Too often we are so busy trying to create something beautiful, that we never stop and see that beauty already surrounds us.
A light breeze ruffles the trees all around us, their leaves whisper of a promise about to be made.
The five of us all stand in silence as we watch a newly married couple, walk across the courtyard, in front of the magnificent Meiji Shrine.
The bride wears a simple white kimono with hood and the groom is in a formal black robe. They are walking together under a big red parasol, with Shinto priests leading the way and the rest of their wedding party trailing behind.
I feel so honoured to get a glimpse of the day that they promise themselves to each other in this awe inspiring place.
The air feels charged yet calm, like a total contradiction of elements. Maybe it’s this sacred place welcoming the excitement of their new journey and blessing their love.
Jake is still holding my hand, he hasn’t let go of it all day. It’s almost like he needs to be touching me.
He doesn’t notice when I look up at him, he’s too busy following the new couple on their graceful walk beneath the trees.
I squeeze his hand, wondering what his thoughts are in this moment. After all, he was the clichéd, eternal bachelor until me and we have barely been together a few days, so it doesn’t really count.
He looks pensive as his eyes track the procession but when he registers the squeeze of my hand, he untangles our fingers and wraps his arm over my shoulder to pull me into his side.
“Do you want that some day?” His voice is small and thoughtful and it takes me a second to comprehend his words. When I do I startle slightly.
“You mean do I want to get married? I hope you’re not proposing.” My lame attempt at a joke falls flat, making me feel like a right idiot.
He ignores my embarrassing remark, “Yes, get married. Is it something you see in your future?” He looks down at me now, his face unreadable.
“I …. I … I haven’t really thought about it if I’m honest.” I stammer.
His response is a vague “Hmmm”.
What the hell does Hmmm mean?
The moment passes but I still feel a little flustered by his unexpected question. We are in no way ready to go anywhere near that topic of conversation.
I want to explore the world with him and then figure out what I do next. I know I can’t be his hanger on forever; I need something for me, something that gives me a purpose.
We wander around the grounds until we come across a beautiful camphor tree that is surrounded by a low wall made up of small blocks of wood.
“It’s the wishing tree.” Liv points towards it before glancing back down at her trusty tour guide.
“You have to write a wish or a prayer on a small wooden tablet, hang it by a peg on the wall and the Shinto priests will then pray for it to come true.” She looks up at Nate thoughtfully before adding in a soft voice “I know what I’m going to wish for.”
They both make their way towards the tree, collecting a marker and a tablet from the stack available. H follows them without saying a word and proceeds to pick up his own wish block but we hang back and just watch.
“Don’t you want to go and make a wish Emmy?” Jake pulls me closer to him and places a light kiss to the side of my head.
Do I want to make a wish?
No, I think I’ve used up my entire quota of wish requests by begging for Jake to be returned to us safely.
“No, I don’t need to use up a wish that might be of more use to someone more worthy of one.”
He pulls back from me slightly until he can look into my eyes, “I have never met anyone more worthy than you. You deserve all of your wishes to come true.”
With that he tugs me towards the wishing tree and lets go of my hand to selects his own wooden tablet.
I can’t see what he writes but he finishes quickly and pegs it to the wall.
“What did you wish for?” I ask when he returns and laces our fingers together, tucking my thumb into his palm in that way that is uniquely Jake.
“Not telling, if I tell it might not come true.” He’s not teasing; he is taking this wishing business very seriously.
This side of Jake is new to me. I’m used to intense Jake, seductive Jake, cocky Jake but a spiritual and deep Jake, is a surprise.
I love that he has all these layers and I get to find out more about him with each one I peel back.
The more I know him, the more I fall for him.
Who am I kidding? I’ve well and truly fallen.
I’m freefalling without a parachute, just praying that my pull-chord works and that the impact when I finally reach the ground, doesn’t destroy me.
H comes back over to us looking very unlike H.
He is normally a joker and the life of the party but since we have arrived at the shrine his whole demeanour has changed.
He’s pensive, preoccupied and a little withdrawn.
“What did you wish for H? Spoilsport here won’t tell me his.” I elbow Jake playfully to try and get H to engage and hopefully break out of his funk.
He looks back over at the tree before turning to face us. For a moment I think he’s not going to reply, then a grin breaks out on his face and his answer is typically H.
“World Peace, a new series of Baywatch and for Liverpool Footy Club to win the league this year.”
