KAYLEE WAS STARVING. She and Jamie had spent the morning sweating and planting flowers, which was frankly not in either of their wheelhouses, and then they had ridden out to the far side of the property to take a look at some manzanitas that Wyatt thought could maybe be transplanted to give the place a kind of rustic, natural feel.
Unnaturally. But he hadn’t been overly amused when Kaylee had pointed that out.
Jamie had complained the entire way about how she was going to poison her brother at dinner.
There’d been a lot of muttering about bull riders who were far too full of themselves to be of any use to anyone.
There were burgers being served in the mess hall, grilled by the arrogant bull rider himself, so Jamie had to retract some of her earlier venom as she shoved a burger into her mouth and thanked her brother for cooking.
“And thank you for planting flowers, Jamie,” Wyatt said, smiling. Then he looked up and his smile faded. It turned into something much different. Not a frown, but something sharp and extremely aware.
Kaylee followed his gaze to the front door of the simple room and saw Lindy Parker and Beatrix Leighton walking in holding boxes of wine. It was Lindy. That was why Wyatt looked the way that he did.
Interesting. When it came to the two of them hating each other, Kaylee wondered if they protested a little bit too much.
Though, maybe not on Lindy’s end. Considering the nasty divorce she had gone through only a couple of years ago, and with a friend of Wyatt’s no less. But Wyatt... No, it did not look like his feelings for Lindy were entirely negative.
“Where should I put the samples?” Lindy asked.
Beatrix was straining to hold the weight of the boxes, and Kaylee smiled to herself, since the last time she had seen Beatrix holding a box, it had contained a raccoon.
“How is the baby raccoon, Bea?” Kaylee asked, moving across the room to take the box from the more petite woman’s arms.
“Oh, he’s doing great,” she said brightly.
Lindy looked pained. “There’s a raccoon living in my winery.”
“He’s in my cabin, Lindy,” Beatrix pointed out.
Lindy made a long-suffering sound.
The door opened again and Dallas came in looking grumpy. He didn’t say anything; instead, he walked over to where the burgers were to make himself a plate. Then he looked over at Lindy and Beatrix, and she saw his focus stop hard on Bea.
There was a definite flash of interest in his eyes as he looked at her. Beatrix remained oblivious, but then, that didn’t surprise Kaylee since Bea was in her twenties and wouldn’t be looking at a fifteen-year-old boy.
Dallas was so focused on Bea that when he picked his hamburger up he lost a whole tomato and didn’t seem to notice.
Kaylee groaned inwardly. There was that whole element to teenage boys. How fun for Bennett to manage. Not.
She waited for Bennett to show up, but he didn’t. The group of them mixed together, talking about the various plans that Wyatt and Lindy had for cross-promoting events. Including the big grand opening barbecue they would have on the Fourth of July.
“It would be nice if we could get some microbrews to come,” she said. “I’ll call Ace Thompson down in Copper Ridge and see if he’s interested in having something set up. I know they have a big event happening down there on the same day, but maybe he can send out an employee.”
“Sounds like a great idea to me,” Wyatt said, clearly taking the nonverbal cue that he and Lindy were having some kind of a cease-fire so they could work on business plans.
Kaylee couldn’t do things like that. She couldn’t draw lines. There had never been such a thing as business and personal to her. Everything just became personal so easily. But then, her body didn’t seem to understand the lines between friendship and romance either.
She was a woman who seemed to know very few boundaries. It was all in or not at all.
Which put her in the mind of thinking about her date tonight. She needed to be all in with Michael. She really did.
She had been wretched and distant from Bennett for the past few days because she was still licking her wounds over that comment he had made about her dating life. She wouldn’t be if it weren’t true. She wouldn’t be, if it had proven so perfectly his lack of jealousy.
All of it was about her feelings, and nothing was about anything terrible he had actually done. Which made her petulant and awful. But she kind of didn’t care.
Except, now Bennett wasn’t here, and she was a little bit concerned because everyone else was.
She moved over to where Grant was standing. “Have you seen Bennett?”
“Last I saw him he and Dallas were still working on the fence.”
“Thanks,” she said, frowning.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket and shot off a quick text. Reception wasn’t the best in every part of the ranch, but if he was near the dining hall then he should be able to get it.
She didn’t get a response.
Everyone was engaged in conversation, and Dallas was standing on the periphery, clearly looking for an excuse to say something to Beatrix, who had yet to notice him at all. Kaylee took that opportunity to slip away, deciding she was going to try to find Bennett.
She walked across the wooden floor and exited quietly, looking around, listening to see if she could hear any footsteps. Nothing. Nothing but the gentle breeze and the sound of a horse nickering in the field close by. The pine trees swayed gently, the needles whispering as they brushed together. Coursing beneath the sound of the trees was the river, which rushed continually out beyond the clearing.
Kaylee knew there was some seating down by the river. An outdoor dining area for future guests.
