IN THE WEEKS that passed, they settled into a routine. Bennett would take Dallas to work at Get Out of Dodge, and then Bennett would check in at the clinic, just to see Kaylee, even if he didn’t need to go over there. Then they’d do their work, Bennett would pick up Dallas, and they would have dinner.
Then Bennett would go to Kaylee’s house for a few hours. They’d drink a beer, talk and inevitably end up in bed together. And then Bennett would go back home and resume his life as father to a teenage boy.
It wasn’t all routine. He’d taken Dallas to Tolowa and gotten him all new clothes. Work boots, gloves, Sunday clothes and casual clothes. He’d gotten registered at Gold Valley High School for the following year, and had only made three jokes about whether or not there was a cow-milking class he could take.
“No,” Bennett had told him, “but there is a drill team. Jamie coaches them.”
“A what?” he’d asked.
“Drill team. Like synchronized swimming, but on horses. With flags and glitter. Boys don’t normally do it but I’m sure you could make a case for discrimination.”
“Pass.”
They spent weekends riding up in the hills behind the house. Dallas was getting to be a much more confident rider. More interesting to Bennett was the bond he was forming with the horse Lucy.
It was hard for Dallas to be sincere, difficult for him to be much of anything other than a wall of teenage cynicism. But not with the horse. His guards dropped for her. Animals were safer than people in a lot of ways, Bennett understood that well.
When he’d been hurting after his mother’s death he’d found solace in them. And he’d figured out what he wanted to do with his life from that.
He also knew that you could tell a lot about what a person kept hidden by how they treated animals. Someone who seemed kind and gentle but had neglected cattle, horses with saddle sores and underfed dogs was rotten in their heart, as far as he was concerned. And no matter how tough and hard a man seemed, if he cared for his animals...that showed kindness. No matter how deep he tried to keep it buried.
Dallas’s connection to Lucy let him see things that Dallas would rather die than show Bennett. And it gave him hope. It made him feel connected to his son in a way he might not if it weren’t for the horse.
They also got a court date to make it all official. It had taken time to get everything transferred over to Logan County from Multnomah County, but Bennett was ready to sign papers for full custody of Dallas.
In reality, this was all a formality. Marnie wasn’t likely to show up and demand custody, and even if she did, there was ample evidence she wasn’t a fit parent. But this was important to Bennett because it made it legal. Final in a way he had a feeling his word couldn’t be.
He wanted to prove to Dallas this would last.
They closed the clinic the day of the court appointment because he wanted Kaylee to be with them. It seemed important somehow to have her there. Quinn and Freda were coming to the courthouse too, adamant that they wanted to be part of it.
Considering it was symbolic in large part, he appreciated it. They were all in this together, even if he could tell it made Dallas uncomfortable—Bennett also thought that could be his tie and button-up shirt that could have been causing the majority of his discomfort. God knew it was causing a lot of Bennett’s. But it had seemed like something a man had to put on Sunday clothes for.
Kaylee for her part looked absolutely beautiful. She was wearing that same floral dress she had been wearing the night of her date with that other guy that Bennett had purposefully forgotten the name of already. It was different, though, because this time, she wasn’t wearing the dress for someone else. So, as pretty as she had been then, she was even prettier now.
He felt a sense of pride as they all walked into the redbrick courthouse.
The proceedings didn’t take long. All that needed to happen was for the papers to be signed and the court to grant the request.
Dallas’s caseworker Grace was also in attendance, wearing what Bennett thought might be the same black jacket and skirt she had on the first time they’d met. The actual granting of custody went quickly, and they were back in the antechamber of the courtroom shockingly fast.
Grace smiled at Dallas and reached out, squeezing his arm. “I’m happy for you,” she said. “See that you stay out of trouble. And I hope that if I ever see you again it’s at a reunion and not because of something bad.”
“Well, if I don’t behave myself it’s not really your problem,” Dallas said, shrugging, obviously reluctant to get too sentimental with the woman who had handled his case for the past couple of years.