We all burst out laughing, lamely trying to not be too noisy so that we don’t disturb the other visitors, but we completely fail and garner some admonishing looks.
Jake pats him on the back, “You never disappoint H. Don’t tell me you also want Pamela Anderson to be in the new series.”
“Bloody right I do.” He smiles but on closer inspection, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
It seems H is still in his funk. Maybe he needs a night out with the guys tonight so he can offload.
“So I was thinking, how about you guys go and have a lads night out tonight, then Liv and I can do some girly catching up?”
Hearing her name Liv bounds up behind me and links her arm through mine.
“That sounds perfect. I haven’t had you all to myself in ages and seeing as I’m flying home tomorrow night, I need some time with my bestie.”
I look over at Jake who is silent, his intense gaze focussed on me.
“Jake? Are you happy to let me steal your girl for a few hours? I’ll tell you what, I’ll swap you your girl for my guy and then we’ll trade back later. Deal?”
His eyes flick from Liv to me and then he breaks into a breathtaking smile. “You keep my girl out of trouble and I’ll make sure your guy get’s back to you in one piece. How about that?”
“Deal”, Liv squeals like a hormonal teenager, practically bouncing up and down on the spot.
“But..” Jake interrupts, “You don’t get my girl until 7pm, we have plans. Let’s go everyone.”
No-one disputes his demand and he grabs my hand, pulling me away from Liv, who winks at me before joining Nate and fitting herself against his side.
“It’s time to go Emmy, I’ve shared you enough for now and seeing as I have to share you again later, I need some one on one time.”
I blush as he pulls me into his side and leads me away from the sacred wishing tree.
“If I give you some quality one on one time, will you tell me what you wished for?”
“Nope and quality time is non-negotiable Emmy, so no point bargaining with something that’s inevitable.”
I can hear the smirk in his voice as we walk away from the Meiji shrine and into a waiting taxi.
“God you are cocky Mr Fox, I think I’m going to have to rid you of that.”
He laughs, “Sorry babe but all I heard of that sentence was cock and that’s yours anytime you want it. Just say the word”
“I said cocky not cock.”
“Yep, again, there’s that word cock. Keep saying it and we won’t make it back to the hotel before my cock finds the place it’s wanted to be in balls deep all day.”
That and the fact the others are piling into the taxi, make me snap my mouth shut.
I’ll never win with this man and he knows it judging by the smirk on his face.
When we get back to the hotel we all go our separate ways but not before Liv and I arrange to meet up in the hotel bar later, while the boys go out.
As soon as everyone leaves us, Jake rushes us straight to our suite.
I’m practically dragged to the private elevator, only able to get out a quick “Hello” to the security guys who watch us with smirks on their faces, causing me to blush profusely.
We aren’t even fully through the door before I’m picked up over his shoulder and carried to the bedroom.
By the time I’m flung on the bed and divested of my clothing I am completely breathless.
Then my cocky man proceeds to show me not once but twice, how talented he is with his cock.
Too often we are so busy trying to create something beautiful, that we never stop and see that beauty already surrounds us.
Watching the wedding procession got my mind racing.
Not in a bad way, I was just picturing the bride and groom as someone else.
I was picturing them as us.
Emma and I.
I have never thought of marriage before, well at least not for me, but watching that couple, seeing the way they looked at each other like they were staring at their entire world, got me thinking.
Would Emma want that with me?
Would she look at me that way?
Before I even know what I’m doing the question just pops out.
She doesn’t freak out though, she makes a joke of it and that’s enough to tell me that she doesn’t want that with me. At least not yet.
Why am I over-thinking this? I’m not about to propose.
I want to spend every spare moment with this girl, just enjoying her, enjoying us, not scare her away with my possessive, stalkerish tendencies.
Shit. She brings out the best and worst sides of me.
I don’t do jealousy.
I don’t do possessive.
I fuck and I leave.
Not with her though. I will never get enough of her.
We make our way through the majestic grounds, idly taking in the beauty all around us.
My thoughts are anything but idle. With Emma’s body pressed up against mine, my mind races from salacious, erotic filled thoughts of her naked and pressed up against me, to confusing thoughts about the future.
Thirty years from now I don’t want to be just another name to her, just another memory.
I want someone to stop her in the street, ask her how she’s doing and then bring up my name.
Thirty years from now I don’t want her answer to be, “I haven’t seen him in ages.”
