Chapter 12
Two days later…
Joe was trying to be tolerant, and in this particular case, more tolerant than most. He was mad at her for never telling him about Jacob, but after he had calmed down he realized that she was right. Children and white picket fences had no place in his life. He was still pissed at her for not telling him the truth from the start, he didn’t want them to part on uncertain terms. As they walked out to his car, he felt as if he was leaving behind a part of him, which made no sense at all. He had a different life in California.
One thing that consoled him was that she had agreed to let him pay for a better daycare and to help out with Jacob’s expenses in general. He made her promise not to consider paying back a cent of the debt he had settled with her bills. But the pain and uncertainty that flooded his soul with muck, was the fact that he was leaving his son behind. They decided not to upset Jacob now, and leave things as they were.
“Thank you for helping and for understanding, I don’t know what I would have done if you…” Lucy said as she looked out into the distance.
“I would do it again in a heartbeat,” he said and swallowed at the lump that was lodged in his throat. He saw her waiver and avert her eyes, “You’ll get through this, I promise you.”
“I know, it’s just easier said than done,” she said fidgeting with her hands.
He reached for her hands and clasped them in his, “You’ve made it this far Lucy, you can fight this.”
“I guess,” she said and sighed. “I’m just sorry how things…”
“Leave it, it’s water under a bridge, and I told you, you were right, I don’t fit into this life.”
“You’re right,” she said and nodded.
And just like that the insecure and scared girl was gone, and in its place stood a determined woman. A woman he could quite easily spend the rest of his life with. But a reality check into his career and his life, kept his feet soundly grounded.
“Chris said he would come down once you start your therapy, but if he can’t, please give me a call,” he said again, he wanted to pull her into his arms so much it hurt, but a pair of little hands was tugging on his jeans.
“Soldier,” he said as he stepped away from Lucy, “remember what I told you. Use the glove as a shield to fight off those monsters, yeah?”
“I will Uncle Joe, they won’t bug me again!”
Joe chuckled and ruffled Jacob’s hair and then stood up again. When he met her gaze he saw tears pooling in her eyes, “If you need anything, if Jacob needs anything, you have my number,” he said, his fingers itching to pull her into his arms.
“No, I’ll be fine, I’m just a hormonal mess, that’s all,” she said and put on a brave smile.
“The offer stands,” he said and then turned to get into the rental car.
As he drove off, he looked back in his rearview mirror and a sudden sense of Deja vu shook him to the core. It was as if history was repeating itself and again he was leaving the only girl who ever made him feel complete behind, but this time he was also leaving a little boy, his own flesh and blood, whom he had grown to love. Until now he never considered a family life, or having children. He blinked his eyes rapidly a few times and then turned his attention back on the road.
***
A few days later…
“How’s Jacob doing?” Joe asked on the other end of the receiver.
“He’s doing fine. He’s been asking about you,” Lucy said as she twirled the chord around her index finger.
“Look I have to go,” Joe said, and she could hear the commotion in the background, “Tell Jacob I said hi okay?”
“Sure, will. Keep in touch.”
He didn’t say bye he just hung up and her heart broke all over again. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, her long locks nothing but a faded memory. She had lost all her hair, and she looked even worse than she did when she was first diagnosed. The chemotherapy was like the devil with his pitchfork, poking at her and punishing her for her many sins. And as long as she thought of this as her penance, she would do it gladly.
“Was that Joe?” Chris asked as he helped her up from the sofa.
“Yeah, sounded like he was at a game.”
“Bastard,” Chris mumbled under his breath as he walked her to her room, “I really thought he was better than this.”
“You can’t blame him, and may I add, I told you so,” she said and laughed softly.