“If he doesn’t stay out of trouble I’ll be surprised,” Bennett said. “He’s working too hard to get up to anything more than Xbox at night.”
Dallas grimaced. “Child labor.”
“The papers are signed, son,” Bennett said. “It’s too late. You should have brought that up before the judge.”
Dallas lifted a shoulder. “Well, it’s not killing me or anything.”
“Good to know.”
Freda, who knew absolutely no restraint at all, pulled Dallas in for a hug, and the teenager let her, his chin touching the top of Bennett’s stepmother’s dark hair. She was a small woman, but she was a force of nature. Bennett wasn’t at all mystified as to why his father had fallen for her.
And as far as he could tell, Dallas was falling for her too. Because if anyone else had grabbed him and attempted to hug him he had a feeling that Dallas would put up a fight. But Bennett did reach out and pat his son on the shoulder, an overwhelming tide of love and pride washing through him.
It didn’t matter anymore that they’d spent fifteen years apart. Dallas was his son. And they were a family. Yeah, he wished they could have had all that time together, but there was no point wasting the years they did have on bad feelings. Not that they would never pop up, that was inevitable. But for his part, he was going to make an effort to focus on the good.
“Congratulations,” Quinn said, patting Bennett on the back. “It’s good to see you happy.”
He was happy. And his life certainly didn’t look like the picture-perfect ideal he had wanted so badly for it to be. Hell, he had been determined to make it look traditional even when Marnie had gotten pregnant at sixteen and it had been clear that traditional was not exactly a happening thing.
So, he didn’t have that. But he had happy.
He looked over at Kaylee, who was smiling softly, her hands clasped in front of her. She was obviously a little bit uncomfortable to be witnessing all of this. But she didn’t feel out of place to him, even if she probably felt a little bit out of place to herself.
“You hungry?” he asked Dallas.
“Yeah,” Dallas said.
They walked out of the courthouse, the warm afternoon sun shining down on them. It was almost dinnertime, and apparently, going to family court made you hungry.
“We’ll probably head on home,” Quinn said. “But we’ll see you tomorrow, Dallas.”
“Okay,” Dallas said.
Freda pulled him in for another hug, and he didn’t resist her at all.
“I’ll see you guys,” Kaylee said.
“Come to dinner with us, Kaylee.” Bennett didn’t want her to leave. It felt right having her here for this, and he didn’t want to let her go.
“Oh, I don’t have to...” She shifted uncomfortably. “I bet you guys need some time alone.”
“We don’t,” Dallas said.
Bennett shot his son a look. “We’re fine. Join us for dinner. We’ll just walk someplace from here.”
“Okay. Let me get a sweater out of my car.”
She disappeared for a moment and Dallas looked at Bennett. “You know,” Dallas said. “You could ask her to spend the night sometimes.”
“What?” That was the last thing he’d expected his son to stay.
“I know what you guys are doing when you go over to her house in the evening. Can’t you just have her come spend the night? It’s not like I think you guys are playing checkers at her place.”
“Because it’s not... That’s like...”
That would be like they were a family. Having Kaylee spend the night, having her have breakfast with them in the morning. It just... It didn’t seem like something they should do.
“We’ll probably just keep things the same,” Bennett said.
Dallas looked a little bit bemused. “Suit yourself. But I’m just saying, it’s not like you’re protecting me from the facts of life or anything.”
“Noted.”
Kaylee returned a second later with her sweater. “Where do you guys want dinner?”
“Where can you get a really good burger here?” Dallas asked.
“We always have burgers,” Bennett said. “It’s like the only thing your uncle Wyatt knows how to make.”
“Yeah, but I want a restaurant burger. With French fries. Not potato chips. And a milkshake.”
“That sounds good,” Kaylee said. “I say we go to Mustard Seed.”
Mustard Seed was within walking distance of the courthouse. Just down the street past Sugar Cup, hang a left on the main drag, then another left at the end. They walked down the sidewalk, and it really was hard not to feel like they were a family.
