“Are you still taking your medicines the way I prescribed them?” her doctor asked her.
“Yes, sir.”
Sam sat in the chair in her doctor’s office for her regular checkup. She saw him every three months, and because of the stress she had been under he was worried about her.
“And you are eating healthy? Low sodium? Low saturated fats? More fruits and vegetables?”
Smiling at him, Sam replied, “Yes, sir. I’m doing everything you told me to do.”
“Even when you were dealing with the death of your friend? I know how hard that had to be on you and I’m concerned about how it would be on your heart.”
Sam wasn’t smiling any more when he mentioned that. She wasn’t surprised though. She had to be honest with him. Lying would not help and she didn’t like to lie to anyone.
“When I was going through that, and I still am, but not as bad, I didn’t do as good as I was supposed to. I’m sorry.”
She looked up at him with her head lowered waiting to be scolded. He wasn’t looking at her, but instead was staring at the floor as if in thought.
“I have no doubt that’s normal. I mean to be under extreme stress like that. I’m going to run a stress test and of course an EKG to be on the safe side. I’ll have a nurse come in and do that stress test first in a minute. More than likely you are fine, but I want to anyhow. It would be a good idea to draw some blood, too. To be safe.”
The idea of having to take a stress test wasn’t a fun idea, but the doctor knew best. Right? That’s what she had always heard at least. She waited for the nurse to come in and take her to the room where she had to do the stress test. While she waited, she had more thoughts about Junior and how he might be doing. She missed him.
An hour later and out of breath she was putting her shoes on when a knock sounded on the door. The doctor came in and smiled at her.
“I’m glad we were able to go ahead and have these tests today. I will have the results for you tomorrow or the next day at the latest. The blood tests take the longest, but your EKG was great. Nothing there that concerns me. The stress test was also very good. I’m glad you are doing well. I will call you or have a nurse call with the blood test results when we get them back.”
“Okay, thanks Doctor. So, I can go?”
“Yes, ma’am. We are all done here. Have a great day and don’t forget to make your next appointment for three months from now on your way out.”
“Yes, sir.”
She stopped at the receptionists’ window and made her appointment, then drove to the restaurant. She needed to talk to Steve. Since Tonya passed, things had been tremendously different. Not only in her life, of course, but also at the restaurant. It wasn’t the same without her, and Tonya’s death hit Steve harder than anyone thought. She knew Tonya was like a daughter to him, and he didn’t have any children of his own. She had been praying because it was affecting him and his business. The main reason she wanted to talk to him was because she wasn’t sure she could continue to work there. It was too hard for her, too sentimental. He didn’t actually need her. He had plenty of staff to carry on without her so her not being there shouldn’t be a huge problem. At least that’s how she saw it.
She certainly didn’t need to work. Thanks to the money Chris had left her and the insurance money, she was set for life, if she managed it well. At some point she still wanted to own her own place, even if it was a small diner that didn’t specialize in anything. Just…hers.
When she got to the restaurant the parking lot was only half full. It was unusual since they normally had a great lunch rush. She walked into the back office and saw that Steve was leaning over his desk going over some paperwork. He looked stressed. He didn’t smile as often as he used too. Her heart hurt for him.
“Knock, knock.”
Steve looked up from the spread of papers and tried to smile for her.
“Hey, Sam. Come on in. How are you doing?”
She walked in and sat across from him and crossed her legs. Setting her purse on the chair next to her she looked at him and saw that his eyes were bloodshot. She worried about him.
“I’m doing well. How are you? Forgive me for saying so, but you look worn out.”
Steve pursed his lips and nodded in agreement.
“Yes, it’s been rough lately. I’m glad you came by though, Sam. I was going to call you later about something.”
“Okay. Good thing I came by then I guess, because I need to talk to you, too, but you go first. Something tells me it’s on the same page as what’s on my mind.”
He set his elbows on the edge of the desk and clasped his hands. She could tell from the expression on his face it wasn’t an easy topic, whatever it was he needed to say. With a grim expression, Steve looked at her.
“You know how much I love having you here working for me, right?” he started.
She thought she had a good idea where this was going, and answered, “Yeah, I know. What’s going on, Steve?”
“I’ve been going through the books and the numbers don’t look as good as I would like for them to. I must let a couple people go. Unfortunately, since you were the last chef I hired, I’m afraid it has to be you. I’m very sorry.”
She wasn’t quite sure what to say. She had come to talk to him about leaving the restaurant and he told her he had to let her go. It was quite ironic, and for some reason she was a little hurt. She knew she shouldn’t be and understood.
Trying to smile for him she looked Steve in the eyes and replied, “I totally understand, Steve. It’s very weird that you are telling me this, because the reason I was going to talk to you is because I think it’s in my best interest right now to leave.”
His head jerked back as if surprised.
“Really? That is some weird timing. Out of curiosity though, why were you wanting to leave?”
Fidgeting with her hands and uncrossing her legs and crossing them again, she answered, “Honestly, because without Tonya it’s just too hard for me. I know it is for you too, but for me, well, she was my best friend. She was more like a sister to me and I don’t think I can stay here. Besides, I don’t need the money right now. I’m not sure what I will do, but eventually I still want to open my own place.”
Nodding, Steve said, “I understand completely. I wish you the very best when you do. I have no doubt it’ll be a huge success.”
