Chapter 6

~ Ever ~

Another text pinged my phone, and I nearly ignore the noise again except Kane glared over at me from across the station wall. “If you’re not going to answer anyone why bother keeping it turned on? Are you trying to annoy the rest of us while continuing to piss off whoever is trying so desperately to get a hold of you?”

Shame flooded my cheeks with burning warmth that I knew probably registered bright red on my face. “Sorry,” I mumbled as I silenced my cell, and took a moment to glance over the texts that had been coming in at alarming rate. There was one from an unknown number; I ignored it. Then there were five from my brother, Toby. I also ignored those. The one from my stepmother I couldn’t skip so easily.

Momma-Luce: I didn’t want this for you, sweet girl.

Me: I know. Sorry, I’ll call later.

Mamma-Luce: Are you going to ignore your brother forever? You know he loves you, and he’s truly sorry for everything. He tried making it up to you back then. I know everyone hurt you, but are you truly going to hate the rest of your family forever?

Well that was a harsh blow. It’s not that I hated my brother, or the rest of my family. I just didn’t trust them any longer, and that put barriers in place that made it easier to just stay away than risk letting down those walls and possibly making the mistake of trusting one of them again. I couldn’t go through it a second time. The first nearly killed me in the most real way possible.

Me: I’ll call him later. I’m working.

Momma-Luce: Ok

I huffed out a sigh of frustration as I turned my cell off, tossed it in a drawer, and proceeded to prep the station I had been slotted to work in. I had one whole client scheduled. He loved my artwork when Zeke had shown him what I’d come up with based on his client’s idea. The man had asked why I wouldn’t be doing the work, and when Zeke informed him I was only an apprentice and hadn’t done enough hours on real skin, he had scoffed at Zeke. “How’s she supposed to get hours on real skin if you don’t let her at it. I’ll be the guinea pig.” He had thrown a wink my way too, and Zeke reluctantly agreed while shaking his head.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. If I screwed this up not only my non-existent reputation was at stake, but that of the shop as well. At least, that’s how I saw it. I knew Zeke felt differently, and even made a special waiver for the client to sign before he’d allow this to happen. While I was setting up Kane had finished with his client and sent them on their way.

“You ready for this?” Kane asking the question simply added to my jumbled nerves.

“I’m a bit nervous. I don’t want to screw it up.”

“Then don’t,” he offered simply.

“Sage advice,” I laughed out.

“Don’t I know it?” Kane chirped out, clapped his hand on the side wall of the space I’d be working in and then took off for the break room in the back of the studio. Kane had just disappeared around the corner when the tinkle of the bell over the front door sounded alerting me to the fact that my very first client was here.

~*~

“I hate to say this to you Zeke, but you may have to share this canvas from here on out,” Eddie told my boss and mentor.

“Can’t say that I blame you for that,” Zeke returned solemnly as he checked over the work I’d done. When he finished taking it all in he stood straight and looked me in the eye before he spoke again. “You did damn fine work, Ever. Make sure you get pictures of that and get them in a book to put out front.” That was it. He left Eddie standing there grinning at me while I picked my jaw up off the floor, because I knew what needing a book out front meant.

“He just told you this was a regular thing for you, didn’t he?”

I nodded, still sort of shell-shocked.

Eddie clapped his hand down gently on my shoulder and gave me a reassuring squeeze. “I had a feeling about you, kid, and my instincts have yet to lead me wrong. Congratulations, and glad I could help get you there.”

I did something I’m definitely not prone to do then. I hugged the man. “Thanks Eddie, I appreciate your faith in me.”

“Yeah, well, I appreciate this fine ass dragon you inked on my leg.” As I cashed him out and took the extremely healthy tip he left for me I had savored the elation that had welled up inside me. Tattooing the dragon on his leg had been a high in itself. Seeing my work done so well in the end, the client happy about it, and my boss offering me a book to show off my art up front just blew everything over the top though. For the first time in years I felt hope that happiness would find me again.

Before happiness could find me, my brother showed up looking instead. The bell over the door tinkled to life causing me to glance up. It was then that Deck, Trunk, and my brother all came strolling in to Permanent Marks. A part of me wanted to run to the back and beg Kane to deal with them. The other part of me was still running on the high of my finishing my first major tat and wanted to share that news with the world, even if that world included my mostly estranged brother and his friends. I was still paralyzed by my indecision when Kane came sauntering back out to the lobby.

“You guys lost or something?”