Well, they were family. So why wouldn’t they feel like it? Dallas was his son. Kaylee was someone he couldn’t imagine life without. He’d eaten here with her countless times through high school and beyond. She was woven into the fabric of his life. Every step of sidewalk in this town, he’d walked with her over the years. He could hardly remember a time without her. Didn’t want to. That was family.
Mustard Seed wasn’t too packed yet, the diner a popular spot for just about everyone. At breakfast time it was filled with senior citizens, at lunch groups of friends and adult parents and children, and at dinner...basically everyone.
The little place was eclectic, with small creatures made out of silverware adorning most of the available surfaces—an alligator made from bent spoons, a peacock made with forks and knives—a counter with red stools that had buckets of dry erase markers on it so that people could color on the metal countertops.
The windows were always decorated with washable paint, indicative of each season, and right now, the names of the graduating seniors had been scrawled across the windows by the kids themselves.
It was a tradition at the diner for the kids who were leaving town to sign their names at their favorite local spot. Bennett had done it himself, so had Kaylee before they had gone off to school. But they had come back. Not everybody did.
Still, it filled him with a sense of nostalgia when he walked in, seeing all those names, remembering when he and Kaylee had written theirs.
And now he was bringing his son here. In three years when Dallas graduated, his name would be up there.
Something in his chest felt tight.
They took a seat at one of the tables and Lucinda, the owner of Mustard Seed, greeted them immediately. “Hi, Bennett,” she said. “Kaylee. And who is this?”
“This is my son,” Bennett said. “Dallas Dodge.”
Lucinda’s dark eyebrows shot upward. “Your son?” She blinked. “I know I haven’t seen you in here in a while, Bennett. But not this long.”
“I’m a surprise,” Dallas said.
“I’d say,” Lucinda agreed. “So, what will you have to eat, surprise child?”
“A bacon cheeseburger. French fries. And a strawberry milkshake.”
“Sounds good.” Lucinda didn’t write the order down. She didn’t have to. She remembered everything. She looked at Bennett next. “Surprised dad?”
“I’ll have what he’s having.”
“Same,” Kaylee said, “but sweet potato fries. And make my shake a chocolate one.”
Both Bennett and Dallas shot her strange looks.
“Sweet potato fries?” Dallas asked, curling his lip.
“She’s a monster,” Bennett said.
Dallas shook his head. “Why, when you could have good, regular French fries, that are not too sweet?”
“Like God intended.”
“Excuse me,” she said. “I don’t need the Dodge men to gang up on me.”
“You need better taste in fried foods,” Bennett said.
“I will stand on my principles,” Kaylee responded. “I will not give in to peer pressure.”
By the time their food arrived the restaurant had begun to fill up with rowdy teenagers, some young families and a few couples. Dallas was watching the chaos around them thoughtfully, and Bennett wished he knew what his son was thinking.
Next year, Dallas would be going to school—not with these kids, since they were graduating—but with the teenagers that came into Gold Valley from surrounding areas and from town.
It wasn’t a particularly large school, but he would make friends there. He would start to be a part of this. If he chose to. But then, that was what today had been about, really. Bennett had chosen to make it permanent in a legal way. Dallas had been there. Dallas had watched the court papers being signed. Had stood by while the judge ruled that Bennett had full custody.
Dallas had chosen it too.
And eventually, even if it took a while, he wouldn’t just be part of Bennett’s life, part of the Dodge family, he would be part of Gold Valley.
Bennett wanted that for him. Wanted it so badly it made him ache. To give his son not just himself, not just his love, but this life that he had chosen to live. This life that had been full of pain, yes, but so full of happiness too.
He understood now. That kind of deep nostalgia people talked about with parenting. That desire to pass certain things on to your children.
He more than understood it. He felt like his chest was being pried open, a thousand and one feelings he’d never had before all stuffed inside of him.
