Spending time with someone you are close to, knowing that it will soon come to an end, is bitter sweet.
Liv and I laugh, chat, share stories and just generally catch up with each other for over an hour in the hotel bar. Some guys offer to buy us drinks but Liv, ever the flirt, sends them on their way with a smile.
“Good job Jake wasn’t here to send them packing.” She laughs before taking another sip of her drink. “Who would have thought your bloke had such a possessive streak in him. That kiss he gave you before he left was scorching.” She widens her eyes at me and wiggles her eyebrows, causing yet another laugh to break free from my lips.
“Yes, I guess you could say he’s full of surprises. He’s nothing like I imagined he would be…… no that’s not true, what I mean is, he is more than I ever thought he would be.”
My confession causes her to look over at me dreamily. “Yeah those Fox men sure do have some mad skills.”
I, in a very unladylike manner, snort out a laugh and nudge her playfully with my arm, “You can say that again.”
“Yeah those Fox men sure do have some mad skills.” She winks at me playfully and I realise just how much I’ve missed her during the last few weeks.
“C’mon Em, let’s go stuff our faces and pass out in a sugar coma. Your suite is definitely a far more private place to discuss our men and their mad skills.”
I shake my head, trying hard not to laugh again. Liv is never one to miss out on the details.
She knocks back the last of her drink and links her arm through mine as we head to the elevator, eyeing the extra security Jake has arranged to watch over us while he’s gone.
“We had no chance of going wild tonight did we?” she sighs. “Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee over there would have soon grassed us up.”
“Yeah well, they don’t have access to the inside of the suite, so you can go as wild as you like when we get back.”
“Oh Em, you’re so Rock ‘n’ Roll. Only you would think going wild was eating a whole packet of Maltesers.”
My stomach hurts from laughing so much.
I’m sure the combination alcohol and too much sugar hasn’t helped, but I’ve been giggling so much my jaw aches.
“Hey there’s a packet of Lovehearts left, I say we do paper, rock, scissors to see who gets them.” Liv already has her hand hidden behind her back as she says this.
“I’m not sure I need any more goodies but if my title as paper, rock and scissors champion is up for challenge, you’re on. Bring it.”
She sways slightly, her inebriated mind not allowing her to focus, no matter how hard she tries.
“Okay, on…. one, two ….. three.”
Liv always, always, goes rock first. I’ve told her to mix it up but she swears she will catch me out in time.
We both stare into each others eyes, taking this challenge very seriously, as we sit cross legged on the super king size bed.
Both of us show our hands when Liv reaches “three” and without even looking at hers I say, “Paper covers rock.”
“How the hell did you know I was rock, you haven’t even looked?”
We both look down at our hands and sure enough, she’s rock and I’m paper.
“Not bloody fair Em, you cheat!” She pouts and throws the pack of Lovehearts straight at my chest.
“Ow, you cowbag, quit throwing things at me and I do not cheat. You just need to change your game plan, it’s getting old.” I wink at her surly face before adding, “Thanks for the sweets.”
She mumbles under her breath, “I hope you choke on them.” So I launch myself at her, tackling her down on the bed and tickling her sensitive sides.
“Beg for mercy, you know the rules.” I straddle her legs to stop her from kicking me and she laughs so hard that tears spring from her eyes and she struggles to catch her breath.
“Mercy you cheat, mercy, Mercy, MERCY!” The words, although getting louder in volume, begin to get harder to decipher the more she squirms and laughs.
“Em stop, I’m going to pee.”
That is Liv’s standard, ‘I’m not giving up but I’m going to stop you from tickling me’, response, so I roll off her, panting and out of breath and she rolls in the opposite direction, landing on the bedroom floor with a thud.
This causes me to clutch my stomach and laugh even harder, especially when she pops her bedraggled head up over the side of the bed and sticks her tongue out.
“We are such children, if our guys could see us now….” she finishes my sentence, “They’d be all hot and heavy from seeing two gorgeous chicks having some rough and tumble. It’s every man’s dream.”
“Knowing Jake I think you might be right.”
