MERCS
The ringtone startles me as I jolt from the loud noise. Effa stirs against me as her head raises from my chest, and I roll on my side to grab the call. I look at the screen to see it’s Gran calling and my stomach sinks through the floor.
It’s 6:00 a.m.
Why the hell is she calling me so early?
I glance at Effa who’s rubbing her eyes when she looks at me to see fear etched on my face.
“Who is it?” she murmurs.
“Gran…” My voice cracks as I mutter the one word.
Effa opens her eyes wide and swallows hard. “Quick, answer it.”
I snap around and swipe the screen, bringing my cell up to my ear, albeit hesitantly, and sit up on the edge of the bed. My back is to Effa as my legs hang over the edge. “Gran?” I mumble.
“Kaden, I hate to worry you, but I’ve been awake all night—”
“Is Kiera okay?”
She sighs, and I instantly tense up. “No. There’s some serious issues, she’s not rejecting your stem cells, but she’s so weak. The doctors aren’t giving me a great prognosis right now, and it doesn’t look good. She is slipping in and out of consciousness. I honestly think you need to come home as soon as you can. She needs you… we need you.”
Panic wracks through me as I stand from the bed and bend over to pick up a T-shirt from the floor to begin packing. Effa rushes over to me placing a soothing hand on my back. “Fuck! I’m packing right now. Will be on the band’s jet as soon as I can get authorization to leave. Tell her to hold on, tell her I’ll be with her as soon as I possibly can.”
Effa mouths ‘what’s wrong?’
I don’t have time to reply to Effa before Gran says, “Kaden, hurry… please.”
A shudder runs through me at the desperation in her voice. For the first time in my life, I am scared. Gran never overreacts. So I know this must be serious and Kiera is in trouble.
“I’m on my way, Gran. I’ll see you soon,” I tell her and then hang up as I shove more clothing into my backpack. “Fuuuck!” I groan out loud in frustration not knowing what else to say.
Effa cuddles into my side as she wraps her arm around my waist and pulls me to her effectively stopping me from packing. “Kaden, stop… talk to me.”
My chest tightens, and I turn to look her in the eyes. Hers glistening with concern. “Kiera’s taken a turn… I don’t fucking get it. She was supposed to be getting better not going downhill.”
Effa blinks a few times looking at me taking in the words I’ve just spoken. “Wait! What?”
“It seems Kiera’s getting worse, not better. Gran is in a bad way, and she has asked me to come home. This is fucking serious, Effa. ‘Cause Gran would never beg me to come home unless…”
She shakes her head. “No Kaden, don’t think like that. She will be fine. This is just a setback. Okay? Kiera will pull through this. I can feel it.”
“I can’t take your positive vibes right now, Effa, I have to go… I need to leave. Can you get Luke on the phone and ask him to ready the jet for me? If you can’t that’s fine, I’ll get on the next flight.”
Her bottom lip trembles, she nods and then she looks away from me. “Of course, anything you need… I’m here for you, Kaden. I’m coming with you.”
“Shit… I’m sorry, baby. That came out all wrong. I’m so damn stressed right now, I shouldn’t take it out on you.” I link my fingers with hers and let out a long exhale as I pull myself together. “No. You need to stay here, make sure the tour goes without a hitch. You’ve already taken time out for your recovery. You can’t disappoint the fans again.”
“I really should be coming with you. I want to come with you.”
I shake my head. “Please, Effa, don’t fight me on this. I don’t have the strength. I just need time with Kiera and Gran. I love you, that hasn’t changed, but I need to be with them for a few days. Okay?”
Nodding, she swallows hard. “Sure. But I want you to call me. Every day. Without fail. I hate that I won’t be there for you.”
“You will be. I need you to make sure the band finishes up this leg of the tour, and then when you break next week, you can come and be with us like you were supposed to for Christmas.”
“This is killing me, Kaden. I’m so torn. I want to be there for you and your family… but if you need time with them, I understand. Just know the second you need me, I will be there in an instant.”
I reach out taking her in my arms and press my forehead to hers. “Thank you, that means everything. I can’t lose her, Effa, not after everything she’s been through.”