Feelings he’d never let himself have.
Feelings he’d been avoiding since he was a child.
They finished eating and brought their ticket up to the register, paying Lucinda before heading outside.
It wasn’t dark yet, the sky just beginning to deepen in color. High school kids were out on the sidewalk, getting rowdy. Driving their trucks down the two-lane street and revving their engines.
Bennett looked over at Kaylee. “Remember when we used to do things like that?”
“Yes. I had a bigger truck than most of the boys,” she said, smiling impishly. “The results of a summer spent bagging groceries.”
“You were pretty badass.” He bumped her shoulder with his, then reached out and took hold of her hand, lacing his fingers through hers.
She looked up at him, her eyes wide. But she didn’t let go.
Dallas, for his part, didn’t say anything. But he was watching them closely.
They took the walk back toward the courthouse, toward where they’d parked, slowly. Bennett wasn’t in a hurry to break this moment. Where everything just seemed good and clear. Right.
“Why don’t you come over for a beer?” Bennett asked Kaylee.
She blinked, her eyebrows lifting. “Oh, you’re not coming over to my place?”
“I just thought we should hang out at the house tonight.”
“Okay,” she said, clearly confused.
Bennett wasn’t exactly sure what the endgame was. But he didn’t feel like leaving Dallas tonight, not after signing those papers. And what Dallas had said outside the courtroom kept on ringing in his ears.
She could spend the night, you know.
Yes. She could.
And his resistance was...
He just didn’t want to think about it right now. He didn’t need to.
Kaylee released her hold on his hand and walked over to her truck, and Bennett and Dallas got in theirs, heading back toward Bennett’s place. It wasn’t dark yet, the sky a pale blue with flat, watercolor clouds resting over the top of it. But soon enough the sun would start sinking behind the mountains, turning the fields into mottled spots of gold and deep blue.
“I’m going to go feed the horses,” Dallas said as soon as they pulled in, getting out of the truck and heading over to the barn.
“Was he trying to give us time alone? Or is he really that excited about doing chores?” Kaylee asked, moving over to where Bennett was standing. She didn’t touch him, which he thought was funny. But then, he realized they didn’t do a lot of casual touching. He would kiss her, and once he had done that, once he was holding her in his arms, she would often put her hand on his chest or somewhere else. But when they were talking, when they were walking together, there was no casual, relationship-type touching.
He supposed it was for the same reasons that he had never had her spend the night at his house. It felt like a relationship then. But...was it not one?
He had convinced himself that they could do this just to get through. But there was no getting through right now. He was through. He had signed the paperwork with Dallas, and Dallas no longer felt like something that had upended his life. He could scarcely remember a time when he had wanted to marry Olivia Logan. All of that upheaval... It was done with. He felt settled now.
But he didn’t feel like taking his relationship with Kaylee back to friendship only. Not even a little bit.
In fact, he couldn’t imagine it. There was no plan that felt like it would fix that. And no controlling a damn thing.
That made a strange, sharp pain hit him in the chest.
“Dad!”
Bennett whipped his head around and looked toward the barn, responding to the word dad, even though aside from being sarcastic, Dallas had never called him that before.
Bennett didn’t even think. He took off running. Heading toward the sound of his son’s voice. He heard footsteps behind him that let him know that Kaylee was running right along with him.
When he entered the barn he didn’t see Dallas. “Dad, it’s Lucy.”
Bennett moved to Lucy’s stall and looked in. The horse was lying on the ground, rocking back and forth, seemingly unable to stand.
Hell.
Bennett went into action, and so did Kaylee. Bennett had a strong suspicion he knew exactly what was happening, given the horse’s past history and her current health issues. Acute laminitis. She hadn’t been showing signs or symptoms before this. And that meant there was still time to try to reverse some damage. Before the bone in her leg became a problem that couldn’t be solved, only managed. And that was a pretty grim future for a horse.
If she didn’t end up requiring euthanasia.