She decided to head down that way, since it seemed like as good of a direction as any.
If Bennett had been looking for isolation, that was probably a good place to go to brood.
And if he was looking for isolation then maybe she shouldn’t bother him.
But she was going to bother him.
True friendship and everything.
She walked down the freshly barked path, the smell of wood chips rising up with each step, vague notes of smoky hickory combining with the woodsy smell around her. The sound of the river got louder, as did the damp, icy scent of the fast-moving water that had run down from the mountains and still held that biting hint of melted snow.
That was when she saw him, sitting on one of the picnic benches, beneath the rustic covering that was built over the top of the tables, shielding them from the elements.
“What are you doing out here?” she asked.
“Just reflecting on all the ways in which I’m a disaster,” he said, sighing heavily.
She frowned. “What happened?”
“I had a fight with Dallas, which is ridiculous. Do you have any idea how stupid you feel standing there arguing with a teenager? I should be...the adult.”
“Bennett,” she said slowly. “You’re thirty-two years old. You’re a lot younger than most people dealing with a kid his age. And other parents have the benefit of having raised a kid his entire life. You kind of got dropped into the deep end.”
“Stop it,” he said. “Stop trying to make me feel better when I’m in the wrong. I hurt you when I brought up your dating history and you brushed it off. Excused me and then wouldn’t talk to me. It doesn’t help me fix anything.”
She frowned. “I was genuinely being ridiculous, and I recognized it. I didn’t want to turn it into a thing.”
“Well, it’s a thing. I handled Dallas badly, and I handled you badly too.”
“You didn’t.” She shoved aside yesterday’s pain.
“I did. And something about me must have that effect. Because you know, instead of dealing with me, my ex-girlfriend lied to me about losing the baby and ran off. And then all of this... It all stems, somehow, from me.”
“It does not. I think it’s pretty clear based on the trajectory of her life versus yours who the mess was in that situation.”
“Thanks,” he said, “but I’m not interested in total absolution. Not if I don’t deserve it. What I said about Michael wasn’t called for.”
She gave him the evil eye. “You do remember his name.”
“Yes,” he said, “now I’m not going to forget it.”
She laughed softly, stepping onto the wooden platform that was built over the top of the soft ground by the river. The hollow-sounding deck echoed beneath her footsteps. “Now it has to work out with him, I guess. That puts a lot of pressure on my dinner tonight.”
As if there could possibly be any more pressure on that dinner.
“How did my life turn into this? I had everything planned just a few months ago. Right before Christmas, I was dating a woman I was going to ask to marry me eventually. I was already thinking about that future. And now it’s... Nothing looks the same.”
He stood and made a very masculine sound as he lifted his arms, stretching. She watched the strong column of his throat rise up and down as he swallowed. She was so keyed in to him. To his every movement. His everything.
It was too much. Too big inside of her. She couldn’t breathe around it.
“Yeah.” She looked away. “Well.”
“You do, though,” he said. “You’re the same.” He released a slow breath. “I’m thankful for that.”
Kaylee was not. Those words were the absolute worst thing he could’ve possibly said. Which wasn’t fair, because it was obviously the one thing he needed. But it was like bamboo shoots being shoved underneath her fingernails.
“Bennett...”
“Thank you,” he said.
She flinched when he spoke the words, almost like they were a physical blow. “You didn’t love Olivia,” she said, needing to say it, because something inside of her needed the satisfaction of hearing it right then. “But you were actually going to marry her?”
“I...I was putting it off.”
“Right. So you’re acting now like it was the certain plan that you had, but did you really?” She really didn’t think he would have. With absolute clarity right then, she didn’t.
He dragged a hand over his face, like he was trying to wipe the tension from his expression. “I told you that Cole Logan knew about the baby. I was scared, and I was upset and I went to talk to him. He let me confide in him. His friendship with my dad was always there. They knew each other all of my life. He’s really like an uncle to me. He helped me figure out what I should. Helped me figure out what kind of man I wanted to be.
“He said that the choices I made mattered, even then. Because taking control, doing what was right, that was the thing that would shape me all of my life. It was because of him that I was resolute in asking Marnie to marry me. He made me feel like even though I was sixteen I could step up and be a man. Because he said if I thought I was man enough to be having sex, I had to be man enough to deal with all the potential consequences of it. And that made sense to me. Then Marnie said she lost the baby and I never had to tell anyone what happened.”
Kaylee didn’t say anything. She just waited.
“Then you know, later... He had a heart attack.”
“I remember that,” Kaylee said, subdued.
“He asked me to make sure she was taken care of. Olivia. And I said that I would. His health has been fine ever since...”
“So you felt like you had to marry her? Only then you didn’t because Cole was fine.”