“I know…”
EFFA
Eventually, Mercs found his strength. I helped him pack his things, and we said our goodbyes as I watched him leave for the band’s jet. I’ve already told Luke what’s going on. I had to. I needed to gain his permission for Mercs to use the jet. Luke has called everyone together so I can tell them all at the same time about Kiera, rather than having to tell the story multiple times. Which is better for me because having to tell Luke once was hard enough.
We’re all gathered in Luke’s hotel room. It’s spacious, so we all fit. Some are sitting on the sofa, some on the bed, and some are just standing, as I sit on the bed next to Alana solemnly, while the rest all chatter amongst themselves like nothing’s going horribly wrong.
“Okay guys, there’s a reason I called you all here for this emergency meeting,” Luke calls out gaining everyone’s attention.
They all look up and quieten down. Tank looks around the room raising his brow. “Yo, where’s Mercs?”
I sniff, clenching my eyes shut as I let out a long drawn out sigh, and everyone turns to face me in curiosity as the room shifts to an uncomfortable silence.
“Hey, is something wrong?” Alana’s soft voice echoes through the silence as she reaches out grabbing my hand. I quickly link my fingers with hers needing her support, as I open my eyes to see everyone looking at me with frowns on their faces.
“Is Mercs okay?” Tank queries, concern in his voice.
I simply shake my head, as I prepare myself to say the words aloud.
“Effa, you’re scaring me,” Alana croaks, sliding in next to me as I glance to Luke and he nods giving me the strength I need.
Swallowing hard, I take a deep breath. “At six this morning Mercs got a phone call…” A lump forms in my throat and I clear it with a slight cough. “Kiera… Kiera is deteriorating in the hospital. Gran has called Kaden home because she isn’t sure how Kiera is going to continue faring in the coming days.”
A resounding gasp filters through the room as my stomach churns and lurches while tears flood my eyes again. I hear a loud huff, as I look up to see Raoul’s face contorting in pain as he shakes his head and slams his hand onto the table, a loud bang echoes through the silence. He spins. His heavy feet stomping the carpet as he moves quickly through the room. We all watch as he heads for the door, racing through it and slamming it shut as he exits. The door shudders with the force, and I jump, my breaths coming in short and sharp as I try to hold in fresh tears. I look around the room, everyone’s simply trying to hold it together as all their eyes glisten and no one says anything.
Sniffing, I tighten my hand on Alana’s. She can’t hold her tears any longer, and a stray one falls down her cheek. Chewing on my bottom lip, I let out a long sigh. “Mercs is using the jet to fly home to be with Kiera and Gran. He wants to spend some time alone with his family, but he wants us to go on, to continue the tour. And then at Christmas, I’m going to go and spend time with them. He’s in a world of pain right now, especially not knowing where things will go with Kiera. It really doesn’t look good, but knowing we’re here for him is all he needs.”
Tank exhales shaking his head as Andi cuddles into his side. “I don’t even know what to say to him. I just can’t believe it… the treatment was supposed to work,” Tank murmurs.
“It’s horrible. But if Mercs wants us to keep going, we have to. We have to do it for Mercs, and we have to do it for Kiera. She believes in Luminous. She loves this band, this crew. So we keep going. You keep going. You’re all strong, just like she is. I’m hoping she can pull through this,” Luke encourages, standing up from where he was leaning against the table and we all nod.
“For Kiera,” I call out.
“For Kiera,” everyone replies, as we all stand up and collectively sigh.
MERCS
Running through the halls of the hospital, I pant for breath while trying to find Kiera’s room. The thought that she’s having difficulties is scaring the absolute shit out of me. I round the corner and see Gran talking to a nurse outside a room, and my chest squeezes at seeing her hunched, tired frame. I immediately think the worst. So I run, as fast as my legs will carry me, and bolt to Gran.
“Thank you, nurse,” Gran says as I reach them. She turns as I grind to a halt, dropping my backpack to the floor at our feet, her eyes misting up and I don’t hesitate to pull her into a massive hug.
“Tell me she’s okay?”