“Nah man,” my brother started to say, but Kane came and positioned himself so that a good half of his body was hiding me from the three men who had entered the studio together. It was a protective stance if I ever saw one, and the hurt that registered on my brother’s face said that he knew it too. Kane felt he needed to protect me from the men of Aces High. It didn’t hurt that Kane happened to be my best friend’s big brother and knew all about the shit storm I had to wade through over the past couple years.

“Damn dude,” my brother huffed out. “I don’t know whether to be thankful you have my sister’s back, or to be completely insulted that you think she needs you to have her back when her own brother walks through the door.” He hung his head a moment, and then shook off whatever he’d been thinking.

It was then that Deck stepped further into the room placing himself between Toby and Trunk and myself and Kane. “We just came by to check to see if Ever was inking people yet.”

“What business is it of yours?” Kane sniped at him. “You guys have your people over at your own shop, man. Pretty sure if you wanted Ever doing work for Aces members you would have manned up and asked her to work there, but no one did.”

“Yeah, it’s unfortunate that I wasn’t around to see that it happened that way,” Deck informed Kane. “I’m here now though, and making sure some things get set to rights around here.”

“Yeah, okay,” Kane scoffed in his direction.

“What exactly is your problem here?” Deck asked while narrowing his eyes on Kane as if he were finally seeing a problem just a man trying to protect a young girl. “Bit old for her, aren’t you?”

At that, my brother and Trunk both bristled a bit before Kane damn near doubled over in laughter. I glanced at him; feeling a bit miffed for thinking the insinuation that he might have something to do with me romantically was so damn hilarious. “Shit, that’s the funniest thing, because I’m pretty sure that would make you the pot and me the kettle, Deck, since we’re the same fuckin’ age.”

Oh shit. My brother’s head snapped around, Kane no longer his focus, as it now was entirely on Deck. I wasn’t completely sure what was going on, and I definitely didn’t like where this altercation appeared to be going. I stepped out of Kane’s shadow for the first time during this whole oddball situation. “Okay, well, now that we know how old everyone is, maybe one of you can tell me why you’re actually here, because I know you don’t care if I’m tattooing or not.”

All three of the men standing before me turned hurt eyes my way and suddenly I felt that same red-faced shame welling up that had happened earlier when Kane called me out for ignoring my texts.

“We really did stop by to check in on you, and whether your apprenticeship was heading into actual tattooing yet or if you were still just selling your art for others to put on people,” Trunk responded. “Besides, ever since I found out you were the genius behind this asshole’s tattoo, I’ve wanted to come see you about getting something to represent my old lady. Our anniversary is coming up and she’s been riding my ass for years about getting her inked on me so she can have her permanent claim or whatever.” I smiled about that, because knowing his woman, he wasn’t lying. “Been telling her it couldn’t be just some old generic shit property tag like the other guys get and then have inked over when they move on to the next willing body along with a cover-up tat.”

I wrinkled my nose at the thought, because I knew a few of the men in the club had definitely done just that over the years. I always had found it tacky, but I never showed any of them judgment for it. Now, I didn’t have to hide my disdain.

“So, you came to see if I could draw you something?” I asked Trunk with a little apprehension leaking through my voice.

“Jesus,” he hissed out and then ran his hands through his hair, tugging quickly in a show of frustration. “Until the other night when you showed up to the barbecue, I never knew how bad things had gotten for you while I was put away.” He glared at my brother for a moment before refocusing his attention on me. “I also hate that you seem fuckin’ hesitant and almost frightened to talk to us – to me. I’ve never wished you ill in all the time I’ve known you, honey.”

“I know you haven’t, Trunk. You’ve been one of the few people who have unfailingly treated me well over the years, and I appreciate that. You have to understand, I simply have a hard time trusting people.” I noticed my brother’s physical reaction to my statement. It was damn near a full-body cringe.

“I get that, honey.” He glanced around, taking note of the men of Permanent Marks who had come out to the lobby to see what the commotion was about. “Seems like you found different folks to trust though,” he added.

“No, she really didn’t,” my boss, Zeke managed to get out as he stepped forward, standing on my other side with arms crossed and feet spread shoulder-width apart in a defensive stance. “Ever doesn’t trust a damn one of us with anything personal. It’s a shame too, because she’s a great girl who is constantly stuck holding herself back. Just before you came in, she did her first on the books tattoo, and I know how it feels when you get that first paid job done. You feel like fuckin’ flying, and you know what she did? Grinned to herself, because she doesn’t think she has anyone to share her happiness with. I don’t know what the fuck you idiots over at Aces have done to damage this girl, but if that’s what you’re here for, you can see your way right back out those doors. She may not trust us yet, but she’s ours just the same, and I’ll be damned if I allow any more hurt to weigh those shoulders of hers down.”