I want her reply to be “He’s waiting for me at home.”
I may not be her first date, her first kiss or even her first love, but I plan on being her last.
I just need to convince her to let me.
We come upon the wishing tree, where people place their thoughts and prayers, in the hope that they come true.
While all the others, even H, leave wishes, Emma says she would rather her wish go to someone more worthy.
She says it with such truth, such honesty, that I resolve to show her how worthy she is. How she deserves all her dreams to come true, no matter how fantastical or seemingly unachievable.
I pull her along with me to the tree, select my own wooden tablet from the pile and proceed to write my wish, before attaching it to the wall.
“What did you wish for?” she questions when I return to her side, her vivid aquamarine eyes drawing me in.
I refuse to tell. I’m not normally one to believe in all this mumbo jumbo but if what I wished for has any chance of coming true, then I’ll take the secret to my grave.
We all leave the shrine shortly afterwards. The girls making plans to spend the evening together while the guys plan a night out, in order to let them have their girlie space.
If I have to be brutally honest, it actually pains me to leave my girl for the evening, which is seriously messed up. I’m turning into a needy freak and I have to reign in my possessiveness and jealously before I scare her away.
That doesn’t stop me from taking her not once but twice, when we get back to our suite.
I may be away from her for the next few hours but she will know where I have just been, she will feel exactly where I have just been.
Every time she moves a certain way, I want her to feel the delicious ache of her muscles and remember who made her feel that way.
It’s that thought alone that allows me to walk her down to the hotel bar a few hours later and leave her there, alone with Liv.
I scan the bar as Nate, H and I make our way to the foyer and spot a few young guys sat at a corner booth, gazing appreciatively over at our girls. My fists clench and I want to knock the lust filled looks right off their smug faces. Nate, ever watchful lately, also eyes the blokes up but places a hand on my shoulder to calm me.
“She doesn’t even know they are there Jake, the only man she sees is you.”
It doesn’t stop me from turning on my heels, marching straight back over to my girl and landing a deep, sex filled kiss on her stunned lips.
“W….what was that for?” she half giggles, half stutters, when I pull away from her.
Running my fingers over her jaw and plump, swollen lips, I lean down and place a chaste kiss to the edge of her mouth “Because I can”, another soft kiss to the opposite corner, “because you’re mine”.
Her eyes are closed, her head still tilted back from our kiss when she replies, “I’m yours”.
I run my finger tips down the smooth skin of her cheek before cupping her jaw in my hand. Even with her eyes still closed she leans into my touch.
“C’mon J, I’m gagging for a pint and some action. Put your chick down, she’s not going anywhere.”
H sounds like he is sick and tired of my clinginess towards Emma and I’m kind of making myself a bit weary of it too, but I just don’t know how to change.
“Go Jake, Liv and I are just having a few drinks, then we are going to go back to the suite, climb into our PJ’s and eat our own body weight in the British candy she brought with her. I can’t wait for a Curly Wurly.” She licks her lips before looking over at Liv, checking that she is still in conversation with Nate, and adds “I might even save you some if you promise to go and have some fun, or else I have a feeling H may finally go through with his Dudevorce.”
Always thinking of others; my girl is always thinking of others.
I give her one last kiss on the lips and whisper against them, “Okay, I’m going. Just save me some Dairy Milk. I love it melted and will have an excellent use for it later.”
She visibly shudders with anticipation of my seductive promise, before she collects herself enough to lightly push my arm away with a “Go. Enjoy your night, drink lots, find H a woman,” then in quieter voice “and find out what happened with Bella. He needs someone to talk to Jake, even if he doesn’t know it yet himself.”
Like I said, my girl is always thinking of others.
A short limo ride later and flanked by my ever present minders, we arrive at ‘Womb’, another of Tokyo’s top night spots.
The place is packed, the queue outside stretching around the block. We don’t have to worry about things like that though, as yet again, the ever useful Nina has phoned ahead and planned our arrival. This means we are ushered through a side door, straight into the VIP area.
This place is huge, with a vast dance floor and amazing sound system. The biggest mirror ball I have ever seen, hangs from the centre of the main dance area, reflecting the multi-coloured lighting in to every single corner of the impressive space.
Even though it’s huge, it’s also packed to the rafters. The VIP area is filled to bursting, with who I am guessing, are Tokyo’s top movers and shakers.