“More than that it...gave me a purpose. A mission, I guess. And I was holding on to that. The reason I hesitated about proposing was because...I didn’t love her. Not really and in the end that didn’t seem fair. At first I was sure she was on the same page as I was, then it seemed like she...cared more than I did. But I’m not heartbroken. The reason it stings is that I had a plan and now it’s...” He let out a slow breath. “I was so sure if I could just reason out a life for myself I could make it perfect. Happy. And still...I don’t know. To not have to go through all that messy falling in love stuff. I thought I could game the system and I can’t. Now I’ve got a kid and that’s going to be messy and there’s nothing I can do about.”
She felt fuzzy-headed, a strange kind of out-of-body sensation. It was a lot of new information to process.
Then she looked at Bennett. Really looked at him. Not just a casual glance, assuming that she knew exactly how he looked because she had known him for years. No, she looked at him now. At the way the lines that bracketed either side of his mouth had deepened, at the crease in his forehead that seemed entirely new, worry added since Dallas had shown up. And all of her anger, all of her own hurt, fell away.
She moved closer to him, leaning in, and then she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him. She pressed her breasts against his chest. His hard, muscular chest. Her heart was pounding erratically, and she was pressed against him tightly enough that she could feel his too. Firm and steady.
He curved his arm around her waist, then his other up higher, one large hand resting low on her back, the other between her shoulder blades. Big and warm and right. Like she belonged here against him, even though she was sure friendship had absolutely no place in this.
But maybe she did. In his arms.
Just for a minute she wanted it to be true.
He was so strong, so big. Not very many men could make her feel petite, but Bennett did. She closed her eyes and breathed him in. His soap. His skin. Bennett, so familiar, but not from this close. Not so completely wrapped around her.
It wasn’t that they’d never hugged before. They had. They’d gotten drunk together, and she’d seen him cry the night of their high school graduation after he’d had three beers and started talking about his mom. But they’d never held each other.
Right now, she was going to hold on to him. Offer him strength. Offer him whatever she had. Everything. She’d give him everything.
He shifted, and she lifted her head, their faces close together. Her throat was tight, her heart stuck right at the base of it, pounding hard and heavy.
All she could see was him. His face. The beginnings of a shadow over his jaw, his brown eyes glittering with intense emotion. His lips. She was looking at his mouth again.
It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to close that distance. To brush his lips with hers.
So she did.
It was like lightning. A moment that cracked the sky wide-open and lit up...everything. Just for a moment, a blinding, brilliant moment, everything was clear. Nothing was hidden. This need, this desire, wasn’t buried in the cover of darkness anymore.
It was over quickly. Too quickly. She didn’t even close her eyes.
Like nothing more than dragging the edge of a feather over the corner of her mouth. That was how light it was. How quick.
But the aftereffect burned through her like a wildfire, along with a heavy slam of her heart against her breastbone.
What the hell had she just done? She didn’t kiss Bennett. Ever.
She was frozen, her lips right next to his, but not touching anymore.
Then she drew back. “Sorry,” she said, her face so hot she felt like she had stuck it up against the side of a wood stove. “I don’t know... It was just... You look sad.”
Bennett’s face was granite, his dark eyes flat and unreadable. She really had done something so horrifying, so outside the code of their friendship that he didn’t know how to react. And it hadn’t been a hallucination on her end, or he wouldn’t be looking at her like that.
“Don’t think about it. Don’t worry about it.” She waved her hand out in front of her, continually moving away from him. “Just... You’re doing a good job, Bennett. Don’t bring all the past stuff to this party. Don’t make our fight somehow part of everything going on with Dallas. That was me. And I’m over it. I’m totally over it.” She scrambled backward, stumbling as she did, her heart pounding so hard she could scarcely see straight. She couldn’t breathe, each contraction of her chest chasing air that it couldn’t seem to capture.
And she was trying to look fine. Just fine. So he wouldn’t think it was at all strange that she had hugged him. And then kissed him on the mouth as if that was just something they did.
Oh, damn. This was the worst, most embarrassing thing.
Like lightning. She’d thought that when their lips had touched. That it had lit everything up. He would know. He had to know. That she wanted him.
It was obvious now. It wasn’t like she’d ever lost it and kissed any of her other friends randomly. Wasn’t like Bennett had ever locked lips with Luke because he felt bad for the guy.
She felt hot and cold. Her core molten, her skin clammy and tight with the horror of what she’d just done.
“I’m going to...go. I have a date,” she said, almost choking on the words.
“Okay,” he said, still rooted to the same spot he’d been in.
“I’ll see you later.” She turned away from him and wrapped her arms around herself as she headed toward her truck.
She wasn’t going to say goodbye to anyone. She needed to be alone for a while. Needed to get her head on straight. She’d go out with Michael and she would forget this had happened. And hopefully by tomorrow Bennett would forget it too. Hopefully it would get swept up in Hurricane Dallas.
Everything would go back to normal then. Bennett would want it to anyway. That was what he’d said. She hadn’t changed. He didn’t want her to.
In the end, that would probably be what saved this.
That Bennett wouldn’t want to know if it had meant something. Because he didn’t want it to.