“Thank you, Steve. I hope things will pick up here for you.”
“I’ll be okay, thank you. You will stop by now and then, I hope.”
“Yes, definitely.”
Sam stood and hugged Steve before walking out of the office. She spoke to the other staff on her way out and began to feel melancholy. She wasn’t surprised when her eyes stung with salty tears. She had grown to love the place and Steve and working with most of the staff. She would without a doubt be coming back to visit from time to time.
***
Marion
Marion needed to make some kind of plan. She thought the best place for Sam was back in Connecticut. There had been pain in both places and the weather in Florida was more enjoyable, but Connecticut was where Sam needed to be.
How she was going to do it was another thing all together. God had left it up to her. He told her He knew she would be able to handle it, so she would do her best.
She sat and watched Sam leave the back porch of her bungalow to walk to the beach. The neighbor’s dog ran over to her for some loving as she began to walk past their house. It made Marion smile at how the beautiful dog was so attracted to Sam. In her mind the dog was an angel of sorts.
Marion decided to walk with her as she thought. Maybe the view and being near Sam would help get her wheels turning. As they walked, Marion prayed to God for some guidance on what to do. She hoped for some kind of answer, but when nothing came to her she knew again that He trusted in her ability.
She looked out toward the ocean and watched the waves rise and fall. Farther out were a few dolphins jumping and swimming. It touched her heart to see the beauty of God’s creations. So much beauty. Marion stayed beside Sam and reached for her hand. Sam of course couldn’t see her, but she could sense her presence because as soon as her fingers entwined within hers, she smiled and gazed out to the ocean as well.
After their walk, Marion would make a quick trip to see Junior and see how he was doing. It was past due for her to make that particular journey. He needed help too, but Marion wanted to see him to get ideas on how to proceed, how to get Sam to want to move back to Connecticut so she could love again, so she could fall completely in love with Junior.
***
Sam
Sam was thinking about Junior as Sheeba trotted along beside of her. She looked down at the beautiful animal as she gazed up at Sam, her tongue hanging out and tail wagging furiously. Sam had no control over the smile that filled her face and the giggle that escaped her chest. Every time Sheeba walked with her, or visited her on the porch, she was tempted to get a dog of her own, which surprised her since she wasn’t a dog person.
Sam watched the water roll in and slowly pull back out. She observed the foam that remained on the edge of the sand. She lifted her eyes to the horizon, to the colors beginning to blend. She loved sunsets. She loved watching the sun rise as well if she happened to get up in time to enjoy it. But for some reason this particular sunset had meaning to her. As her feet touched the cool, fine sand she felt as if the contact gave her another reason for her to stay in Florida. Yet for some reason the idea of moving back to Connecticut was on her mind. She had no idea why. She certainly didn’t miss the cold weather; that was one of the best reasons to move to Florida. Why was moving back itching at her brain?
Junior would be a good reason to be back up there, but she wasn’t sure that by itself would be good either. Confusion filled her soul. She prayed, asking God for guidance. When she thought He was answering her it wasn’t what she wanted to hear, and that made her confusion worse. Why would God want her to go back to Connecticut with all its memories of Chris? Didn’t He have her move to Florida to be away from them? Didn’t He want her to live in Florida where she would be happier? Or maybe it was where she thought she would be happier.
She didn’t know what to do or feel or even think anymore. She had to ask herself what she would do if she stayed in Florida. She didn’t need to work, but would because she was built that way. She didn’t need anything, not counting the obvious basic stuff. How would that be any different in Connecticut? She didn’t know, but knew she had faith that God would guide her and somehow let her know what to do.
Her mind slipped to the email she wrote to Junior. It had been a couple of days with no response. Not that she expected one. Or did she? She had to admit in a way she did, but she couldn’t say she knew how he felt about what she said. Did she hurt his feelings? She hoped not. She truly cared about him and wouldn’t hurt him on purpose.
She couldn’t remember word for word what she had written, but knew she told him she missed him and had been thinking about him. She would always feel that way. She thought about that kiss for the thousandth time. She stopped and watched the ocean as the memory of that moment touched not only her thoughts, but also her heart and soul. She clearly remembered when he placed both of his warm hands on her heated cheeks and tenderly held her. How his lips felt when for the first time ever they touched hers. And she would never forget how her heart beat against her chest when she kissed him back. It hadn’t been a long or deep kiss, but it touched the depths of her.
When she thought about that tender moment she realized something that almost rocked her off her feet. She wanted him to kiss her like that again. No, that wasn’t quite honest. She looked at her feet as the edges of the water almost tickled her toes. She wanted and needed to feel him hold her in his arms and kiss her deeply. Passionately.
When the realization of that fully hit her she was filled with dread, fear, desire, and confusion. Dread because she wasn’t sure she could handle another relationship. Fear because she was scared of the consequences of giving away her heart again. Desire because she was a young woman who had wants and needs that hadn’t been felt in a long time, and confusion because she didn’t know what God wanted her to do.
As she faced the falling sun and its beauty, tears welled up inside her. She felt Sheeba nudge against her as if she sensed something was wrong. Sam scratched behind the dog’s ears and told her she was okay, not to worry, but Sam knew she wasn’t okay. She wasn’t okay at all.