Chapter 11
Alyse
Three seconds after I walk through Asher’s door, I’m engulfed in his arms.
Four seconds later, his lips are on mine.
Six seconds in, my back is up against the closest wall as he ravages me like he needs my kiss to breathe, to live. One strong arm bands around my waist, while the other palms my neck, holding me in position so his mouth fits perfectly to mine.
Something is wrong. Something more than the fact that he missed me. This feels like desperation. It feels like deflection and I’m the person he needs to get lost in.
“Asher,” I gasp when he breaks the kiss, feathering his lips down my neck. “What’s wrong?”
He captures my mouth again without a word. Picking me up, he walks backward until I’m seated on what I think must be his desk.
I want to pull him into me as much as I need to push him away, because this is so many shades of wrong. I can’t have sex with Asher in his office, for God’s sake. But it’s as if he’s trying to tell me something with his body that he can’t with words.
And Jesus, I can relate to that on so many levels, so I tell my goody-two-shoes bitch to back off and give in to the moment. The second I do, his kisses slow, his breathing starts to calm, and his grip loosens slightly.
Reaching up, I palm his face and take over. He lets me. I place soft kisses to the corners of his lips, his cheeks, letting my mouth travel over his clean-shaven jaw. I like the whiskers so much better.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, finally leaning back. I search his eyes and find anger and pain fighting for dominance. He pulls me to him, holding tightly.
“It is now,” he whispers against my hair. He takes several deep breaths and I wait for him to explain, but he doesn’t. I don’t know why that hurts more than it should. I don’t even know what we are to each other yet, but it’s something. That much I already know. And I want him to trust me, to feel like he can tell me anything, even though I don’t know if I can give him the same in return.
“Have dinner with me tonight.”
“Yes,” I reply without hesitation.
“My place.”
I know exactly what that means and, remembering our wicked phone call last night, I feel my body readying itself for him. “Okay.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Okay.”
Sighing heavily, he unwraps his arms and takes a step back. The immediate loss of his body warmth is startling and chills run the length of my spine. Scrubbing his hand down his face, he walks back over to his desk chair, sitting. His erection is evident through his thin slacks and I want nothing more than to kneel down in front of him and take care of it. He watches me. As our eyes connect, I swear he knows what I am thinking.
“If I don’t stop touching you now, Alyse, I’m going to end up fucking you on my desk. That will happen, just not today.”
“Asher—”
“How was your meeting with Sheila and Aaron?”
“So it’s like that, huh?”
“Did Aaron hit on you?”
Laughing, I shake my head, hoping he takes that as a no. Aaron did, but by the tone of Asher’s voice, I am not about to reveal that little factoid. Something tells me Aaron Hinton will be escorted out by security in about six-and-a-half minutes if I say yes.
His jaw ticks and he pierces me with a hard glare, which I stubbornly return. His voice is low and gravelly when he speaks, like he swallowed broken glass. “Do you want me to fuck you on my desk, Alyse? Is that what you want?”
I didn’t, until he just challenged me. I hadn’t moved from the edge of his desk where he placed me earlier, but now I stand and make my way in front of him. I sit back on the desk again so my feet dangle, spreading my legs ever so slightly. Gripping the edges, I lean forward toward him.
Today I’ve worn a simple, short black A-line dress with three-inch nude peep-toe shoes. It’s cold, but I didn’t wear tights or hose, so my legs are bare and the chilly desk gives me goose bumps.
“And if I said yes?” I have no idea what creature just took over my mind or my mouth, but at this second, I can’t even care.
Asher’s hooded, lusty eyes haven’t moved from mine. The sheer hunger I see in them slays me. He’s probably trying to gauge whether I’m serious or a tease, but God help me, I mean every single word I’m saying. I want him to fuck me. Now. I don’t want to wait another second. One week ago if you told me I’d be in a client’s office offering my body for his pleasure, I would have said enjoy your one-way free trip on the crazy train.
Now I’m afraid it’s me that’s hopped on and the train seems to have jumped the tracks.
Rolling his chair closer, a slow, devious smile curves his full lips as his hands make their way to my bare thighs. Firmly grasping them, he runs his palms up until he reaches the juncture of my aching flesh. Thumbs tease the edges of my panties, slipping slightly underneath. Teasing, but not touching where I need. A low moan escapes my throat and suddenly my head is far too heavy for my neck to support, so it falls back as my eyes drift shut.
“Eight years,” he whispers so soft it takes a minute to register.
Then his hands are on my ass, pulling me toward him. His mouth against my inner thigh startles me. It’s soft. Too soft. I want hard. I want rough. I want wild. I’m like a caged animal and if he doesn’t fuck me hard soon I think I might attack.
“Jesus, Alyse. So wet,” he rasps, dipping a finger fully inside my panties.
“Asher…” His name comes out on a breathy exhale.
Hot kisses are scattered up one inner thigh and down the other before he takes my cloth-covered clit in his mouth and sucks. I barely catch the cry his wicked move forced from my lungs. “So fucking tempting,” he rumbles right before he scoops me off his desk and onto his lap, holding me tight.
Confusion rattles my brain and embarrassment tightens my skin. This is the second time in just days I’ve practically thrown myself at him and the second time I’ve been gently let down. That is definitely not good for my fragile feminine ego.
Ugh.
“Hey.” His finger hooks under my chin, forcing me to look at him. I shift my eyes. “Alyse, look at me,” he demands. Reluctantly, I do, because as with every other time he gets that bossy tone, I want to comply. I want to please him.