He had a bad feeling Lucy had been into the grain and was on an overload. He had done his best to limit her, but it was entirely possible she’d managed to sneak some if she was able to get into Shadrach’s or Meshach’s stall.
“What’s wrong with her?” Dallas asked.
Bennett explained the situation as best as he could to Dallas, and then started giving him orders. Bennett set up a mobile X-ray, getting ready to examine her hooves.
He took images of all four, and when he confirmed that the front two were affected, Kaylee wrapped the horse’s hooves in the hot packs. Then Bennett gave her a dose of mineral oil to counteract some of the grain and set up an IV to administer fluids.
“It looks like the rotation isn’t as severe as it could be,” he said, eyeing the images from the X-ray. “Basically, we have a couple of days to tackle this really aggressively,” Bennett said, keeping his eyes level with Dallas’s. “Otherwise she’s never fully going to get rid of this problem. And it’s going to spring up all the time. And for a horse...it’s not a good situation. Their legs have to carry a lot of weight.”
“How did you not know she was sick?” Dallas asked, getting angry now. “Why didn’t you know that something was wrong?”
Bennett shook his head, at a loss. “It happens. I was trying to control her diet, but she is an animal and she only knows what she wants. Not what’s good for her.”
“What the fuck good are you if you can’t even tell when an animal is getting sick? That’s your job.”
“Yes,” Bennett agreed. “It is. But these situations can turn quickly, and I didn’t see any signs. I swear to you, if I had I would have done something.”
“Right. Or maybe you just don’t care very much about her, because she’s old and I’m the only one who rides her anyway.”
“Every animal on my ranch is here because I rescued them from a bad situation. I care.”
Dallas’s lip curled. “Right. I forgot. You like to take in strays.”
Bennett took a deep breath, trying to keep from getting angry.
But it was Kaylee who spoke, softly and over the top of his anger. “He doesn’t take in strays,” she said. “He takes in what he cares about. What should have been with him all along. And gives them the care that they always deserved. He does it the best that he can, but if he can’t see the pain, how is he supposed to treat it?”
Dallas didn’t say anything to that. Kaylee reached out and put her hand on Dallas’s shoulder, squeezing it hard. “Lucy is going to have to let Bennett take care of her. She’s going to have to let him give her what she needs. But see, he couldn’t, because he didn’t know this was happening. He can’t take care of you, or me or Lucy if he doesn’t know there’s a problem, Dallas. We have to let him. You have to let him.”
She turned to Bennett. “Should I wait for you inside?”
He could tell she was offering him a moment alone with Dallas, and he was grateful.
He nodded. “Yeah. I’ll see you in a bit.”
She turned and left them, looking back a couple of times before she slipped out of the barn.
“Is she going to die?” Dallas asked, vulnerability showing through, the anger fading away a bit.
Bennett felt like he’d been punched. He let out a long, slow breath.
“I can’t tell you for sure that she won’t,” Bennett said. “But I wouldn’t think so. Most likely the question will be how comfortable she can be after this. And then... That’s when sometimes you have to make unpleasant decisions.”
“No,” Dallas protested. “You’re not going to put her to sleep.”
“I don’t want to. It’s all going to depend on how she does over the next few days. And then a few weeks after. But we don’t want her walking around suffering.”
“Why not?” Dallas asked. “The rest of us are. And we just have to live through it.”
“Unfortunately,” Bennett said slowly, “physical suffering and emotional suffering are two different things. Especially when it comes to animals.”
Bennett sat down in the bottom of the stall, next to the horse, who had now calmed a little bit. Dallas joined him, and they both leaned back against the wall.
It was silent except for the sound of Lucy’s breathing. Bennett watched her chest rise and fall. And then he looked back over at his son.
“Dallas,” Bennett said. “I love you.”
He hadn’t intended to say that. He hadn’t even been thinking it. And he realized he hadn’t said those words to anyone since...
Since he was seven years old.
Since he saw his mother one last time being loaded up into an ambulance, just days after she’d given birth to Jamie.
