CIRCE
Reliving the accident that changed my life, shaping the person I came to be, makes me yearn for the girls and the life they missed out on.
Once more, the knots in my stomach, like devilish worms, weed their way through my brain like little terrorists. Everything is so hard to accept. It plagues my heart to have no knowledge of him. Dealing with this tight heartache, I’m missing Wyatt terribly. I don’t know anything, and it makes my skin itch not having answers.
It’s funny. I never found myself finding a guy like him. He reminds me of everything I gave up. The fame, the thrill of an exhilarating sport, the money and the family that was left behind. It’s ironic, actually, that I find my life being crushed into a million pieces on the same highway years later.
Every day has been the same, and counting the days is difficult. It consists of more awake hours than sleep now, to the credit of the lovely and talented nurse Sali, and the drop in her drug pushing skills. But being the good patient that I am, I’ve popped every pill sent my way to avoid the crushing pain in my chest. Dr. Callie has stopped trying to sedate me after I stopped asking about the Crown’s.
The annoying, burning itch in my arm is something I can handle, but the pulling and contracting chest muscles that argue every time I breathe makes me feel like a wheezing ex-smoker, or a waitlist lung transplant recipient.
My mother has visited every waking hour, and then some, to make sure I’m doing all right. Carli left me her number on the side table, and even though the phone doesn’t have texting abilities I call her incessantly. She left, returning back to Indianapolis on the campaign trail, trying to tie up the Governor’s position. That woman is a machine. She even left instructions with my mother on how to get my coffee fix and where, then hit on the sweet police officer that escorted her away. That was just as she was about to finally spill the beans. One of the freakin’ nurses overheard our conversation. I swear the room is bugged. That was a few days ago, and it’s back to business as usual—me prone on the bed, and my mother bringing in food to keep me nourished.
Really, I don’t mind her around all the time, as it’s more company than I had previously. Still, it drags me back to the past when she’s around. It’s a constant reminder of how everything brought me here. And at the same time, it helps me stay sane.
Yes, I’m glad she took that giant leap of faith that I would see her, that I’d accept her visit.
With her out of my life for so long, I wasn’t quite sure how to act around her. Was she here looking for the girl who left home in the middle of the night on her eighteenth birthday, with a written note left on the pillow of sorry and thanks? Or was she looking to restart our mother-daughter relationship? Myself, I’m hoping for redemption. Back then, I was only thinking about myself, not about her feelings at all. Now I understand the pain of not knowing how someone you love is fairing without you.
“Is it fine to come back in yet?” she asks from the doorway, peeking her head in.
“Yeah.” Pulling the blanket back around my chest one-handed, I grab the water from the table and try to pour a glassful.
“How’d it go?” As the doctor exits, and my mother enters, I answer.
“Good. The doctor said I should be ready to start physio. I have to,” I pull in a heavy breath, “start conditioning my lungs to work properly again. I’ll have to get my stamina back up so I’m not bedridden.” It takes a great deal of work to speak a full sentence without breaks, but I’m excited to get out of bed. To me, it means freedom. Maybe I’ll even find out about Wyatt and Marca.
Watching my mother’s beaming smile, a smile that’s easy and carefree, I’m glad to see her. Meeting her on the street, you’d think she was thirty-something, not almost fifty-something. There’s sparsely a gray hair in her sun-kissed, strawberry, sun-highlighted hair. Her green eyes are lit up—a strong, crisp, bright mint behind her long full lashes. Hoping to be as gorgeous as her when I’m her age is something I’ll want for sure; she’s timeless.
If my path in life hadn’t taken me from home, would all of this have happened? Was it destined for us to meet, Wyatt and I? Would my mother and Marca hit it off, I wonder? Would they become fast friends or enemies?
Everything I did changed her life too, and I constantly remind myself of that. Leaving the house with a bag of light clothing and liquid assets, I had no credit cards, no driver’s license, and nothing that stated Circe Matcheson. I was reborn on the back of a really good, yet not so reputable source, as Circe Maco. Hopping a plane out of the States, I went to school in Britain, then worked and lived in poverty in Cardiff until my chance encounter with Wyatt. Mom and I have talked at length about it. She explained what happened with her and my dad when I left as they searched for me, using every resource they had, hoping to find me.
Mom and Dad? Well, they didn’t last. Her words were that he gave up hope early on. He resigned himself to the fact that I’d decided my family wasn’t important. He left her for a younger woman, and now has a new family in Texas.
“Time for your meds,” Sali says as she enters the room in a breeze, toting behind her the bloodwork cart.
Shifting the bed up a bit, I prepare myself for her devilish ways. “Oh goodie, the vampire is back.” Smirking, I lay my arm on the bed for her ministrations as she gathers up the necessary accessories.
“Well, it’s a painful job, but someone has to torture patients on a daily basis.”
“I’m glad those dominatrix online courses came in handy,” I tell her. She laughs, drawing blood into the vials before slipping me a water glass, and the tiny cup with various little pills.
Handing the empty cup back to her, she tosses it in the trash. “How are you today? Is your chest sore?” Sali chirps, taking my pulse and blood pressure.
“Better,” I say on a tight breath.
“Good. Hopefully, we can get you up in a wheelchair tomorrow so you can—”
“Tomorrow! I can get out of this nine-by-nine prison? Sweet.” The joy must be written across my face, even though I’m wheezing as I speak. She grins in return and honestly, I can’t wait.
“For now, though, I need you to get more sleep.” Looking to my mom, she nods her acceptance. Rising from the chair, she follows my nurse and her evil cart out. I’m alone, and really tired.
As she exits, she says to me, “Have a good sleep, sweetheart.”
“Thanks.” Watching her leave, Sali closes the door behind them.
“Fine. I can do this.” I express my excitement to the vacant room. “Tomorrow I’m blowing this pop-shop to find me something sexy. Wyatt, be ready. I’m coming to get your ass.” I know my grin must be a mile wide, but I’m excited for what’s to come.
Pushing the button, reclining the bed, I look forward to the opportunity to see Wyatt for myself. If I have to, I’ll search the whole damn hospital until I find either, a corpse, or his prone soul on a bed like mine.
Waiting will be torturous.
That night, my dreams have me reliving everything from the first moment to the last, but I always return to that first night we met. It was crazy. It was awesome. All of it brought me to him.
To us.