I push myself up onto one elbow and look over at her, “So you’ve hounded me all night, fair’s fair, what’s been going on in the loved up world of Liv and Nate?” I raise an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to spill all the details.
All humour is gone when she finally replies, “I want to marry him Em, he’s it for me. I’m just not sure he feels the same.”
I go to speak, wanting to tell her that she’s a fool to think he isn’t crazy about her, when her phone starts to sing All of Me by John Legend.
She looks up at me shyly, “Nate chose his own ringtone”, then swipes the screen to answer.
I smile at my best friend and wonder how she can be so clueless sometimes. A man doesn’t programme his ringtone to be something like that, without wanting you as much as you want him.
Rolling off the bed, I stumble to my feet in order to give Liv some privacy and head into the lounge area to check my phone for messages. I have none.
This doesn’t sadden me but actually makes me happy because it finally means that Jake must be relaxed enough, to enjoy his night out and is not spending it worrying about me.
Grabbing myself a bottle of water from the fridge, I plonk myself down on the sofa with a big content smile on my face.
My life has changed so much over the last year and I’m grateful for every person in it.
Liv interrupts my musings with a small cough and she approaches me with a ‘cat that caught the canary look’.
“Nate is heading back; he said Jake and H need some male bonding time, so he’s left them to it. Don’t mind if I shoot off do you?” Her face is apprehensive; she’s worried I will think she’s ditched me. “The thing is, when I leave tomorrow, I won’t be seeing him again for two weeks.”
I smile over at my friend, loving the quiet joy that is written all over her face, “Not at all, go and spend some time with your delicious man. I’m just going to try and sleep off my sugar high, seeing as I haven’t had much rest since I arrived.”
She gives me a knowing smirk, leans down to give me a hug and whispers, “It makes me so happy to see you like this Em, both of you. Just let him in okay?”
“He’s already in Liv, so far in it’s going to hurt when he tries to remove himself.”
She kisses me on the cheek before replying, “He’s not going anywhere, you’ve changed him Em and he likes the man he’s becoming.”
I nod and squeeze her tightly before allowing her to leave.
Crawling into bed, I lie on my back, only for something to dig right into my spine. I fumble around beneath me, finally finding the packet of Lovehearts that I won from Liv earlier.
I roll them around in my hand, before grabbing my iPod from the nightstand and hitting play.
The calm, soothing voice of Mr Probz singing about waves, washes over me, taking me straight back to the perfect day that I spent with Jake, with the sound of the waves our only company.
I want to leave something for him, so that when he gets back from his night out, he knows I’ve been thinking about him.
The packet of sweets in my hand rolls out of my grasp and onto the bed. I pat around the bed covers, find them by my thigh and proceed to unwrap the little hearts embossed with messages. The first one says ‘Lucky Lips’, the next ‘Dream Girl’, so I eat them quickly not wanting to make a mess. The third one says ‘Kiss Me’ then I get ‘Heart Throb’ and then ‘You’re Mine’…… perfect.
I put the half empty packet of sweets on the nightstand and place the ‘Kiss Me’, ‘Heart Throb’ and ‘You’re Mine’, all in a row on his pillowcase.
Then I lie on my side to face the space that will soon be filled by Jake’s big body and I drift off into a blissful sleep.
My dreams, like most nights, are filled with him. At one point the kiss he gives me whilst dreaming, feels so soft and so sweet, that I almost wake and expect him to be there but a warmth envelopes me and I fall back into slumber.
“I love you Emmy” are the softly spoken words that float on the air all around me. Even in sleep I know that he has come back to me.
I wake some time in the early hours to find Jake naked and wrapped around me like a limpet. The heat from his body is sending my temperature sky high. I shift my backside a little, as the hairs on his thighs are tickling my sensitive skin and he groans in response, thrusting his erection into the cleft of my butt.
Tingles spread all over my sleepy body but he’s still fast asleep and I’m not going to wake him. Hopefully his dreams are also filled with me and if they’re not, I’ll be sure to give him plenty of dream worthy material when he wakes up.
I back myself further into his embrace, so that every piece of me touches every part of him. He sighs, squeezes me tightly and I drift back off with a blissful smile on my face.
