Chapter 1

~ Ever ~

Declan Donovan is watching you like you stole the last of his favorite candy.” My best friend, Erin, wasn’t always dramatic; but when it came to men she most definitely ramped up her descriptions of things ten-fold.

I laughed at her. “He’s probably just trying to figure out where he knows me from. It has been five years since he left for the Army.”

“Oh, come on! I know he’s been gone for years, but he couldn’t possibly have forgotten you. You were always at his house with Toby and Jason when you guys were younger.” I cringed a little bit on the inside at the mention of Jason. We didn’t mention him often since the incident back in high school.

“That may be true, but the last time I saw him he was 19 and I was barely 14. I have grown a lot since then.”

“I’ll say,” Erin giggled. “Can you stop growing at some point and let the rest of us have some breasts too? It’s like you stood in line and hogged up all the good material before the rest of us caught on to which line in the body assembly factory was the most important one to get in.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ugh.” My groan was drawn out with the exact amount of dramatic flair necessary for this conversation. “If I could trade you some I would. They definitely come with their own challenges like finding a cute bra in my size instead of granny-style things for older ladies with boobs that hang to their knees. Oh, and then there’s lying out on the beach having to make boob indents in the sand first so I can be comfortable with minimal squish factor. And for our final example of the day, I’d like to offer as evidence that letch over there eating with his family while staring at my boobs. His wife is pissed, his kids are disgusted, and he’s still locked in on my chest like nothing else exists. What’s worse is that they’ll all blame me for his disgusting behavior simply because of the body parts that I can’t help instead of blaming his lecherous bullshit ways.”

Erin glanced over and pinched up her brows in disgust as she saw what I was talking about. The man’s wife finally smacked him back to reality causing his face to turn red in embarrassment when he finally noticed we were giving him dirty looks for his ogling. “Gross! I see what you mean there,” Erin finally agreed with me. We continued munching our food and tuned out the rest of the people in the food court as we did. I hated eating here, but I worked at the Hot Topic three days a week since the internship I was still under at Permanent Marks – the tattoo shop near home – was still an unpaid one. I got paid for my designs sometimes, but it wasn’t that much in the big scheme of things. Then again, neither was my pitiful little check I managed to bring home from retail hell every week.

“Yo, Deck!” Both Erin and I snapped our heads up at the shouted greeting. We glanced into each other’s eyes before she shook her head.

“I guess it was too much to ask that he wouldn’t be far behind big brother for a trip to the mall, huh?”

“Jay! ‘Bout damn time you dragged your ass up here, man.”

“Sorry, I found this hot little hunnie downstairs in that skinny girl shop, and…”

“I don’t fucking need to know any more than that, you little shit.” I actually chuckled a little under my breath at Declan’s exasperated response to his brother’s man-whoring antics. I hadn’t been around Jay for more than ten minutes at a time since his graduation three years ago. I had also kept my promise to him, and refused to speak even a single word, despite the couple times he’d pleaded with me to forgive him. Those few times were also the reason I came up with every excuse under the sun not to attend club functions. Well, it was just one of the reasons. The fact that the club members still seemed to hold everything against me, even though I was completely innocent, was the other. No point going where you aren’t wanted.

The only time I had to spend more than those couple minutes here and there near Jay was when my dad forced me to the clubhouse for some bullshit ritual the guys had in order to atone for wrongs committed against another person. Usually, it was reserved for brothers who had been wronged by another, or by the club as a whole. They made an exception in my case since my dad yelled and screamed at them until it happened, and also because even the grown ass adults – who should have known better – let some bullshit high school bitch’s lies affect how they treated me. Jay bled for me and begged forgiveness once more for his actions and how they had hurt me. The brothers, likewise, did the same. Every single one of them, my father and brother included, had all stood up and asked forgiveness. I wasn’t sure I was capable of forgiveness even though I gave them all a final parting shot about it. “Forgiveness isn’t for you. It’s closure for me, and it’s definitely not the same as forgetting. What’s broken can never be repaired with a ceremony that is more for your guilty consciences than my broken heart.”

Aside from that little ceremony – that was to make the brother’s feel better about their deplorable behavior, not me – I stayed away from most of the club gatherings, and when Jay came to the house I hid in my room or left altogether.

“Earth to Ever, did you hear me?” Erin was saying as I found my way back out of my memories.

“Hmm?”

“I said that the Donovan brothers were headed this way.” She tipped her head subtly in the direction they’d been standing moments ago. Unfortunately, I had been lost in my thoughts a little too long, and it was already too late to duck out before they got to our table. Instead, I glanced up warily to see Declan’s bright smile plastered on his face.

“Ever, I thought I was seeing things until Jay confirmed who you were.” He gave me a noticeably lingering once over. “You sure have grown up, girl.”