He had told her that he loved her, and then...she had never woken up.
And he never even thought those words anymore. Never said them to his family. Had never said them to Olivia. He had made it all about keeping control as far as Olivia was concerned. Not wanting to be reckless, not wanting to make a mistake again like he had done with Marnie. But it was so much deeper than that. It went back so much further.
It wasn’t like he had told Marnie he loved her either.
He had been crazy about her, true. But he was sixteen in the throes of his first physical relationship and he’d been completely out of his mind. But love? Really opening himself up to people... He didn’t do that. He built walls. Strong, sturdy walls, and operated within a fortress of his own making, entirely run by himself. But he couldn’t do that with Dallas. He couldn’t. Dallas was never going to love him, never going to trust him, if Bennett didn’t do the giving first. If Bennett didn’t let him in. You couldn’t ask for things you didn’t give. And Kaylee was right. If they didn’t know each other’s pain, if they didn’t know each other, there was no way to fix it all.
Dallas looked over at him, lines etched between his brows as he pulled them together, the expression in his dark eyes like a frightened, wounded animal. “What?”
“I love you,” Bennett said, his throat getting tight. “I love you. Because...you’re my son. And I’m so proud of you.”
“Because... I’m your son. Because we’re blood related? And a paternity test proved it?”
“No,” Bennett said, his voice rough. “I cared the minute that I met you. And I knew you were mine from that moment. I cared, or I wouldn’t have had you stay here. I wouldn’t have changed my life around to make room for you. But as I’ve gotten to know you, and as I see who you are... It’s changed. And I get all the things that people say about kids. About babies. That when that newborn baby opens his eyes and looks at them right in the face, that their whole world changes. Dallas, I didn’t get to see that with you. You didn’t get to change my world fifteen years ago like you should have. It’s not fair that we didn’t get that. It’s not. But I can’t sit around feeling angry about it. Not all the time. Because we’ve lost too many years already. But it’s not a burden to have you. It’s not a chore to be your dad. This... Now... It’s what I want. More than anything. For us to be a family. And maybe what I want isn’t a fair thing to ask of you. Maybe asking for you to call me Dad, for you to someday tell me that you love me too... Maybe that’s too much. Too much after all the time we spent apart. But I just want you to know it’s not too much for me. And I’m okay with whatever you can give. But I’m going to give you everything I’ve got.”
It was silent for a beat. Dallas’s face smoothed slowly, his eyes getting blank, unreadable. Then he finally spoke. “Okay.”
Bennett’s chest winched. He had said all those words, and he had meant them. But of course he had hoped that Dallas would say I love you, Dad and give Bennett a hug. He really wanted that. He craved it. But he also knew that it really wasn’t something he could just ask Dallas to feel.
It was complicated. And it was going to take time.
He had to give Dallas that time while giving 100 percent in return. He couldn’t hold back just waiting. He was the parent. That meant flinging himself in front of a moving train to save his son if necessary. Even if his son was driving that train, and it was just a metaphor for something that would leave him emotionally devastated.
“I’m going to do my best with her,” he said, putting his hand on Lucy.
“Okay.”
On this, Bennett was going to push him.
“Do you trust me?” he pressed.
“I...”
He turned toward Dallas, putting both hands on his shoulders. “Dallas, I promise you I am going to do everything I can to give Lucy the longest life possible. To make sure to the best of my ability that she’s not in pain. I’m going to try to do both of those things. I’m going to give it everything I have. Do you trust me?”
Dallas looked away, but nodded slowly. “Yes.”
Bennett would take that. He would take it as a damned victory.
“Let’s go in the house,” Bennett said. “She’s as comfortable as we can make her.”
“I’m going to stay out here for a little while,” Dallas said.
Bennett hesitated. “Okay. Do you want me to stay with you?”
“No,” Dallas said. “I would rather stay alone.”
“Okay,” Bennett said, standing up and brushing his pants off. So much for his Sunday clothes. “If anything changes, let me know.”