She holds me tight but shakes her head. “It’s not good, Kaden. She’s fading so fast…” she pauses pulling back from me and looks into my eyes. “It’s bad, sweetheart. I-I’m so glad you got here in time.”
My stomach churns at her words. Kiera was supposed to be getting better, not fucking declining. This is not supposed to be happening. Shaking my head, I try to swallow the bile rising in my throat. “Can I see her?”
Gran nods. “Of course, sweetheart. She’s out of it most of the time, but I know, she’ll know, you’re here with her.”
I nod, reaching down for my backpack and grab Gran’s hand and head off to her room. It smells sterile, clinical, and reminds me that Kiera’s in a world of trouble. I round the pulled curtain to see her lying in bed. A drip hanging from her arm, her face pale and gaunt. Her eyes simply closed like she’s sleeping. She looks… oh fuck!
My chest tightens, and I shake my head dropping my backpack to the floor again. I let go of Gran and step up to Kiera taking her hand in mine. Her skin is cold to the touch, and I smother her hand in mine trying to send some semblance of warmth through her.
“It’s going to be fine, Kiera. I’m here now. You’re going to be okay. You can fight this, booger-butt. I know you can… we can do this together.”
The sound of heavy footsteps startles me, and I look up to see a doctor wearing one of those long white coats walk in. I steady my stature, his face stern and strong as he carries a clipboard. He looks down at the board, then to Kiera, and then to Gran and me. “I’m assuming you’re Kiera’s brother?”
I nod.
“Okay, now that the family is here I can discuss options with you.”
Furrowing my brows, I crack my neck to the side. “Options? What do you mean?”
He takes a deep breath and drops his folder to his side. “Kiera isn’t progressing the way we had hoped. She’s deteriorating quite rapidly, and we need to consider what might happen if her functions give out.”
My muscles clench. “What? No! She isn’t going to stop fighting. We are not talking about fucking DNR orders, or whatever the fuck you’re going to start throwing down our throats. Don’t you dare come in here talking about this shit in front of her.”
“It’s something that needs to be discussed. Kiera’s rapid decline is of concern, and she might not make it through the night…”
My head begins to fog, and everything starts to haze as I tune out. Hearing those words, listening to him talk about my sister as though she’s already gone, makes my stomach churn.
Everything is closing in around me.
I can’t stand being in this room anymore.
I need to get out.
I can’t handle this.
Letting go of Kiera’s hand, I stumble out of the room, my head a jumbled mess of confusion.
Kiera might not make it through the night. The words ring through my mind as I race through the halls needing air.
She can’t die.
She can’t!
A world without my sister is a world I want no part of.
Somehow, I find the hospital exit and stagger outside. Finding a park bench, I slump down on it and let out an almighty, “Fuck!”
Kiera, my precious sister, could die.
Everything I’ve done was for her, and it still wasn’t enough.
My eyes flood with tears as I look up to the sky. And as I glance up, I notice the brightest of stars, right next to the moon and the pressure on my chest eases fractionally. I feel like Effa’s with me, like her presence is somehow soothing me from afar as I look to that very star we saw that night on Stage Rock. The memory takes me back…
“I think that star right there, that really bright one next to the moon...” I pointed to it, and Effa nodded looking at the giant light in the sky. “I think that should be our star. It shines as brightly as you, and so no matter where either of us is in the world, whatever we’re doing, we can look at it and think of this night and know we’re both connected. Even if we are a world apart.”
She wrapped her arm around my knee and held onto me as we both stared up at the stars not saying a single word. I leaned in, my lips gently caressing her temple as we sat on the giant rock formation after her outdoor performance at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre.
While gazing at that same bright star—even though I feel completely shattered, even though I need to do this on my own right now—I know Effa’s with me.
She might even be looking at the same star right now and thinking about me like I’m thinking about her. Knowing she’ll help me through whatever’s going to happen with Kiera is the only thing pulling me through this agony right now.
But one thing I do know, is I need to pick myself the hell up, be the big brother Kiera needs me to be, and head back in there.
No matter what tonight brings.
No matter what hell I might endure.
Because whatever the outcome I will be by Kiera’s side until the end.