“That’s what happens when you’re away for five years, Declan. Some of us grow up.” My answer was slightly snippy and I regretted it the moment I saw his brows furrow together. An action that was hard to miss since his hair was still cut almost military-style short. It wasn’t quite a buzz cut anymore, but it wasn’t much more than that. The short brown pieces had quite a bit of blond streaks interspersed. Were he a different kind of man I would think he went to the salon for that look, but being Declan I knew those streaks of light were earned in the sun. His darkly tanned skin confirmed my theory too. Skin, I might add, that was packed overtop what looked like a whole lot of hard muscle.

Declan had left for the Army at 19, and had been away for five years now, making him 24. Every single one of those 24 years showed in the manly shape that stood before me. Good lord. If I were the type of girl to have sexual fantasies about men… well, actually, now that I saw Declan again, I might just be the type.

“Please, tell me you’re not going to hold whatever this dumb ass did to piss you off so badly over my head too?”

I just sat there; jaw slack, not believing that Declan didn’t already know about everything that had gone down. Then again, he’d been in a war zone for the better part of three of the five years he’d been away. So, maybe no one thought to tell him. Shame started to flood my face as I briefly remembered how my life had been turned inside out by his brother’s dumb shit. “Nope, sorry. I’m just not having the best day.” I finally managed to choke out my excuse for being rude. As excuses went, it wasn’t a bad one. I had, in fact, been having a shit day. From the perv across the way who was staring at my boobs again to my equally pervy store manager I was ready to go home and take a shower, because I was beginning to feel dirty.

I glanced at Erin then, with apology in my eyes for what I was about to do as I stood up. “Sorry I don’t have time to catch up, but I have to get back to work.” When I glanced back over to Declan, still ignoring Jay’s presence, I added, “It’s good to see you again, Deck. I really am happy you made it back home safe and sound.”

“Me too, Ever. Are you coming to the barbecue Saturday? We could catch up then.”

“Um,” I hesitated. My dad wasn’t a huge fan of me attending club functions now since I started growing breasts and never seemed to stop. Since Toby and Jay had patched in I had mostly avoided going there anyway. “I don’t usually…” I started to say as I slowly began creeping away from the table and closer to turning and bolting to my store.

“Maybe you’ll make an exception since it’s my welcome home party?” When I looked away before trying to beg off once more he really laid it on thick. “Come on, Ev! It’s been five whole years! Come catch up with me, Saturday. Please?” It was the begging with his hands in prayer position beneath his chin that held the slightest hint of a dimple in it that got me. Those deep, ocean blue eyes pleaded with mine, and I caved like the spineless little girl who always used to turn to jelly around both him and his brother. Yeah, I’d had a little girl crush on the other Donovan brother at one time too. It had transferred to Jay simply because he was more accessible considering our closer ages.

“Fine, I’ll see you there.” I turned then and started walking away as I called back to Erin, “I’ll call you later.”

“Damn, I see what you mean, little brother. She didn’t even look at you, let alone speak. What the hell did you do to her all those years ago?”

“He broke her trust, betrayed her, publicly humiliated her, and stood back and did nothing as the entire school bullied her for months without end. To top it off he ruined her relationship with her dad, Toby, and the club too. And all of that for the price of the whore’s pussy he chose over believing one of his best friends wouldn’t actually stab him in the back the way his lying cunt-ass girlfriend actually did. Only, the punishment he got for his mistake was to wait on being a patched member of your precious club. The punishment that girl got for his fuck up was that she lost everything. Literally, every damn thing a girl looks forward to in high school. Friends. Gone – except me. Prom – there was no prom for Ever. She had to drop out and do online school too so she didn’t even get to attend her own graduation like your punk-ass bastard of a brother did.” The venom dripping from Erin’s voice told me she remembered all too well what kind of fresh hell Jay had landed me in with his bullshit.

“Damn, don’t hold back or anything,” Jay whined.

“Why should I? You didn’t spare her a damn thing when you told the entire school about her dead mom or about how she would never ride your dick, did you?”

“We had an Amends Ceremony with the club to fix it,” Jay mumbled.

“Yeah? Did it make you feel better about things, Jason? Because it sure as fuck didn’t change anything my best friend went through as a result of your stupid bullshit.”

“Amends Ceremony with the club? You told her she’d never ride your dick in front of the whole school?” I heard Declan roar at his brother before I sped up and took off down the hall that led to the Hot Topic. That mess was for them to hash out. I’d already lived it, and didn’t need the fuckin’ recap. Thank you very much.

~ Declan ~

Seeing her for the first time in nearly five years did something to my insides. When I last saw her she was still a girl waiting to fill out. Now, Ever was pin-up perfection. Her long dirty blond hair had highlights in it that brightened her whole face, and I just knew they were natural, because the girl had always loved to be outside when she was younger. Her body had definitely lost the childhood look and had curves in abundance and in all the right places. I almost felt like a damn pervert when I first noticed she had tits, because it was fucking hard to look away or to reconcile the Ever I remembered with the one whom I suddenly wanted to take a bite out of.

