Chapter 27
Asher
“Thank you for tonight. For accepting me,” I confess into the darkened room.
Alyse is sprawled over me, her leg pinning me to the bed. The feeling of having her in my arms and in my bed after the night we shared is nothing short of total and complete serenity. I’ve never been more at peace.
“You don’t have to thank me, Asher. I—honestly, I wasn’t sure what to think at first, but I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t turned on. I told you I wouldn’t judge and I didn’t. I enjoyed myself, actually.”
“I’m glad.”
“Do you think anyone…saw us?”
I laugh. “Doubtful, given where we were in the club, but it’s the thought that they could that drives that need in me the most, I think. I’m not a hard-core exhibitionist. Would you be embarrassed if they did?”
She’s silent for a few beats. I pray she doesn’t have any regrets. That would gut me. “I’m not sure. I don’t want an audience standing there, clapping when we’re done, throwing twenties, but I have to admit, the thought of someone seeing the wicked things you were doing to me from afar turned me on more. When we first came in, I watched this woman giving a guy a blow job and I…”
“You what,” I prod when she goes silent for too long.
“I liked it,” she whispers so low I almost can’t hear.
I hook a finger under her chin, tilting her head up. “Alyse, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone there is either a member or an approved guest and they all have the same preferences.”
“How can you want to share me like that, but you can’t stand the thought of another man even looking at me? I can’t reconcile that.”
I sigh heavily, because I’ve been asking myself that same exact question for weeks. It makes no sense, but I’d repeat tonight again in a fucking heartbeat. It was the single hottest sexual experience of my life.
“I don’t know, Alyse. I don’t know exactly how to explain it. It’s a part of me I never fully understood, just accepted. You may have noticed I took you to the most remote part of the club, so the risk was obviously still there, but the chance of getting a lot of attention was small. Maybe on some subconscious level, I don’t want to share you as much as I thought I did.”
“Do you want to go back?” she asks.
“Do you?”
“Yes,” she whispers and I can’t help but smile. She may have a kinky side, but this isn’t engrained in her like it is me, so I have to think she’ll always be embarrassed about the rush it gives her.
“Then we shall.”
“Do you go there often?”
“No. That was only the third time I’ve been.”
“Did you ever…”
“Have sex?” I finish for her.
She nods.
“No.”
I feel her body relax. “I’m glad.”
“Me too.”
“Do you have sex in other public places?”
“Every chance I get,” I joke and it makes her laugh. I love her laugh.
I love her eyes.
I love her intelligence.
Hell, I love everything about this woman.
My thumb traces the outline of her full, sexy lips and I know this is the right time to say the words bursting inside me.
“You are the most remarkable woman I’ve ever met, Alyse, and not just because of tonight. You’re strong, yet vulnerable. You’re innocent, but wild. You’re like this multifaceted, multilayered puzzle. To get to the next level, I have to find the key to unlocking the first one. I can’t tell you how desperately I want to unlock every single one of your layers until I’m at your very core.”
“Asher—”
“Let me finish, baby. I know it may seem too early to say this, but I know deep in my very being you’re mine. I’m in love with you, Alyse. I’m so fucking in love with you, I can’t think straight. You don’t have to say it back. You don’t have to respond, but I need you to know how deep my feelings for you go and you should know I don’t intend on ever letting you go.”
She shifts, climbing on top of me, her nakedness arousing me all over again. It’s dark and I can barely make out much beyond her shadow, but when she takes my face in her tiny hands, I know she’s looking me in the eyes. “I’m fucked up.” She pauses and her anxiety seeps into me. I slowly run my hands up and down her torso, patiently waiting for her to continue. “Every single person I’ve loved has left me, Asher. Every single one, including Livia. I want to give you every one of my keys, but I don’t even know if I can remember where they’re all hiding anymore.”
“Then we’ll look together until we find them all.”
“Asher, I’m…scared to be hurt again.”
“Me too, but I won’t leave you.” She leans down and I embrace her tightly. “I love you, Alyse. So, so much.”
“I’m terrified of how much I love you, Asher.”
“I’m your steady. I won’t fail you. Ever,” I tell her again, knowing now she needs this reassurance and probably will daily until she truly believes she can count on me to keep my promises.
“How do you know? How can you be sure?”
“My love,” I whisper against the shell of her ear, threading my hand in her hair. “I know because I feel my heart truly beating for the very first time and leaving you is equivalent to ripping it out myself. I literally can’t breathe with the thought of not having you in my life. It’s simply unfathomable. Not even in the realm of possibility.”
She’s quiet for several seconds, before softly pleading with me, “Don’t ruin me in the worst possible way. Please.”
“Only the best, baby. I promise. Only the very best.”
Alyse’s few words have given me so much more insight into the real her than anything she’s said in the last few weeks. She’s been hurt repeatedly. I won’t be one of those people. I know that no matter what happens, I will keep that promise I just made to her.
There is nothing in the world that would cause me to abandon the woman I love more than life itself like everyone else has.
Not a goddamn thing.