BY THE TIME Bennett got to Wyatt’s house that night his face was permanently set in stone. His entire body felt like stone. Like lead. Heavy. Except, it all still hurt. It hurt like a mother.
He had risked himself with Dallas and it had paid off. And as a result he had gotten cocky. He had thought that he might be able to risk himself with Kaylee too. Instead, he had been rejected spectacularly.
But he didn’t believe it. He just didn’t. That she didn’t want him. That she didn’t want to be with him. It was that confidence, though, that made him second-guess his own motives. Made him wonder if he was doing just what she had accused him of. Trying to make his life easier. Trying to fill a space and fit a plan altogether.
Dallas met him at the porch, and when he got a look at Bennett’s face, his own expression turned to one of concern.
“Is Lucy okay?”
“Lucy’s fine,” Bennett said. He had been by the house to check on her before he had come to get Dallas.
“Then why do you look like somebody’s dead?”
“Nobody’s dead. Just...stuff.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Kaylee stuff,” Bennett said honestly. Because he had promised the damn kid honesty, which was just obnoxious now.
Dallas frowned and sat on the porch swing. Bennett joined him. “What did you do?” Dallas asked.
“I didn’t do anything,” Bennett said, feeling defensive. “I told her I loved her.”
“Well, she loves you, so you must have messed it up somehow.”
“I swear I didn’t. I asked her to marry me.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I don’t think she trusts me. I don’t think she trusts anyone.”
Dallas frowned. “Fair enough. You know, because I don’t really either.”
“You do now,” Bennett said.
“A little.”
“Well, then if you can trust me after a few weeks she should trust me after seventeen years.”
Dallas shrugged. “If you could choose to not be fucked up, then you would just choose to not be fucked up.”
Bennett snorted. Sage words of wisdom from the teenager. “Fair enough.”
“I’m going to go say goodbye to Jamie,” Dallas said, standing up and walking away from the porch. Then Bennett’s father came out from inside the house.
“Good kid,” Quinn said, taking a seat next to Bennett on the porch swing, watching Dallas’s retreating form.
“All things considered,” Bennett said, “he is.”
Quinn turned to face Bennett. “Something on your mind, son?”
“Why do you ask that?”
“Because you always come out here to sit when you are looking particularly serious. And you’re looking particularly serious now, sitting here. So I wondered.”
“I asked Kaylee to marry me. She told me no.”
“Really?” Quinn asked, rocking back in the seat. “She told you no, huh? Did you have a ring?”
“Not yet. But I didn’t have time to get one.”
“Rookie mistake, Bennett. Always have a ring. And get yourself down on one knee.” He stared at him hard. “You didn’t get down on one knee either, did you? I’ve asked three different women to marry me, Bennett. And without exception I’ve given them that.”
“Three?” The only women that Bennett knew about were his mother and Freda.
Quinn shrugged. “Ancient history. But that’s where you went wrong.”
Bennett shook his head. He wished it were that simple. “Somehow, I don’t think it was the lack of ring that made Kaylee say no.”
“Why did she, then?”
“She doesn’t believe that I love her. Seventeen years I’ve been her friend, and I’ve never lied to her. She doesn’t believe that I love her.” Without his father pressing for more, Bennett continued. “She thinks that I’m after convenience. That I’m looking to fill a hole in my life. That because of how things were with Olivia I was just... Well, that I was just looking for a replacement fiancée.”
His dad looked at him hard. “And you aren’t?”
“I sure as hell am not. If I was going to choose myself a convenient wife it would not be Kaylee Capshaw. She’s inconvenient. She makes me feel things. She’s a pain in my ass.”
“Has she seen that? Have you done anything that was just for her? Because it seems to me that if your relationship with her changed around Dallas coming into your life that a woman as skittish as her is going to think the worst.”
“But I told her that I loved her, beyond that... I don’t know what I can do.”
“She was a friend when you needed it. She’s been around helping you with Dallas. She’s been your work partner. She’s been all that for you. On your schedule. And now you’re proposing, and she didn’t fall in line right away, and that surprises you?”
Bennett felt like he’d been smacked in the face with a board. “I...I never meant it like that. I just...”
“Of course you didn’t. But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s been there for you endlessly. What have you given her?”
He knew what she’d told him about their friendship. About why it mattered to her. How knowing him had helped her to believe in herself. But that...didn’t seem like enough. Not next to that towering list his dad had presented him with of what Kaylee had been for him.
“I’m an idiot,” he said. “I...”
She had been everything for him. His friend. His support. His business partner. His lover.
Then suddenly he’d decided he wanted it different and she was right: it hadn’t occurred to him that she wouldn’t fall in with his plan. Because she always did. Because he expected it.
“You can’t control love, Bennett. Or how people react to it. When you don’t feel particularly lovable, it doesn’t always feel like a gift. Just a burden. Something else for her to do.”
That wasn’t what he wanted. Not at all. He didn’t want to take from her. He wanted to give. He didn’t want her because of what she could give him. He wanted...he wanted to hold her. Shelter her. Shield her.
“So what do I do?” he asked. “Until she’s ready. What do I do if she never is?”
“Love her anyway. If you really love her, and you’re not looking to fill a vacancy, you wait. Showing her is the only thing that’s going to show her. Forget about what you need. Be what she needs.”
“I’ve loved her for seventeen years. As my friend. And now I love her as everything. I’m not going to stop just because she told me to go away.”
“Then take the time to show that. Live it.”
And suddenly, Bennett had an idea. But it was going to take some doing. If Kaylee was afraid that she was just a piece being slotted into his life, then he was going to have to do something just for her. Away from life. Away from their regular roles. From the things she thought of as her filling convenient spaces.
“I might need you to watch Dallas for a few days.”