking about her.
Kiera, his sister, his everything… is sick.
A notification comes up to say that Kiera has accepted my friend request, and I smile.
“You look deep in thought,” a deep sexy voice chimes from the doorway. That voice always soothes me and makes me feel warm. I look up to see Mercs leaning against the doorframe, arms folded across his broad chest, smiling at me, looking like a freaking God as he stands there studying me.
“I am... Kiera accepted my friend request,” I announce while placing my cell down on the sofa.
His face falls, and if I didn’t know better he appears upset. His arms drop, and he starts walking toward me. “You friended Kiera on Facebook?” he asks while stepping up to me as I stand from the sofa.
Furrowing my brows, I nod, wondering why his demeanor has changed from warm and caring to pained. I can see his eyes glistening and he appears a little lost.
“Well, yeah. I figured it was the right thing to do seeing as she’s a fan and your sister.”
Mercs exhales, running his hand through his hair and swallows hard. “What did you see?”
“It’s okay Mercs, I’m so sorry.”
His lips turn down in the worst frown I’ve ever seen. He pauses, looking longingly into my eyes, a deep desperation in them as his eyes plead with me and he subtly shakes his head. “I don’t want to lose her, Effa,” he murmurs.
My stomach sinks as my chest squeezes tight. Lunging forward, I wrap my arms around his waist sending all my positive vibes through him. “Of course you don’t, Mercs.”
“She’s my baby sister, Eff. I helped raise her. Watching her fading away like this… it’s killing me. Especially when she’s so violently ill from the chemo, or when she has to spend hours huddled against the toilet, or when all her hair fell out, or when she’s so weak she can’t stand. Fuck! A piece of me dies every time I watch it happen.”
“She can beat it… right?”
He holds me tightly. “She has Acute Myeloid Leukemia, and I don’t… I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t think so, but I don’t want to think that way.” His body sags against mine, and I hold him tighter. “There’s a procedure.” He sniffs again. “Stem cells. They’re gonna use mine to try and fix her. The success rate is about eighty-five percent, which might sound high, but it’s not high enough for me.”
I pull back and look him in the eyes, his are glistening and red. “Hey, we’re gonna help her through this. You, me, Gran, the girls, the crew. We’re all here for her, Mercs. You just gotta let us help.”
He nods and exhales. “She’s my life, Effa. Dad ran out on us when we were tiny, and Mom died of fucking cancer too when I was fifteen and Kiera was eight. All we have is each other, and Gran of course.”
I weakly smile and grab his hands holding him tight. “You have me.”
He looks into my eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wanted to… so many times. It’s just saying it out loud, let alone admitting it to myself that s-she’s…” his voice catches as his body shudders, “… dying.” His voice breaks on the last word shattering my heart into a million pieces. “I just… I want to be a strong man for you, but when it comes to Kiera, I’m weaker than I’ll ever be. She’s the one thing that brings me to my knees and that can cripple me, Effa.”
I reach in cupping his cheek with my hand and caress his face tenderly trying to calm him. “Hey, she’s okay right now, you still have time. If you need to leave the tour to have the procedure, you do it, Mercs. We’ll cope without you. She’s far more important than some stage lighting.”
He shakes his head. “I can’t, not yet. We have to wait for the right time.”
Nodding, I sigh. “Okay, but you tell me when and don’t you hesitate. You need to go, you go. Don’t you dare wait for anything.”
Mercs winces and weakly nods, pausing to wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. He brushes his lips against mine briefly and pulls back, but only just. “I wish I’d have told you about Kiera before this. That must have been horrific for you when you figured it out.”
“It was, and it was all I could do to stop from bursting into tears.”
He nods and leans in, kissing me softly. I kiss him back and then pull back feeling like I have more to say. “I’m so sorry about, Kiera. It breaks my heart, Kaden. And I want you to know that anytime you need to talk to me about how you’re feeling with regards to her, you can. I won’t think you’re less of a man. In fact, I think you’re more of a man for admitting you have feelings and that they’re hurting.”
“I’m devastated. Being away from her while she’s sick it’s killing me. I hate being away and missing what could possibly be the final days of her life, but I’m doing it to possibly extend her life too. Catch-22 and all that. I’m glad I found you, trying to cope on my own wasn’t working.”
“Whatever you need, it’s yours. Just tell me?”
