Chapter 8

~ Ever ~

Two days after Declan, Trunk, and my brother stopped by Permanent Marks I was still worried about everything, and what the fallout would be. I couldn’t believe I’d kept my secret – Lucy had kept my secret – all this time, and I just blurted it out like that. Zeke tried to talk to me about it, and told me that sometimes verbal vomit was a sign that you need to get shit off your chest or go crazy. I guess, in a way, he was probably right. Even so, it didn’t stop me from feeling mortified about the rest of our interaction when he found me packing up the shit in my apartment again.

“What exactly are you running from, because if it’s the asses, I will personally see to it that you never have to lay eyes on those fuckers again.” He was angry, but more than that, he was apparently trying to protect me. I was so confused.

“I thought…” I worried my bottom lip with my teeth as I tried to put into words exactly what I had thought would happen. “I don’t know what I thought. I guess I just assumed you guys would hate me or be disgusted with me over what you heard.”

Zeke had a puzzled expression on his face before his shoulders slumped forward. “Have I ever given you reason to think I’m judging you in any way?”

“No,” I all but whispered in response.

“No,” he answered back. “Well, I’m not about to start now. I’m not going to condone you choosing to off yourself now that you’re in my life, because you’d miss out on all that is this,” he teased as he motioned to himself. “And that would be a tragedy, darlin’. Just ask all the women…”

“Yeah, I’d rather not ask any of the women you know that way,” I muttered with a hint of laughter breaking through my voice. Zeke was in older brother territory for me. He was almost thirty years old, and carried a wisdom that seemed to belie that age anyway.

“Seriously, Ever, if you get to feeling shitty about life I expect you to find one of us and let us know so we can help, or try to. Beyond wanting you to know that, I need you to understand that I get it. You’ve been dealt a hand that for all intents and purposes should have been a good one, and for whatever reason your father and his extended family dropped the ball on that shit, and turned it into a fucking nightmare situation for you instead. They topped it off by fucking you over during one of the most confusing and fucked up times in a person’s life too. I understand why you thought about it, maybe even tried it, but honey, there are better ways, and you have better people at your back this time.”

He glanced around at the sparsely decorated apartment and shook his head. “Don’t run. We don’t want you gone. Hell, I didn’t put all that time and effort into honing your skills to have you run off to some other lucky bastard’s tattoo shop and make a name for them instead.” He winked again letting me know he was being both serious and playful to lighten the mood. “Stay, and we’ll help get this shithole apartment set up right for you. I didn’t leave much behind when I moved out, because I didn’t have much to begin with since I sunk every penny I had into the building and shop. I thought you were bringing furniture from your house, but since you didn’t I know for a fact we could help you out with that. My sister is moving and she wants new shit in her place.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I cut him off.

“No, I don’t have to. I want to, and for once, you’re going to accept the hand that’s being offered without having to question the motives behind it. Got me?”

Wow, yeah, I got him. I wasn’t sure what to do with it, but I definitely got him.

~*~

A week passed by in a flash as the guys helped me move Zeke’s sister’s furniture into the place. I now had a real couch where the old futon had been. There was a full size bed taking up the tiny little bedroom area that I hadn’t been using before since I had no furniture and I slept on the futon. I even acquired a dresser and nightstand from Kane and Erin’s mom when he told her what was going on. My best friend had apparently gotten new furnishings for her room, or as her mom put it “the guest room,” since Erin was heading off to college in a few weeks.

My place actually looked like a cozy little lived in apartment instead of a sketch crash pad. I was excited to have the space, because it was mine to do with as I pleased. Also, I didn’t feel as though I needed to hide any of my personality away as I had in my family’s home. Instead of hiding, I had my artwork displayed everywhere. Every time Zeke came up to see me, he would look around and marvel at some of my pieces, asking if I planned on inking any of them. My answer was always no. The designs I had displayed were far too personal to give to someone else.

“I do eventually want some of them on my body, I think.” As odd as it sounded, I didn’t have much in the way of ink. I had added a couple small things to my legs when I was practicing, but that was it. The rest of my body was still a blank canvas.

“You know I’ll work on you any time, right? Just give me the word, and my time is yours.”

“Thanks, Zeke.”