Dallas nodded wordlessly and put his hand on Lucy’s neck, stroking her slowly. Bennett turned and left them there.
His heart felt heavy and light all at the same time. He couldn’t quite figure it out. As he walked back toward the house, the front door opened and Kaylee came out onto the porch.
She walked over to the handrail and gripped it, looking out at the mountains that surrounded the ranch. The breeze kicked up and ruffled her red hair, rose gold sunlight bathing her face.
What a thing it was. To walk up toward the house and have her come out. To have her be there in his home.
“Is he okay?” she asked when Bennett’s boot hit the bottom step.
“I think he will be. I think we will be.”
“Good.”
“Thank you,” Bennett said. “For what you said back there. It was exactly what he needed to hear. And it’s what I needed to hear too.”
“You?”
“Yes. I promised that kid honesty. And I don’t think I can give anyone honesty the way that I like to live. I want to protect myself. I want...to not be hurt. But I don’t think you can love a kid the way they need to be loved if you’re not willing to get hurt doing it. So that means letting go of all my stuff. Letting him know where I’m hurt.”
She nodded slowly, but she still didn’t move to touch him. So he did it. He was the one that pulled her close, took her in his arms.
“I wish... I just hope that it’s not too late,” Bennett said. “For him to love me. You know, like a father instead of a stranger who took him in.”
Kaylee bit her lip, looking over toward the mountains. “Remember when I told him to be nice to your family because they needed him?”
“Yes.”
“It’s hard, when you’ve been through the kind of thing he has. The kind of thing I’ve been through...it’s hard to let yourself need people. To let them care for you. It’s much easier to pour yourself into them.”
“Hard to ask them to come help you move a hutch?” he asked.
Her cheeks turned pink. “Where is Dallas?” she asked, looking around.
“Still with Lucy. He said he’s going to stay in there for a while.”
His heart felt raw, bruised. Opening himself up like this meant exposing himself to pain, because when you didn’t have brick walls up around every feeling inside, you tended to feel it all a little bit more keenly. But he still wouldn’t go back. Not now that he knew. Not now that he understood how much richer and fuller the past few weeks had been than the years before.
Really, it all came down to that moment in the diner. That wrenching feeling of sadness and wistfulness. All the time that he and Dallas had lost. The time they had before them. How much Bennett both looked forward to seeing his son’s name written on that diner window, like his had been those years before, and how much he wanted to slow the years down so that they had more time.
Somehow, that moment of pain that came through love held more beauty, more brilliance and more happiness than any time in his life that had simply been content.
It was deep. And it was real. He wouldn’t trade it. Not for the world.
And then there was Kaylee. This feeling that he had for her, that had always been there but had grown now, expanded. Like a creek that had overflowed in a heavy rain and become a torrential river. The same feelings that had always been there, made bigger, faster moving, by the injection of new feelings.
And like a river, it was scary. Like a river, it might pull him under, drown him.
But he wasn’t sure he wanted it any other way.
In fact, he was mostly sure he didn’t.
It was just a matter of figuring out what he was going to do with it. If he was going to try to raft it to the end. Or if he was going to jump in and swim, take his chances. Submerge in it. Go all the way.
He cupped her face, sliding his thumbs across her cheekbones. And then he kissed her. That soft, sweet mouth that had smiled at him more times than he could count. Had frowned at him. Had cussed at him.
His friend’s lips.
His woman’s lips.
Because she was both, wasn’t she? All of it. Not divided into compartments, his lover Kaylee, his friend Kaylee. Kaylee was all of it. The keeper of all these feelings. All these needs. It had to be her.
It really did have to be.
“Why don’t you come inside?”
Kaylee balked, chewing on her lower lip as she took a step away from him. “Are you sure you want to... Here?”
“I’m sure.”
If he was sure about anything, it was wanting Kaylee with him tonight. All night.
If he could just have that, the morning would be fine.