I squeeze him harder and lean in kissing him for all he’s worth. I need him to know I’m in this with him all the way. I will be his support. I will give him anything he needs. Hell, I’ll pay for her treatment if that will help.
After our chat, and spending some quality time together, Mercs needed to leave to get to work to setup for tonight’s concert.
With everything that’s happened, I feel anxious and worried, so I need to center my energy and find my zen. I walk over to my yoga mat, turn on my positive affirmation sounds, and light the incense to let go of some of this unsettling juju.
A wave crashes over the sand as the low drawl of seagulls call in the distance. The sounds soothe me from the speakers as the gentle aroma of juniper and jasmine waft through the air, filling my senses with the smells of home. This is my calm place, this is how I visit the realm of my spirituality and focus on my mind and body. I’m trying to block out the chaos of the world around me and only concentrate on the soothing ocean current, and how the movement of the waves caresses my soul and brings with it a calm that will keep me in zen for the rest of the day.
I’m in the middle of a downward dog when light footsteps startle me from my zen. Glancing up, I see Kristy walking into the green room, her head stuck in her cell as she strides in, sniffing the air, her lips turning up in a smile at the smell of the burning incense. She continues to the sofa, not even looking up, as she plonks down and taps away on her cell.
My zen is completely gone as I look at her wondering… one, why is she here so early before the others and… two, why is her head stuck in her cell. She didn’t even look up to see who’s in here.
Standing up from my mat, I walk over and plonk myself down on the seat beside her. She doesn’t look up just merely smiles and continues on her phone. “Hey, Effa.”
Furrowing my brows, I nudge her shoulder. “How did you know it was me when you’re so engrossed with whatever it is on your phone?”
She clicks on something, then turns to look at me with a kind smile. “Jasmine and juniper… soothing sounds of the ocean… it can only be you, Effa. Plus, who else would be here this early?” she asks with a slight giggle at the end.
Letting out a sigh as I look at her cell, I see our Instagram account open. “And why are you here so early?”
She shrugs. “The television in my hotel room’s broken, and Alana was busy, so I thought I’d come and take some shots of the arena before the show for our followers. You know, show them what it’s like, and some before the concert pictures.”
With a nod, I smile and slump back into the sofa. Doing the yoga helped at the time, but now all my thoughts are on Mercs. The memory of his shattered face as he told me about Kiera, sends an ache through my chest, and I let out a heavy sigh.
Kristy looks up from her cell and frowns, her eyebrows scrunching together as she assesses me and tilts her head. “What’s on your mind, Effa?”
She and Alana know me so well, they always know when something’s up.
“I’ve just been told something, but I don’t know how to process it,” I murmur.
Kristy smiles putting down her cell and giving me her full attention. “I take it this has something to do with Mercs?”
Nodding, I let out a long breath. “I added his sister on Facebook, and with that brought a discovery I wasn’t prepared for.”
Kristy exhales. “Are you going to continue to talk cryptically, or...?”
“I don’t know if it’s my story to tell.”
Kristy reaches out placing her hand on my knee and squeezing gently for comfort. “I’m not going to push, you know that’s not my style. So if you want to talk about it later, I’m here for you. But I do know bottling things up for you is never very successful.”
“Kiera has cancer,” I blurt out so quickly unable to control myself.
“Well, that was easier than I thought it was going to be.”
I slump my body and lean back with a sigh. “Ahhh shit! How do you always do that?”
Kristy shrugs. “It’s a talent, but I am sorry to hear that news. No wonder you’re in a spin about this. I know I would be too. Will she be okay?”
“Mercs said there’s a procedure, but they have to wait for the right time and I didn’t want to push him to find out what that exactly means.”
Kristy raises her brow. “Hmmm… well, I guess you just have to be there for him and act normal around Kiera when you see her. I heard discussing cancer openly with a patient is the best thing to do, rather than trying to avoid the topic. Last thing you want is an elephant in the room.”
I weakly smile. “When did you become so insightful?”
“What do you mean, ‘I am, after all, me.’” She quotes from her favorite movie Working Girl.
I shake my head and shove her shoulder. “I should find Mercs. Make sure he’s okay.”
“Give him a hug from me...” but then she quickly adds, “… orrr maybe not. I’m not supposed to know after all. But give him some extra love anyway.”
“Thanks for the chat, love you.”
Standing, I walk to the door, and set about finding Mercs. I just hope he’s not too rattled by the events of today.