Sam
Sam quietly and comfortably sat on her porch and stared at the water beyond the beach. The ocean was calm and inviting and she was having serious thoughts of changing into a bathing suit and going for a swim. She hadn’t been able to while she was in Connecticut. It would probably help get her out of her dimming mood. Among many things she’d miss about living in St. Fernandina was the way the beach was so inviting and luxurious. She lived merely feet away from the sand and barely a skip and a hop from the water. How could she not miss living there?
When she arrived home from the airport the evening before she started to get depressed. She knew why. She didn’t have to kid herself. There were too many things happening at once and she was feeling desperately alone. She missed Chris and Tonya, and she didn’t get to see Junior the entire time she was up there. She thought about checking her email to see if he had replied, but didn’t want to be disappointed so she left her laptop in its case.
One thing she could honestly say she was grateful for was that she went to church earlier. Then again it saddened her at the same time because she was around people she had grown to love. She knew she would miss them when she moved in about a week. She didn’t know for certain if she would be in Florida another Sunday or not.
She had pulled up her big girl panties and told some of them about her decision, receiving hugs, loving words, and promises of prayer, all of which she deeply appreciated. The fact remained that she would be leaving behind people in her life once again. Knowing that made her think about Tonya’s Uncle Steve. She would have to go see him and thank him for everything he had done for her.
She had a doctor’s appointment in a few days for another checkup. She felt great physically so she wasn’t worried, but she would need her files faxed to Torrington when she moved.
Thoughts of how everything had transpired so quickly over the past year and a half was at the forefront of her mind. She was amazed to be alive and healthy. The biggest thing that was eating at her, and surprising her, was she wanted to be held. To be kissed. To be made love to. Just the simple act of cuddling with someone and watching a movie would be nice.
She felt warm tears threaten her and she swallowed and took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to cry. She couldn’t allow herself to feel weakness. Or could she? Why did she always feel like she had to be so strong? It was a question she couldn’t answer right away. A tear managed to escape anyway. Being strong was a hard thing to do when she felt so incredibly lonely.
Again, she thought about Junior, but her mind went to one particular moment—the night he told her he was in love with her. She remembered it as if it was yesterday. The way his eyes looked when she was gazing into his. How his hands felt so soft and strong on her cheeks. She closed her eyes and remembered how his lips felt on hers. Another tear ran down her reddening cheek. She allowed that one to run freely as memories filled her soul.
Questions attacked her when she was at her weakest. Why did she have to tell him she could only be his friend? Why did she convince herself she wouldn’t or couldn’t ever love him or anyone else again? Why did she push him away when she knew deep down the day would come when she would want to be loved again? Wouldn’t Chris want her to love again? Why did she ruin the chance of having one of God’s greatest gifts? She knew some of the answers. She wasn’t over Chris dying. It was too early to give her heart away to Junior or anyone else for that matter. But another question was eating at her, one she was beginning to be very afraid what the answer would be. Was it too late? Did she ruin any chance she may have had with him?
She leaned forward and covered her face with her hands. Her emotions left her in wracking sobs as every teardrop turned into a stream. It seemed God knew she needed comfort from a furry angel. Moments later, as she wiped her face, her neighbor’s dog bounded around the edge of her bushes and onto her porch.
Sheeba looked at Sam with compassionate eyes and whined as if she could sense that Sam was sad. Sam leaned forward, and as soon as she started to scratch Sheeba behind her ears, her heart began to feel lightened. Sheeba licked Sam’s hand and looked at her. Sam swore the loving animal could read her mind.
“Thank you, girl, for coming to me. I really needed your love today,” she whispered. Sheeba rested her chin on Sam’s leg as she was getting attention from her. She kept looking up at her as if to make sure she was feeling better. “You feel like going for a walk, girl?”
Sheeba’s head jerked up and she began to pant, answering the silly question and wagging her tail.
“I guess that would be a yes,” Sam laughed.
She walked next door and asked her neighbor if it was okay. She was thankful her sweet neighbor didn’t mind. Being neighbors for over a year they hadn’t had any problems with the other, but they didn’t actually talk much, either. Wanda knew how much her dog loved Sam and told her so. She told Sam to take her time. After thanking Wanda, Sam patted her leg and Sheeba followed her to the beach.
For an hour that felt like only a few minutes, they enjoyed their time together. Sheeba walked alongside Sam as her feet skidded on top of the sand. The air was light and gently caressed her, barely moving strands of hair into her face. She continued to let her gaze wander out over the water and felt there was a presence with her besides Sheeba. Once they arrived at her favorite spot she sat and pondered as her furry friend lay on the sand beside her.
Sam took deep breaths of the salty air. She looked at the perfect blue in the sky. A long way out in the water she could barely make out dolphins jumping and playing. She felt God’s presence with her. She knew He was blessing her with His comfort not only by the way He was gracing her surroundings with his artful touch and not just with Sheeba, but by how He was touching her soul. Closing her eyes and lowering her head, she whispered to her Lord.
