Chapter 41
Asher
I crack open my eyes and blink, trying to make objects come into focus, trying to remember where in the hell I am and how I got there. It takes me a few seconds, but slowly, events from the last twenty-four hours come rushing back. I wish they fucking hadn’t.
I realize I’m in my own bedroom, fully clothed, sans shoes, just like I’d left this afternoon when I went into the office to confront Alyse. I wasn’t as drunk as Alyse thought, but I wasn’t exactly sober either, so I remember every word spoken. Unfortunately I also remember how rough I was with her. Regret eats at me for the way I treated her. No matter what, she did not deserve that from me. I went there with the intent of fighting for her, but things quickly escalated out of my control. Hurt easily commandeered the reins from common sense.
I sit up, taking stock of how I feel. I lost count of how many Bloody Marys I had throughout the day. Whatever it was, it wasn’t enough. I spent hours stewing over Conn’s advice, reliving every single memory I’ve ever had with Alyse. I ached with the thought of giving that up. Of giving her up. It was excruciating to think of a life without her.
It still is.
Looking at the clock, I see it’s almost eleven o’clock. I think I passed out from exhaustion more than the alcohol and had been sleeping for almost seven hours. With the way my body feels, I think I need about seven more, but the need to find Alyse is far more urgent than drifting back into my restless dreamland.
After a pit stop in the bathroom and a quick brush of my teeth, I leave my bedroom and hear soft voices in the living room. Rounding the corner, I see Conn and Alyse sitting on the couch, each with a glass of wine in their hand, quietly talking. The TV is on in the background. With the millions of tons of confetti floating through the air it looks like the east coast is celebrating a brand new year, while I’ll be nursing a hangover here shortly. This is not at all what I had in mind for ringing in the year that I had planned to make Alyse my wife.
“Do you think I should check on him again?” she asks, worry threading her tone. At least she still gives a fuck after the way I treated her earlier. That’s something.
“Nah. Give him another half hour. Then we can,” Conn answers.
“You can go, you know.”
“Alyse, I’m not leaving. You and Asher belong together and sometimes he’s his own worst enemy. Besides, he needs a good tongue-lashing for the shit he pulled today and that’s what brothers are for.”
Her smile pulls me forward. I take a few more steps when Alyse spots me and stops mid-sentence.
“I’m glad he—”
Conn cranks his neck following Alyse’s line of sight. His lips thin in fury, directed entirely at me, but I don’t care. He’s right. I deserve it. I quickly shift my attention back to Alyse, drinking the sight of her in, lifting my hand to rub the pain in my chest.
God, I love her. So damn much.
I can’t lose her.
“Hi,” she says quietly, making no attempt to move. “How are you feeling?”
“Pretty much like an asshole.”
“You should. You are an asshole,” Conn grates. “Did you not listen to a fucking word I said earlier?”
“I did.” I listened. I just took a little self-pity detour first.
“You owe me,” he says, standing and walking into the kitchen to set his glass down. I brace myself for the “tongue-lashing” he’s about to deliver. “Big time. I had to sneak your drunk ass down the stairs and out the back entrance and you cost me a fan-fucking-tastic lay tonight. On New Year’s Eve of all nights, thank you very much. All because you were wallowing when you should have been getting the fucking truth like I told you to. Honestly, if I were Alyse, I’d kick your jealous, overreacting ass to the curb. I have no idea what’s wrong with my brothers. Book smart, business shrewd, relationship incompetent,” he mumbles the last part under his breath.
I ignore the last part. Like he’s a damn expert at relationships. “Good thing you’re not Alyse then.”
Our eyes haven’t left each other’s and, at this point, I don’t know what to think, what to believe, but I know this: I’m going to give her a chance to explain, because I don’t just want her, I need her. Desperately. And if there’s somebody else, as ego bruising as it will be, I’m going to fight for her.
I want her to choose me.
Conn walks back over to Alyse and kisses her on the cheek. “I’ll be just a phone call away if you need anything else, okay? I can be up here in a flash.” He glares at me when saying the last part. Then he walks to the door, but before he closes it, he drops a bomb that stabs me in the gut like a hot poker. “You do anything to her in anger again and you and I will have a big problem.”
I start to ask him what the hell he’s talking about when I see Alyse’s hand cover the right side of her neck. A wave of nausea hits me fast. I think back to how fury lit my blood on fire when I saw bruises on her arm from Finn. I feel absolutely sick. I am no better than that fucking loser.
“Fuck, Alyse. I’m…Jesus, I’m sorry.”
“I’m fine. Conn’s making it a bigger deal than it is.”
Sitting down next to her, I take the wine and reach behind me, setting it down. When I turn back, I gently remove her hand to inspect the damage I caused. My stomach rolls at the tiny bruises I already see forming. My eyes lift to see her watching me carefully.
“I’m—”
She places a finger to my lips. “Stop. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
My eyes search hers. I can’t possibly be mistaken at the love and affection I see. “Pick me, Alyse,” I beg, unable to stop myself. I’ll get down on my knees and stay there for all my days if I need to. I’ll swallow an ocean full of salty pride if it would persuade her to be mine. “Choose me. I don’t know how to live without you anymore. I don’t want to.”
“Asher,” she breathes with a voice that’s beseeching. “There never was a choice.” I must look confused because she adds, “There is no one else. There’s only you. I’m in love with you. I want only you.”
“But I saw you with him. Last night.”
She takes a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. I hate that her eyes shift from mine briefly. “I have a lot of things I need to tell you. Are you up for it now, because it’s not a short conversation.”
I nod, but I’m not at all sure I’m ready to hear something that could turn my entire world on its axis again.
“Do you remember the accident I was in when I was eighteen?”
“Yes,” I reply wondering what in the hell that has to do with the fact that I saw her in another man’s arms last night.
“And you remember that the driver died?”
I nod.
Another big breath. I can tell this is hard for her. “He didn’t die.”
“Okay…” I stretch the word out, getting more confused by the second. “What do you mean he didn’t die? And what does any of this have to do with last night?”
“The guy you saw me with last night wasn’t Cooper. His name is Beck Mercado. He’s Cooper’s cousin. He was the driver in that accident. He was my boyfriend.” Her eyes sweep down briefly before delivering the killing blow.
“And the father of my baby.”