“Fuck!” My brother hissed out and then he did something I’ve never seen him do in all of the time we’d spent together. He lifted his hand to his face and wiped away the rogue tears that spilled from his eyes. “Jesus, Ever… I didn’t… I can’t… Fuck!” He turned his back, completely unable to get out whatever he was attempting to say. Instead, when Trunk put a comforting hand on his shoulder Toby shook him off. “I don’t deserve that,” he mumbled to Trunk, and then he walked right back out of the shop.

“It makes my heart ache to see that boy, who was your fiercest protector when you guys were little, unable to even speak to you now,” Trunk stated quietly before walking about behind Toby.

“Listen, from what I know, the things that went down were zero fault of Ever’s. I’ll be damned if you and your boys are going to walk in here and try to guilt trip her into thinking she’s the problem…” Kane started in on Deck, who was the last man standing from the Aces crew that had walked into Permanent Marks.

“I promise you, they didn’t come here for that. T-Bone’s been trying to get a hold of Ever, and when she wouldn’t answer he figured he could come apologize to her – again – in person while Trunk asked about getting work done by her. I swear no one came here with bad intentions.”

“And what did you come here for then?”

“I told you, I plan on making shit right since I wasn’t around before.”

“Seems to me her problems with that club started long before the shit with your boy J-Bird went down. My sister is her best friend, asshole. I know all about how shitty they’ve all treated her over the years. You were there for a lot of that.”

“I was a kid for a lot of that,” Deck returned. “For the rest I was a teenage, selfish fuck doing my own thing before I left for the military. I’m not saying I’m blameless, because I saw a few things and did nothing, but I also didn’t have the right to say shit. The MC has rules,” he continued trying to explain.

“Yeah,” Kane laughed humorlessly. “Rules that make it easy for big bad bikers to bully little girls and no one can call them out on their bullshit. I gathered that much all by myself, dude. Now, if you’re done here, your brothers already left, and I’m thinking you should join them.”

I honestly didn’t know what to say at this point. I didn’t feel like Deck deserved the things Kane was saying to him, but then again, I was so fucking done feeling the guilt and sadness everyone made me feel all the time. It’s as if it didn’t matter to my family or their extended biker family that they nearly ruined me for good. I was supposed to have just gotten the fuck over it since they all thought of it as being in the past. I couldn’t trust them any longer, and they were affronted by that fact instead of asking why or trying to prove any of them had changed.

Deck turned his full attention on me then. Before he could speak I held up a hand to stop him. “I was having such a great day with so much to celebrate for once, and I had already promised Lucy I would call Toby later. I didn’t plan on letting her down, but this is how it always is. I’m put in a position where someone tries to make me feel bad, and when I try to explain myself, someone else gets upset, and then I’m to blame all over again even when I did nothing, but show my emotions. I can’t help how I feel. You don’t understand, because you weren’t here for everything, Deck. You weren’t there when I had exactly one friend left. You weren’t there to read the new bullshit written on my locker ever day. You weren’t there when people were physically hurting me – people who were my friends before. You weren’t there when I didn’t even have anyone I could confide in about it at home, because there was only really one person there who would listen, and every time I burdened her with it she ended up in major fights with my father so I stopped telling her in order to spare her the hurt and the drama that no one spared me.

“You weren’t there when the only way out was a fuckin’ bottle of pills that I couldn’t even manage to get myself to swallow when not even family would show up to celebrate my sixteenth birthday. None of them were there! None of them gave a shit, not even my brother, not for a long time. None of them cared until the truth came out, and even after that… you see how it goes. Just like today. I’m still in the wrong for feeling the way I do about people who made me want to end my life. I promised Lucy, my fuckin’ therapist, and myself that I would never allow people to take me back to that point again. So, I’m sorry if I don’t want to jump right back in and set myself up for that particular failure, okay? I was happy today for the first time in a very long time, and now it’s gone again because the Aces High MC came walking through that door and stole it from me, even if that wasn’t their intention this time.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Zeke took me gently by my shoulders and guided me out of the room and back to the stairwell that would take me up to my apartment. “You gonna be okay up there alone for a minute?”

I nodded my head.

“Need you to say the words, Ever.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks.”

“Okay, go on up then. I’ll be up to check on you in a bit, so be expecting that.”

I sighed, knowing I let too much of my pain slip free once again. I imagined the guys at Permanent Marks weren’t going to want my kind of emo-drama hanging around much longer so I started packing my shit. I wasn’t sure where I would go, but damn it… I was actually too embarrassed to stick around here now that everyone knew I tried to kill myself.