Spending time with someone you are close to, knowing that it will soon come to an end, is bitter sweet.
H just dropped his bombshell and I feel like the coyote in the Roadrunner cartoons, having just had a one tonne weight dropped on my head.
His words have left me devastated.
Crushed.
“I’m flying back with you for the surgery.” It’s a statement not a request and I pick my phone off the table to send Nina an email, making sure she sorts out all the necessary arrangements.
He grabs the phone from my hand and places it back on the table with a firm thud.
“No Jake. You have commitments here and have already missed numerous interviews and appearances due to your little escapade at sea. I can do this myself. I don’t need you there to hold my hand.”
His words are spoken calmly but still feel harsh to my ears.
“But I want to come with you, I don’t care about that other shit, it’s not important.”
“No Jake, you aren’t listening as usual. I. Don’t. Want. You. There.”
He stands abruptly from the table, forcing his fingers through his hair, causing it to stand on end. “I’m going to get laid while I still can. Don’t wait up for me.”
Before I can form the words to stop him, he’s prowling the dance floor, looking like he’s about to devour anything that comes in his path.
Well he might not want me here but I sure as hell will not leave him here alone.
I watch from a distance as his aggressively sexual moves, garner him numerous dirty looks and a few slaps from some of the female clubbers.
Shit.
If he carries on like this, he’s going to piss off the wrong person and end up on the end of someone’s fist.
I nod over to one of my security guys to follow him on the dance floor, while I continue watching from the VIP. I want to follow him down there, make sure he doesn’t get into trouble but more than a few people have already recognised me and my presence would only cause more trouble than H is right now.
Fuck.
This is one of those times that my job sucks. When your notoriety and celebrity cause hurt to your loved ones, like FML’s lies have Emma. Being unable to go and watch H’s back, when he needs me most, makes me wonder why I thought being successful was my ultimate goal in life.
Yes I love my job; I even love the attention it brings to some extent, but not at times like this. At times like this I wish I were still a nobody.
Would Emma still want a nobody?
I know that my fame didn’t attract her to me and she is not in the least bit shallow but would she still want me if I was just a Haver’s employee?
Both my heart and my head are in agreement for once.
Yes. Emma sees me. Emma wants me.
Not a bad boy, TV star, who’s dipped his wick one too many times.
When H gets knocked back by a girl who is blatantly dancing with her boyfriend, I nod to my security guy to intervene before he gets walloped.
He doesn’t take too kindly to being dragged away from the action and after pushing away from the arms of the man I sent to bail him out, he storms towards the club’s main restrooms.
Fuck this shit.
I head over to my remaining security guy and tell him where I’m going. He attempts to warn me off, stating he’s looking out for my safety but I couldn’t care less right now. So I tell him to follow me or back the fuck off.
He follows.
I force my way through the throngs of clubbers, getting an uneasy sense of déjà vu. Why am I always in a club chasing after someone I care about?
This is some seriously whacked out shit.
I can feel dozens of eyes on me as I squeeze my way through the crowds, some people standing right in my way with a look of shock on their face. It’s not until I begin getting stopped by people wanting a photo, or for me to sign different parts of their anatomy, that I remember how huge the VB franchise is over here.
When one particularly amorous fan, attempts to stick her tits in my face, my security guy pushes me behind him and all but drags me towards the men’s toilets.
I finally reach the doors a little flustered, turn to thank my guy and let him know that I can take it from here. He nods once and lets me know that he’ll be just outside if I need him.
Once you’ve seen one club toilet, you’ve seen them all.
No-one pays attention to my entry, everyone is too busy pissing in the urinals or queuing up to buy condoms. I am of no relevance to them. Thank fuck.
I don’t spot H in the main area, so I wait until all but one of the cubicles empties and then I knock on the closed door.
“H. C’mon buddy, let’s get out of here.”
Silence. I bang my fist a little harder against the stall door.
“H, fucking answer me will you. I’m not playing hide and bloody seek with you all night. C’mon man, let’s go and get a quiet drink back at the hotel.”
The door vibrates with an answering kick.