“Sure thing, now get your ass downstairs, because you have a client coming in soon!” Zeke left, chuckling at himself for shifting from friend to boss in like two point five seconds flat.

I just shook my head at him. I had already prepped the transfer for my client, and it was sitting downstairs in my station waiting along with everything else I would need. So, really, I just needed to show up and get to work. That seemed to be my problem though, because I had twenty minutes before the appointment time and nothing really to do with those minutes. I couldn’t stand not being busy since it left too much time for me to think. I hadn’t heard from anyone in my old life in almost a week and a half. The day that Deck, Trunk, and my brother came in had been the last time. I hadn’t even received any calls from my stepmom. I honestly wasn’t sure if my little sister had even realized I moved out. I never heard from her when I lived there, so I hadn’t expected any different from her with me gone.

Still, it hurt a little that not one person from my family cared enough to check up on me. Hell, my new boss and my best friend’s family had to help me get my apartment together. Isn’t that what your family is supposed to do when you move out the first time? I supposed it didn’t matter because after the way I left things at the clubhouse last I was pretty sure I had finally earned myself that banning from them that I’d been threatened with numerous times over the last couple years. At least this way, I went out on my own terms, I supposed. It just meant I’d never really see my blood family again even though we lived in the same town.

“Ever, get your ass down here!” Zeke bellowed up from downstairs and I was surprised to see I had been lost in thought for quite some time. When I came flying down the steps and around the corner to head into the front of the shop where our stations and the lobby was I was surprised to hear a bunch of voices.

“Crap,” I muttered to myself. “We got busy while I was daydreaming.”

It took a moment for the scene in front of me to finally reconcile in my brain. Standing in the lobby of Permanent Marks were my father, Merc, Crow, J-Bird, T-Bone, and PeeWee. As they shifted I noted that Deck was also with them. As soon as he noticed me he moved so that he took up the space in front of the men of his club. They were definitely the men of his club, since he was wearing his kutte right along with the rest of them.

I glanced from them to Zeke, who didn’t seem entirely bothered by their presence, and back again. “I have a client coming in five minutes. I don’t know what this is all about, but I don’t have time for it.”

Zeke nodded to me, and pointed to Robby, the client I was supposed to ink. “Robby agreed to have me ink him today, as a favor, if you’ll agree to it.”

Robby jumped up and came to stand beside me. “I’d rather it be you, so I can reschedule if you want me to.”

“No need to reschedule, Robby, I already had you on the books.”

Robby glanced around nervously at the men from Aces High then back to me. “Nah, it’s all good. Seems like you have something more important that came up today.”

I huffed out a sigh then turned on the men from the club. “It’s not enough that you guys already dragged my name through the mud, forced me to have to leave high school, took any hope for a family from me… Now, you come here, and interrupt my work, scare my clients to the point they either want to reschedule or have someone else work on them? I mean really, am I not supposed to be allowed to live my life? I fucking left. I moved. I don’t work for you. I removed myself from your club,” I looked to my dad then. “And your family entirely. Why must you continue to harass me? What did I ever do to any of you to deserve this? Why do you all hate me so goddamn much? I just don’t…” the tears fell before I could stop them, and my throat was so full of emotion I couldn’t even get the rest of my words out. “I don’t understand. Why? All I ever wanted was to love you guys and to maybe be good enough to be loved back. How was that asking too much?”

I heard Zeke shuffling Robby down the back hallway, but apparently he had sent in reinforcements, because strong arms came around me and pulled me into a firm chest, turning me so I could cry into Kane’s shirt instead of being further humiliated. It didn’t matter though, because all of the emotion came tumbling out of me in huge, heaving sobs that wracked through my body painfully.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” I heard someone mumble.

I felt Kane’s arm lift as he apparently pointed over my shoulder. “I think all of them here was a bit much, maybe?”

“Ever, it’s not what you think,” I heard Deck say, but I refused to turn from the now thoroughly wet t-shirt my face was planted in. Kane’s big hand ran soothing circles around on my back in an attempt to calm me. As he did, my brain fixated on his words. He had known they were coming. Judging by how calm Zeke had been, he must have known too.

“You knew?” I whispered so only Kane could hear me.