I spot a few international film and TV stars and surprisingly find myself a little star struck. Yes I may be getting attention right now but that is within the bubble of VB, not out in the showbiz world.
“Bloody hell J, this place is bumping. I gotta tell you, having a best mate who’s a star sure does have some epic perks.”
H nudges my shoulder as we take a seat in the booth that has been reserved for us.
He wastes no time in ordering us a vast array of alcohol, while Nate places his usual order for a bottle of Grey Goose.
The waitress leaves to fill our order but not before H attempts his dodgy version of chatting her up. She avoids his advances with an air of professionalism that says she has to do it quite often.
“H man, steer clear of the staff and focus on the buffet of beauties around us instead, you may have more luck then.” Nate jests.
“When I want advice from either of you loved up pussies, I’ll ask for it, man.”
Where the fuck did that come from?
“H, chill. He was just messing with you.”
He glares at me from across the table and then flicks his eyes to the dance floor.
Nate and I share a confused look and he mouths at me “What’s the deal?” All I can do is shrug my shoulders and shake my head.
I haven’t got the slightest clue.
After sinking down more than his fair share of alcohol and refusing to engage in any conversation, H gets up and heads to the restrooms.
“You need to have a chat with him; I don’t think I’ve ever seen him rip someone’s head off the way he did mine.” Nate’s brow furrows in concern before he takes a long drink of his vodka on the rocks.
“Yeah Emmy told me the same thing and that was before that little mantrum he just threw.”
“What the hell is a mantrum? Have you and H swapped bodies?” He laughs and leans in closer waiting for my reply.
“Yeah, it does sound like something H would say.” I let out a small chuckle before thoughts of my surly friend sober me. “I just have a feeling that all this is about more than his split from ‘she who must be obeyed’.”
“Well the only person he’s going to open up to is you Bro, I think I’ll finish my drink and leave you guys to catch up.”
“You don’t have to do that Nate, I’ll have a chance to talk to him again, don’t go leaving early because something has gotten his knickers in a twist.”
“J, we all leave tomorrow afternoon, now might be your only chance. I know heartfelt conversations aren’t unusually your thing but it’s kind of painful seeing H this way. So do what you can to sort it.” With those last words of wisdom, he downs the rest of his drink and goes to take his credit card from his wallet to settle his bill.
“It’s on me Bro, not often do I get chance to take the tab, so put your money away, it’s no good here.”
He eyes me thoughtfully for a second, “I do believe my baby Bro is finally all grown up. Thanks for the drinks. I’ll catch you in the morning.” He pats me on the shoulder before he exits the booth and leaves. The lucky bastard is escaping back to his warm bed and warmer woman, while I get to sort out my grumpy mate.
H better spill his guts and fast. I have a warm bed waiting for me too.
Nate is right though, this isn’t typical H behaviour. In fact, the H I know and love, is so laid back, he’s practically horizontal. This new H is so far removed from him, that I wonder what exactly has rammed such a big stick up his arse.
H returns to the table a few moments later, looking rather the worse for wear. I guess all that alcohol he downed in quick succession has begun to take effect.
“Take a seat, we need to talk.”
No point beating around the bush with him. I’ve always been straight with H; I don’t plan on stopping now.
“Fuck your talk J, I’m going to invade that dance floor and find a soft body for the night.”
I grab his forearm and force him to sit.
“Sit the fuck down and talk to me. This isn’t you H, what the hell is going on?”
He glares at me before taking a deep breath and breaking eye contact. His gaze flickering absently across the undulating and writhing dance floor, that is filled to the brim with clubbers, who are happily enjoying their night out.
When he begins to speak his voice is so small and quiet that I have to move closer to hear him.
“I’ve got stage one seminoma, testicular cancer.” He takes a shuddery breath before continuing.
“I’m booked in for an orchidectomy the day after we fly back.”
The bottom just fell out of my world.
All I heard was testicular cancer.
Almost as quietly as he just spoke his confession, I force out my question, “What does that mean H, I don’t understand.”
I place my hand on his arm in a show of support, hoping to give him some of my strength.
He looks up at me, the stark white of his face highlighted by the flickering club lights.
“I’m having both balls removed, followed by a dose of chemo.” He breaks my gaze again; his eyes somewhere off in the distance.
“Who’s gonna want me now hey J? A joker with no balls. I guess Bella dumped my arse just in time and the joke is finally on me.”