“Just fucking leave me J. Go back to your girl and leave me in peace.”
I run my hand over my face then rub at my eyes with my thumb and forefinger, trying to stop the ache that is pounding in the depths of my skull.
“Listen H, I’m not going anywhere, so as soon as you get that into your thick head and open the fucking door, the better. Or trust me when I say I’ll kick the fucking thing down.”
Silence.
“Running away from this shit isn’t going to make it just disappear H. I should know, it’s all I’ve ever done when things get ugly but you know what? ….. “
Silence.
“Life will kick the fuck out of you no matter what, run and hide, it will still find you. Sometimes you have to have the wind knocked out of you, to finally remember how to breathe.”
Silence.
“Come and breathe with me man, I refuse to do it without you.”
I’m ten seconds away from making good on my threat to kick down the door, when I hear the latch click and the door slowly opens.
H comes out looking like a little lost boy. All the anger has left him, only the shell of my friend remains.
He stumbles towards me, losing his footing and almost hitting the cold, tiled floor. I loop my arm around his waist and take his full weight, slowly staggering with him to the door.
I open it to find both my security guys blocking the doorway and a queue of pissed off clubbers waiting to use the john.
“Thanks guys, I could use a hand to get him back to the limo.”
Without further ado, they both take an arm each and guide us out of the club via a nearby side exit. The limo is conveniently waiting for us on the side of the road, just a few steps away.
As gently as two big, burly guys can, they lower H into the back and move aside for me to follow him.
A few moments later we are driving through the quiet streets, back towards our hotel, with the air in the back of the limo thick with our silence.
H is the first to break it, “I’m scared J. I’m so fucking scared.”
His words cut me like a knife.
How do you console someone when their fate does not lie in your hands?
When their whole life has been turned on its head by a soul stealing, body snatching, life destroying fucker, called cancer.
There are no words, so I grip my best friend by the shoulder and pull him into me, squeezing him in my embrace.
“Fuck cancer H. Fuck it to hell and back. You fight and you win and I will be there every step of the way to beat this bastard into the ground with you.”
He doesn’t reply. He doesn’t need to. Right now my friend is all out of fight and that’s okay because I will do all the fighting for him if I have to.
We get back to the hotel and H refuses to sit and have a drink with me, insisting he just wants to go back to his room to crash.
I don’t argue with him or baby him. He needs some space to come to terms with everything. I respect that. I just wish he’d confided in me earlier.
I sit myself on a barstool, order two fingers of Lagavulin and email my travel requirements to Nina. Taking the glass of scotch directly out of the bartender’s hand, I down it in one, hand him back the empty glass and instruct him to charge it to my room. Then I drag my weary body up to the suite where I know my Emmy is waiting for me.
The ever present security guys, who are stationed outside the main doors, inform me that Liv left a few hours ago. That makes sense, it was probably not long after Nate left me alone to sort out H.
I hate that I left her alone for so long and I can’t wait to fall into her embrace.
To bask in the warmth of her skin and allow her to soothe all my fears, to feel her silky, soft skin beneath my fingertips and let her remind me of all the good.
I open the bedroom door quietly and the room is silent except for her gentle breathing. She’s left the lamp on at one side of the bed and the light reflects off her delicate features.
Her mouth is slightly parted, her breaths shallow and she looks utterly at peace. Her beautiful face is framed by swathes of wavy caramel hair that fans out over her pillow, just begging for me to run my fingers through it.
I notice three, small items on my pillowcase and quietly walk towards the bed to find out what they are.
Lying there, all in a row, are three Loveheart sweets, each with a different message that when put together reads, ‘Kiss Me Heart Throb You’re Mine’.
Yes, I am yours. Forever yours.
I strip off quietly, gently lower myself under the sheets and place the kiss that was requested in candy hearts, on her soft lips.
“I love you Emmy.”
Even in sleep she moves towards me, breathing in a sigh of contentment.
I move the sweets from my pillow, discarding two but placing the ‘You’re mine’ over on her nightstand, before gathering her in my arms, knotting my legs through hers and allowing sleep to claim me.