Watching her slink away from us in the food court left me with an equally mouthwatering sight, because the girl was all about balance with an ass that matched her tits. Curves for days, and something my hands itched to take hold of. Jesus. I couldn’t believe the ways I was thinking about the girl who once was like a kid sister to me. I glanced at my brother who was also watching her with longing in his eyes. When I asked what he’d done to piss her off so bad that she hadn’t even looked at him once her friend, Erin, was none to quiet when it came to handing over the details, and still I felt like I was missing something huge. What the hell could have snowballed into all of that?

My fists clenched at my sides when Erin explained how my idiot brother had yelled in her face in front of their whole school about how she’d never ride his dick. I thought he was a dumbass before when Ever used to write me about his bullshit and changing girlfriends like other people changed underwear. Now, I knew he was dysfunctional, because in no way did a hot-blooded man ever attempt to put a woman like that on a no-go list. Not unless he was completely stupid or just plain crazy.

We left, because I didn’t really want Ever’s little friend, spitfire that she was, to cause any more of a scene than she had already done by listing my brother’s deficiencies. Instead, we went back to the clubhouse. Once we were inside my brother attempted to scamper off, but I halted him and sat his ass down with me at the bar. “Tell me,” I stated, and he knew I meant that he better come clean with everything. Halfway through his explanation of the events that took place a few years ago, around the time I stopped receiving letters from Ever, Toby sat down with us.

“Where were you when all this was going on? Weren’t you supposed to be protecting your sister?”

Toby screwed his face up angrily at my question. “I should have been,” he seethed through clenched teeth. “I fuckin’ stupidly stood up for my brother instead, and he was so cocked up with the pussy he was getting he believed that bitch’s lies in order to keep getting it. I should have known,” he finally lamented.

“You think?” I asked, again wondering what kind of shit was in the water to make the men around Ever so blind to how special she was. “Even I know that didn’t sound like something Ever would do. Hell, I don’t even think I’ve ever heard her make a disparaging remark about anyone. Even when she used to write me about all the girls you were running through, and walking in on you fucking them from time to time,” I started saying to my brother.

“What?” He looked taken aback as if I’d slapped him.

“You didn’t know she’d seen you, or that she was telling me about it?”

“Neither,” he answered as anger laced his voice. “Why the hell was she writing to you?”

“Because she could, numb-nuts. Because she apparently needed someone to vent to about your dumb, blind as hell, ass.” I shook my head in disbelief again. My brother really had been a clueless idiot. He’d had the perfect woman right under his nose, and couldn’t see past quick fixes for dick to snatch her up.

“So, you not only had the hottest girl in this town pining for you, but you believed one of your skanks when she said Ever talked evil shit about her and tried to break you up? Then, in all your infinite wisdom, you approached the sweetest and most loyal girl in the world in front of an audience she wouldn’t be able to outrun, and you said all that vile bullshit? Then you let it ride for two fucking months, watching people basically torture her? And you believed the bullshit too?” Again, I glanced at Toby who looked fit to be tied. “Newsflash, brothers, she’s not holding a grudge like you told me, she’s protecting herself.”

“From what?” Toby barked in wild-eyed disbelief

“From disloyal motherfuckers who once swore to protect her, yet had zero problem thinking the worst of her, throwing her under the bus, and running over her with it. Jesus, I can’t believe I even have to point that shit out. She doesn’t trust you anymore. Either of you. I really can’t blame her, because you guys are giving me your perspective on the events that happened, I imagine from her side of things it got a whole lot worse. Just from the little tangent her friend went off on at the mall, I’d say you only saw the tip of the iceberg you floated her way.”

~ Ever ~

Two days after seeing Declan again I found myself trudging through the process of getting ready for the stupid club barbecue. “I can’t believe you decided to attend a club function,” Momma-Luce breathed out as she took in what I was wearing today. My denim shorts were long enough that my ass didn’t hang out, but it was a close call since I had a lot of junk in my trunk. The tank top I was wearing had a shelf bra in it. Yeah, I laughed about that too, but when you’re pushing out of DD territory into a DDD cup there’s really nothing to be done about it. Outside of wearing a damn burka, I was bound to look scandalous in whatever I wore. The bathing suit I was wearing beneath it all wasn’t actually helping to keep everything from jiggling around when I moved either. Erin, who was trying really hard to fill out a B cup bra, would have looked downright chaste in this same outfit. It was 90 degrees outside though, and I wasn’t about to bake in clothes that covered more flesh for everyone else’s benefit.

“NO! Hell fucking No!” Was bellowed out from my bedroom door as my dad took one step toward the threshold from the hallway. “You need to change,” he demanded.