“I promise you that they are not here for any kind of bad reason. They made plans to be here before you scheduled Robby, and we didn’t think about the timing before he got here. That was an oversight on my part. Sorry, sweetheart.”

“Why would you let them come here?” I asked, still stunned that I had been so blindsided by everyone today.

“You need closure. Whether it comes in forgiveness or a final peaceful goodbye, you need it, honey. Those questions you just asked them, the hurt you’re pouring out all over my Skynard skirt, it all says that you need an ending to your heartache in one way or another. We were just trying to make sure you got that, okay? We still have your back. If you don’t like what they have to say, they’ll fucking leave this shop the minute you give the word.” I could hear the promise in Kane’s voice as he spoke. He meant what he was saying to me.

“Fine, but I need a minute,” I huffed out, still speaking quietly enough that I think only Kane could hear me.

“Have a seat. I’m taking Ever in the back for a minute. When we come back out, maybe try not to look like you’re all hear to murder someone. It tends to give people the wrong impression.”

Once we were in the employee lounge that Zeke had set up in the back Kane gently pushed me out from where I’d been clinging to his body. He then moved to the sink and rinsed a rag under cool water before handing it to me. “Here, so you can clean yourself up a bit.”

I took the rag and plastered it to my face, enjoying the cool touch on my heated cheeks as I did. Then, I wondered if it would be possible for me to just hide out under there and never come back out. Kane’s chuckle told me he had already figured out my plan.

“You can’t hide under there forever, you know,” he informed me, confirming that he did indeed know what I was attempting to do.

“I could try,” I argued as I removed the cloth from my face. “Why did you guys allow them to come here?”

“You know we would never purposely hurt you, right?” I simply shrugged, because I didn’t know. I didn’t trust anyone not to hurt me anymore. Too many people who were supposed to only love and protect me had let me down for me to even begin to think anyone else without familial obligations would take the position seriously. “Fuck man, now I’m having regrets about letting them in here. Those fuckers don’t deserve another chance after what they’ve done.”

“What chance are you talking about? I still don’t understand why they’re even here.”

“Your boyfriend out there has a plan to make sure your big old family gets put back together all happy and tied in a pretty bow and whatnot.”

“What?” I questioned, not understanding a bit of that. “I don’t have a boyfriend, never have.” I slapped my hand over my mouth as the words popped out, and I watched Kane’s eyes flare.

“You’ve never had a boyfriend?”

“Um, no. You know with all the shit that went down in high school, I…” I stopped talking is what I did, because Kane moved until he stood in front of me and lifted my chin with the tip of his index finger. “If that fucker screws this up, just know I’ll make sure you never get to say you’ve never had a boyfriend before, you hear me?”

“Kane!” Zeke called out from somewhere over Kane’s shoulder. It took him a moment to disengage his finger from where my jaw now rested on it, but when he did Kane huffed in a big breath before turning and moving out of the room, leaving me with Zeke. Zeke watched Kane as he went, a curious look on his face as he did.

“Seems you enchant all the men in your life easily.” Zeke’s words were no more than a thoughtful musing, but one I scoffed at.

“Clearly, I do not. I guess I better get out there and see what it is they came to torment me with this time,” I managed to get out before the lengthy sigh of dread that followed.

Zeke chuckled at me. “So dramatic, Ever. No one is hear to hurt you, in any way, I promise.”

“Fine, but if I so much as chip a nail, I’m holding you responsible, big guy.”

“I’ll take it. Come on, let’s get you through this shit.”

“It seems like I’m living in a dream right now. Maybe you should pinch me or something?”

“Pinch yourself, sweetheart. I reserve that kind of shit for the hoards of women who want to…”

“No!” I huffed out on a laugh. “No, no, no! How many time do I have to tell you I don’t want to hear what you do with your hoards of women?” I had never actually seen Zeke with a woman, so either he was discrete as hell or he over exaggerated a lot. Looking at the mountain of a man, I had a hard time believing it was the latter.

“Let’s go, dream girl. You’re closure awaits.”

“Right, closure.” I resigned myself to this being the last time I’d see any of these men unless in passing. Maybe this wasn’t a dream so much as a nightmare, because as much as I wanted to be free of all the heartache they’d caused me, I had always wanted their acceptance of me more.