“Lord Jesus. I know You are here with me. I know You are covering me with Your love. Thank You. I also know that You know what my struggles have been and what they are. Right now, so many things are falling into place and I owe them all to You, Lord. Thank You. But Lord, I feel troubled. I am feeling so alone and I think I might have messed up a chance with one of my best friends and I’m scared. I don’t know what to do, Lord. I thought for a long time I could never love again. That I could never give my heart away to someone again and now I am feeling that need. I’m scared, Lord. I don’t know what to do. Please, help me. Please, help me Lord.”
Her heartfelt words left her lips and floated into the air. Her tears began to choke her again as she felt Sheeba move against her leg to comfort her. She reached down to touch the loving dog and felt a breeze come in from the ocean. It wasn’t like any other breeze she had felt before. It felt holy and blessed.
“Don’t be scared my child. I know your pain and I am with you. You have no reason to worry. Everything is going to happen in My time and as planned. I love you.”
Sam sat up and looked around to see if anyone was standing close by, possibly someone talking to her, but she knew in her heart who it was. Sheeba stared up at her as she settled down and smiled. Again, she could feel God’s presence. She didn’t cry again. She could feel her loneliness and fear lift. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the heavens and praised God’s name.
***
Junior
Junior dried off from his shower and walked into his bedroom. He could feel the muscles in his arms and shoulders being taut from his workout, a workout he needed badly. During the week he was in Cape Cod, the only exercise he had was either walking the strand or the beach or in the pool with Sheila. When he thought about her he smiled and wondered if she got home safely. He missed her already. Everything about her. He thought about calling her, but decided to wait until maybe later in the evening, in case she was still driving or busy settling in. Instead, after he dressed in shorts and a cutoff t-shirt, he shuffled into the living room and settled in front of the television. He would fix a sandwich later after he settled on something to watch.
Fifteen minutes into the evening news he was tired of all the negativity. He was surprised he watched that much of it, but once in a blue moon he would so he wouldn’t feel left out of all the current events. He turned the station to one of the music channels and chose to listen to some country music. He enjoyed a wide variety of music.
Tossing the remote to the side of the couch he walked into the kitchen to make a sandwich. As he started to walk past the dining room table he saw his laptop sitting among the mail and a couple of books. It was almost as if he could hear it beckoning him. Laughing it off he continued into the kitchen.
With the lights turned low and a new song by Keith Urban filling the air he stepped back into the dining room with two sandwiches and a bag of Doritos. Pushing the stuff to the side he cleared a spot at the table so he could eat comfortably. With every bite, the laptop’s voice grew. It was in his head and he was beginning to think he was hearing voices. He knew that wasn’t the case, but obviously someone wanted him to open it.
Reaching over his food he lifted the top of the computer and turned it on. Without warning his heart began to hammer harder in his chest. Without having to guess as to why, he knew it was because of a certain email. He knew, or at least had a strong feeling, that Sam had replied and for some reason he was nervous about reading it.
“You are being ridiculous,” he mumbled to himself as he chewed.
He wiped his hands on a towel, logged on, and went straight to Yahoo. He immediately saw that he had over twenty emails, mostly junk. When he went to his Inbox, he found his assumption was correct. Staring him in the face was something from Sam. His nerves were overreacting. What could she possibly have to say that would affect him so drastically?
He clicked to open the email, closing his eyes and praying it was something he could accept. Then he began reading it. Emotions flew through him quicker than he expected. He stopped chewing what was in his mouth and read it again.
“She was here? In Connecticut?” he asked the screen as if it could answer him. “And she wants to talk to me about something very important?”
Sitting back and swallowing what was in his mouth before he choked his thoughts swam around in his head uncomfortably. He didn’t know what to make of it. He asked himself certain questions he knew he would voice to her. Nobody was in his apartment and he was glad because they would wonder if he had lost his sanity.
“Why didn’t she call me? Why couldn’t she have let me know she was coming up and wanted to see me?”
He was confused and a part of him could feel anger welling inside him. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel. He knew they needed to talk, but he didn’t know if he was ready to hear what she had to say. That alone upset him.
He stood and paced the room, trying to make sense of Sam’s email. Was he overreacting? Possibly. He had no idea what was going on or what she needed to talk to him about, but apparently it was important. Another thought bombarded him. Did it have to do with her heart? Was she okay? He began to get worried and started to lose his anger. Grabbing his cell phone, he forgot about his dinner and plopped down on the couch.
“I have to call. I have to know what is going on and make sure she’s all right.”
***
Sam
“I wanted to surprise you,” Sam told Junior once he asked if she was okay and why she didn’t call and let him know she was going to be in town.