God, I hate myself. I am not this weak woman who wants to do a man’s bidding. I’ve been nothing but strong my entire fucking life. I’ve suffered heartbreak, death, abandonment. I survived my own debilitating depression, twice. I started my own business right before my twenty-fourth birthday, for Christ’s sake.
I am woman. Hear me roar.
But around Asher, I just want to let it all go. Around him, I can set my heavy burdens down and take a much-needed rest for the first time in my entire life. I don’t feel like I have to be that strong woman I pretend to be with everyone else.
“Do not doubt how much I want you. I’m in utter misery with want. But, God, I have to do this right. For the first time ever with a woman, I need this to be right.”
Leaning down, he snares my lips in a gentle kiss and just like that, my awkwardness dissolves in a cloud of mist, replaced strangely enough with peace.
I try to sit up and gain some distance, but his arms tighten. “I—This is not who I am, Asher. I’m like a completely different person around you.”
Cupping my cheek so I can’t look away, he shakes his head, a smile tugging on his lips. “This is exactly who you are, Alyse. I don’t know how you keep the real you hidden from everyone else, including Livia, but you do. You’re very good at it; I’ll give you that. Even better than the last time I last saw you.
“But I saw into your soul the very first time I looked into your eyes eight years ago and I still see it now. It’s darker, worn around the edges, but Jesus, it’s brilliant. It’s magnetic. I see my reflection in it. This is exactly who you are, Alyse, because with me, you can let your guard down and just be you.”
I’m captivated. Every word is a warm ray of sunshine that settles on my skin and seeps into my pours. It fills those lonely parts of me I don’t like to acknowledge. It makes me feel lighter. Happier. Greedily, I want more of it.
“How do you know?” I’m not even sure what I’m asking, but Asher does.
Smiling gently, he pecks the tip of my nose. “I know, because that’s exactly how you make me feel.”
“Asher.” I let his name linger, because I don’t know what to say. I’ve known him for so many years. I know so many things about him, yet I don’t know him at all. Except I can’t help but feel that it doesn’t really matter, because I do. It’s like my soul recognizes him as mine. It’s confusing and may not make a lot of sense to anyone else, but it makes perfect sense to me. Everything he’s said is true. I can be myself with him. I always have. It almost feels like my person, the one I’ve been looking for my whole life, has been under my nose the entire time.
“Let me in, sweet Alyse,” he tells me softly.
I swallow hard. Unwelcome tears prick and a traitorous one escapes, rolling slowly down my cheek. “I’m not sure I know how.” My voice is quiet and it cracks upon my weighty confession. I wasn’t even this truthful with Finn and I was with him for a year. It gives me hope that maybe I’m not a lost cause after all.
Asher’s smile puts me at ease. His thumb wipes away evidence of my vulnerability, which is making me nauseous. “I have my own issues, Alyse. My own trouble letting a woman close. But I can honestly say I’ve never wanted to try more than I do with you.”
I’m quiet, absorbing his confession. “Okay.”
He nods, pressing a prolonged kiss to my hair. “Okay.”
I take this as my cue to leave, but he pulls me back into his lap and settles my head on his shoulder. “I’m not ready to let you go yet.”
Good. I’m not ready to be let go. I don’t think I ever will be.
After a couple beats, he asks, “How was your meeting? Did you get what you need to start?”
“This doesn’t feel very businesslike,” I tease, running my fingers up and down the buttons of his grey dress shirt, unable to stop myself from touching him.
“You are far more than business to me, Alyse Kingsley.”
Good answer.
I finally grasp the courage to ask him a question that’s been plaguing me since last Monday when I figured out Asher was coming to see me. “Did you hire me because you wanted to sleep with me?”
He laughs. Not the response I was expecting.
“I’d be lying if I didn’t say yes, but that’s not the only reason I hired you.” He sits me up so we’re looking eye to eye. “Nothing I said in our meeting last week was untrue. I did do my homework and I’ve heard nothing but rave reviews about you and your company. I’ve never wanted to get a woman in my bed as much as I do you, Alyse, but I would never put my company in jeopardy to do that.”
“Thank you. It means a lot that you put your trust in me.”
“You have no idea,” he mutters right before he kisses me again. Just as Asher deepens it, his assistant’s voice echoes through the speakerphone.
“Asher, Mr. Grandy is here for your lunch appointment.”
He sighs. “Give me five minutes, Tara.”
“Yes, sir.”
I glance at the clock to see that it’s already almost noon. I’ve spent nearly an hour in Asher’s office doing nothing but flirting. The sweet ache between my thighs will have to wait until later to be assuaged, I guess.
Helping me off his lap, he tells me, “I’ll be tied up for the rest of the day. Is there anything you need from me?”
“Ah, no. I have what I need to start.” I run my hands through my long hair and underneath my eyes, trying to make sure I don’t look like I’ve just almost been fucked before walking out of the boss’s office.
“You look gorgeous, Alyse.” He leans down to my ear. “Desire is a good look on you. The flush of an orgasm will look even better.”
“Oh God,” I groan, unsure if I’m embarrassed or turned on.
“Seven,” he says with a peck to my lips.
“Seven.”
I’m about halfway to the door when he calls, “And, Alyse, to be clear, you will be in my bed tonight.”
My steps falter, but I don’t turn and I don’t reply. He doesn’t expect one.
God he’s bossy.
Why do I like that so much?