I rolled my eyes. “No. Hell fucking no,” I mimicked my dad’s words. “It’s too damn hot outside for anything more. Besides, I have a bathing suit on underneath this. It’s summer time. What more do you want from me?”

“I want you to look like a lady, not a…” he stopped himself short of insinuating I looked like a whore, thanks in part to my step-mothers evil eye she was flinging his way.

I pointed to Momma-Luce. Not to throw her under the bus, but I was going to address the fact that she was wearing something incredibly similar to my outfit. The only difference really was that my tank was plain black while she sported a support tank for the club that had “Property of Double-D” stamped on the back. Of course, Lucy was at best, a C-cup. Again, I was being singled out because my boobs didn’t know how to stop growing. “Momma-Luce is wearing practically the same outfit.”

My father quickly grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around to point at the stamp on the back that bespoke of whose property she was. “She’s marked so everyone knows not to fuck with her. You are not. You may be my daughter, but you’re an adult now. I can frown upon assholes hitting on you, and beat the shit out of them if I see fit, but I can’t control what I can’t see, and I don’t want to spend the entire day babysitting your ass so some brother doesn’t come along and…”

I was fuming, and Momma-Luce knew it. “Stop.” The single word from her mouth had my dad biting his tongue. “She is an adult. She’s an adult who hasn’t been to a family or club function in almost two years. Look at her. Really look at what you’re doing to your daughter. Again. You basically just told her you choose having a good time with your brothers over having her present, and having to look out for her. Considering you fucked up with looking out for her enough to cause this rift in the first place, I think you need to swallow your words, and back the fuck off.”

That was my Momma-Luce in a nutshell. She was also the only person on God’s green earth that could get away with talking to my father that way. When her fierce, inner momma-bear reared her head – especially when it involved me – he listened though.

“Fucking Christ,” my father mumbled before turning on his heels and stomping off back down the stairs grumbling shit about losing his fucking mind and killing his brothers the whole way. Lucy laughed.

“You really are going to give him a coronary one of these days, you know?”

“I can’t help that I grew giant boobs. I’d rather halve them if we were being honest. There is absolutely nothing like having to be uncomfortable in your own skin because other people can’t behave themselves.”

“Aww, sweetheart,” she gushed as she pulled me into a hug. “Men suck!” She let go and then tossed my bag to me that I had filled with sunblock and other necessities earlier. “Come on, let’s get out of here before we give your dad too much time to process.”

On the way to the clubhouse it became obvious that my dad had definitely enjoyed too much time to process after all. Of course, it could just be that he was grumpy about having to drive the truck over instead of the bike since I was coming with them. “You haven’t been to a function in a long while, what’s so important about going to this one all of a sudden?”

“I saw Declan the other day at the mall. He asked if I would come and said something about this being a welcome home thing for him,” I shrugged as I told them why I was going.

“So you’ll go for Declan, who you never really hung out with as kids, but you won’t attend special events for the other boys. For Jay. Your brother? You didn’t even go to their patching in ceremonies.” Dad was starting to sound growly and indignant again so I just huffed out a frustrated puff of air before I answered him.

“You know why I don’t bother with Jay. Declan put me on the spot when he asked. He went to war and came back, I can’t very well say, ‘no I don’t think I will attend your welcome home party’, now can I?” Dad’s fist tightened noticeably on the steering wheel so I added in a caveat. “I’ll make sure he sees that I showed up and then I’ll call an Uber to come get me and take me to Erin’s so I don’t ruin anyone’s night with my unwanted presence.”

“Jesus,” I heard my mom hiss from the front seat.

“I never said you weren’t wanted there. I was just confused about why you wanted to go.” He smiled at me through the rearview mirror then. “Besides, I think it would be great to have you around. You can help keep Anna out of trouble.”

“I didn’t know she was going to be there,” I said as I looked around the truck as if my sister had turned invisible.

“She stayed with Jane and Sally this morning in order to get her hair done,” Momma-Luce said as she rolled her eyes. “That girl is going to be a handful real damn soon.” My dad grumbled some more at Lucy’s admission. My sister was 16 going on 30 and she was a knockout already. She looked more like my age already, which drove my dad bat-shit crazy, because unlike me she didn’t have any major life trauma to hinder her boy-craziness. Nope. My little sis already had a few of the guys from the club in her sights, and some of them would legitimately be in their 30s before she was even legal in the club’s eyes.

All thoughts of my sister went completely out the window when I noticed just how big this barbecue was going to be. “Are there other chapters here today?” I asked the question, but I was already well aware of what the answer would be.

“You betcha!” My dad told me as he chuckled from up front. “Now, maybe you realize why I wanted you to change back at the house. We have a full house right now, not just our boys.”

“Well, hell.”