“Well, you did, but unfortunately late. Sam, are you being honest with me? Are you really okay? You know how I worry about you.”
Sam grinned and found herself loving the sound of his voice. It made her feel good knowing how much he cared about her. It also caused her feelings to grow and her fidgeting to get worse. She began twirling her hair in her fingers as she turned her head to the side.
“Yes, I promise I’m fine. As a matter of fact, I have another appointment with my doctor this week, but it’s for a regular checkup. You have nothing to worry about on that. Thank you for being concerned, though.”
“You’re welcome. So, tell me please, why did you come up, besides to see me? I mean you said something important has come up, something you wanted to talk to me about. I’m very curious.”
What she wanted to talk about was where he had gone for a week. She knew she needed to talk to him. She remembered saying so in the email, but she wanted to put it off as long as she could.
“I don’t want to make this all about me. You tell me what you were doing for a week, first. Did you enjoy your vacation and where did you go?”
He paused, not expecting her to ask him about that. Immediately, Sheila came to mind and he wasn’t about to tell her about that major detail. He may have to eventually, but he couldn’t right then.
“Yeah, I had a great time. I took a week off and went to Cape Cod. Relaxed mostly, and enjoyed the beach. I just needed to get away for a while. No offense, but since I hadn’t heard back from you and having no idea you were coming up, I just needed some time away.”
Running his fingers through his hair he berated himself for not being able to be completely honest with her. He knew he wasn’t lying, but he still felt bad about it. Sitting back on the couch he watched the images on the television screen and wanted to dig a hole and hide.
“I know I took too long to respond, I am sorry about that. I did write you, though, while I was up there. I guess you didn’t get it.”
“No, I didn’t open my laptop once while I was away. You could have called me or texted. You can always call me, anytime.”
“I know,” she whispered. “Sorry. After a few days, I figured you were away and I didn’t want to bother you.”
Both of them calmed and a quiet moment passed between them. They were both sitting and wondering about each other, thinking about seeing each other. Sam watched a shooting star and wished upon it as she watched it cross the sky. Junior tired of the fake images on the television screen and closed his eyes.
“So, it’s your turn,” he reminded her. “What is it you needed to tell me?”
God, please give me strength. Please, guide me. “Well, it’s a long story to be truthful, but I’ll give you the short version for now.”
Laughing, he said, “Okay. I’m all ears.”
“I came up because I felt like God told me to. There’s a lot to it, but, well…” She hesitated and Junior could sense she was struggling with the details.
“Just spit it out, sweetheart, like you told me a few minutes ago. You have nothing to worry about.”
Yeah, well you don’t know the whole story. Yet.
“Okay, I’ll just start from the beginning, but please be patient with me, okay.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Okay, well for a long time now I have been having a hard time with something and I know I wasn’t dealing with it well. And…”
“What do you mean?” he interrupted.
“I’m getting to it, just don’t interrupt. Let me get this out while I can, please.”
“Sorry.”
Taking a deep breath, she covered her face with her spare hand and started again.
“I have made some decisions on a few things,” she continued. “One of them was to quit working at the restaurant because it was just too hard with Tonya not being there anymore. I miss her so much and I couldn’t do it anymore. One day I was walking down the beach doing some serious thinking and I talked deeply with God about everything. I believe with all my heart that He knows all my struggles even if I can’t admit them to myself. He knows what is best for me. Well, on this particular talk with Him, He let me know what I should do by putting the pictures in my head. The exact pictures of where I should be and what I should be doing. I guess you could say it was a vision or something.”
Junior didn’t say a word. He lay on his back on the couch, but was very attentive to her every word.
“Are you still there?” she asked.
“Yes, you told me to not interrupt.”
Sighing, she kept going. “Okay. Just making sure. Okay, anyhow trust me when I say this, but I was shocked. So here is the big one. I have decided after thinking about it some more and praying more that I will be moving back to Connecticut. That was why I had come up when I did, because I also had already talked to my old landlord and he had a place he wanted to show me, which I bought.”
Junior jerked upright and almost dropped his phone. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re moving back up here? Seriously?”
“I know it’s a shock, right?”
“You could say that, yeah, but it’s a good one. When? When are you going to be back here for good?”
“I don’t know the exact date, but probably a little over a week. I have a lot to do with packing and getting a moving company like last time, plus I have to put my place on the market down here. There’s a lot to do. But, that isn’t all of it. I found a place I want to buy for a restaurant while I was there, too.”
Junior found himself on the edge of his seat, grinning from ear to ear. Suddenly the image of Sheila came to mind and his excitement began to slowly fade, but he couldn’t show it in his voice.
“This is great news, Sam. I’m thrilled to know you will be back home.”
“Thank you. I was hoping you would be happy about it. I miss you.”
Hearing her say she missed him was music to his ears.
“I miss you, too.”